Recovery from a sociopath

By Ox Drover One of the first things I learned in nursing school was to correctly diagnose the problem before trying to fix it. I wish I had applied this lesson to my own personal life as well as I applied it to my professional life. We were taught that when there was a perceived need, for example, when the patient was feeling short of breath, to assess why the patient might be feeling short of breath. Was the airway obstructed? If the airway was clear, then what was another likely cause of the problem? Sometimes a patient who is very anxious will feel very short of breath when they are actually getting plenty of oxygen, (as measured by a “pulse ox—”a little gismo that you clip on the pati …

Dealing with the root cause of the problemRead More

He was arrested at 9:14 am on May 21, 2003. It was a sunny, blue sky morning. The birds were fluttering and twittering in the trees. The river flowed lazily by, meandering through the forest, dappled with sunlight, sparkling, clear. We were in hiding. Had been since February 26 when we'd fled the city we lived in 1,000 miles away, heading west, heading to the US, he'd said. “I've got money there,” he insisted. “I'll just leave this mess to my lawyers to fix. No sense hanging around waiting for them to get it cleared up. I'll let you go once I'm out of the country,” he promised. Like all his promises, like everything he'd ever said and done, it was all a lie. On that morning in May, the li …

After the sociopath is gone: No Contact begins in my headRead More

Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: I have a question for you. I've been divorced for 3 years now from my ex-husband who had a porn addiction. I've tried the Internet dating sites on and off since, and have had nothing but bad experiences. What do you suggest I do/ how do I go about finding someone? I am really lonely and would like to have a man in my life. However, I'm so afraid of attracting the wrong kind still. If you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. If you've had a run-in with a sociopath, before attempting to date again, you must first heal yourself. If you're feeling lonely and afraid, it is an indication that you are not yet …

Attracting a new relationship after the sociopathRead More

In the world of healing from an encounter of the P(sychopath) kind, it is easy to forget that there is a world without fear, without lies, without terror, without uncertainty, out there, just around the corner from the insanity of his abuse. It's easy to forget that people don't always manipulate, deceive, devalue and destroy you. And, it's easy to forget — you never deserved their lies and manipulation in the first place. It's one of the things that makes healing from these encounters so difficult. We forget who we are as we fall into believing we are who they say... Whatever it is they tell us we are -- from beautiful to ugly, impossible to live without, impossible to live with. The most …

After the sociopath is gone: You’re worth it!Read More

It is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do after having loved, The Lie. To love again without fear of the past repeating itself. To love without fear of making a mistake. Without fear of being hurt. And yet, we yearn for love. For connection. For that special someone to spend away the hours, sharing in good times and bad. To whisper sweet nothings in the night, to hold and to be held, to laugh with, cry with and even have sex with. But no, our tender hearts cry out, I can't do it. I won't. I'll never love again. Too risky. Too intimate. Too much. Or, before our broken hearts even have a chance to stop bleeding, we race out and find another, searching for that special someone to …

After the sociopath is gone: Loving another. That was then. This is now.Read More

The past. We've all got one. All stumbled over its inevitable lumps and bumps, highways and by-ways leading to nowhere. It's something we can't get out of living without. It's the thing that makes our lives what they are today. It's also the thing that can keep us from living our lives today for all we're worth. We can't get rid of the past. Nor should we want to. What we can do is lighten its load and shorten its shadow on our life today by following these three simple ABC's to living freely in what Joseph Campbell calls, ”˜the rapture of now'. A. Acknowledge the reality of what is. Acknowledge your patterns of behaviour that created your reality today. B. Be accountable for your ro …

After the sociopath is gone: The ABCs of healing the pastRead More

Lovefraud author Steve Becker, LCSW, was interviewed again on Internet radio. The program on Martha Trowbridge Radio is called Love's mirage: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life? In the interview, Steve gives a brief definition of narcissists, describing them as people who feel entitled to whatever they want. He discusses common myths about narcissists. Then he gets into the meat of the topic—are there any signs that indicate a relationship with a narcissist can be salvaged? You can listen to the interview by clicking the link below. To start the audio, click the arrow in the green bar under the headline: Steve Becker, LCSW: Love's Mirage: Is Your Narcissistic Husband Wasting …

Steve Becker addresses the question: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?Read More