Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. It is easy to get caught up in the pain and suffering and not see all the good. Often times, when we are most hurt, it is difficult to see anything but pain and evil. The world is full of good, selfless giving, love and miracles. We just need to look for it! I like a saying I once heard that goes like this”¦ “You are what you pay attention” This is true for me because when I am grateful, I feel good. And when I feel good, I anticipate good things and miracles. If I am looking for these things, they tend to materialize. Today I am grateful for all of y …
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
This week I've been inspired by another motivational quote that I hadn't seen for a while: ”What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson And it got me thinking. Looking back over my own experiences of abusive people, I realize that I believed words over actions. That because the things they were doing were so divorced from the story I was being told, I decided that I must have misunderstood. It must be me who is misinterpreting the situation. It must be because I'm giving out mixed messages. Heck, perhaps it's just that I'm asking too much — perhaps I just need to be grateful for what I have and be more understanding of the other person's point of view? …
When clergy are abusers
Editor's note: The following list was compiled by Carolyn Waterstradt, who holds a masters degree in theology and will graduate with masters degree in social work in April 2012. Carolyn owns Inner Quest Healing, where she works with survivors of clergy sexual abuse. This partial list of grooming techniques was compiled from her research with 18 women who were abused by a member of the clergy. Her book, "Fighting the Good Fight: Healing and Advocacy after Clergy Sexual Assault," is a compilation of this research and will be available in spring 2012. This article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. 10 Grooming Techniques Commonly Used in Cle …
What Does Healing Look Like?
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Healing does not always look like what “I” think it should look. Last week's post was another example. I checked it late in the evening and read many posts that sounded like my post was doing more harm than good to some. Frankly, it made me uncomfortable for a moment and I needed to think about what I was feeling. I'd prefer everyone to say wonderful things about these posts and get well immediately, but that is not how it works. The Truth often makes us uncomfortable, because it means that we have a choice, and can do something about how we are feeling. The a …
Chain Reactions
It's been another interesting week for me with a good few ”˜ah-ha' moments sprinkled in along the way. So this week I decided to write about how we are influenced as well as how we influence others and ourselves. First off, I'm wondering how many of you have seen the Skype Laughter Chain on Youtube? The description below it says “Laughter brings us closer together — it's a language we all understand. It's also contagious..” and it was made by filming peoples' reactions as they watched other people laughing. My son introduced it to me at Christmas, and since then I've watched it over and over as I continue to share it with friends. And you know what? Each time I can't help but start gigglin …
Please Forgive me for the topic! – Compassion for The Sociopath?
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. How can this be? Is it right, or possible to have compassion for a sociopath? Why should I consider this topic after all the pain that the sociopath has caused me? For some, the very idea may make you angry. If so, my hope is that you read more”¦ In the beginning, I looked at my father as a spiritual vampire with no soul. A person that lived off of others, consuming their money, emotions, kindness and love, then moving on to another. In my dad's case, he even took their very lives. He deserved to die, I thought. I was OK with the idea of him being condemned …
Please Forgive me for the topic! – Compassion for The Sociopath?Read More
Seeing Things As We Are
Last week found me involved in an unusually high number of conversations about sociopathy. By now I'm no stranger to explaining my own experiences to incredulous people and then patiently answering their questions and putting in to plain words the fact that no, a sociopath will not even begin to know the meaning of the word ”˜sorry' let alone feel it! “But surely Mel, I know if I'd done something even remotely as heartless as the person you've just described... well, I'd be eaten up with guilt! I couldn't sleep at night!” they exclaim, eyes wide open and hands held to their face. “Surely deep down they must know they've done wrong and feel ashamed?” Each time I hear that kind of respons …
New Beginnings
Happy New Year everybody! I'd really love to reach out to everyone on this site to give you a huge hug for 2012 and say thank you for allowing me to be part of your community. Even though I can't physically do it in person right now, I hope you can feel it any way :-) Perhaps not surprisingly, I am choosing this week to talk about new starts, new beginnings and renewed hope. Over the holidays I came across a statement that resonated with me on numerous levels. “You can't reach out for the new until you let go of what is in your hand!” It's another of those simple yet deeply profound wisdoms that convey the truth in a way that can be instantly understood. I smiled when I first read it …
Unforgiven Fear Mongers – Who is hurting me now?
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. If someone is continuously harming you, and refuses to stop, should they be forgiven? This is a question that I hope you will try answer at the end of this post. My dad is a convicted serial killer. He killed 4 people and told me about the crimes with great pride. He used me, his favorite son, to help him destroy evidence when he felt that I might be a risk. He made me a part of this so that I would not go to police. He abused my mom, and brothers and sisters. This is not the place to try to make one experience with a sociopath out to be any worse than anot …
Mending boundary fences requires the right tools
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I get most of my mail at a PO box and only a few things come to my rural mailbox, which sits on the road at the end of my driveway. A few days ago I checked the mailbox, and there were several Christmas cards ”¦ including one from an EX-friend. We had reconnected a few years ago. He was an old college chum, a guy that I had palled around with when I was in my first couple of years of nursing school. He is also a nurse, now retired. We had a lot of the same interests then and still do, so since he had recently moved to this area, we started going places together and just being pals again. This was really kind of fun to have a “running buddy” to go to auc …