A classic sign of psychopathy is cruelty towards animals. I’ve heard horror stories of psychopaths callously killing kittens, dogs and other animals. My psychopathic ex-husband, however, liked animals. He walked my dog every morning and brought home exotic pets. So he did not fit that stereotype. This observation is a small indication that psychopaths, antisocials and narcissists are not all the same. In fact, Dr. Theodore Millon, who was one of the great theorists of personality and personality disorders, identified 10 subtypes of psychopathy. His work does much to explain why some psychopaths plot deliberate, complex schemes and others act on impulse with no regard for consequences. It e …
Deny, attack, play the victim: the typical abuser response to confrontation
If you ever attempt to talk to sociopaths about their bad behavior, you’ll probably encounter the following: They’ll deny that they did anything wrong, attack you for bringing it up, and then claim that it’s all your fault and you should be apologizing to them. You’ll be shocked, but you shouldn’t be. Research shows that this is the typical abuser response to confrontation. One researcher studied women who confronted people who had sexually abused them as children. What happened? 44% of the victims heard complete denials from their abusers 22% were accused of misunderstanding the abuser’s conduct 44% were told they were crazy 22% heard a partial admission of guilt, only to ha …
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High-energy sociopaths — 5 reasons why they just keep pushing
If you’ve had a sociopath in your life — as a romantic partner, family member, work colleague or acquaintance — you may have observed that the person always seems to be in overdrive. What is it with these high-energy sociopaths? They never let up. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who had the misfortune of being romantically involved with someone she described as having the traits of a malignant narcissist. Here is her question: How do sociopaths/narcissists/psychopaths have so much energy? I would feel completely exhausted after getting engaged in any sort of conversation. He, on the other, he felt fine despite the fact that he was my only source of emotional and ver …
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‘Under the ether’ – why you fell for the scam
When I finally realized that my husband was a complete con artist, and I had been thoroughly duped and betrayed, the person I was most angry with was myself. I’m intelligent, educated, responsible and self-sufficient. Why did I waste $227,000 of my hard-earned money on his so-called business plans? Most of them, it turned out, involved trysts with other women. Why did I believe him? Why did I fall for the scam? I am certainly not alone in asking these questions. In 2021, American consumers lost a record $547 million in romance scams, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). This was a jump of nearly 80% over 2020. Losses to romance scammers in the last five years totaled $1.3 b …
How sociopaths become expert manipulators
Sociopaths, when we first meet them, typically seem charming, friendly and exciting. Later, after we’ve been exploited, we realize that we were targeted by a professional who deceived and manipulated us. But how did the sociopath become an expert exploiter? How do sociopaths know exactly what to say and what buttons to push? For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are d …
Married to a senior sociopath: It never gets any better
Editor’s note: My new book, “Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers,” goes on sale May 17. I’m posting a series of articles to preview the book. Today’s topic: “Married to a senior sociopath.” No one intentionally marries a sociopath. We marry someone who seems to be loving, caring and shares our interests and values. It’s only later — sometimes many years later — that we realize the person we thought we married doesn’t exist. My book, Senior Sociopaths, is based on surveys that I did with Lovefraud readers in which I asked them to describe their experiences with people who were age 50 or older and whom they believed were sociopaths. Of the 2,120 people respond …
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Senior sociopaths and dating: Mature partners aren’t always safe partners
Editor’s note: My new book, “Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers,” goes on sale May 17. I’m posting a series of articles to preview the book. The first topic: “Senior Sociopaths and Dating.” If you’re an adult who is looking for a date, know this: Potential partners who appear to be mature can still be extremely dangerous to your emotions, psyche, health and finances. My new book, Senior Sociopaths, thoroughly documents what can happen and offers suggestions on avoiding and escaping predatory relationships. The book is based on two surveys in which I specifically asked Lovefraud readers about their experiences with over-50 individuals whom they believed were …
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Why do psychopaths want to mess with your head?
UPDATED FOR 2022: A Lovefraud reader once asked, in so many words, why do psychopaths want to mess with your head? Here's her exact question: Why is it so important to psychopaths to get inside someone's head and "mess with them," such as gas lighting, and other head games? This particular Lovefraud reader has endured stalking behavior from a psychopathic man for years. He has put her under surveillance, driven her from apartments, interfered with her job, and more — for no discernable reason. They were not romantically involved. He did not take money from her. So the question is, why does he bother? Dominance behavioral system It's a question that goes to the core of the p …
Sadists and narcissists — similarities and differences
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS Sadists and narcissists — are they the same? Pathological personalities can overlap each other with their complexities and commonalities. Over the years, definitive conclusions as to whether a sadist is a narcissist, and vice-versa, have been lacking and debate has been ongoing. A person can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, which is a cluster B disorder according to the DSM V. This is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association. However, the opposite is true for a sadist, at least presently. There is no official diagnosis of sadism. Sadism was once referred to as Sadistic Personality Disorder (SPD) in t …
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How do sociopaths know what tactics to use?
Lovefraud received the following question from a reader who was trying to understand sociopathic behavior: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are doing – so HOW do they know to use those tactics to begin with?? It’s as if they are reading from the same ‘manual’ and that makes me wonder: Is it subconscious, intuitive behavior on their part?? Yes, sociopaths all seem to be operating out of the same playbook. Let’s take a look at it: …