Dealing with sociopaths: Fight or flight?

Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting people. When you’re the person who has been exploited, how should you respond? Do you try to hold the sociopath accountable? Or do you cut your losses and walk away?

Lovefraud is an open forum, with many people expressing opinions about what you should do. In the past, some folks have posted comments saying give up, run away, don’t fight, you can’t win.

I don’t necessarily agree with that. Yes, in some cases, fleeing is the best course of action. But sometimes the only way to survive is to fight. Or sometimes standing up to the sociopath enables you to reclaim yourself, even if you don’t win the battle.

I believe you should do what is best for you. But figuring out “what is best” may be difficult. You need to carefully evaluate the entire situation before deciding what, if any, action to take. The following considerations may help you.

If you suffered financial losses:

Do you have documentation that the sociopath promised to repay you? If you don’t have an agreement in writing, it will be very difficult to pursue your claim. The sociopath may argue—convincingly—that the money was a gift.

Does the sociopath have any money, property or assets that you can go after? Does he or she have a job? If the sociopath has nothing, there may be no point.

How much will it cost you to go after what he or she owes you? Is the amount of money taken from you worth the trouble it will be to get it back?

Can you use small claims court? The good news about small claims court is that you don’t need to pay for an attorney. If the sociopath owes you more than the dollar limit for small claims cases, perhaps you can break it up into several different claims. Again, you will need documentation.

Even if you won’t be able to collect, you may want to file a lawsuit against the sociopath just to expose him or her, or create a public record. This does, in a way, hold the sociopath accountable, even if you are never repaid.

Criminal behavior:

Is the sociopath engaged in criminal behavior? Is the sociopath dangerous? Can you report the behavior without jeopardizing your own safety? Are you willing to cooperate with law enforcement agencies? Or, is there a tip line where you can report the behavior anonymously?

Would your conscience bother you if you did not report the behavior?

If the sociopath is accusing you of criminal behavior, you must fight. Do not admit to any criminal behavior that you did not commit. A criminal record can ruin your life.

Children with a sociopath:

Having children with a sociopath is a nightmare. The best thing that can happen is for the sociopath to go away. You may want to offer a deal if your former partner will give up parental rights, you won’t ask for child support. Usually this deal won’t cost you anything, because sociopaths drag their feet on paying child support.

Many sociopaths, however, will not give up parental rights. They want to use the kids to continue to control you.

The issues involved in co-parenting with a sociopath are incredibly complex, and beyond the scope of this article. So here are just a few suggestions:

  • Document everything. Keep very good records of everything that happens. Save every text, email, receipt and record. You never know what you will need.
  • During a custody case, do not let any false claims that the sociopath makes about you go unchallenged in court. If you do not challenge the lies, the statements become part of the court record and will cause problems for you later.
  • Make your custody agreement as comprehensive as possible. Then, you follow it to the letter and demand that the sociopath follows it.

As Quinn Pierce wrote in her most recent article, avoiding conflict to keep the peace may not work, and can hurt both you and the kids. But remember, the sociopath’s objective is to get a reaction out of you. So be calm, unemotional and businesslike as you enforce your boundaries. Even when the sociopath upsets you, never let him or her see it.

Your physical and emotional strength

If you were involved with a sociopath, you certainly were deceived, manipulated and betrayed. You may have been physically assaulted. You may have endured emotional and psychological injury.

So as you’re considering fight or flight, what can you really handle right now?

Your first priority must be your own health and safety. If you need to give up the money or property you lost in order to protect your very life, then do it.

Or maybe you need to retreat for the time being. Then, after taking time to recover and gather your strength, you can go after the sociopath later. That is perfectly acceptable.

Recovery and accountability

True recovery from a sociopath means moving forward with your life. It may not be the same life that you had before the sociopath. In fact, if you work on deep emotional healing because of this experience, it could even be a better life.

So what is the best way for you to move forward? Is it letting go of what happened? Or is it standing up for yourself and holding the sociopath accountable? Is it letting go on some issues and taking a stand on others? Only you can decide.

Here’s another factor: Sociopaths will continue with their exploitative behavior as long as they keep getting away with it. If nothing else, I hope we can at least talk about our experiences. As more people realize that millions of predators live among us, perhaps working to hold sociopaths accountable won’t feel as lonely as it does now.

My experience with fighting

Personally, I am glad that I fought, although I did not claim a total victory. When I divorced my ex-husband, the judge awarded me all the money I claimed $227,000 plus $1 million in punitive damages. I spent a year and even more money trying to serve my judgment. I failed, and eventually had to declare bankruptcy.

