UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who is herself a mental health professional about the layers of shame and guilt that she feels. Names have been changed. The sociopath has an amazing ability to determine who can be manipulated or is vulnerable. When I separated from my sociopath, I had to recognize how I was conditioned as a child to be trusting and compliant. I was rewarded when I took care of others; my parents wanted a kind child. Their shaping was successful and I care very well for others. What I lacked was the ability to care for myself and to discern who deserved my care, who would return the love and respect that I gave. Lack …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Mother as sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: The following email was sent by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "OpalRose" about her sociopathic mother. I'm not a good writer, but I've learned so much the past 3 years from Love Fraud that I decided to write about my “Long Night's Journey into Day” about emerging from childhood with a sociopathic mother. My first experience of something amiss that stuck with me was probably pre-school when she had a full-blown temper tantrum that I brought her too many envelopes. She had asked for “a few envelopes” and I had brought 7 — she even counted them out and screamed that I should know that “a few” means 3. So much for my ability to read minds. She insisted t …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Partners in an unhealthy dance
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a woman who posts as Willow888. She wrote about her unhealthy dance with a sociopath. I recently started to work through the awful morass of feelings that follow an interaction with a disordered person. These people are such deceptive and expert manipulators they can apparently draw in even the healthiest of partners, partly because their behavior is beyond normal imagining and experience. Just as we're taught to drive a car defensively, to suppose that every other driver is asleep at the wheel, we could still get taken unawares by a driver who aims at us head on, deliberately. That we wouldn't necessarily be …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us
UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call Hilary, who wrote about how much we want to believe the romantic story. Names are changed. The night before I met Nick, I had a vivid nightmare. I lost sight of a caring man in a chaotic crowd, a baby was murdered, and I was poisoned. I awoke and heard, "Wait for the right one. Don't try to save him. You'll ruin yourself and your future." The thought was so pervasive that, although I was perplexed, I wrote it down. The following afternoon, I met Nick (with whom I'd connected on a dating site) on his boat at the local marina, and an afternoon sail turned into an “accidental” dinner wit …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Listen to your inner voice
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader. She learned the hard way how important it is to listen to your inner voice. When I met my husband, 14 years ago, I owned my own home, had two children, a great job and life was great. I wasn't looking for a relationship, however, he would not take no for an answer until I went out with him (1st red flag). He presented himself as financially secure, a family man with a daughter, and who told me family is everything . He was very charming and giving to my children and I. After 5 months of dating, he started telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I said that I wasn't ready to jump into …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My biggest regret is that my girls were forced to do what I decided
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as “Missymooz” sent the following e-mail. She describes her biggest regret with a man whom she now realizes is a sociopath. I also was married to a sociopath!! For 15 years!!!! We had 4 children together, bought homes together etc., etc. I just left (for the third time) 2 months ago. I would like to tell my story, just in case it may help someone else out there. I feel very stupid to have stayed for so long. But here goes: I met him briefly when I was only 16, but we both went our separate ways. I married another guy when I was 19. This marriage dissolved when I was 25, and guess who was there to lick my wounds??? It a …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is not Prince Charming; you are not Snow White
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader, who posts as "Snow White," previously wrote an article called "The heart thief." Here's what she says about your sociopathic partner — no matter how much you want to believe, he is not Prince Charming. Fairy tales — the fantasy of every girl. A story of fantastic forces and beings. A tale of improbable events that will lead to a happy ending. Or perhaps — a more sinister story designed to mislead. Any woman would have to agree that when someone comes along who is completely and totally smitten with you, showers you with affection and attention like you've never experienced in all your life, you start to think that maybe this is the pe …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The heart thief
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following essay from a reader whom we'll call "SnowWhite" describing the heart thief she encountered. He is clever and cunning. He has many talents. He sees you before you see him. It may be something you are wearing that attracts him. Maybe it's your laugh or your spirit. You are vulnerable. He knows it. You are trustworthy and caring. He knows it. You have only been with two men your whole life. He knows it. You are lonely. He knows it. You have been married for 25 years. He doesn't care. He is a carpenter. He builds your trust and friendship. You see him weekly in your workout class. One day he smiles at you. The next day he …
He used me from the start
Editor’s note: A young woman from India recounts her experience with a man whom she now knows is a sociopath. She says, “He used me from the start.” I found out about his disorder just a few days back. I was looking for answers, trying to understand this disorder better and also make sense of what happened to me and that is how I found Lovefraud.com. I met him in 2019, almost 5 years ago and was in a relationship with him since then till about a few days ago when I found out about him. He manipulated and lied to me the whole time. I would have never found out about his disorder had the other woman who he was cheating me with, magically I would say, by the Almighty's grace somehow manag …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is the time for me to learn who I am
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Adelade." After the sociopath, she says, this is the time to learn who she is. Since the collapse of my second marriage, I have learned more than I would ever have wanted to know about sociopathy and their source targets - better known as, "victims." At one point, I had believed that my second marriage was stable, trust-based, and supportive, but I have recounted the years and the stunning discoveries that I made about my ex, and the symptoms (or, Red Flags) were all there, though they were more subtle and the absence of physical abuse, helped to frame the ex's facade. Through some …
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