Editor's note: This is a more complete explanation of a proposal I made a few weeks ago. How do you avoid a social predator? First, you have to know that they exist. I didn't know they existed. So when a charming, charismatic and supremely confident man swept into my life, I didn't know that charm, charisma and overconfidence were red flags that he might be a predator. And he was. This man took a quarter-million dollars from me, cheated with at least six women during our 2.5-year marriage, had a child with one of the women, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy. “He might be a sociopath,” my therapist com …
Sociopaths Going Backwards
Sociopaths rarely go forward with their lives with reliable, sustainable momentum; at best, they may zig-zag for a while with the good (and bad) luck of a gambler; or go sidways for a while, “seeming” to hold it together. But eventually, the sociopath tends to go backwards. He is much like the person on a high-speed treadmill who, no mattter how hard he or she walks or runs, finds himself, sooner or later, drifting off the end of the machine. His disordered lack of empathy, detachment from others, detachment from an emotional connection to the world that keeps the rest of us on fairly solid ground, giving us at least a chance to hit solid ground, and hit it running—the sociopath is miss …
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: The psychopath cartoons
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. Mr. Invincible and other Un-Inspiring Characters By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide As many of your know, having come out of relationships with sociopaths often we feel powerless. Some like Donna and others like myself have felt inspired to speak up and share our stories and talk about their experiences. I had this little voice that wanted to shout from the rooftops in the hope that o …
Debating empathy and evil
A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor's ideas. Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Letter to a sociopath
I write you this letter to explain something to you. You have a serious personality disorder whose very symptoms, paradoxically, may leave you unaware that you have it. Or”¦you may be “aware” of your disorder in an “intellectual” sense but, consequent to your disorder, you lack appropriate alarm and shame over its expression. People who do not have your disorder, if they were told they had it (and of its nature), would feel extremely unnerved, shamed, to hear this feedback. You, on the other hand, neither feel, nor react, with expected levels of uneasiness to learn of your disorder. Your reactions, expressing either calm indifference and striking unperturbedness, or, alternatively, …
Sociopaths change our beliefs about being human
Lovefraud received the following e-mail recently from a reader, who we'll call “Iris.” She was married for 20 years to a man who she now realizes is a sociopath. I avoid talking to my ex-husband as much as possible, but he is 4 months behind on court ordered spousal support as I am in school getting my business degree and working. He has to pay $600 a month for 3 years. The court also ordered the support to pay me back for $11,000 I had to put into our house and property to make it "sellable" after he left me in the dust and moved to another state. He left me with 5 acres, a house falling apart, a barn with code violations, and our 3 family dogs. I went into survival mode and got it all fix …
The Sociopath as “The Missing Link?”
Is it possible that the sociopath is, in a sense, the missing link? Who is he? He is human but, in another sense, not quite human. Much like the Neandarthals, who were humans but not quite homo sapiens, and whom you'd have had a hard time differentiating from homo sapiens in a crowd, the sociopath may mix in seamlessly with the more fully developed human race. Meaning, like the Neandarthal race of humans, he isn't noticeably different, at least not by appearances, from his fellow homo sapiens. And yet he is different”¦he is missing something. There is something primitive and underdeveloped in him. This is a very crude analogy, admittedly. Neandarthals weren't more sociopath than their f …
Clueless experts lump personality disorders together
The BBC recently wrote that people need to be more aware of personality disorders, including antisocial personality disorder so far, so good. Then the article stated that most people with personality disorders do not commit offenses, and says: Experts are now trying to train those who are most likely to come into contact with a personality disorder how to recognise the condition to make the situation easier to manage. This is crucial because the way in which staff interact with someone who has a personality disorder can affect the patient's condition. Sigh. This education process is going to be long and hard. Read Personality disorders are 'widespread,' say experts, on …
Clueless experts lump personality disorders togetherRead More
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Why sociopaths sometimes kill themselves
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. She has also created a wonderful animation that describes the antics of a sociopath, called Exposing the Mask of Insanity. View the animation here. The sociopath's unconscious death wish By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide I recently received an email from one of my readers saying that her husband and mother, who are both sociopaths, had suicide clauses in their wills, so I decided to write a …
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Why sociopaths sometimes kill themselvesRead More
A spath behind every bush
I wrote an article not long ago about settling on a name for the personality disorder that we spend our time here talking about. I suggested using "sociopath" as a general term for exploitative people. Many of us have taken to shortening this term to "spath." Well, a Lovefraud reader "Justdreamin" informs us that "spath" is taken. She saw it on a flower pot, and sent us the photos. It turns out that "spath" is a shortened version of "spathiphyllum," which is the botanical name for the peace lilly, a common houseplant. We might have to come up with a new name. If I were a beautiful peace lily, I wouldn't want to share a name with the nasty predators. …