How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: After the sociopath, life gets good again

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a reader whom we'll call "Cherylann." I am really not sure where to start. My family and those closest to me refer to him as ”˜madman,' ”˜the beast'”¦ or as my brother put it, I married a cardboard box. I never realized he had no feelings for me or anyone but himself until maybe 2 years into our divorce proceedings. I am not known for my writing abilities and this is difficult to do; not because of the subject matter but because there is just so much that I could share about those 11 years that I was with him. I am not sure how to put it in the most ”˜readable' manner. Anyway, here goes. Not love at first sight Let me just sta …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Now I can see how manipulative he was

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman whom we'll call "Clarissa." She dated a man whom we'll call "Bradford." Clarissa is sharing a letter he sent her, which is posted with all its original misspellings. I met Bradford nearly three years ago. I had never heard of a sociopath and I fell for his charm and good looks. He seemed to be the man of my dreams. One year after our relationship ended and now knowing I loved a sociopath, I am starting to put my life back on track, I am paying back the debt he left me in and even looking to meet someone new. I will not let him ruin anymore of my life. I am lucky to have got away from him, but I wanted to share a …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He is asking for forgiveness

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Editor's note: The following article was sent by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Jov77." It is actually a letter that Jov77 received from a former friend, who he now believes is disordered. Jov77 has stopped contact with this person. He's looking for help in making sense of the letter. (The comments in parentheses are explanations by Jov77.) The letter below was just given to me  from this friend I have been closely associated with for some years now.  I had numerous challenges in the friendship which left me drained and exhausted so I wrote a letter expressing some thoughts. In the letter I did not ask him for anything in relation to making the friendship better.  This person is di …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He hid who he was very well

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Lovefraud received the following essay from a reader whom we'll call "Soundra." Initials have been changed. It started two years ago when I met T.L. through an on-line dating site. We talked on the phone for about a month before we actually met in person. Although T.L. was intelligent, well educated, and came from a good family, he wasn't really my type physically. I also found him to be a little high strung, which I didn't care for. He was interesting though, and he had a great sense of humor, which is always a positive with me, so I went out with him a few times. After a few dates, I told T.L. that I thought it would be best if we didn't date anymore, but that I would like for us to still …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Survival tips when the ex is a sociopath

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Winifred" contributed the following article. She also wrote The Other Prey — loving someone previously married to a sociopath. My husband's ex wife is a sociopath with borderline personality disorder. Here are tips on how, over the past 9 years, I have learned to stay one step ahead of her and survive with my sanity and our marriage! 1. Do your homework Remember even though you are nothing like them, you must learn to think like them so that you can anticipate their mindset and next deviant move. What they are going thru in their life at the present time will greatly affect how much hell they plan to rain on you, your children involved, or anyone close to …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Ever since this experience, I’ve been afraid to love again

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Shania." Names have been changed. My comments are at the end of the letter. I'm a 20-year-old girl and I had an experience with a sociopath, or so I think he was one. This traumatic experience actually gave me post-traumatic stress disorder. A few years ago, in my senior year of high school, I started to talk to this boy in my class named Mark. Everyone loved him; he was the most popular guy in my school. He was really good at talking to people, had the charm, very funny, always knew what to say. I first noticed a red flag before we started dating. Out of nowhere, Mark came over to me and cut off a piece …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath

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Editor's note: The following letter was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "NomorePTSD." It refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. This letter comes after 3 years of realizing who my mother really is: a sociopath. The first few decades of my life I struggled with what felt like a 5,000 piece puzzle without the picture of how it was suppose to go together. I had every piece memorized— as a way to maintain sanity. I lived in a state of being numb and invalidated. My parents divorced when I was young. A first memory was my mother attempting to kill my siblings and I. It seemed like I was the only one capable of accepting the truth, until …

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Sociopaths, crying, sex and cooking

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Judith." She asked questions that many readers may wonder about, so I'll answer them in this post. Sociopaths do not feel emotions, empathy or cry - Yes, he did play the 'cry game' when I would tell him the relationship was 'over' (which I did a few times) or want to walk out of his door. Q1. He used to cry incessantly for his parents/grandparents who love him a lot, and feeling homesick (staying alone). Or cry that I was not with him in the same place and how much he misses me (online chat). He would mostly be drinking when he cries like a river. He longed for having a wife in his life?? He proposed to almost …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of

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Editor's note: The following letter was written by a woman who posts as "Sam." And to answer her question at the end, it sounds like she's been involved with a series of sociopaths. It all started for me around 11 years ago when I first met what I thought was "the love of my life" and the only man I would ever consider settling down with—up until only months ago. I was only a young 16-year-old girl and he was 21 when we first started seeing each other. I had a rather unstable childhood where I witnessed domestic violence from a very young age, and I left home before my 15th birthday. I did not have the best parental guidance. After leaving home I was living from house to house. I had n …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Signs of poor character

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Editor's note: The following letter was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Gwendolyn." I was married to a sociopath and addict for four years. He did the love bombing thing with me and pushed for moving in and marriage very early, within the first few months. I was afraid of the consequences of refusing him, so I foolishly went along and moved into his house then married him. I only lived with him for two and a half years. It was a twisted game of lies, addiction and emotional abuse. It was a long and damaging period of time. At first it was intoxicating. He said we were destined for each other, that I was "the one," and that he couldn't stand to be apart from me so I needed me …

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