But I did prove in court that he committed fraud. That legal judgment enabled me to expose James Montgomery for the con artist that he is. And, it enabled me to create Lovefraud, where I use my experience to try to educate the world about the social predators who live among us.

For me, the fight was worth it.


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50 Comments on "Dealing with sociopaths: Fight or flight?"

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Thanks, Donna, for the insightful article. This is something I have been dealing with on an ongoing basis. I have been walking a line, trying to balance the needs of my family with the needs of society. My ex is a serial embezzler. When I recently told one of his clients (whom he had acquired through my acquaintance with her!) he had stolen from her, and she fired him, he took me to court to have support reduced. He had threatened this–though I wasn’t 100% sure he would follow through, as it would expose him even further. Well, he did, and I lost about a couple of hundred dollars a month. But now he is on record admitting the embezzlement, so I am more comfortable than ever exposing him. I have requested the court transcripts, so I can make copies, when necessary. To me, this was money well spent!

I am a fighter. In my case my taking control and exposing him is doing a service to society, as well as helping me heal. I have been dissuaded by almost everyone, from my attorney, to friends, to other clients of his–and encouraged to “look out for myself.” This is unacceptable to me. I have already been devastated emotionally and financially. I won’t let him destroy my moral core. Though my kids and I are our some money , and that may make things more difficult right now, in the long run I (and hopefully others!) have come out ahead.

Best of luck to all who take these predators on! Stay strong!

This is a extremely tricky situation! You must keep in mind at ALL times that sociopaths feed on drama and attention, so when you fight back, this gives them both, if you don’t fight, you lose everything, including your dignity and sanity! I have dealt with my husband’s ex wife who is a sociopath with BPD for ten years now. At first I wanted to counteract everything she threw our way and I quickly learned it was not only futile, but exhausting mentally, emotionally,financially and physically. There is an art to dealing with a sociopath , you must stay one step ahead of them always by informing yourself and keeping yourself alert at all times..information is knowledge. Try not to deal with them directly if possible, go straight to the source of their actions.
Stop them before the situation escalates….once they start the “feeding frenzy”, they are like a hungry great white shark with a seal. The adrenaline they feel once the begin is hard to put a stop too. Once you make up your mind to “fight”, you had better have prepared yourself legally, financially, and emotionally.
Do not argue with them or discuss any part of your attack plan, they will beat you to it, remember, they are experts at chaos and evil! Give no warning, just pounce! Do Not involve the children , don’t let them have any clue to your action plan, they will tell the sociopath! Knowledge and preparation is POWER! Don’t react until you carefully think out and plan, do not be impulsive…that is what they do. Arm yourself to the teeth…
and do your homework…know the situation well…get used to it, it will happen over and over again! Put yourself in their shoes as much as this sickens you….if you understand them, you will begin to know what triggers them and what puts them temporarily at bay! You have to “get them before they get you”, but you have to be knowledgeable and sneaky…this may be uncharacteristic of you, but you must learn the moves to survive. Unfortunately, the counter measures will trickle down to the children….the sociopath will make sure the children are pawns and involved…they will be brainwashed, and the sociopath will seem like the victim to them and you will be made out to be the predator…get used to this, there is no changing it. Record and document everything and protect yourself…never, never be alone with them.Remember, anytime they change any part of their life….know it…this change will greatly affect you and your children! And remember, it never goes away with time….but it can get easier! Don’t put ANYTHING past them…they are in human! God Bless

Winifred, I totally agree with you. You have to be ready at all times. Out of the nowhere they throw an attack. I filed for divorce because I have to protect my son and I. When my soon to be ex fabricated lies to get a temporary injunction against me, I was totally shocked. I had no contact with him for 4 months he felt “in imminent danger because of me”. Some attorney told him it would make me look bad in the divorce so go ahead and try to get a permanent injunction against your wife. Unfortunately his plan snow balled and he looked like an idiot in the court hearing. Everything was dismissed thanks to my attorney. But I knew he was “raging” inside because now his son would “hate” him even more. I am prepared at all times. I just don’t know what he cones up with next. It is like a “war” against an unknown enemy.
Yes, the best thing would be if he would just go away to a state far away from where I live. I truly hope he will do this once this divorce is over.
He came up with do many lies about me. That I am mentally insane, that I do not take my medication as prescribed. The truth is that I only take medication for hypertension and that I never was in the care of a psychiatrist. Luckily my son is 19, otherwise I would be in another battle. Does it drain me emotionally to hear all these fabricated lies? Absolutely but I will stand up for myself and I will cone out stronger than ever. I don’t know what can be harder in life than getting a divorce from a narcissist. I am ready and I will overcome this. He thinks he is in control but he isn’t. The control he had stopped on July 08th, the day I filed for divorce. Thanks again for all your great advise, support snd honesty.

