How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Having a child with a sociopath, I am no longer a mother

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Editor's note: The following article was written by a Lovefraud reader who we'll call "WalkonMom." I used to think that "six" was my lucky number. And sometimes, I used to remind myself to show gratitude for six little things, like, the sound of New England leaves as they rustle underfoot, the first snowfall with really huge flakes, each breath flowing in and out, especially when you recognize that you are free for the first time, the scent of your baby's head as you cradle and rock her in your grandmother's rocking chair, the preciousness of each holiday, along with the sacred spirit of wonder that fills you as you see your child grow from year to year. Falling in love, and realizing …

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The Danger of a Psychopathic Parent in a Medical Crisis

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This past weekend, I learned some terribly difficult lessons.  I learned first hand how dangerous a Psychopathic parent can be during a medical emergency.  I also learned another reason that  “co-parenting” with a psychopath is not possible (because they have no intention to co-parent and have a reckless disregard for the law and, in turn, will disrespect Custody Orders). During my ex spath Luc's second unsupervised visitation with my baby boy, the supervisor for the exchanges called me about ten minutes before we were supposed to pick up baby boy from the visit and said, "Don't freak out, but I just received a call from the hospital telling me that Luc brought baby boy in after baby boy h …

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Parenting at-risk teens and young adults

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A number of parents have written Lovefraud recently asking for advice regarding helping 16-24 year old sons and daughters whose other parent is a sociopath. These sons and daughters may be showing some signs of the disorder and the parents are at a loss about what to do. The stage of life between 16 and 24, is called emergent adulthood, and I have come to believe this stage is critical in the development of healthy and unhealthy personality patterns. With respect to antisocial personality (sociopathy/psychopathy), although symptoms of the disorder may be present during childhood and early adolescence, recent studies show this is not always the case. The disorder can develop during …

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Family Court Theater Presents: The Psychopath as “The Man Who Never Was”

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Since the last round of my “Custody War” with Luc (my ex psychopath), I have thought a lot about the flaws in our legal system.  I run the events of the trials (“battles”) over and over in my head. I still can't understand how such a disordered man like my ex can be allowed to have unsupervised access to a child.  I know it is not healthy to think about it so much, but I can't help it when the thoughts creep into my head.  I keep trying to put my finger on why this process left me so incredibly disturbed. Even after hearing disturbing testimony from several of Luc's previous victims (who graciously agreed to testify against Luc during my Custody War), I couldn't shake this feeling that I w …

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Beware of the “Psychopath Drama Fueler”

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Psychopaths are good at draining our finances and leaving us emotionally wrecked. Since I am still going through my custody battle (and likely will for a long time), I constantly think about ways I can make this experience less painful. Dealing with the aftermath of having a child with someone who has a personality disorder is traumatic. If I have learned one lesson this past year its how important it is to find peace in this sea of chaos. Even after instituting as much "no contact" as is possible my child's psychopathic parent, I have come to realize that there are people who like to fuel the drama of a psychopath for either entertainment or financial reasons. These people don't …

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Sociopaths victimize using human institutions like the courts

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This summer I read a fabulous book, Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life by Evan Stark. It is a well written academic discussion of the topic of coercive control that also provides a history of domestic violence awareness in America. Although I highly recommend the book to anyone who advocates for victims, I do not agree with the premise that coercive control is about female victimization. I have known too may male victims to believe that this is a male —female issue. The challenge then is to come up with a theory about intimate partner victimization that accounts for, rather than rejects the very cogent arguments put forward by clinician-researchers like Dr. Stark. A …

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The cracks of a family’s hidden dysfunction

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I often go to auctions and flea markets looking for “hidden treasures” to add to my collection of pottery and handmade baskets of split oak. One of the things I have learned to do is to look for subtle or hidden flaws in the things that I like to collect. It isn't uncommon to find pottery items that have been chipped or broken and then carefully mended. Sometimes the cracks are very subtle and difficult to detect. It isn't unusual for me to see an item and get all “excited” about it, then upon closer inspection, find that there are some hidden cracks. I got to thinking about the “hidden cracks” that are found in dysfunctional families as well. In my own …

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Family Court: A Psychopath’s Playground for Legally Sanctioned Abuse

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As a young child, my parents always called me the "party police".  I was the good girl who never liked to see people breaking the rules.  I never smoked, never drank underage, never did drugs, and never stole anything.  I grew up believing in justice and always believed that the courts and the police would protect me if and when I needed them.  That belief ended when I entered a custody war with Luc (my psychopath ex). Going through a custody war with a sociopath will change the way you view the justice system.  In fact, most of my time in court with Luc felt more like an "injustice" system than anything that resembled justice.  The painful lessons I learned about how our system works rock …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Destruction of our lives through family courts

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Editor's note: The following email was sent by a woman whom we'll call "Eralyn." I have been "lurking" (I guess it's called) your site for quite some time. I want to thank you for your website as I am grateful to see people who know and understand the insanity of all of this. I have decided to write to you as I read the posts of women who have very young children with a sociopath and they sound so much like me a decade ago that I cannot in good conscience keep quiet. While I don't want to cause any more fear than they are already living with, I do want them to be warned and keep their guard up. They need to know the way things are going in the court system down the road. Poking h …

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Mourning the man who never was (because he is a psychopath)

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Before I had children, I always dreamed that my children would have a wonderful relationship with both me and their father.   Given the close relationship that I have with my father, I could never have imagined a situation where I would NOT want my child's father to have access to him/her.  (Until now, of course) Here is a quick example of how I felt about my father as a child and why I dreamed for my child to have the same: (This conversation took place as my father was tying my shoes.) Young Cappuccino Queen (circa age 5):  Daddy, when I grow up can I marry you? My father (holding back laughter):  No baby girl, I am already married to your mother. Cappuccino Queen:  But Daddy, I …

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