How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: How does one ever get over the heartache of being taken by a con artist??

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Con artists are a special category of sociopaths. In fact, most if not all are also psychopaths. If you were tricked by a con artist, I would say you are in good company, since all three of the authors on this blog were also fooled by con artists! This week one of our readers posted her story as a comment to ASK DR. LEEDOM: FAQ #1 “Why is this so hard for us mentally?” Her post illustrates many of the important characteristics of a con: In 1998 I was ripped off by a con artist, whom I met through a personal ad. I was going through a very serious depression at the time, and that's when I met him. He seemed like a breath of fresh air, very intelligent, different than other men I had met. He …

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Optical illusions: autostereograms and sociopaths

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Editor's note: The following essay was contributed to Lovefraud by Kenneth Royce at www.javelinpress.com. Ken discovered that a "friend" was a pathological liar, serial thief and con artist. "Though he made off with over $10,000 of my property in a very complicated scam," Ken says, "it's had the ironic benefit of outing him for the sociopath he is, and thus warning many other unsuspecting people." Autostereograms produce an illusion of depth using only a single image. The image is usually generated by computer, by repeating a narrow pattern from left to right. By decoupling eye convergence from focusing operations, a viewer is able to trick the brain into seeing a 3D scene. How to see …

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The psychopath and our own self-image

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"His online personal ad shows him as a clean-cut, athletic man with a friendly face, a sense of humor and a love for the outdoors. Many women would consider him a serious prospect, based on his ad. The problem is, Mike Andes is a convicted murderer ”¦" A reader recently sent Lovefraud this news story about Prison Personals, produced by KATU in Portland, Oregon. It turns out that thousands of convicts are looking for love online. Prisoners generally do not have access to the Internet. But apparently friends and family members can provide information to websites such as WriteAPrisoner.com, which then posts ads. Anyone who wants to respond to an ad—offering a gesture of friendship to some …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: FAQ #1 “Why is this so hard for us mentally?”

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The question victims of sociopaths most frequently ask is, “Why am I having such a hard time getting beyond this?” I am going to give an answer, but I'm afraid that since the answer is intellectual and not emotional, it may not feel complete or satisfactory. This is how a reader phrased this question: It's interesting because it seems like a lot of members on the board (myself included) have mentioned how difficult it is to get rid of thoughts of their sociopath. They seem to haunt us even after they have left our lives. As if the damage and destruction was not enough, they continue to be a part of our lives through our minds. We have to acknowledge that this question is not only asked by v …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Why does it seem I know more than the experts?

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Lately, many readers have added insightful comments to this blog. I would like to share this one and add that you may indeed know more about sociopathy than the so-called experts. As far as charisma in sociopaths goes, my theory is this: if a sociopath has no conscience (and no guilt), he or she might often be in a better mood - or at least appear to be in a better mood - i.e; generally more upbeat and seemingly happy with whatever is going on - than the average decent non-sociopathic person dealing with the typical ups and downs of daily life. I have heard that when someone is feeling happy, his or her facial expressions. tone of voice, and even their pheramones and neuro-chemicals are …

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Gaslight: a glimpse of psychopathic manipulations

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The word "gaslight," when used as a verb, means "to manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity; to subtly drive someone crazy." It's a term that's been used on this website to describe the psychological damage inflicted by a psychopath. I was aware that the word, when used in this way, was a reference to the 1944 movie Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, Angela Lansbury and Joseph Cotton. But I had never seen the film. A few days ago, I watched Gaslight for the first time. The story is set in Edwardian London, where an accomplished singer is mysteriously strangled in her home. The crime is discovered by the singer's young niece, Paula Alquist (Ingrid Bergman). …

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A deeper understanding of love, ourselves and the sociopath

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Although we think of love as an emotion, it is really more like a drive. Emotions come and go, whereas drives, like love, tend to persist. All emotions are associated with distinct facial expressions, whereas love is not. Love (like all of the basic drives I have discussed in this blog) is difficult to control. Furthermore, the most recent scientific research indicates that all drives, including love, are associated with activation of the brain pathway called the mesolimbic dopamine pathway. Attraction: the first stage of love Love, like other drives, is associated with wanting to get something. That something we are talking about here is a partner. The first stage of love, then, involves …

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Why you can be addicted to a sociopath

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Understanding helps us heal from our painful experiences. Understanding also helps us avoid repeating those experiences. What is understanding? Understanding is knowledge gained by our higher-verbal brain that helps it to manage our lower non-verbal brain. Understanding is, therefore, a path to our own impulse control. In the next few weeks, I am going to present a series on the science of motivation. I hope that a new understanding of motivation will help you in your quest for healing. Where does motivation come from? The first thing to understand about motivation is that it does not originate in our higher verbal brain (the cerebral cortex). It originates in our non-verbal, lower brain …

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Love fraud: A spectrum (Part 2)

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In Love Fraud: A spectrum, part 1, I defined four types of fraudulent behavior within love relationships. These represent points on a continuum from predatory love fraud, where the intent is to destroy the other party, to adultery. All love fraud has a negative effect on the children produced in these relationships. Here, I will make the case that adulterous love fraud makes it difficult for legislators to write laws protecting children from sociopaths. A case of adultery and emotional abuse Jim and Nancy married young and were initially in love. They had three children over 5 years. Nancy took time away from her career to care for the children while Jim stayed in the work force. Jim …

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Love fraud: A spectrum (Part 1)

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The recent post on marital misconduct, and the many letters I have received from Lovefraud readers, have caused me to conclude that love fraud is a spectrum. Because love fraud is a spectrum, there is some confusion about it. To clear up the confusion, this week I will describe the range of motives for this fraudulent behavior. Remember that one of the most important biologic/social functions of love relationships is to produce and raise children. In my opinion, love fraud that involves children is the most serious. These children did not ask to be born and are at the mercy of the adults responsible for bringing them into the world. Next week we will discuss the implications of the spectrum …

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