When so-called experts explain what makes people susceptible to manipulation, it often sounds like victim-blaming. But in many cases, like mine, these mainstream explanations may not completely explain what happened. Yes, the person doing the manipulating has bad intentions, but there may actually be a deeper meaning for the person who is manipulated.Wikipedia on psychological manipulationA Lovefraud reader once sent me a link from Wikipedia on the topic of psychological manipulation. The article reflected mainstream expert views on how people engage in psychological manipulation and why their targets fall for it. I’m fine with Wikipedia’s descriptions of what manipulators do. But as for why …
The story behind the story of “Love Fraud,” by Donna Andersen, and what it all means.
The tangents and the point
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Love Fraud: How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, is a long, expansive story, and there's a reason for its complexity. The reason is in the book's subtitle. Love Fraud tells the story of my marriage to a sociopathic con artist. It's a juicy, outrageous tale, full jaw-dropping lies and manipulation. The book focuses a harsh light on the despicable behavior of my ex-husband, James Montgomery. My goal is to give people an up close and personal look at what it's really like to be targeted by a sociopath. But that isn't my only goal. I believe the …
Sex in the Love Fraud book
Yes, I will admit, my book, Love Fraud, does include some sex scenes. A few readers have expressed surprise that I am willing to share that aspect of my story. But the book is about my search for love and marriage, and sex is a natural part of love and marriage. The scenes are handled tastefully. They're not as racy as erotica—heck, they're not even as racy as romance novels, with those silly little euphemisms, always preceded by three long, hot, trembling adjectives. But sex did happen, and I did include it, for two important reasons. Unhealthy sex The first reason is to illustrate unhealthy sex—the kind of sex engaged in by sociopaths. I was clueless about sociopaths when I first met my …
The pets of Love Fraud
My book, Love Fraud, has quite a cast of characters. Besides me and my con artist ex-husband, there are seven other women who he victimized, assorted friends, family and business associates, my new husband, three psychics, a channeler, an energy healer, and seven pets. Why did I include the pets? To illustrate the point that all of life is connected. We are all part of the same universal consciousness. The pets came into my life for a reason—to accompany me through my struggles. In fact, it was with my dog, Beau, that I first ventured into the feeling realm of love. My dog offered me what is so often difficult to find among the humans in our lives—unconditional love. His love was safe to e …
The Law of Attraction and sociopaths
In 2007, The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne, was the best-selling book in America. The book was featured on two episodes of Oprah, which significantly boosted sales. At one point the book was selling 150,000 copies per week. Total sales: 19 million books. The Secret has many proponents—and many detractors. It's described as a self-help book on the power of positive thinking. Some critics say that the book offers nothing but false hope to people who try to solve their problems by wishing them away, when they need more conventional solutions. The premise of The Secret is the Law of Attraction. Here is how it is defined in the book: Everything that's coming into your life you are attracting into y …
Intuition, purpose and sociopaths
In my previous two articles on this blog, I wrote that our awful entanglements with sociopaths often have a larger purpose—our personal spiritual growth. This is an extremely difficult concept, especially when we believe in a benevolent God, universe, or higher power—whatever term you want to use—who only wants the best for us. Why, if God loves us, would he/she want us to experience the deceit, betrayal and destruction of a sociopath? In my case, the terrible experience allowed me to unearth internal pain and disappointment that was blocking me from feeling love and peace. My sociopathic ex sensed the negative feelings within me, and promised to be the answer to my prayers and the fulfi …
I wasn’t that stupid
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. A Lovefraud reader recently sent me the following link from Wikipedia: Psychological manipulation The author of the article on psychological manipulation based most of its information on three books: Who's Pulling Your Strings?, by Harriet B. Braiker; In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, by George K. Simon; and The Psychopathology of Everyday Life, by Martin Kantor. The first two sections of the article are excellent. First, the author discusses the requirements of successful manipulation: According to Simon, successful …
All I wanted was a date
Back in the summer of 1996, when I logged onto the America Online Love section, I had no idea that it would be the beginning of a journey that would change my life. I was single, had never been married and was about to turn 40—yes, I heard that biological clock ticking very loudly. I ran my own copywriting business and finally, after 13 years of struggle, I was making good money. Maybe, I hoped, it was finally time for me. When I logged on to AOL and looked at the personal ads, all I wanted was a date. Enter the sociopath What I found was James Montgomery, who turned out to be a con artist—a sociopath. Like many Lovefraud readers, when this man crossed my path, I had no idea what a soci …