How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Who exactly is a potential victim of psychopaths or sociopaths?

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Chapter 5 Who is a potential victim? Everyone is a potential victim of a psychopath. There are two basic reasons why, and my goal in this chapter is to make them clear for you. Why? Because too many people think they can't be fooled or that they're too strong to be a victim, and those beliefs put us in danger of being swept away and devastated by a psychopath. Here are my two points, up front. First, psychopaths handle deception differently, and it catches us off guard. Almost anyone can be fooled, even professionals. Second, the most masterful unincarcerated psychopaths can give a very warm impression and/or they talk incessantly about their values. We are not brought up to anticipate …

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For Sociopaths, It’s All About Them–Even When You’re Sick

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Before I met “Paul,” (the man I married, who I realized about twenty years too late must be a sociopath) I had a friend who may not have known about sociopaths, but she knew to call off her engagement to “Mr. Right” because of a cold and a sandwich. Make Your Own Damn Sandwich! Carol was smart, motivated, kind, outgoing, upbeat, and gorgeous. She was clearly a “catch,” and she had come very close to marrying handsome, rich, well-connected “Mr. Right.” One day, Carol was not feeling well and was lying on the couch amidst sniffles, cough drops, and tissues. Her fiancé chose that moment to ask her to make him a sandwich. “If someone's going to expect me to make him a sandwich when I'm the one w …

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How Sociopaths Fool You Into Thinking They’re You’re Friend

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Chapter 4 Richard Parker Is Not Your Friend Psychopathic expert Kent Kiehl has contributed enormously to the field. He says that every adult psychopath he has ever worked with was different as a child, and not in a good way. When he looks through their prison files, he finds all kinds of stories about how much trouble they caused, how they never connected with friends, how they didn't join teams, and how they were ultimately the black sheep of their families. Sounds like what you would expect, right? A psychopath is not and never was your friend. Here's my issue. Kiehl works with prisoners. Prisoners have been caught. And so when you believe him—which is likely, since he's an e …

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Labels and Lists Might Not Help

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  Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite fail …

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Sociopath Control: Social Isolation and Intermittent Reinforcement Equals Addiction

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Abusive people often isolate the people they want to control.  This happened to me and is chronicled in my book  Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). Isolation is a Huge Red Flag Isolation is a red flag that should never be ignored. Due to Paul (not his real name) "working" such long hours and on weekends, we had virtually no social life as a couple. Yet, if I went out with friends alone, Paul was often home early that night waiting for me. Here's a Typical Exchange “Hi, Paul, it's great you're home. I thought you wouldn't be home ”˜til after midnight.” “We got done early,” Paul said, his face devoid of any “nic …

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So when is a spiritual leader actually a sexual predator?

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Marc Gafni, denounced by many Jewish leaders as a sexual predator, is remaking himself as a New Age guru. The news prompted author Chaya Kurtz to write a blog post outlining the warning signs that clergy and gurus have ulterior motives when approaching women. A few of her warning signs are include: The spiritual man who thinks you're special The spiritual man who wants to see you outside of class The man who wants to spiritually connect with you through your body The spiritual man who pierces you with his eyes The religious man to whom the rules don't apply Many women have written to Lovefraud about being pursued and abused by men they met in church or through other religious or spiritual …

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Everyone’s Ex is a Psychopath

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Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children "together" in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed sy …

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Sociopath Control: Lessons From Economics 101 And Frogs In Hot Water

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You don't have to have studied economics to know that scarcity drives up value. A sip of water for someone parched in the desert is immensely more valuable than the same sip of water at the end of a meal at a white tablecloth restaurant where an attentive waiter refills your glass constantly. Is love any different? A single gesture of kindness or expression of love in a flowing stream of affection goes all but unnoticed. The value of that same gesture in a love-deprived environment, however, is immeasurable. Using Love to Control Because human beings value love, sociopaths often use love or the promise of love to control and weaken others emotionally. This happened to me and is chronicled in …

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Married To A Sociopath–The Experience In 250 Words Or Less

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 My corrosive marriage to and my toxic divorce from a sociopath are chronicled in my book  Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). My after-the-fact understanding of how I got trapped for so long in this hellish relationship is woven throughout. Yet, to share the essence of the experience in far fewer words, I crafted the following poem (also in the book.) If any of it resonates with you, I hope it helps you unveil an abusive relationship for what it is and motivates you to craft a safe exit strategy for you or for someone close to you whose life may be precariously entwined with a sociopath. The Poem--Husband, Lia …

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A Relationship With A Sociopath, Anxiety, And Depression

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There are many reasons why being unwittingly involved with a sociopath often leads to anxiety and depression. Below is an edited excerpt from my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) that discusses some of the relevant dynamics. Chronic, Subtle Feelings That "Something's Off" A chronic, subtle sense of unease, anxiety, and feeling that something is “off” are classic symptoms of being in a relationship with a sociopath. These feelings became my constant companions while married to my ex-husband. A Psychology Experiment The Iowa Gambling Task is a classic study designed by neuroscientists at the University of …

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