Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader. When I met my husband, 14 years ago, I owned my own home, had two children, a great job and life was great. I wasn't looking for a relationship, however, he would not take no for an answer until I went out with him (1st red flag). He presented himself as financially secure, a family man with a daughter, and who told me family is everything . He was very charming and giving to my children and I. After 5 months of dating, he started telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I said that I wasn't ready to jump into marriage again after being married for 12 years. However, he never let up. He kept …
LETTERS TO LOVE FRAUD: When life ain’t fair
Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader called “Adelade.” Her previous post is "This is the time for me to learn who I am." I'm having a really tough time, these days. The divorce hearing is coming down to the wire, and I am very fearful that the sociopath ex-husband is going to walk away from his crimes, unscathed. Last week, I had a discussion with someone whose husband is an attorney. She works in his office whenever she can to help him with his busy practice. We were discussing the facts of my divorce, and she said several things that caused a mild onset of anxiety, but I began to cogitate about the US and State legal systems that have not been ove …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is not Prince Charming; you are not Snow White
Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader, who posts as "Snow White," previously wrote an article called "The heart thief." Fairy tales”¦ the fantasy of every girl. A story of fantastic forces and beings. A tale of improbable events that will lead to a happy ending. Or perhaps”¦ a more sinister story designed to mislead. Any woman would have to agree that when someone comes along who is completely and totally smitten with you, showers you with affection and attention like you've never experienced in all your life, you start to think that maybe this is the person I am supposed to be with. You want to believe in the fairy tale that he so poetically spins. But beware and heed the lyrics that Taylor …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The heart thief
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following essay from a reader whom we'll call "SnowWhite." He is clever and cunning. He has many talents. He sees you before you see him. It may be something you are wearing that attracts him. Maybe it's your laugh or your spirit. You are vulnerable. He knows it. You are trustworthy and caring. He knows it. You have only been with two men your whole life. He knows it. You are lonely. He knows it. You have been married for 25 years. He doesn't care. He is a carpenter. He builds your trust and friendship. You see him weekly in your workout class. One day he smiles at you. The next day he says hello. Months go by. Each day he shares his story and …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Mother as sociopath
Editor's note: The following email was sent by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "OpalRose." I'm not a good writer, but I've learned so much the past 3 years from Love Fraud that I decided to write about my “Long Night's Journey into Day” about emerging from childhood with a sociopathic mother. My first experience of something amiss that stuck with me was probably pre-school when she had a full-blown temper tantrum that I brought her too many envelopes. She had asked for “a few envelopes” and I had brought 7 — she even counted them out and screamed that I should know that “a few” means 3. So much for my ability to read minds. She insisted that “if we really loved her, she wouldn't have to …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is the time for me to learn who I am
Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Adelade." Since the collapse of my second marriage, I have learned more than I would ever have wanted to know about sociopathy and their source targets - better known as, "victims." At one point, I had believed that my second marriage was stable, trust-based, and supportive, but I have recounted the years and the stunning discoveries that I made about my ex, and the symptoms (or, Red Flags) were all there, though they were more subtle and the absence of physical abuse, helped to frame the ex's facade. Through some very strong counseling, I was able to identify that "inner child" that I'd heard so much …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: She was deceiving both of us and living a double life
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a man whom we'll call "Roger." First off this is a man's story and I hope it will help other men who have had to deal with sociopathic women. No offense women but most stories here are written by women! So I met my X-fiancee about 3 years at a job function. She was beautiful, sweet, caring, attractive”¦just seemed like an extremely “genuine” person at the time. We would constantly email each other all day and the more we conversed, the more I was realizing how similar we both were in every way. We were both divorced, had no kids, same aspirations in terms of careers, liked the same activities, food, travel etc. Well I tried t …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Layers of shame and guilt
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who is herself a mental health professional. Names have been changed. The sociopath has an amazing ability to determine who can be manipulated or is vulnerable. When I separated from my sociopath, I had to recognize how I was conditioned as a child to be trusting and compliant. I was rewarded when I took care of others; my parents wanted a kind child. Their shaping was successful and I care very well for others. What I lacked was the ability to care for myself and to discern who deserved my care, who would return the love and respect that I gave. Lack of this discernment exposed me to many abusive personalities. I became a …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The Old Me and the New Me
Editor's note: The following was sent by a long-time Lovefraud reader who posts as "Aloha Traveler." February 16, 2012 Dear LF Readers, I found this article below as I was cleaning up my computer files and thought I would submit it. I wonder if anyone else has the experience of the “Old Me and New Me.” I hope you enjoy. See below. Aloha P.S. I left the Bad Man on July 3, 2005. So the below article has been hiding in the Aloha archives. :O) * * * * * Dear LoveFraud Readers, A little over 4 years ago, I was a post Bad Man train wreck. My life was a shambles on the outside and my insides matched. Today, though I am in a much better place, I am still struggling with som …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A sorry senior citizen
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Regina." I am now 77 years old and my sociopath is 74. We were together almost 7 years. You would think at my age I would have known better. I have finally left the creep for the 4th time, and with the help of Lovefraud blogs, I am on my way to full recovery. It still hurts that I could have been so stupid, but here's my story. To try and understand why I let myself be sucked in to a relationship with this creep, I have to go back 18 years to when my husband died. Shortly after his death, my nephew, then 15 years old, robbed me to the tune of $6,000. I told my mother who went berserk and said, "no way …