One winter, my husband, Terry Kelly, and I traded colds. I got sick first, and Terry made chicken soup and did what he could to make me feel comfortable. Then, despite my best efforts to keep my germs to myself, Terry got sick. By this time I was feeling better. So I went to the store and bought cold medicine, tissues and orange juice, because I'd used everything up. I made him chicken soup. I even made him a pot of chili. As I did all this, I noticed a warm feeling within me. It was the joy of taking care of someone I loved. I was concerned about his health and wellbeing. I was happy and energized to help him. It was a feeling sociopaths never experience, because sociopaths …
Does my psychopath miss me?
Editor's note: The following article refers to male psychopaths. Women can also be sociopaths, psychopaths and other disordered individuals. Does my sociopath/psychopath miss me? The short answer is “no.” The qualified answer is “yes, in appearance, but only as long as you can afford him.” Since psychopaths are unable to have true feelings, once you are removed from his picture, you are gone forever. Somebody else with financial security will replace you, and then when the money is gone or things go sour, somebody else will replace that person. Psychopaths, we know, are not able to feel gratitude, love, loyalty or any kind of guilt or remorse that could tie him to you. During the …
Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths
Yes, you can avoid letting a sociopath into your life. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. Security expert Gavin deBecker, who wrote The Gift of Fear, explains that intuition evolved within us over the millennia for one reason: To protect us from predators. Sociopaths are predators, and our intuition will warn us about them. The key is to pay attention. Sometimes the warning is blatant — one woman told me about feeling instantly terrified when a man approached her. But instead of heeding her internal warning, she berated herself for being judgmental — after all, the man had done nothing to her. She talked to him; they became romantically involved; he was, in fact, a soc …
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Useless advice on how to spot a lie
The Daily Mail just published a silly article in which a psychologist explains how to tell when someone is lying. The behavioral psychologist, Jo Hemmings, dispenses all of the usual and useless advice about watching for microexpressions, lack of eye contact, convoluted explanations and changes in behavior. Okay, so the advice might work for spotting a normal person who is uncomfortable with lying. It will never work for spotting a sociopath who lies like he or she breathes. In fact, the article is accompanied by a sidebar in which new research published by Edinburgh University finds that it is hard to spot a liar. Why? Because liars may intentionally suppress the tell-tale signs of …
A sociopath explains how she loves
If you're like most Lovefraud readers, you're here because you were romantically involved with a sociopath. This person probably declared love for you repeatedly, exuberantly and convincingly. Then the individual lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, abused you and perhaps even threatened you. You were left stunned, distraught and devastated. How could someone who loved you treat you so badly? A letter Lovefraud received recently might help you understand why that person's love was so shallow: I have read several articles on your site out of curiosity and boredom over the past few weeks, and I agree with almost all of their content. If I weren't a sociopath I would probably find …
How much do psychopaths really cost our society?
Kaboni Savage was a drug kingpin in Philadelphia. On his orders, his crew firebombed the home of a federal witness in 2004, killing six people, including four children. Savage was sentenced to death in May, 2013. A few months later, the Philadelphia Inquirer wrote an article about the cost of prosecuting Kaboni Savage: Bill for Savage trial easily tops $10 million: No one protested when a federal jury recommended in June that Kaboni Savage be put to death. In just a few years, Savage had left a grisly trail in North Philadelphia. He gunned down one man, ordered the killing of five others, and directed the 2004 rowhouse firebombing that killed four children and two women. The …
10 Facts to help you explain your experience with a sociopath
The biggest reason why we get tangled up with sociopaths is because we don't know they exist. We don't know they live among us, so we don't watch out for them, so we get in trouble. Then, when we try to tell our friends and families what happened, they have no idea what we're talking about — because they don't know sociopaths exist either. So on top of the devastation we endure from the sociopath, when we turn to others for support, we are not understood or even believed. If you're trying to explain your experience with a sociopath, here are some facts to help you put your story in context: 1 . Approximately 40 million people in the United States — 12% of women and 16% of men — could …
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5 tips for dealing with a sociopath
Lovefraud's standard advice for interacting with a sociopath is not to interact at all, to implement a strict policy of No Contact. Unfortunately, this isn't always possible. Perhaps you share children with a sociopathic ex-partner. Or perhaps you have a disordered boss or co-worker, and aren't yet able to find new employment. Or perhaps some member of your family is disordered. If you have no choice but to interact with a problem person, here are some tips that may help you. Do not react emotionally. Sociopaths will often do or say unpleasant things just to provoke a reaction out of you. Do not take the bait. Remember, all sociopaths really want is to win. If they get an …
10 typical emotional abuse tactics that the experts don’t even measure
No wonder mental health professionals don't seem to understand emotional abuse. In trying to conduct research about it, they don't even have a comprehensive list of typical emotionally abusive behaviors. Here are 10 behaviors that Lovefraud readers experience, time and time again, from their sociopathic partners. How many have you seen? You're blamed for everything; it's all your fault. Your partner flirts with others and cheats on you. Your partner disappears — you have no idea where he or she is, and when, or if, he or she will return. Your partner does or says something incredibly hurtful — and then acts like nothing happened. You get the silent treatment. Your par …
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Sociopaths as chameleons — they become whatever they need to be for their latest scam
My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, considered himself to be an entrepreneur, the equal of any man who ever built a commercial empire. As he was seducing me, painting a glimmering picture of how successful and rich we would become, he proclaimed that he would be "the next Walt Disney." When Montgomery went to business meetings, he wore a jacket, trousers, and a polo shirt. He refused to wear ties, but he always had a silk square in his jacket pocket. He told me that even when he was young, he always dressed up in jackets and cravats, eschewing the psychedelic fashions of the 60s. (For more about my story, it's all in my book, Love Fraud.) So you can imagine my surprise when I …
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