by Quinn Pierce At the heart of every sociopath is insecurity. These individuals crave adoration, praise, and power above all other emotional needs. Decisions are not based on weighing pros and cons, an internal moral compass, or even possible consequences. Instead, a sociopath will usually make decisions for one of three reasons: putting themselves in a favorable light to be admired by others, hurting someone who is no longer an ally, or personal gain. Of course, their most coveted decisions are those that result in a combination of two or more of these outcomes. Hiding the Truth During my marriage, I enabled this process by making excuses for my husband, or pretending he was a …
Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim
by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past. To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive. He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner. He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person. I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful exp …
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Why is it so difficult to detach from a sociopath?
by Quinn Pierce The other day, in one of my counseling sessions, I was recounting a story about some family members who still interact with my ex-husband, despite my requests that they respect me enough to not have any contact with him. I was no longer angry or annoyed by their behavior, I had since realized it is much easier if I lower my expectations for some people in my life and distance myself from others. But, I was curious about their inability to stop contact with my ex-husband even after knowing everything he has done to my family. The Inexplicable Bond It led me to wonder: Why is it so difficult to detach from a sociopath? It seems as though it makes no difference if …
Recovery From A Sociopath: New Beginnings
by Quinn Pierce As with all new beginnings, the New Year always brings a sense of hope for a better tomorrow. And as this year draws to a close, I have to admit that I feel a sense of relief. This was definitely one of my more challenging and tumultuous years, and I will be happy to consider it part of my past. Recognizing Positive Experiences However, before I do, I think it's important to acknowledge my accomplishments within the struggles. Sometimes, when we are plagued by the abuse, and the inevitable drama, from the sociopath in our lives, we may have learned to cope by pushing away the memories that cause us to re-experience the hurt and sadness. But, as survivors, we need to …
Recover from the sociopath by experiencing beauty
Donna Andersen at Longwood Gardens What, you're probably wondering, is that pattern behind me? The gigantic, voluptuous red curves on a field of green? They're apples. Thousands of red and green apples. The apples are floating in a few inches of water on the floor of the indoor conservatory of Longwood Gardens. The display is breathtaking. It is beauty for the sake of beauty. And it is incredibly healing. Terry and I recently treated ourselves to a couple of days off. We took a trip not far and one of the places we visited was Longwood Gardens. Longwood Gardens, in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania, was founded by Pierre DuPont of DuPont company fame in 1906. The conservatory in …
Could oxytocin – the brain’s love chemical – be the real ‘love potion #9’?
Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a just released book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud. Joyce lives in New York City, where she's a real estate broker, professional tennis instructor and a strong advocate for her community. By Joyce M. Short Does Love Potion #9 Really Exist? The hit record written by Leiber & Stoller back in 1959, Love Potion #9, was originally recorded by The Clovers and published by the Aberbach brothers who owned Hill & Range Songs Inc …
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Married to A Sociopath: A False Sense of Control
By Quinn Pierce Learning Avoidance When you are in a relationship with a sociopath, you quickly learn the act of avoidance. Without saying a word, a sociopath can let you know exactly when he or she is angry or disappointed with your behavior. That leads you to begin reacting to subtle clues and hints that may never be stated, but are clearly understood. For me, I began avoiding all situations that would create that indescribable tension in the house. The feeling of walking on egg shells while holding my breath. Hollow Choices Sometimes, it would mean turning down a shopping trip with friends, or a trip to the store without the children. It just became easier to avoid …
True recovery from the sociopath through tapping and energy psychology
I believe true recovery from sociopathic betrayal is literally in our own hands. Many people have quietly become aware of a healing technique known by several names: tapping, energy psychology, emotional freedom technique (EFT). Using this approach, many people have recovered from emotional pain, physical pain, illness, anxiety, depression and PTSD. So what is it? With your fingers, you tap certain points on your body mostly on your face while bringing to mind specific aspects of the condition that you want to heal. The tapping creates an electrical charge that breaks the connection between your memory of your experience and how you feel today. It doesn't matter when the past experience …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The menacing spirit
Editor's note: The following article was written by Lovefraud reader "Carmella" and refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. The subject that I've been deliberating very long and hard about posting is very sticky, very personal, and somewhat spiritually volatile, but as I reflect, I begin to see how this phenomenon has followed me throughout my life from its very beginnings. I realize that my exposure to this psychological/spiritual archetype had even caused me to "join the ranks" temporarily as I (and here is the irony) searched for an escape from it. The archetype of which I speak is that of the menacing spirit the spirit of the bored, …
Co-Parenting With A Sociopath: Children and Healing
By Quinn Pierce Two weeks ago, my older son was admitted to the hospital due to his anxiety. He was unable to overcome the panic attacks and overwhelming fear that has plagued him since the end of the summer, and we decided it was time for a higher level of care. As traumatic as the decision was for me, I knew in my heart it was the best decision for him; and it truly was. It may have been the most difficult day of my life, but I kept in mind the healing that would finally begin for my son. The Constant Drama Takes a Toll I also kept in mind the fact that all of this might not have happened if it were not for my ex-husband, my son's father, who has riddled our lives with such chaos …
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