Although I am not a natural fighter by any means, I do believe that one has to fight in order to save them-self. I have had to fight one way or another all my life the only difference in this fight was I thought he loved me and would never hurt me. Boy, was I wrong. So, I did not fight in a physical sense but in a mental one….I won the battle! When I called it quits with my Spath I was devastated that he immediately moved out, discarded all the “beliefs” he claimed to have with me, and within a few weeks had a new girlfriend and by the end of the first month, she was living with him. In order to overcome that devastation and realization that the last 7 years of my life was a lie, I gathered my “ammunition” which was knowledge and chose to fight back where he can’t even compete….mentally and emotionally!! He knows I am SO MUCH HAPPIER without him and God knows the truth. That is all I need! I was unable to just walk away during the first month but now, I am stronger mentally because of the war he waged. He will never win!! No matter how hard he tries, or what he does, he will never defeat me again. As long as I live he WILL FIND AN ENEMY in me!! I may loose the battle from time to time in my life but the war..I always win! I have to be strong for myself because nobody will be strong for me.


Your story is so close to my own, except my relationship was about four years….and he had started a relationship with someone else months before I moved out (something I found out about a year later). Either way, I have grown and improved so much within the past 1 1/2 years. So, my win is my improved emotional health and always, my strength of character.

More than a year ago I never would have thought I’d have the strength I do now, but I do. So for those who are struggling, please let me say it does get better….and you will be stronger and wiser as a result!

Stay strong my friends….


I was in an “exclusive” (so I thought) relationship with a sociopath for 7 years. We purchased an expensive home together for “our” future and before even moving into it, he bailed from the relationship and left me holding the entire financial bag. I’ve been advised by my attorney to come to terms with the financial loss, since suing him will be so expensive (and she said based on her dealings with him, he will work to make it as costly and drawn out as possible) it won’t be worth it.

I later found out that he had been “dating” multiple other women throughout our entire relationship and had actually terminated two women who worked for him because they refused to “date” him…this resulted in great harm to them, as well as a cost to the taxpayers as they sued the agency for their terminations and won the judgements.

At the same time, he was pursuing long term relationships with other women, and in June he married one of them.

The women who lost their jobs both wanted to disgrace him publicly but instead chose to take the settlements and move on with their lives. There were stories in the paper that had very embarrassing details and I doubt they even troubled him, as he has no conscience and no shame and he would have told himself a story that put all the shame on the women. I too would like to disgrace him publicly but know that it will not impact him a bit and would only allow an opening for him to come at me from another direction.

The house remains up for sale and that shared property is the only reason there is any thread of connection left. All communications are through attorneys. The day the house is sold, I will spread my wings and soar. While I can never erase what has been done and will never be the same person I was before I met him, I hope with that last release that I will take a major leap into a better life.

I want to add something to my comment – to walk away from the loss quietly isn’t a decision I came to lightly. I am now into the third year of this, and the first year at least I lived for fighting to make myself whole again financially and see justice done. It was a long road of hard knocks and observing what the fight was doing to me and how it was giving him pleasure to continue to manipulate me and I decided that for ME, healing would come faster if I let it go. Putting myself any further through that particular fight would have cost me much more money and much more pain, and like Donna, I would have won a judgement but would never have seen a dime from it…and worst of all, it would prolong the pain and involvement for, according to my attorney, years.

I have elected to take “no contact” to the nth degree and become as invisible as possible so that he has no idea how I feel or what I am doing or planning. It’s relatively easy, since literally all the so called friends and family from my old life walked away a long time ago. I don’t know if he ever thinks of me or not, since he’s moved onto a fresh new target, but I know I would be a fool to think that his attention couldn’t turn again to me at any time since he is bound to me by that mortgage. I have grown eyes in the back of my head.

Exactly Katareaux, you are so right. My soon to be ex will always have an “enemy” in me also. It will not be a Bruce Willis/Demi Moore divorce where they all go out to dinner with their new partners. And you are right I might lose some battles but I already won the “war”. He is out of my life. He cannot lie, cheat, betray and abuse anymore. Because i will not respond to him. He can do all those things to the new “victim” and that alone is my victory.

Congratulations!You do sound much stronger than when you first came to Lovefraud!

