UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud received an important question from a reader who wanted to know why psychopaths don't change. She asked: I've read in multiple places, written by multiple specialists that psychopaths/sociopaths cannot be rehabilitated or changed. Surely I'm not the only person to have asked this: Why not? The short answer to this question is simple: Psychopaths don't change because they don't want to. The key to any kind of behavioral change is desire. It's hard work to change the way we relate to other people, the world or even ourselves. The reason any of us embark on a self-improvement project is because we are not happy. Our relationships are not fulfilling, we …
Why sociopaths cheat
UPDATED FOR 2022. Lovefraud received an email from a reader whom we'll call "Ingrid." She brought up a question that I've heard over and over. Ingrid asked me why sociopaths cheat. Just wondering if you could tell me why sometimes they stay with others longer as I feel he wants this new woman for his main supply even though he was trying for a baby with me. What does a main supply have that I didn't? He seems settled with her. Ingrid, most sociopaths cheat on their romantic partners. In fact, they are often cheating throughout the entire relationship, but it may take you a while to find out about it. Or you may have caught hints that the sociopaths were cheating, but they were able …
Are sociopaths opportunists?
UPDATED FOR 2022. Editor's note: This is Part 2 of a two-part inquiry from the Lovefraud reader whom we call “Carlotta.” She asks, "Are sociopaths opportunists?" Read Part 1, “What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?” On another note, a personal concern of mine is that I may have chosen that sociopath, not the other way around. I was walking through a department store and out of the corner of my eye I saw a man standing still facing me. I looked up and he was smiling at me. I smiled back. Then we walked in separate directions. But later we passed one another in a different area of the store. I was lost and he was again just standing there smiling at me. I smiled and …
What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?
UPDATED FOR 2022. Editor's note: This is Part 1 of a two-part inquiry that Lovefraud recently received from a reader whom we'll call “Carlotta.” She asks important questions about the signs of a sociopath. I recently met and "dated" a man who turned out to be a sociopath. When I first met him I used your list of 10 signs of a sociopath to help me determine what I needed to do to protect myself if he should turn out to be a sociopath or worse. I wasn't too worried about him, because initially I noticed he had only 3 of the 10 traits. The notation with your list says if they have most or all of the traits they may be a sociopath. He turned out to be a sociopath so now I wonder if the spe …
What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?Read More
Why nothing worries the psychopath
Psychopaths and antisocials rarely worry about what might happen, even in dire situations, and are rarely concerned about the consequences of their behavior. Why? Why is it that nothing worries the psychopath? A viewer posted the following comment on one of my Lovefraud Live! videos: Donna, can you do a video on why the sociopath acts like life is great all the time, even though he has done great evil and destroyed lives. It's like nothing scares them and life is one big carnival ride. I know a sociopath who even when facing serious criminal charges acted like he didn't have a care in the world and was still laughing and cracking jokes every day. It's disturbing when an individual has …
10 Subtypes of psychopathy
A classic sign of psychopathy is cruelty towards animals. I’ve heard horror stories of psychopaths callously killing kittens, dogs and other animals. My psychopathic ex-husband, however, liked animals. He walked my dog every morning and brought home exotic pets. So he did not fit that stereotype. This observation is a small indication that psychopaths, antisocials and narcissists are not all the same. In fact, Dr. Theodore Millon, who was one of the great theorists of personality and personality disorders, identified 10 subtypes of psychopathy. His work does much to explain why some psychopaths plot deliberate, complex schemes and others act on impulse with no regard for consequences. It e …
Deny, attack, play the victim: the typical abuser response to confrontation
If you ever attempt to talk to sociopaths about their bad behavior, you’ll probably encounter the following: They’ll deny that they did anything wrong, attack you for bringing it up, and then claim that it’s all your fault and you should be apologizing to them. You’ll be shocked, but you shouldn’t be. Research shows that this is the typical abuser response to confrontation. One researcher studied women who confronted people who had sexually abused them as children. What happened? 44% of the victims heard complete denials from their abusers 22% were accused of misunderstanding the abuser’s conduct 44% were told they were crazy 22% heard a partial admission of guilt, only to ha …
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High-energy sociopaths — 5 reasons why they just keep pushing
If you’ve had a sociopath in your life — as a romantic partner, family member, work colleague or acquaintance — you may have observed that the person always seems to be in overdrive. What is it with these high-energy sociopaths? They never let up. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who had the misfortune of being romantically involved with someone she described as having the traits of a malignant narcissist. Here is her question: How do sociopaths/narcissists/psychopaths have so much energy? I would feel completely exhausted after getting engaged in any sort of conversation. He, on the other, he felt fine despite the fact that he was my only source of emotional and ver …
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‘Under the ether’ – why you fell for the scam
When I finally realized that my husband was a complete con artist, and I had been thoroughly duped and betrayed, the person I was most angry with was myself. I’m intelligent, educated, responsible and self-sufficient. Why did I waste $227,000 of my hard-earned money on his so-called business plans? Most of them, it turned out, involved trysts with other women. Why did I believe him? Why did I fall for the scam? I am certainly not alone in asking these questions. In 2021, American consumers lost a record $547 million in romance scams, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). This was a jump of nearly 80% over 2020. Losses to romance scammers in the last five years totaled $1.3 b …
How sociopaths become expert manipulators
Sociopaths, when we first meet them, typically seem charming, friendly and exciting. Later, after we’ve been exploited, we realize that we were targeted by a professional who deceived and manipulated us. But how did the sociopath become an expert exploiter? How do sociopaths know exactly what to say and what buttons to push? For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are d …