Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I've written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that's our goal. That's because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It's as easy to do as it's wrong. And so, most sociopaths aren't really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others' lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don't ar …
Sociopath, psychopath – Lovefraud’s proposal for naming the disorder
One reason why many of us found ourselves victimized by sociopaths is because we did not know that dangerous personality disorders existed. We may have heard of crazy people, but we assumed that we could spot them because they looked and talked crazy. We may have heard of psychopaths, but we assumed they were serial killers or some other type of obviously hardened criminal. We did not know that people existed who could convincingly proclaim their love, cry tears of sadness, and make glowing promises for the future, all simply to exploit us. We did not know that these people were called sociopaths and/or psychopaths. In my opinion, a big reason for the public's unawareness of, and …
Sociopath, psychopath – Lovefraud’s proposal for naming the disorderRead More
Sociopaths keep the charade going for awhile
I was with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, for two and a half years. During this time, I knew he was costing me money, but he attributed his lack of business success to “being ahead of his time.” I eventually discovered that he was lying and cheating on me. But although I saw eruptions of anger, my ex was never abusive towards me—nothing like the abuse many of you have endured. Some sociopaths can treat people reasonably well for an extended period of time, if it suits their purpose. For example, Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader: I was not in a disastrous relationship with my S. Our relationship was less than three years, our marriage less than two, when …
LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Relationship survey for Lovefraud readers
Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I'll be doing my first three classes next month. Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you're dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control. We've discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identif …
LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Relationship survey for Lovefraud readersRead More
Sitting with the sociopathic client
Sitting with an antisocial or sociopathic client is an interesting experience—for a while, anyway, until it grows tedious”¦almost boring. There is the initial curiosity about, and fascination with, the client's antisocial behaviors”¦their nature”¦breadth. Perhaps there's even a certain rubbernecking interest in the train-wreck of moral turpitude these clients present—with their staggering patterns of ethical and moral debaseness. Admittedly, it can be breathtaking, on certain levels, to behold the magnitude of their abuse of others' boundaries and dignity, accompanied by missing feelings of accountability and remorse. And the interest in the experience with such clients persists a bit l …
Donna Andersen on Upfront & Straightforward radio show Feb. 10
I'll be a guest on the Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie radio show tomorrow night. The topic: Romantic Sociopaths, Con Artists and Psychopaths. I will discuss "10 Signs that you're dating a sociopath," along with other issues related to these social predators. The show is on Blog Talk Radio, so you can listen to it on your computer. It starts at 10 p.m. EST I'll be on from 10:15 p.m. EST to 11:25 p.m. EST. Here's a link: Romantic Sociopaths, Con Artists and Psychopaths This is a call-in show, so if you have a question, feel free to join the conversation. The phone number is 646-478-5710. UPDATE: The show is archived on Blog Talk Radio—to listen, just click the …
Donna Andersen on Upfront & Straightforward radio show Feb. 10Read More
Almost drowning with the con man Andrew J. Harper
Editor's note: Andrew J. Harper, who conned multiple women in Australia, was sentenced yesterday to nine months in jail. Here's what we hear from one of his victims, Rochelle Fisher. "Rebecca Bell was there, she said the magistrate gave him an absolute drilling, and was not falling for any of his crap. She said the fact that the victims had children made him very angry. "Also, his lawyer said that he didn't get any financial gain from his victims, that they were along for the ride and enjoyed it, like staying in hotels etc. And the magistrate said 'Yes, but, they would not have paid it if he had told the truth.' "He has been ordered to pay back 22k to victims and hotels, but there …
The Marriage Masks: Three types of sociopathic relationships
Here at Lovefraud, we've heard thousands of horror stories of marriages to sociopaths. Thinking about these unfortunate involvements, it seems to me that there are three types of romantic relationships with sociopaths. I call them the Marriage Masks, and they are: 1. Calculated exploitation The sociopath targets an individual for the explicit purpose of exploiting him or her, using the unsuspecting partner for money, sex, a place to live or something else that the sociopath wants. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, targeted me because I had what he wanted: money, good credit, my own home and business connections in the city where he decided he was going to make a fortune. He sweet …
The Marriage Masks: Three types of sociopathic relationshipsRead More
The serial killer and the scam telemarketer? Cousins? Or brothers of a different species?
Let's compare sociopathic types and ask ourselves what, if anything, they share in common? How deeply related, deeply connected, is their sociopathy? Are they close cousins, blood brothers or, perhaps, brothers altogether of a different species? Let's compare the classic, mythical sociopath, the serial killer—whose violent predations have been widely documented, if not sensationalized, in the media—with the arguably less glamorous, more insidious sociopathic type, the scamming telemarketing sociopath who fleeces senior citizens of their assets? What do these personalities have in common and where, perhaps, do we find divergences between them? Let's begin with what we might argue the …
The serial killer and the scam telemarketer? Cousins? Or brothers of a different species?Read More
BOOK REVIEW: The Gaslight Effect Redux
It's amazing how people can have differing opinions of the same book. Last May, the Lovefraud Reader Ox Drover wrote a review of The Gaslight Effect, by Dr. Robin Stern. I am always on the lookout for books that will help readers understand, and recover from, a traumatic entanglement with a sociopath. Because Oxy was so complimentary about The Gaslight Effect, I was anxious to read it, and possibly recommend it to others. Well, I read the book, but I'm not sure I can recommend it. Oxy did point out that Dr. Stern never mentions the word, “sociopath,” referring to the perpetrator as the “gaslighter,” and the victim as the “gaslightee.” Although Oxy was willing to look past this omission, …