Double standards are one of the many hallmarks of being in a relationship with a sociopath. Trust me, as a well-educated woman who was taught that she could hold her own with any man, I didn't think I had married someone who viewed me as a puppet and whose only purpose for me was to service his needs. But, as months slipped into years, profound double standards emerged in my relationship with "Paul." Of course, now that I believe Paul is a sociopath, I understand that Paul held these double standards all along. Although he did not display them at first, at some point, they became part of the poisonous air I breathed. Double Standards Deliver Double Benefits For A Sociopath These double …
If you’re a domestic abuse survivor, a researcher wants to know about your experience
Hello. My name is Courtney Humeny and I am a PhD candidate in Cognitive Science at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. I am carrying out an online study on survivors of romantic relationships with psychopathic partners. If you are interested in learning more please see the details below: Who we are recruiting The “Emotion, resilience, and post-traumatic growth in domestic abuse survivors” study investigates the outcome of being in an abusive romantic relationship. We are looking for participants (aged over 18) who identify as being in a prior heterosexual abusive romantic relationship. Abusive experiences may include verbal/ emotional abuse (i.e., bullying, manipulation), coercion (i.e., …
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Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Behavior
Below is an edited excerpt from my book that spotlights how my ex-husband's, subtle, consistent, insidious devaluation of me throughout or marriage helped set the stage for his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior. Devaluing Everyday Tasks One of "Paul's" favorite chronic erosion techniques was to devalue the need to do a task. If I went ahead and did the job, he showed no appreciation. Instead, he ridiculed me, because the task was clearly unnecessary. This technique not only got him off the hook, it had the added bonus of devaluing much of what I did. Help mop up the basement? Just turn on a dehumidifier. Help shovel snow? His car could easily plow through it. Why did I even need to leave the …
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He was either the most incredible person I ever met, or a deplorable monster
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Adelaide." Names are changed. I met Joe at a bar. It was the first time I ever went out alone. I was forcing myself to do new things on my own. Trying to prove to myself I did not need a man beside me to do the things I wanted to do. After I ordered my drink I started to feel uncomfortable. I noticed a jukebox and thought it would give me some comfort to hear some music I enjoy. So, I went to put in my selections. When I turned back around I noticed someone sitting in my chair. All my belongings had been pushed to the side. But my drink remained right where I left it. I immediately got angry ... wrinkled my …
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On The Sociopath’s Menu– Kernels Of Truth With A Side of Word Salad
A crazy-making, confidence-eroding weapon many sociopaths wield is their skill with words. Below is an edited excerpt from my book that highlights how my ex-husband ("Paul") manipulated our marital therapist. ”¦The therapist looked at me and said, “Have you ever asked Paul if he's having an affair?” “No, I guess not,” I responded. “Maybe you should.” “Now?” “Why not?” the therapist replied. “Paul,” I said, “are you having an affair with Anne-Marie?” Turning the Tables “I am so hurt that you would even think that,” Paul replied, appearing genuinely concerned. Notice, he did not answer the question. Instead, he used the diversion tactics of trying to elicit pity and putting me on the def …
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Weak Boundaries, Needing To Be Nice And Being Vulnerable To A Sociopath
Although almost anyone can be targeted by a sociopath, like most people, sociopaths are more apt to spend their energy where they have a higher likelihood of success. Sociopaths test boundaries early in relationships to find individuals, like me, whose boundaries may be weaker and, therefore, easier to violate. Of course, for lots of reasons, once small boundaries have been crossed, it is easier to cross medium boundaries and crossing those makes violating larger ones all the easier. Trained To Be Nice It has taken me a painstakingly long time to understand this about myself and to admit the truth of it, but looking back, I can now see that as a child, teenager and young adult, I was …
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After the trauma, emotional exhaustion
Last week I wrote that my husband and Lovefraud co-founder, Terry Kelly, suffered a heart attack. I am very happy to report that Terry is doing really, really well, all things considered. After being unconscious for a week, he finally woke up. The next day, the doctors took him off of the breathing machine. He's now in a regular hospital room, rather than intensive care. He's eating, drinking fluids and sleeping when he's not coughing himself awake. Terry has started taking walks down the hospital corridor, assisted by a walker. His feet don't quite move the way they should, and he has some balance issues, although each day gets better. We hope he'll soon be moving to a rehabilitation …
The only divorce he will give me is on his terms
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call " Terri-Anne" I have been married close to 15 years with a sociopath from central Europe. We have three kids together. He promised me of giving our kids a good education. I always felt this marriage is somewhat strange with my husband making excuses all the time to leave the house. I only found out one year ago that my husband has been having sex with prostitutes. He dates them and gives them lots of money. He traveled with three of them; one to Utah, to Canada and five European countries. All this time he promised that everything will be fine, but it was just all a lie. Three years ago he had planned to …
Candy hearts you’d receive from a sociopath
Warning: Sociopath Ahead!
A friend of mine feared her daughter was involved with a sociopath who was pressuring her to have children with him. Knowing I'd had my life derailed by my own husband (now ex-husband), who I now believe is a sociopath, my friend asked me to tell her daughter some of my story. As one never knows if a seed of information will later blossom into insight, I wrote her daughter a letter. The entry below is based on that letter. Wonderful Qualities Become Profound Vulnerabilities I believe my ex-husband and the father of my children has a personality disorder—narcissistic personality disorder—some refer to such individuals as sociopaths or psychopaths. Such people are more common that most of us e …