On and off for the past four years, I’ve been mentioning my upcoming book about my experience with a sociopath, James Montgomery, and my recovery from the ordeal. Well, the book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, is at the printer, and will be available in about a month.
In writing the book, I had five goals:
- Drawing attention to the problem of sociopaths.
- Showing how sociopaths weave their web of lies to trap people.
- Exposing the impotence of social institutions in dealing with these predators.
- Explaining why, from a spiritual perspective, we fall into these relationships.
- Offering hope that we can, even after these devastating encounters, recover and flourish.
I’ve launched a new blog specifically for this book. It’s called, simply, Love Fraud ”¦ the book.
I invite all Lovefraud readers to visit the new blog. You’ll find more information about the book. You’ll be able to read the introduction and a chapter. I even have a photo gallery. And, there are reviews. I’ve asked some Lovefraud authors and members to read advance copies of the book and write their impressions. Two are posted.
Autographed and numbered copies, plus FREE shipping
My family, of course, has known for a long time that I’ve been working on the book. Two years ago, my young nephew, then eight years old, asked me, “Can I have the first one?”
Of course, I said yes. Then I thought, how will he know which is the first one?
The solution is autographed and numbered first edition copies, which we’re making available to all Lovefraud readers in a special pre-order offer. If you reserve your book now, while it’s at the printer, when they arrive, I will autograph and number it, in the order in which purchases are received. (We’re up to number 5.)
Plus, SHIPPING IS FREE for all U.S. destinations. International shipping is 40% off.
For more information about this offer, visit the Lovefraud Store.
Different discussion
I’ll keep posting articles on Love Fraud ”¦ the book. As you all have a chance to read the book, you may have questions, which I’ll do my best to answer.
I expect that the blog will take our discussion of entanglements with sociopaths into a new direction. As painful as it was, I learned that the entire experience was an opportunity for spiritual growth. Although we’ve touched on the topic here on the Lovefraud Blog, it will be even more prominent on the new blog.
If you want to post a comment on the Lovefraud Book blog, your regular log-in credentials should work. The log-in link is on right side of the page, at the bottom. If you have any problems, please let me know.
Stop on by.
Shabby-you’re right about a difference between being alone and being lonely. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be alone. I have done that. There is a guy at work who I really like and he likes me. I will not date him though. I will never date at work again and I have that big problem with the self hatred and I will be NO good to anyone while I’m like this. I wouldn’t want to hurt him or waste his time because he is really nice. One day, once I leave this job and I’m well, I would consider it if he were still single, but NOT now. Being alone is OK!!!
Dear Chic,
I don’t know if you remember when I ran into my egg donor in the grocery store! WHEW! I had thought I was “doing fine” but it threw me for a loop. For about 18 hours I was literally SICK with the adrenaline surge it gave me.
Healing is a couple of steps forward one back, thre.e forward 2 back, it just goes in waves and sometimes we back up more than we took forward, but keep heading in the right direction and you will get there.
Next week, the 14th is the 6th year anniversary of my husband’s death—so far I’m okay but who knows, it may hit me hard, but whatever happens I will be OK.
SO WILLYOU!
BTW Erin72, your comment is VERY SOLID and very mature, and you are right, right now you aren’t where you need to be to be in a relationship, and that’s okay. The people I think that NEVER HEAL are those that jump into a new relationship as soon as possible thinking that will save them from the pain. NOPE, doesn’t work that way. Got to heal FIRST, then a new relationship in my humble opinion.
Oxy, you are 100% right about that. Healing must be done first before dating and relationships. After each S/N relationship that I had, there was a long break without any dating. Unfortunately, I never did anything to help myself during those long breaks. I stuffed the self hatred down inside me and tried to forget about it. I realized after this man, who was the first love I felt, that something had to be done. I will NEVER go through that kind of pain again. If I don’t heal now and stop the cycle, it will happen again. I finally realize that I don’t deserve any more of those KIND of relationships. I deserve the best there is in life and I won’t get it unless I heal.
AMEN SISTA!!!!!
