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Seduced by a sociopath

You are here: Home / Archives for Seduced by a sociopath

Victims of Sociopaths and Victim Blamers

April 7, 2016 //  by O.N.Ward//  4 Comments

Searching for inspiration for this post, I stumbled across some pretty unattractive, “victim blaming” directed to someone who had been involved in a relationship with a person who is likely a sociopath. Victim Blaming  I find victim blaming unattractive for humanitarian and moral reasons, but I also find a deep irony in victim blaming—that the person accusing others of naivety and a lack of insight about human behavior, is in fact, themselves, displaying profound naivety and a lack of insight about human behavior. It's as if they are assuming that all people have the same experiences and opportunities, hence if someone is deceived by a sociopath, it can only be due to that person's inherent w …

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Category: Explaining the sociopath, Scientific research, Seduced by a sociopath

Prosecutor says teacher accused of sexual contact with his student married her so she won’t testify

April 6, 2016 //  by Donna Andersen//  Leave a Comment

Alabama math teacher Matthew Shane Wester, 38, was indicted for having sexual contact with a student, Amy Nicole Cox. So he divorced his wife, and two months later, married his alleged victim. Blount County District Attorney Pamela Case calls the marriage a "sham." She says Wester married the girl so she couldn't be forced to testify against him. 'The marriage is a sham:' Teacher, 38, married his eighteen-year-old student just 67 days after divorcing his first wife to avoid having to testify in trial, says DA, on DailyMail.com. …

Prosecutor says teacher accused of sexual contact with his student married her so she won’t testifyRead More

Category: Seduced by a sociopath

Sociopaths Serve Up Double Standards

March 31, 2016 //  by O.N.Ward//  15 Comments

Double standards are one of the many hallmarks of being in a relationship with a sociopath. Trust me, as a well-educated woman who was taught that she could hold her own with any man, I didn't think I had married someone who viewed me as a puppet and whose only purpose for me was to service his needs. But, as months slipped into years, profound double standards emerged in my relationship with "Paul." Of course, now that I believe Paul is a sociopath, I understand that Paul held these double standards all along. Although he did not display them at first, at some point, they became part of the poisonous air I breathed. Double Standards Deliver Double Benefits For A Sociopath These double …

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Category: Explaining the sociopath, Seduced by a sociopath, Sociopaths and family

If you’re a domestic abuse survivor, a researcher wants to know about your experience

March 25, 2016 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  2 Comments

Hello. My name is Courtney Humeny and I am a PhD candidate in Cognitive Science at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. I am carrying out an online study on survivors of romantic relationships with psychopathic partners. If you are interested in learning more please see the details below: Who we are recruiting The “Emotion, resilience, and post-traumatic growth in domestic abuse survivors” study investigates the outcome of being in an abusive romantic relationship. We are looking for participants (aged over 18) who identify as being in a prior heterosexual abusive romantic relationship. Abusive experiences may include verbal/ emotional abuse (i.e., bullying, manipulation), coercion (i.e., …

If you’re a domestic abuse survivor, a researcher wants to know about your experienceRead More

Category: Seduced by a sociopath

Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Behavior

March 24, 2016 //  by O.N.Ward//  17 Comments

Below is an edited excerpt from my book that spotlights how my ex-husband's, subtle, consistent, insidious devaluation of me throughout or marriage helped set the stage for his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior. Devaluing Everyday Tasks One of "Paul's" favorite chronic erosion techniques was to devalue the need to do a task. If I went ahead and did the job, he showed no appreciation. Instead, he ridiculed me, because the task was clearly unnecessary. This technique not only got him off the hook, it had the added bonus of devaluing much of what I did. Help mop up the basement? Just turn on a dehumidifier. Help shovel snow? His car could easily plow through it. Why did I even need to leave the …

Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde BehaviorRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath, Seduced by a sociopath

