Neuroscientists, psychologists and educators believe that bullying in schools and other kinds of violence can be reduced by encouraging empathy at an early age. Read How not to raise a bully: The early roots of empathy on Time.com. Link submitted by a reader via the Lovefraud Facebook fan page. …
Families of sociopaths need help when incarceration is over
Shortly after I met serial killer Rodney Alcala, he invited me over to see his photography. At the time he was living with his parents even though he was 35. Upon entering the home, he introduced me to his mother who was visibly angry with him for inviting me over. Looking back now I can guess this was because he had been convicted twice of violent crimes against young girls. I do not blame the Alcala family for the behavior of Rodney or for not telling me to get away from him. I only bring up this story to highlight the fact that when offenders are released from prison they become a problem for their families. A person getting out of prison has no place to go, no home, no money and no …
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How To Avoid Exploitative Partners
While there are no sure-proof ways to avoid exploitive partners (short of entering the monastery), we can reduce our risk of getting too deeply involved with them. Why do I say too deeply? Because if getting involved with an exploiter at all isn't bad enough, getting in too deeply is the disaster we hope to avoid. One of the best (and most under-utilized) strategies to protect yourself is to properly“vet” your prospective (or new) partner. What I have to say ahead is especially applicable if you've been burned by a sociopath previously, and even moreso if you suspect in yourself a tendency to enter relationships with bad-news characters. What do I mean by “vetting” your partner? I mean, …
Two terrible stories about sex and children
In Trenton, New Jersey, a 15-year-old girl sold her 7-year-old stepsister to a group of men and boys at a party for sex. Read: Cops: N.J. teen sold stepsister, 7, for party sex on Msnbc.com. In Wales, a 6-year-old was repeatedly stripped, sexually abused and physically assaulted by other children in her school. Read: Horrific ordeal of girl, six, who was physically and sexually abused by 23 of her primary school classmates on Mail Online. Links submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …
Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath
SPONSORED CONTENT The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They're lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission. There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it's exhausting. A few months ago, Lovefraud published a …
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How does ODD relate to sociopathy?
This week a reader asked about a disorder called ODD and its relationship to sociopathy. ODD or oppositional defiant disorder is a childhood disorder. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists: In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster's day to day functioning. Symptoms of ODD may include: • Frequent temper tantrums • Excessive arguing with adults • Often questioning rules • Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules • Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people • Blaming …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How should I “be” around my ex?
In February 1999, my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, was finished with me. I had no more money, no more credit and no more earning capacity, because my business was ruined. So Montgomery arranged for me to find out that he'd had a child with another woman during our marriage. With this, I left, as I'm sure he expected. Oh, he made a few attempts to reel me back in. “It's not what you think,” he said. “Let me explain.” I didn't. I kept driving. I never saw him again. And now, after hearing so many of your stories about the sociopaths who won't go away, I realize how lucky I was. I didn't have a child with him. I didn't have to attempt to co-parent with a sociopath, while the so …
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Watch out for this defense mechanism
You are involved, say, with a pathologically self-centered personality, perhaps a narcissist or sociopath? That is, he wants what he wants when he wants it, and he'll do whatever's necessary (his entitlement) to get it, or take it. Key diagnostic trait: he reserves the right to punish you when you obstruct his agenda. Now here's the thing: in the heat of the moment, you may actually be pretty good at confronting his abuse. Maybe you stand up for yourself pretty effectively? Maybe, in the moment, you're even pretty good at setting limits and challenging his nonsense? So then what's the problem? The problem occurs when you step away from these incidents. In stepping away from them, …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is there any new research on sociopaths and parenting?
I recently received this note from a reader in Ireland: The reason I'm writing today is I have a friend who is in the same position has just recently had contact from her 2.5yr old son's sociopathic father, looking for access. She is learning all about what having a sociopathic father actually means, has read the book (Just Like His Father?), but is still unsure whether to allow it or not. What do you think? Any new research? Anything that shows clearly kids do better without contact? I do not know of any new research on this topic. We previously discussed two papers parents should be aware of; one concerns antisocial fathers and the other concerns antisocial mothers. Antisocial …
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Evil exists, and it does not want to be discovered
Evil exists. If you need proof, just look at the horrific case of little Charleeni Ferreira. Charleeni, age 10, of Philadelphia, Pa., died on October 21, 2009. Her father, Domingo Ferreira, 53, and stepmother Margarita Garabito, 43, were charged with murder and endangering the welfare of a child. So how bad was the abuse? The police called it “torture.” Charleeni actually died from an infection that resulted from broken ribs that were not treated. She had a host of new and old injuries, including a fractured pelvis and a 7-inch gash on her head that had been stuffed with gauze and covered with a hair weave. For more details, read Signs of Charleeni's “torture” were hidden, in the Phila …