How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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5 reasons why you can hook up with multiple sociopaths

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received the following inquiry from a reader whom we'll call "Leslie-Marie," who believes that she was involved with multiple sociopaths. She writes: Is it not uncommon for people to have several relationships with sociopaths and/or narcissists throughout their life? I am wondering if you would do a write up on this topic as I find it so difficult to explain to others. They look at me in such disbelief, as if I'm making it up. It would be nice to have something to back me up. I can count 7 at least that I am certain of and have been closely involved with... Would you also consider explaining how this cycle can continue on what is it about us that …

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Join Lovefraud’s informal support group

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Lovefraud Live is evolving. What started out as my Youtube show is now an informal, inexpensive support group. If you’re looking for advice or support, join us! Four years ago, I started presenting my Lovefraud Live videos on Youtube. But I wanted to take it to the next level, offering you more opportunities for advice and interaction. So I moved Lovefraud Live from Youtube to a private Zoom call, with a focus on recovery. The calls are every Tuesday at 8 pm ET. You can protect your identify if necessary. Format Here’s what to expect: First, I do a short presentation, just like in my Youtube show. Then, I turn off the recording and answer your questions. You can ask general que …

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To recover from the sociopath, be selfish

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Perhaps you’ve always taken care of everyone but yourself. But now, you finally figured out that you’re dealing with a sociopath. Whether it’s your partner, parent, sibling or boss, this person has manipulated, abused or exploited you. How do you recover? You do what you must. You put yourself first. In this situation, it’s perfectly acceptable to be selfish. It may take some time to sort out, in your mind, exactly what is in your best interest, and what isn’t. The sociopath, after all, causes so much trouble for so many people that their problems may seem to be your problems. It’s important to identify what is not your concern. Problems that are not yours to solve Typically, whe …

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To recover from the sociopath, allow yourself to feel the pain

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud published a Spath Tale in which a reader, "simpleme56," describes her terrible experience of multiple betrayals. Here's how she begins her story: I came from an abusive childhood, an abusive marriage, and worked hard for over thirty years to heal, to educate myself to be able to understand the dynamics of my abuser and move forward in my life. Believing she finally found an incredible man, she left the abusive marriage, but quickly learned, to her horror, that the new man was another abuser. Here's her story: Back and forth, from the abusive husband to the sociopathic boyfriend It seems so disheartening. Simpleme56 worked hard to understand what had ha …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Boundaries, zero tolerance, closure, moving on

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Editor's note: This article about the importance of boundaries and belief in herself was submitted by a Lovefraud reader. It has been about a year since my story was posted on Lovefraud, Not one thing about him was real. It has been two years since I broke off the short relationship with this disordered man. It is a year and a half since he stalked me. I hope to share at least some practical points that have helped me in the healing process. It does get better. And it is a process. I wish I could say that others may be helped PRIOR to involvement with a sociopath, but as we all know, sometimes the inevitable entanglement occurs before we even realize we have been manipulated. This …

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Advice for dealing with sociopaths: Don’t take it personally

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UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received this note from a reader; we'll call her Allison. She offers excellent advice for recovering from your entanglement with a sociopath: Don't take it personally. I want to thank everyone involved with the Lovefraud website. It is truly a gift. To the brave survivors, I wish you peace. I am a survivor myself. In fact, I'm divorcing mine as we speak. I will write my story another time because this time I only want to give a piece of advice that has helped me the most. When I was able to do this, the rest was easier to get through. I stopped taking it personally. It was not an easy task. I read everything I could get my hands on and while I learned his actions …

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Lovefraud’s 3 Rules of Dating

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Most of us want to have a significant relationship in our lives. Even when we have plenty of friends, a wonderful family and a fulfilling job, without a partner, we often feel lonely. Sociopaths specialize in targeting loneliness. Anyone who is looking for a romantic partner is, by definition, vulnerable to being targeted by a sociopath. So how do you protect yourself from predators AND find real love? By following Lovefraud's 3 Rules of Dating. Here they are: Rule #1: If they lie to you about who they are or their life story, dump them The whole point of an intimate relationship is to be authentic and honest with someone, to reveal your true self, and to be loved for who you are. …

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Understanding trauma, the brain on PTSD, and real options for recovery

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Book Review: The Body Keeps the Score — Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. Review by Donna Andersen Many, many Lovefraud readers say that after your experience with a sociopath, you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Even if you haven't been diagnosed by a professional, you're probably right. But what, exactly, does that mean? What happens to your brain on PTSD? And what can you do about it? All the answers are in this book. The Body Keeps the Score — Brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma, is the best explanation I've ever seen on the causes, effects and treatment of trauma. I strongly recommend that every mental health pro …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Pulled in by the child in the sociopath

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By PressEject It seems so odd. I wasn't exactly in love with this person! But I was entirely caught up in his breath, his every sentence, his needs and desires. He charmed me into thinking it was so much more that we shared. I sensed early on he was not exactly mature in conducting a one-on-one relationship. But I assumed I could help guide him and show him how to trust and become closer. He came across as unique, at times humble and often very sweet to be with. I heard his "story" and understood how difficult it had been for him trying to feel close to others and I was honored he felt he could be close to me. The story, a true "pity ploy," pulled me in. But I didn't think twice. …

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What happens to your brain with PTSD, and a promising technique to fix it

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Many, many people involved with sociopaths end up with post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of PTSD include: Flashbacks Bad dreams Frightening thoughts Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the traumatic experience Feeling emotionally numb Feeling strong guilt, depression or worry Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past Having trouble remembering the dangerous event Being easily startled Feeling tense or "on edge" Having difficulty sleeping Having angry outbursts Negative thoughts about oneself or the world …

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