Sociopaths, when we first meet them, typically seem charming, friendly and exciting. Later, after we’ve been exploited, we realize that we were targeted by a professional who deceived and manipulated us. But how did the sociopath become an expert exploiter? How do sociopaths know exactly what to say and what buttons to push? For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are d …
Married to a senior sociopath: It never gets any better
Editor’s note: My new book, “Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers,” goes on sale May 17. I’m posting a series of articles to preview the book. Today’s topic: “Married to a senior sociopath.” No one intentionally marries a sociopath. We marry someone who seems to be loving, caring and shares our interests and values. It’s only later — sometimes many years later — that we realize the person we thought we married doesn’t exist. My book, Senior Sociopaths, is based on surveys that I did with Lovefraud readers in which I asked them to describe their experiences with people who were age 50 or older and whom they believed were sociopaths. Of the 2,120 people respond …
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Senior sociopaths and dating: Mature partners aren’t always safe partners
Editor’s note: My new book, “Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers,” goes on sale May 17. I’m posting a series of articles to preview the book. The first topic: “Senior Sociopaths and Dating.” If you’re an adult who is looking for a date, know this: Potential partners who appear to be mature can still be extremely dangerous to your emotions, psyche, health and finances. My new book, Senior Sociopaths, thoroughly documents what can happen and offers suggestions on avoiding and escaping predatory relationships. The book is based on two surveys in which I specifically asked Lovefraud readers about their experiences with over-50 individuals whom they believed were …
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Why do psychopaths want to mess with your head?
UPDATED FOR 2022: A Lovefraud reader once asked, in so many words, why do psychopaths want to mess with your head? Here's her exact question: Why is it so important to psychopaths to get inside someone's head and "mess with them," such as gas lighting, and other head games? This particular Lovefraud reader has endured stalking behavior from a psychopathic man for years. He has put her under surveillance, driven her from apartments, interfered with her job, and more — for no discernable reason. They were not romantically involved. He did not take money from her. So the question is, why does he bother? Dominance behavioral system It's a question that goes to the core of the p …
Sadists and narcissists — similarities and differences
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS Sadists and narcissists — are they the same? Pathological personalities can overlap each other with their complexities and commonalities. Over the years, definitive conclusions as to whether a sadist is a narcissist, and vice-versa, have been lacking and debate has been ongoing. A person can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, which is a cluster B disorder according to the DSM V. This is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association. However, the opposite is true for a sadist, at least presently. There is no official diagnosis of sadism. Sadism was once referred to as Sadistic Personality Disorder (SPD) in t …
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How do sociopaths know what tactics to use?
Lovefraud received the following question from a reader who was trying to understand sociopathic behavior: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are doing – so HOW do they know to use those tactics to begin with?? It’s as if they are reading from the same ‘manual’ and that makes me wonder: Is it subconscious, intuitive behavior on their part?? Yes, sociopaths all seem to be operating out of the same playbook. Let’s take a look at it: …
The silent treatment and sociopaths — it’s all about control
If you have a sociopath in your life — whether a romantic partner, family member or friend — you probably have experienced, or will experience, the silent treatment. Why? Because from the sociopath’s point of view, it works. What is the silent treatment? As the term implies, someone who engages in the silent treatment stops talking to you. You want to communicate, and the other person refuses. If you are trying to contact the individual when you are not physically in the same place, they don’t respond to your texts, emails or phone calls. If you are in the same house — heck, even in the same room — they do not acknowledge you, let alone speak to you. They may look at you, then look away. …
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5 warning signs of narcissistic rage and what you should do
Something happens — perhaps even something small — and your partner explodes. He or she launches into a tirade, slams doors, throws things and appears to be on the edge of physical violence. What do you do? Narcissistic rage is really scary. The rager may yell, scream, curse, demean, belittle, shake fists and back you into a corner — and that's assuming the person doesn't get violent. If the situation escalates, the rager may throw or break items, punch the wall — possibly next to your head — and threaten you. Some may lose control totally and physically strike you. Usually, the display of aggression is way out of proportion to whatever it was that supposedly triggered the anger. Narcis …
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Media messages that blind us to sociopaths
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/KaOC9danxNo] UPDATED for 2021. I was watching ABC World News Tonight back in 2015. At the end of the program, ABC announced its "Person of the Week" Col. Chris Hadfield, the first Canadian astronaut to walk in space. Col. Hadfield is famous for his magnificent cover of the classic David Bowie song, Space Oddity, recorded while he was the commander of the International Space Station. The video has more than 50 million YouTube views. Hadfield's Space Oddity is absolutely breathtaking. It's such a tribute to the capacity of the human race to reach beyond our grounded existence that it brought tears to my eyes. I watched it again today. It still …
Psychopathy can run in families – a possible warning for you
UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received the following request in an email that brings up a scary truth: psychopathy can run in families. My husband's psychopathy was never diagnosed as far as I know, but some years after we married and her second suicide attempt that I knew of, he told me his mother had been diagnosed as a psychopathic manic depressive. Maybe you could give your readers 'a heads up and how to' on finding out as much as possible about the in-laws' medical conditions before marriage, better yet sound them out before becoming emotionally entangled? This is a great suggestion, so thank you to this Lovefraud reader. Here's my basic advice: Understand that psychopathy can run …
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