Recovery from a sociopath Archives | Page 46 of 92 | Lovefraud | Escape sociopaths

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Still lying after all these years

February 2, 2013 // by Lovefraud Reader// 16 Comments

Editor's note: The following essay was written by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Ella Mae.” I wish I would have read the signs early on and went with my gut 6 years ago. My story is this. We have been in a relationship for six years. Two of those six years we were married. We decided we would get married because I got pregnant. I thought that he would change and we would live happily ever after-- but that wasn't the case. When we were dating there were many red flags but I chose to ignore them. Every time he was caught in a lie, he would have an explanation. Me being naive, I thought how can someone possibly make a lie for everything. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and bel …

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Psychopaths pushing our buttons

February 1, 2013 // by Joyce Alexander// 346 Comments

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Most of you know I have spent a good portion of my life training animals of various kinds dogs for obedience and to work livestock, horses, donkeys and cattle (oxen). When we train animals, we “condition” them to do X and they receive Y reward. Ivan Pavlov, a Russian physiologist, conditioned dogs to expect to be fed by ringing a bell every time they got fed. Eventually when a bell was rung, even though there was no food in sight, the animals expected to be fed, and their bodies reacted by making them “slobber” at the mouth, just as they would if food were present. B.F. Skinner, and American psychologist, observed that animals who had intermittent re …

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Grounding techniques to recover from a sociopath

January 30, 2013 // by Lovefraud Professional Resources// 15 Comments

Once you become aware of your emotional reactions to the sociopath through mindfulness [see previous article, Leaving the Sociopath: Gathering Strength and Losing Fear], it gives you more detachment from them. Instead of being immersed in a negative state (e.g. a state of panic created by your partner having a hostile behavior toward you, or perhaps your partner not coming home when they're supposed to), you also become -- in however slight a way -- an observer of it. This will help you feel more of a sense of control over your emotion. Trying to get the sociopath to understand your hurt, loneliness, etc, or meet one of your needs, is an exercise in futility. Now that you have more …

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Emotional versus sentimental in dealing with psychopaths

January 25, 2013 // by Joyce Alexander// 23 Comments

By Joyce Alexander RNP (retired) Back when I was a teenager, I had an opportunity to travel to Africa, where I met a man who was to become world famous, and was almost single handedly responsible for the saving of both the black and white rhinos, Dr. Ian Player (the brother of golfer Gary Player.) Recently, the belief of rhino horn as a “cure all” has gotten to where the price for a single horn can top $400,000. This has caused the poaching of these wonderful animals, which still number less than 5,000 black rhinos and about 21,000 white rhinos, most of them located in South Africa. I feel very privileged to have known Dr. Player when he was simply “Ian” in a pair of green parks departm …

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Forgiveness

January 24, 2013 // by Linda Hartoonian Almas// 374 Comments

If the wounds are too fresh and the thought of forgiving the person who abused and upset you hurts too much, honor that. There is no shame in not being ready. It is normal and everyone's timeline is different. Close the article for the time being or read it for nothing more than future reference, with no pressure or expectations. Allow yourself to feel all that you do, the pain included, with as much passion and purpose as possible. After a while, come back to it. Examine what you have gained, rather than concentrate on what you have lost, even if what you have lost is significant. The hope is that your personal growth is also significant and that the positive things you come to learn …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Solutions to our pain

January 16, 2013 // by Lovefraud Reader// 14 Comments

Editor's note: The following article is by the Lovefraud reader NewLife43. RE: The Love Fraud article Back in Control of the Panic Buttons by “Adelade,” posted January 13, 2013. This article rang so true for me. In fact, this one triggered the most physical reaction that I've had in a long time. Not just crying, I was literally feeling panic and upset in my gut, my chest, my shoulders. I was such a mess I felt myself losing my grip on reality! So much of what she wrote about the money situations and the birthday/holiday things in her life rang like the loud bongs of church bells inside my head. The noise was deafening! It brought back all those feelings of "being pushed and rushed in …

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Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide: Mary Ann Glynn

January 15, 2013 // by Lovefraud Professional Resources// 13 Comments

First in a series of Q&A articles with members of the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide. Mary Ann Glynn is a licensed clinical social worker based in Bernardsville, New Jersey. Q. What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? A. In my professional experience, sociopaths and disordered personalities are usually brought into therapy by a significant other, or by the court system for domestic violence or other charges. Since they are incapable of insight or empathy, they may engage initially in therapy to get validation or support, blame their partner, and/or show what they are willing to do for the r …

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Back in control of the panic buttons

January 13, 2013 // by Lovefraud Reader// 52 Comments

Editor's note: The following essay was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." Without going into a long, drawn-out recollection of my experiences with sociopaths, I wanted to talk about my “Panic Buttons.” The panic buttons are the same as “triggers,” but I tend to panic, so I see them as “panic buttons.” There is a host of priceless discussion on this site about triggering. I'm one of those types that not only triggers, but I typically fall down a vortex of panic that starts out on the edge of the whirlwind, and I spiral downwards, and inwards, until I'm so disoriented that I don't know how to get out. The “reason” that I tend to panic is because of my past experiences with soci …

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No matter how much you know, sometimes you just fall apart anyway

January 12, 2013 // by Joyce Alexander// 51 Comments

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I've recognized that my son is a psychopath since 2006, and have cut contact with him. Unfortunately, he has not forgotten me, and sent one of his friends to kill me, and probably intended to, one by one, kill the rest of the family, so he could have everything we collectively own. Every so often Patrick comes up for parole. I have been working with an attorney who “gets it” about psychopaths, and with others, to protest his parole. I have had wonderful support here from the Lovefraud community, many of whom have sent letters to my attorney in support of my parole protest. Many family members and friends have written some wonderful letters as well. Som …

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Witnessing a psychopathic interaction: seeing, knowing, and empathizing

January 10, 2013 // by Linda Hartoonian Almas// 65 Comments

Have you ever watched a "psychopathic interaction" taking place and wished you were able to approach the non-psychopath and offer her (or him) all of the knowledge you already have on the subject? I have. Even if you are in the initial phases of learning, the fact that you are here indicates that you have an idea of what is occurring. In the interaction I will highlight, the non-psychopath was, sadly, without a clue. At first, I could not believe what I was seeing. Although, retrospectively, I fail to see what made it unbelievable to me, since I had lived it. Nonetheless, the goings on made me uneasy. I knew just enough about the situation to suspect that psychopathy was at play in t …

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Donna Andersen on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “Hi Samson75 – My paper was peer-reviewed and published in the International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology. There’s…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “HI Samson, from what I read of Donna’s article, she had more than 2,000 Lovferaud readers as a valid sample.…”
samson75 on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “love fraud subscribers are not really a valid sample as they represent people who either have had trouble dealing with…”
Donna Andersen on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “Thank you for your thoughtful comment.”
samson75 on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “The majority of studies show that bipolar and psychopathy can be comorbid, though it is rare. What people likely see…”