How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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When you feel the snap, it’s time to escape the toxic relationship

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Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains how many  family violence survivors feel the snap — they're done with the abuse and they're leaving. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. A common but antiquated question in the family violence debate (using gendered language for historical accuracy) is “why didn’t she leave?” Answers include that he convinced her the problems were her fault and he promised to change. Clearly the more important question then is, “why did he abuse her?” But that is the topic of another post. In my view, the better question to be as …

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How the movie ‘Frozen’ helps you teach your children about predators

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Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today explains that the movie 'Frozen' can be a powerful tool for teaching your children about the sociopaths who live among us. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. Spoiler alert: if you’re one of the few who haven’t seen the original Disney movie “Frozen,” you may wish to remedy that before reading on. For those of us who have seen the movie 'Frozen' a thousand times, please call to mind Anna’s primary love interest, Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. He is the youngest of thirteen sons, burdened with the inability to ascend his f …

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Pseudomutuality in the narcissistic family

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC Pseudomutuality describes a relationship between two people in which conflicts are solved by ignoring them. Following is a case study of how pseudomutuality in the narcissistic family plays out. Names are changed. Heather’s memory of her mother Ever since Heather can remember, her family was the center of her world. Every special event was spent with immediate and extended family members.  Heather can remember as a child that there would be a lot of conversation and laughing, but , she was sensitive to an underlying and unidentified sense of uneasiness and dread at these gatherings. Heather never entertained the idea of having something else …

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Traumatized again by family court cross-examination

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Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains how abusive family court cross-examination affects people who are already traumatized. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. In 2019 the Australian family law act was amended so that perpetrators of family violence can no longer cross-examine their ex-partners in court. Instead cross-examination must now be conducted by a legal representative of the party. This is a great step forward in the fight to protect family violence survivors from being re-traumatised. But does it go far enough? Family violence and the …

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When divorcing a sociopath, can we learn from ostriches?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud welcomes a new author, Attorney Caroline Parsons from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains that when divorcing a sociopath, putting your head in the sand may not be the best idea. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. Divorce is traumatic, even when it’s amicable. If you're divorcing a sociopath and the marriage was abusive, the impact is even more damaging to the psyche. There are a number of ways our brains adapt to trauma. We may numb the pain with alcohol or drugs, bury ourselves in work, dissociate, dissolve in anger or withdraw deep within to protect ourselves. Another …

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Trying to protect a child from parental alienation

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Suzanne20," about her quest to protect a child from parental alienation. The story of my 4-year long battle for my granddaughter and my son. My then 19 year old son Robert (not his true name) had ABI (Acquired Brain Injury) in 2000 as a result of sporting accident. He came out of it well, as he was highly intelligent before the injury. Robert was always a top student, quite creative and artistic who loved science, and he was a much liked young person known for his kindness and adventurous spirit. He has been drug and alcohol free; he never smoked. He never had any involvement with police. Three years …

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Parental alienation: My son’s sociopath father turned him against me

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story about parental alienation from a reader whom we'll call, Jennifer20. Well I honestly wouldn’t know where to begin. People are always telling me I should write a book. Maybe one day I will, but I will start here. I was 17 and I was pregnant with my boyfriend of 3 months. My mother felt bad for me and my father was completely ashamed and embarrassed. I was young, naive, and really, really stupid. I didn’t realize the sociopath the father of my child really was until it was too late. I was about 8 months pregnant, scared, and in a very vulnerable state. I make decisions against my family’s advice and soon found myself regretting all …

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Childhood trauma inflicted through narcissistic families continues into adulthood

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by Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS "These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them." —Rumi Let us say in the present moment you are a 45-year-old man or woman who experienced childhood trauma. You may have children you are raising and an array of responsibilities. Perhaps you have a university education or have been on a quest for self-improvement. On a less positive note, let us say that you are struggling emotionally. You know that there is something wrong with your spouse, but you doubt your gut instincts. You believe you are too hard on your spouse and are being overly judgmental. However, you understand that the spouse mistreats you often, but you never connected the word a …

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How narcissists use COVID-19 against their targets

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS "When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser"--Socrates It comes as no surprise to me that during this "crisis" of COVID-19, narcissists capitalize on the misfortune of others and use the quarantine to take their abuse and lack of respect to new heights. Divorced and separated individuals are especially susceptible to the narcissist’s pathological rage during a time like this. Let’s examine an example of a narcissist using the crisis as leverage. Rob’s ex-spouse wants 100% custody Rob has children under the age of 11. Rob has partial custody and had maintained this custody arrangement for years, but not without a fight. Rob is a hard …

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Emotional incest and enmeshment in narcissistic families

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By Joanie Bentz, BS, M.Ed., LBS Since Joseph was very young, he lived with his mother, father and grandmother, as well as several other older siblings. Joseph’s mother was very controlling. Any time Joseph protested the demands she place on him, she said, “I’m the mother, and what I say goes." And the demands were relentless. Instead of allowing him to socialize with his friends, she wanted him to stay home so she could always monitor him. Never mind the fact that she did not even interact with him while he stayed in the house. All she needed was for him to be present physically. Joseph’s father was a workaholic and was never home — which enabled him to avoid confronting his wife. As Josep …

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