Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 31: Not Your Everyday Walk In The Park Soon after the cookie incident, I was in a park near Paul's office when I noticed two people who worked for Paul eating a bag lunch while sitting on the park swings. Neither of them recognized me. The only time I had met them was at a holiday party, and I had been dressed up with makeup, contacts, and my hair down. With blue jeans and a …
How to survive divorcing a narcissistic or borderline partner
Here's the first thing you need to know about divorcing a narcissistic or borderline partner: It will not be a "normal" divorce. Yes, divorce is always painful. But if you think your divorce will be like those of your friends or relatives messy, but in the end, fairly reasonable — well, you are at risk of being blindsided. If your partner is narcissistic or borderline, you're in for a "high conflict" divorce. You need to be prepared. In her Lovefraud CE webinar, Sonia Brill, LCSW, will tell you what to expect before, during and after the divorce. Whether you are contemplating making a break, or are already in the midst of the drama, she'll tell you how to move forward. Step 1: Assess …
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He’s Not Depressed, Anxious, or Sleep Deprived–He’s a Sociopath!
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 17 : The Twilight Zone With my biological clock ticking loudly, once we had been at our new jobs for eighteen months, Paul and I decided it was time to have children. After just two months of trying, the pregnancy test registered positive. I danced around our house. At last, I was going to be a mother! Oddly, Paul showed little interest in our developing child. He had …
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After Unwittingly Falling In Love With A Sociopath: Feeling “Off,” Subtle Anxiety, And A Sense of Unease
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 13: Knowing, Without Knowing We Know A chronic, subtle sense of unease, anxiety, and feeling that something is “off” are classic symptoms of being in a relationship with a sociopath. These feelings became my constant companions. The Iowa Gambling Task is a classic study designed by neuroscientists at the University of Iowa and discussed at length in a book by Antonio …
My ex has custody of our daughter, even though he pleaded guilty to domestic violence
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Cassidy." I was married for 2 years. The problems emerged after my daughter was born. Jumping to the end of the story, we separated and divorced. We had final court orders for parenting and property in 2010. Since then I have been back to court at least 20 times, we have 3 final orders. My ex now has custody of my daughter, even though he was accused of domestic violence and pleaded guilty to the charges. In Australia the presumption for shared care is set aside if you can prove this. I was given custody of my little girl the first and second court cases. He was given sole parenting on the third. Needless to …
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When the parents of your sociopathic ex want to see their grandchildren
Lovefraud recently received an email from a reader who has a daughter with a sociopath and wants to know what she should do about the sociopath's parents, her daughter's paternal grandparents. She wrote: My issue with my daughter's paternal grandparents is that I don't trust them with my daughter. It's not because they are bad people, but because my sociopathic ex has victimized his parents over and over and over again and has no respect for what they say. His mother is his biggest enabler and both of his parents want him to be involved with our daughter (he has abandoned her) in the worst way. They pressure him about it nonstop. I fear that if I allow my daughter to be without me …
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Sociopath: “Moments of Weirdness” Or Unrecognized Red Flags?
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 4: Love At First Sight Is Possible...Just Be Sure You're Seeing Clearly Paul was romantic, caring, and attentive. He took me to plays, cooked dinner with me, and shared hikes and long walks. When our relationship evolved to physical intimacy, he was an amorous but gentle lover. I felt so lucky to have found him. By the time we started dating, Paul already had a …
Sociopath: “Moments of Weirdness” Or Unrecognized Red Flags?Read More
Profiting from child custody payments
Many, many sociopaths fight for custody of their children. Sociopaths are incapable of loving anyone, including their children. So why do they want the kids? One big reason is to torment the other parent by depriving them of the kids. Another reason is to make money. If the sociopath is the custodial parent, the other parent will have to pay up until the children are 18, or even older, for kids who go to college. Child support payments are often determined by the courts. New research shows that the formulas courts use to set the support payments may overestimate the cost of raising a child by 200% to 400%. See this video produced by DivorceCorp. Shocking facts on the child support system …
Sociopaths Serve Up Double Standards
Double standards are one of the many hallmarks of being in a relationship with a sociopath. Trust me, as a well-educated woman who was taught that she could hold her own with any man, I didn't think I had married someone who viewed me as a puppet and whose only purpose for me was to service his needs. But, as months slipped into years, profound double standards emerged in my relationship with "Paul." Of course, now that I believe Paul is a sociopath, I understand that Paul held these double standards all along. Although he did not display them at first, at some point, they became part of the poisonous air I breathed. Double Standards Deliver Double Benefits For A Sociopath These double …
Sociopaths are Superb Natural Psychologists
Sociopaths are superb natural psychologists, but they use their insights about human behavior to control and erode. Past Frameworks Bias How We Perceive New Information The world is not black and white; it includes countless shades of grey. To create meaning and clarity out of the grey, we use past frameworks (e.g., my ex-husband, "Paul," is a good, honest person) to process incoming data (the fact that he so often works late reflects his dedication to his career and commitment to support his family). Yet, once this framework has been established, and once we create an explanation (accurate or not) for how an event fits into the framework, we have created a pathway. Repetition Increases The …