How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Explaining the sociopath

Sociopath Control: Social Isolation and Intermittent Reinforcement Equals Addiction

//  by //  47 Comments

Abusive people often isolate the people they want to control.  This happened to me and is chronicled in my book  Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). Isolation is a Huge Red Flag Isolation is a red flag that should never be ignored. Due to Paul (not his real name) "working" such long hours and on weekends, we had virtually no social life as a couple. Yet, if I went out with friends alone, Paul was often home early that night waiting for me. Here's a Typical Exchange “Hi, Paul, it's great you're home. I thought you wouldn't be home ”˜til after midnight.” “We got done early,” Paul said, his face devoid of any “nic …

Sociopath Control: Social Isolation and Intermittent Reinforcement Equals AddictionRead More

So when is a spiritual leader actually a sexual predator?

//  by //  1 Comment

Marc Gafni, denounced by many Jewish leaders as a sexual predator, is remaking himself as a New Age guru. The news prompted author Chaya Kurtz to write a blog post outlining the warning signs that clergy and gurus have ulterior motives when approaching women. A few of her warning signs are include: The spiritual man who thinks you're special The spiritual man who wants to see you outside of class The man who wants to spiritually connect with you through your body The spiritual man who pierces you with his eyes The religious man to whom the rules don't apply Many women have written to Lovefraud about being pursued and abused by men they met in church or through other religious or spiritual …

So when is a spiritual leader actually a sexual predator?Read More

Everyone’s Ex is a Psychopath

//  by //  27 Comments

Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children "together" in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed sy …

Everyone’s Ex is a PsychopathRead More

Sociopath Control: Lessons From Economics 101 And Frogs In Hot Water

//  by //  95 Comments

You don't have to have studied economics to know that scarcity drives up value. A sip of water for someone parched in the desert is immensely more valuable than the same sip of water at the end of a meal at a white tablecloth restaurant where an attentive waiter refills your glass constantly. Is love any different? A single gesture of kindness or expression of love in a flowing stream of affection goes all but unnoticed. The value of that same gesture in a love-deprived environment, however, is immeasurable. Using Love to Control Because human beings value love, sociopaths often use love or the promise of love to control and weaken others emotionally. This happened to me and is chronicled in …

Sociopath Control: Lessons From Economics 101 And Frogs In Hot WaterRead More

Married To A Sociopath–The Experience In 250 Words Or Less

//  by //  3 Comments

 My corrosive marriage to and my toxic divorce from a sociopath are chronicled in my book  Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). My after-the-fact understanding of how I got trapped for so long in this hellish relationship is woven throughout. Yet, to share the essence of the experience in far fewer words, I crafted the following poem (also in the book.) If any of it resonates with you, I hope it helps you unveil an abusive relationship for what it is and motivates you to craft a safe exit strategy for you or for someone close to you whose life may be precariously entwined with a sociopath. The Poem--Husband, Lia …

Married To A Sociopath–The Experience In 250 Words Or LessRead More

A Relationship With A Sociopath, Anxiety, And Depression

//  by //  64 Comments

There are many reasons why being unwittingly involved with a sociopath often leads to anxiety and depression. Below is an edited excerpt from my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) that discusses some of the relevant dynamics. Chronic, Subtle Feelings That "Something's Off" A chronic, subtle sense of unease, anxiety, and feeling that something is “off” are classic symptoms of being in a relationship with a sociopath. These feelings became my constant companions while married to my ex-husband. A Psychology Experiment The Iowa Gambling Task is a classic study designed by neuroscientists at the University of …

A Relationship With A Sociopath, Anxiety, And DepressionRead More

‘Red Flags of Love Fraud’ now in Spanish: ‘Alertas Rojas de Estafa Amorosa’

//  by //  2 Comments

Editor's note: If you have Spanish-speaking friends, family or acquaintances, and you want to help protect them from sociopaths, here is the answer. "Red Flags of Love Fraud 10 signs you're dating a sociopath," is now available in Spanish! Forward this article to them. Alertas rojas de estafa amorosa 10 señales de que estás saliendo con un sociópata De Donna Andersen, autora de Lovefraud.com Tienes una relacin amorosa que comenzó como un torbellino de atención y afecto, pero ahora te atormenta el temor de que algo no va bien. O has tenido una relación que era verbal, emocional, financiera o incluso físicamente abusiva. Esa persona ya se ha ido, pero sigues sin comprender cómo te eng …

‘Red Flags of Love Fraud’ now in Spanish: ‘Alertas Rojas de Estafa Amorosa’Read More

Sociopaths and a Greek Tragedy Revisited

//  by //  38 Comments

Now that I've had my own life derailed by a sociopath, and now that I know up to 4% of the population is sociopathic, I see sociopaths often in everyday life. I also see sociopaths in literature and film.  Yet, before my own life was train wrecked by a sociopath, I viewed these stories and characters as entertaining aberrations, not as anything or anyone about which I really had to worry. Weren't sociopaths rare, and wouldn't I somehow know if such a person entered my life? I'm guessing I'm not that unusual.  Before it happened to you, did you know how high the odds were that your life could be profoundly scarred by a sociopath? Why Aren't We Warned? Why isn't every young adult repeatedly w …

Sociopaths and a Greek Tragedy RevisitedRead More

How to spot terrorists and sociopaths

//  by //  35 Comments

[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/ZTksPl2jnfk"]Last Wednesday, Dec. 2, in San Bernardino, California, 14 people were killed and 21 wounded when two terrorists, Tashfeen Malik and Syed Rizwan Farook, shot up a holiday party. Yes, I said they were terrorists, although it took American officials several days to come to the conclusion that two Muslims with roots in the Middle East, wearing tactical clothing and killing innocent people with assault rifles, were, in fact, terrorists. Even after the FBI stated it was treating the bloodbath as an "act of terrorism," U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch "urged the public not to jump to conclusions about the motive for the attack or the couple's ties …

How to spot terrorists and sociopathsRead More

Sociopaths–How They Lie and Why We Fall For It: Part 2

//  by //  64 Comments

Sociopaths have many tools in their deceptive toolkit. Last week, in Part 1, I explored three techniques "Paul," my husband of about 20 years who I now believe is a sociopath, used the day after our honeymoon.  (This is taken from my book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned , available via Amazon.com).  The three techniques were:  1) framing the conversation to blind me to what was in clear view, 2) creating cognitive dissonance that I would likely resolve in his favor, 3) deceiving without uttering a single word that was untrue.  A barrage of other deceptive techniques, likely common to other liars and sociopaths, followed. "Our Hon …

Sociopaths–How They Lie and Why We Fall For It: Part 2Read More