Spath Tales

He was either the most incredible person I ever met, or a deplorable monster

March 19, 2016 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  125 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Adelaide." Names are changed. I met Joe at a bar. It was the first time I ever went out alone. I was forcing myself to do new things on my own. Trying to prove to myself I did not need a man beside me to do the things I wanted to do. After I ordered my drink I started to feel uncomfortable. I noticed a jukebox and thought it would give me some comfort to hear some music I enjoy. So, I went to put in my selections. When I turned back around I noticed someone sitting in my chair. All my belongings had been pushed to the side. But my drink remained right where I left it. I immediately got angry ... wrinkled my …

He was either the most incredible person I ever met, or a deplorable monsterRead More

Category: Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales, Seduced by a sociopath

On The Sociopath’s Menu– Kernels Of Truth With A Side of Word Salad

March 17, 2016 //  by O.N.Ward//  47 Comments

A crazy-making, confidence-eroding weapon many sociopaths wield is their skill with words. Below is an edited excerpt from my book that highlights how my ex-husband ("Paul") manipulated our marital therapist. ”¦The therapist looked at me and said, “Have you ever asked Paul if he's having an affair?” “No, I guess not,” I responded. “Maybe you should.” “Now?” “Why not?” the therapist replied. “Paul,” I said, “are you having an affair with Anne-Marie?”   Turning the Tables “I am so hurt that you would even think that,” Paul replied, appearing genuinely concerned. Notice, he did not answer the question. Instead, he used the diversion tactics of trying to elicit pity and putting me on the def …

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Category: Explaining the sociopath, Seduced by a sociopath

Weak Boundaries, Needing To Be Nice And Being Vulnerable To A Sociopath

March 10, 2016 //  by O.N.Ward//  9 Comments

Although almost anyone can be targeted by a sociopath, like most people, sociopaths are more apt to spend their energy where they have a higher likelihood of success. Sociopaths test boundaries early in relationships to find individuals, like me, whose boundaries may be weaker and, therefore, easier to violate.  Of course, for lots of reasons, once small boundaries have been crossed, it is easier to cross medium boundaries and crossing those makes violating larger ones all the easier. Trained To Be Nice It has taken me a painstakingly long time to understand this about myself and to admit the truth of it, but looking back, I can now see that as a child, teenager and young adult, I was …

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Category: Explaining the sociopath, Seduced by a sociopath

After the trauma, emotional exhaustion

March 7, 2016 //  by Donna Andersen//  26 Comments

Last week I wrote that my husband and Lovefraud co-founder, Terry Kelly, suffered a heart attack. I am very happy to report that Terry is doing really, really well, all things considered. After being unconscious for a week, he finally woke up. The next day, the doctors took him off of the breathing machine. He's now in a regular hospital room, rather than intensive care. He's eating, drinking fluids and sleeping when he's not coughing himself awake. Terry has started taking walks down the hospital corridor, assisted by a walker. His feet don't quite move the way they should, and he has some balance issues, although each day gets better. We hope he'll soon be moving to a rehabilitation …

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Category: Seduced by a sociopath

The only divorce he will give me is on his terms

February 24, 2016 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  3 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call " Terri-Anne" I have been married close to 15 years with a sociopath from central Europe. We have three kids together. He promised me of giving our kids a good education. I always felt this marriage is somewhat strange with my husband making excuses all the time to leave the house. I only found out one year ago that my husband has been having sex with prostitutes. He dates them and gives them lots of money. He traveled with three of them; one to Utah, to Canada and five European countries. All this time he promised that everything will be fine, but it was just all a lie. Three years ago he had planned to …

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Category: Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales, Seduced by a sociopath, Sociopaths and family

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  • recovery46 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again: “Bernice—it’s 2025 and my experience with the spath was EXACTLY the same! I kept rereading bc all the details were…”
  • sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind: “This is what I actually struggle with most now that I am a decade out of divorce. I did not…”
  • Donna Andersen on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “Good point! Thank you”
  • sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
  • eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws  : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”

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