How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Finding sanity after the sociopath (part 1)

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Editor's note: The following essay was submitted by Lovefraud reader "Presseject." This is part one of his story. Part two will be posted tomorrow. By Presseject A little over three months ago I had my heart ripped out from me. It happened suddenly and there are few words I can use to describe the pain I felt as dreams, hopes and even what I thought was my own sanity seemed to disappear quickly in a crushing instant that reverberated with off-the-scale emotional aftershocks for weeks into months afterwards. I suffered nearly two months of an awful nerve-wracking traumatic stress reaction, a hypervigilence that has finally recently lessened its grip on me. The Internet, along with my own …

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Going forward, while looking back

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by AlohaTraveler   Today, July 3, is a significant day for me. On this day, three years ago, I left the Bad Man. Let's take stock of that moment in time: Total cash = $700 Debt = at least $16,000 Job = None Place to live, bed to sleep in, a clue = No Plan = None Me = A total wreck. Between May of 2005, when I moved in with the Bad Man, and May of 2007, I have moved 10 times. This includes one move back to the islands in September 2005 and then back to California again on November 29, 2005. My car has 7,200 nautical miles on it and it shows. It looks like it's eating itself. Cars aren't meant to go to sea and mine crossed the ocean three times between July 3, …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Listen to the gift of fear

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Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader. There was something odd about his intense gaze. Even though I felt funny about the way he stared at me the first time we met, I ignored my discomfort. I met my former boyfriend after I had been attending services at a Unitarian Universalist Church for several weeks. We engaged in small talk for a few minutes then swapped numbers. Even though I felt somewhat uncomfortable, I ignored my gut feeling and gave him my number anyway. I was very needy and desperate for friendship. We went out to lunch after the services. Even though he was very charming and funny, something deep inside of me kept warning me to be careful. My …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My journal entry about susceptibility to the sociopath

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Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader sent the following entry from her journal. "About 2 1/2 months since the sociopath revealed himself for what he was, I'm now assessing how I made myself so vulnerable in the first place," she wrote. "Shockingly I realize I likely still am... still am as vulnerable... until I do my next needed self-work: truly healing my relationship with myself. Deeply." The following piece represents a step in her healing. I was thinking about whether I'd ever be able to reclaim my memories, once sweet, once preciously loving, of the past two years”¦ ever since the sociopath revealed himself for the liar and deceiver that he is via his cruel departure. I am grateful …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I met another sociopath on MillionaireMatch.com

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Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader. I went on a date last night with a man I met on MillionaireMatch.com. Looked great on paper. His photograph was so-so and I didn't expect much. We met at a restaurant and when he walked in I thought to myself, "Oh that's not him; he's too good looking." Well it turned out to be him. We introduced, started talking and he teased me, and asked if I was buying dinner. That was my first red flag. Why would a proclaimed millionaire ask me to pay? I thought perhaps he was screening out gold diggers. We never left the bar nor had dinner, although he paid for an appetizer and drink. He talked about his life …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My ex-wife, the sociopath

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by a Lovefraud reader. I believe my soon to be ex-wife is a sociopath (Sp). I was the recent victim of an evil plot to move my family to Washington from Texas, but two and a half months before the big move, with my house sold, I caught her, the Sp, in Washington with another guy looking for property, through a series of intercepted emails. This was one of two trips the Sp had taken, lying about the trip, saying she was going on a job interview. After I confronted her about the infidelity, I filed for divorce and took it upon myself to avoid any further confrontation with the Sp. I vacated the house and set up a visitation schedule with my …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Once upon a time, I would do anything for love, but not anymore

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Editor's note: This essay was submitted to the Lovefraud Blog by a reader who comments as "AlohaTraveler." I have thought about this for a long time. I have decided I am not going to tell you my story, at least not today. I have read the stories of other contributors and even more of visitors who have just discovered this site and posted their story in the blog comments. Believe me, I understand the need to tell someone what he/she did to you and your life. You just want someone to understand, because you don't. You don't understand why he did what he did. But worse, you don't understand why you let it happen or why you tolerated the intolerable far beyond reason. You don't know why you …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFAUD: How do you fight against this type of person?

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Many people write to Lovefraud seeking advice for the situations they find themselves in due to a sociopath. I do my best to help, but sometimes the sociopath has created so much trauma that I feel like my suggestions are inadequate. Reproduced below is an e-mail exchange between a woman who faces a nearly impossible situation—we'll call her Theresa—and myself. If you have any suggestions that may help her, please post them in a comment. Theresa's first letter When I met my husband he was divorced (three times) and had joint custody of his biological son and stepdaughter. At the time it appeared as though he was this loving and caring dad, and he was so convincing that I was the one …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Psychopathic boss —pure malignant evil

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Editor’s note: The following letter was sent by a reader to Lovefraud. It is published with the permission of the author. I was foolish enough to work as a commission salesperson for a psychopath business owner. One difficult lesson I learned was that once a psychopath has your pay watch out! Especially for commission sales. Since they just might just want to keep your money for themselves. Or milk out the deal. Then show you who's boss. This particular psychopath hooked me by holding onto my pay. Claiming cash-flow problems. Then he said I had to keep working for him. Or else he would keep my back-pay for himself. Then finally... he paid me and said he was reformed. Didn't …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is not love, but poison

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by a reader to Lovefraud. It is published with the permission of the author. After dating Charles for a year (“the four seasons” a term he used often in our relationship and his simultaneous relationship with Sue, it was the marker of when we would marry), I got the answer I was looking for”¦I had added “Family Locator Service” to my cell phone, placed my extra phone is his car and waited until 4 a.m. to have the nerve to do the fatal search”¦there it was”¦in black and white”¦my worst fears are true ”¦ He was living with another woman. Her name is Sue, widow and mother of two children almost the same age as my own. Another family in the …

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