Recovery from a sociopath

I talk to a lot of Lovefraud readers. Many times, they’ve told me that they were stuck in relationships with sociopaths because of their own codependent personalities. Really? I’m not so sure that the presumption of codependency in sociopathic relationships is true. First of all, what is codependency? Psychology Today explains, “Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of ‘the giver,’ sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other, ‘the taker.’” The website quickly notes, however, that “Codependency is not a clinical diagnosis or a personality disorder and has sparked much debate and controversy among psychology experts.” C …

The myth of codependency in sociopathic relationshipsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Gianna.”  She ended her involvement with a sociopath, and now wonders if she'll ever experience such intense love again. Here's a better question: is it love or addiction? Gianna's email After extensive searches for the article already written, I've come to think I should just ask the question. Will I ever be able to love someone the way I loved the sociopath? I am 3 years out of my relationship with the man who almost destroyed me. It's taken therapy, countless books, overcoming obsession, and rebuilding myself from the ground up. I've come a long way but there is still one piece of me that is missi …

With the sociopath – is it love or addiction?Read More

By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I have recently incorporated what is called “the empty chair” technique with my clients. This technique is for individuals who have a need to express themselves to someone that is emotionally unavailable, living far away, in prison, or deceased. Commonly this technique is used to resolve a conflict with someone who will not visit a counselor or therapist with the client. Also, if there is an overtly dysfunctional family member (an addict or alcoholic) who will not seek therapy or talk about their problem, this empty chair technique is effective for family members who are witnessing their destructive behaviors and feel hel …

Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased fatherRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022: Suppose you successfully get rid of a sociopath and he or she leaves you alone. Then, after months of No Contact, he or she reaches out to you. The sociopath wants to begin again. What do you do? Here's an email exchange I once had with a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Alana." Alana wrote: Donna, I came across ur website accidentally after I left a guy and was searching for some answers on whether he was abusive, I was left totally confused. When I met him 4 years ago, he seemed so crazy about me and he would send me hundreds of texts per day and 10 phone calls, he wanted to see me every day. At first I felt suffocated I wanted to run in the other direction, …

After 6 months of No Contact, the sociopath wants to begin againRead More

This past weekend, my wonderful husband, Terry Kelly, and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary with a short getaway to New Hope, Pennsylvania. We stayed at a nice hotel, went to a museum, ate some delicious meals. But mostly, we celebrated our love for each other, still going strong after all these years. Yes, a happy marriage is possible after the sociopath. Life brings challenges and we’ve certainly faced our share. But the issues were never about problems in our relationship. What’s our secret? I’d say caregiving. I’ve explained many times that researchers have identified three social drives that are components of romantic love: Attachment — wanting to be with your special …

My happy marriage after the sociopathRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022 — a reminder to everyone that there can be love after the sociopath. Several years ago, Lovefraud heard from a reader whom we called "Rochelle." After 30 years, she'd reconnected with the first boy she ever loved. It felt like her chance to finally have the love she always wanted. Except that the boy, now a man, was a sociopath, and the love was a mirage. Rochelle knew he was disordered, but still she pined for him. She asked, "When does it get to the point where he stops taking up space in my brain?" Here's her story: Getting the sociopath out of your head She later wrote a Letter to Lovefraud detailing her experience: How sociopaths twist words and a …

A Lovefraud reader’s happy endingRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022: It's the New Year, the perfect time to reflect on what we truly want in life. If you are or have been involved with a sociopath, your most ardent wish is probably for recovery. Here's the secret that will enable you to achieve your desire: All true healing is internal. Therefore, be sure to work on your emotional recovery. You may feel like I'm stating the obvious, because you feel like crap, and you want to feel better. Or worse, you are numb, and you can't feel anything. You may believe that fixing some external problem caused by the sociopath will enable you to feel better. If you can just finalize the divorce, get custody of the kids, move away, get your money b …

In the New Year, true emotional recovery from the sociopathRead More

Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains what the Death Card in a Tarot reading really means, and why it may portend great things for you. Read more about Liberty. As a psychic and medium, over the past few decades I've had many clients come to me because they feel trapped in a relationship with a sociopath. Whether it's a family member or a romantic partner, they feel helpless and don't know how to move forward — which is why they've contacted me for guidance. Sometimes I've used Tarot cards in my readings. Provided the reader is experienced and "in alignment," Tarot is an excellent tool to gain clarity on …

Should You Fear the Death Card in a Tarot Reading?Read More