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Sociopaths, Assessments, and Court–What’s the Point?

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Last week in Hard to See a Psychopath, I dedicated my post to seeing psychopaths/sociopaths more clearly. I talked about the need for assessments—meaning more training for more clinicians—as a place to start in our quest to "make things better." But what's next? Let's say you're in the family court system. Does an assessment make a difference? Why start there? I thought hard about this all week. Because for the past decade or two, I've lived in a space where I know that my ex is hurting people, but I've been silenced or belittled or ignored in most arenas when I try to talk about it. And I've imagined, many times, that if people just knew the truth, it would make a difference. This wee …

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Hard to See a Psychopath

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I'll start with one man who has dedicated his life to teaching others how to assess and clearly identify psychopaths. Here's part of the bio from his website. “Robert Hare is Emeritus Professor of Psychology, University of British Columbia, where he has taught and conducted research for more than four decades, and President of Darkstone Research Group Ltd., a forensic research and consulting firm. He has devoted most of his academic career to the investigation of psychopathy, its nature, assessment, and implications for mental health and criminal justice. He is the developer of the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) and a co-author of its derivatives, the Psychopathy Checklist: Screen …

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Standing with a Sociopath

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My sociopathic ex and I meet monthly with a psychologist. The Guardian ad litem for our three children ordered us to do this after my ex filed for full custody of our two boys last year. So we've met with this psychologist maybe 6 times now, and neither of us had ever met him before our first meeting. All he knew about us in advance is that we're a "high conflict" couple, and he decided that the best thing he can do for our family is to help us get along. He's also trying to help us settle on an agreement that doesn't entirely eliminate my parenting time or rights. And I appreciate that. Therapy with a Sociopath What's it like? It's not that bad, really, compared to all the other …

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Study reveals Mafia prisoners less likely to be psychopathic than fellow inmates

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Italian researchers in Sicily released a new study revealing that members of the Mafia are less likely to be psychopaths than other criminals. The study compared 30 Mafia members in a Palermo, Sicily jail convicted of crimes such as murder, trafficking, extortion, fraud, sexual exploitation and kidnapping, to a group of 39 non-Mafia prisoners, whose offenses included murder, rape, child sexual abuse and armed robbery. The study concluded that, according to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist Revised, none of the Mafia scored in the psychopathic range, while 10% of the comparison prisoners did. The Mafia members were also found to be less ”˜manipulative,' ”˜Machiavellian,' ”˜narcissistic,' ”˜unem …

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Prologue of a Sociopath

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The following piece considers our rampant professional failure to not only identify sociopaths but also to know how to label and talk about them if they are identified. It is an excerpt from The Other Side of Charm, which is by me, H.G. Beverly. Here it is: I'm going to start you off by talking about psychopaths. Why not? I can't think of a better way to start off a story about how a charming, apparently caring man can maintain a sparkling smile as he devastates you. Maybe you'll recognize some of these tendencies in people you know. Maybe you'll be surprised. So let's talk about it. Psychopath. Sociopath. Antisocial Personality Disorder. The labels are muddled and confusing because th …

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Letters to Lovefraud: I could no longer share my life with someone who lacked a conscience and integrity

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader DonnaC. Other names in this letter have been changed. Below is a letter my former husband wrote shortly after I had told him that our marriage was over. He spent two weeks trying to convince me to give him time to ”˜once again' prove he could be the man he was meant to be. When we married 11 years earlier he was handsome, successful and fun. We met after my loveless first marriage. I was a happy outgoing person but he knew about my withdrawn ex husband and so it was easy to ”˜love bomb' me. I found his confidence, energy and zest for life intoxicating. There were the expected adjustments to our new married life, and …

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Walking In My Shoes: Looking Back Over My Marriage to a Sociopath

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by Quinn Pierce Not-So-Spring Cleaning Since my divorce, I have done so much "spring cleaning" of my life, that I've given myself a pass on actually cleaning anything this year.  And, as the ice melts away, I will sit idly by with a cup of tea and admire the dust as it collects on my winter clothes that remain taking up precious space in my closet. The truth is, I don't have all that many clothes left, especially since I went through several cycles of gaining and losing weight during the end of my marriage and my divorce.  I chose to give away anything that didn't fit as I cleaned and sorted out my home, and my life, at the time.  It probably was a subconscious act on my part to di …

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Tools of a Sociopath: Using the Silent Treatment to Manipulate and Control

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by Quinn Pierce A Stifling Silence One of my ex-husband's favorite tools of manipulation was the silent treatment. On the surface, it seemed like a childish ploy to get what he wanted, but in reality, the silent treatment is a behavior abusers use to attack their partner's vulnerability and self-esteem in order to exert control. I can clearly see now that my ex-husband took plenty of  time in the beginning of our relationship to assess how I would react to the silent treatment.  It is a skill he practiced and perfected along the way, until the greatest impact was achieved. A sociopath won't risk losing the relationship, so it was a complicated game he played to keep me off-balance, b …

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Tracking the False Tears of a Sociopath

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by Quinn Pierce A Repeat Performance I looked around the room trying to assess the damage.  With each tear that fell, I could sense a shift in the room.  All I could think was, “Oh great, how can I possible convince this entire group of people that this is an act?  These tears are not real!  These words do not mean anything!  He will leave here and continue to abuse and harass this child he cries for right now!" Instead, I said nothing.   Such is the reality of having married and divorced a sociopath.  It's a never ending struggle to maintain my composure when faced with lies, manipulation, deceit, and of course, his repeat performance as the consummate victim. Minimizing Conflict …

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Co-Parenting With a Sociopath: Helping My Children Navigate Through the Lies

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by Quinn Pierce A Confused and Anxious Child My younger son recently returned home from his father's house looking visibly distressed and anxious.  As we began asking what was wrong, the ever increasing list of possibilities began running through my mind.  I could tell these visits were taking a toll on my son, but he is not yet at the point where he can stand up for himself to his father.  My older son, however, mastered that skill earlier this year, and it has been a source of contention for my ex-husband ever since. And so, when my son started to explain what transpired the night before, it was no surprise to the rest of us as we listened.  Apparently, someone asked a seemingly in …

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