The reason I hooked up with the Psychopath after my husband died was I was so wounded and hadn’t healed or finished the grief process. I looked to someone else to get rid of myy pain, to make me happy. ISN’T GONNA HAPPEN!
I have got to make myself happy FIRST then if a relationship happens OK, great, but not until. I’ve preached this sermon here at LF for going on 3 years now and unfortunately not a lot of (especially) the younger women want to believe me, but every one I know who has hooked up with someone TOO SOON has regretted it. Some you never hear about, they just drop off the blog, but some come back once in a while.
After my divorce in 1980 I was miserable and almost two years later, I REALIZED one day out of the blue that I WAS HAPPY. Then I started dating. Didn’t marry for several more years but still happiness sort ofr sneaks up on us when we aren’t looking.
Erin72, you are getting the drift at least intellectually, and it will take a while longer to “get it” emotionally imbedded but you are working on progress and that is what counts! Getting it through my thick skull as MaryJo Buttafucio , hey if she can do it so can we! (((hugs))))
I guess I haven’t figured out how not to be be bored, to just be happy alone, does that mean I’m a boring person? OMG! I had not even thought of that! LOL. I don’t mind being alone / single, but I do get very lonely. I can’t go out by myself, shopping–yes, a movie or dinner? NO WAY!!! Oxy, when you remind me about the incident with you egg donor — then I remember, otherwise I suffer from CRS !!!!!
shabby – if you can’t do things by yourself then no wonder yo are bored! what’s holding you back?
one, I know!!! Last year I went over to the Venice Beach boardwalk one day, zillions of people, I know I didn’t stand out or anything… and the more I walked around BY MYSELF, the more lonely I felt, poor me!! I even had a blanket, umbrella and chair in the car and went out and sat on the beach for 2 hours. Everyone else was with someone, bf, gf, families. I couldn’t wait to get home.
I’ve tried to figure it out!!! Immense shame at being alone? Having no one to talk to? Feeling awkward? I have gone out to movies and events with my meetup.com group, it’s fun, nice people, haven’t made any “close” friends from that, I haven’t been doing that either, just in a major big SLUMP!!! Maybe I should change my screen name to slumpychic! Oh, I forgot, I do go out and do volunteer work, and my married sister tries to include me in going out once in a while. AAaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!
pilgrimage, I pratically wrote (above) the same thing you said on the other thread,
sometimes it feels less lonely at home!!! We have got
to get ourselves out of the house! It’s making us crazy!
Yes we did write the same thing and I agree. However I am crazy regardless if I am out and about or licking my wounds at home…alas
Pilgrimage and Chic,
I had to laugh at your posts! I can just “see” Chic out at Venice Beach–I lived in Santa Monica back in the old days and I have a friend who live in Venice now. I used to love to go to Venice and to the Santa Monica Pier and my kids got to ride on the old merry go round before it was swept out to sea by the big storm. They don’t remember it but I do.
Yea it can be “lonely” in a crowd like that, but also I have never been so shy that I didn’t find someone to talk to at least. Some one standing around alone or a couple with a kid. Even now I will talk to young mothers with babies in Wal Mart and ask “What department did you get that in?” and chuck the kid under the chin and tell the mom how cute they are, I always get a sweet and happy response from both mom or dad and the baby too and it warms my heart!
Sometimes people will actually open up and tell me what burden they are having. I had a man the other day tell me his little boy had Autisim, and the child while very cute, did not make eye contact with me when I spoke to him (he looked like he was maybe 2-2 1/2) and I could tell the father was burdened by this as he was shopping or he wouldn’t have spoken to me about this and most people in the store wouldn’t have picked up on the kid being a “bit different” but I suspect the kid was going to have some pretty big problems from the way he acted, but maybe by being caught early he can be helped to at least be higher functioning.
I like to read so I don’t have problems filling my time, and I read both “chewing gum for the mind” books and serious historical books and books on self help, psychology etc. So I am never bored with that and a computer and a cell phone I’m always occupied. I don’t feel “out of touch” with others just because I am “alone” physically, even if I am not interacting with others, because I know I CAN if I feel the need.