Although there are various ways to fight a sociopath,it is important to stay safe and since many of us suffered mentally and emotionally in the relationship,it is a victory when we are able to feel mentally and emotionally healthy once again! 🙂

I am SO GRATEFUL for this site and for all of you who post your stories. I filed against my spath in June. My horrifying news is that we (family, friends, lawyers and therapists) believe my oldest two kids are narcissists or spaths too. They are with him and are as happy as can be of course. They don’t communicate at all with me even though they and I walked on eggshells together because of him for years. Only my middle school aged daughter is normal like me. Her sibs don’t contact her unless they need something. She is the one who is really hurting in all of this. Thank God spath is living a thousand miles from me. I’ve become quite a sleuth since this all started so I know that he’s been in a relationship since Aug. and is also using a dating service. He got a new cell number which he didn’t share with any of us. I would love to expose him to everyone that works for him and has invested in his company but he needs his job or there won’t be any money at all. There’s not as much as he said there was anyway! The hardest part for me is not telling him everything I know. Hopefully we can surprise him with all that in court some day. I am happier now than I’ve ever been because I’ve finally taken my life and my power back and I’m never giving it away again. It feels so incredibly good to be in charge of myself. Anyway, thanks for listening and please everybody, BE STRONG and continue to post your stories. Thanks.

I would have loved to have my soon to be ex and his little co worker fired from their jobs since they are both deputies and exchanged naked picture while on duty. They wasted tax payers money on a nightly base during their shifts. My attorney advised me not to turn them into internal affairs as it would hurt my alimony case in court. And what would I gain by having them fired. She got her punishment already by engaging into an affair with him. My victory is that I filed for divorce.

Lessons learned…some the hard way…
My NPD ex put me through a 10 year divorce… we had grown children… no custody issues…

This was his way of ‘paying me back’ for pressing the court for my fair share of marital assets, which were substantial in a 25 year marriage.

Would I do it again?

Not sure… it took a huge toll on my physically, emotionally, financially…

Fighting a NPD/Sociopath is a tar baby… must go into it with full knowledge that it keeps you ‘stuck’ to them…

In many ways, the money is just not worth it… all of the energy and resources you put into trying to get your ‘fair share’ of assets etc. might be better spent getting on with your life, improving yourself (education, career etc.) and being totally free from the constant ‘yanking of your chain’.

I spent 7 of those 10 years finishing an undergraduate degree, and getting my masters … only to have him take me back to court to terminate alimony 2 years prematurely because ‘she has more education than I do’. So also you need to know that anything you do to improve yourself will be used as a weapon against you.

dear Donna,

thank you so much for this site. Before I became a victim of a sp I did not even suspect they exist.
I knew it would not help to fight for my money but because he is trying to make a public appearance on facebook in his page https://www.facebook.com/misternevergiveup

I made a blog http://www.misternevergiveup.wordpress.com
http://www.horoitmisternevergiveup.blogspot.com to warn people.

He sued me for the blog for 250.000 Euro and wanted to put an injuction on me. 2 weeks ago he lost his case against me. It took more than a year for this case this is how I learned the complete uselessness of the judicial system. He has to pay 100% of expenses but lives in another country so it is hard to get my money that I spent on lawyer and court expenses just to protect myself.

This was my fight, If I did not fight against him… I cannot imagine not fighting the EVIL.

So thank you again for encouraging the other victims.

Thank you, I know this will be the fight of my life . Courts here are very busy so it’s taking a long time. I have to fight though. Like my attorney said “a business deal with a very bad partner”. It’s all about money. Already his attorney and him claim that he is very “poor”. How could we ask for alimony? He claims everything is his. It will be an ugly battle. It was a long term marriage and I stayed mostly home to be a housewife and mother while he furthered his education and is now making a 6 number salary. Even though this is a no fault state judges are still human and do not like . It might sound terrible but I hope at the end he will be left with nothing but his co worker deputy. After all he told me that she is so much sexier, younger and so much more fun than me. And she has very long hair. All this mattered to him more than his precious family. She can have him. To my son and I he is a worthless piece of trash.

I know Donna knows as well as I, you must pick your battles when it comes to a sociopath because they are constant! Once you have picked the most important to fight for….fight like hell! I have to say though from 10 years of experience in dealing with my husband’s ex sociopath….you must give yourself a break and breather once in a while when there is a small break in the drama otherwise you will lose yourself in all of the hype! Your well being and self has to come first, because if your lose yourself and your strength, and your health, your children don’t have you, you don’t have you…and no one does but the sociopath! God Bless

I just had an arbitration hearing with my ex sociopath this morning to try to collect my property and two loans I had made to him. I decided early on that the best strategy was to stick with the matter at hand, namely my property. This ended up being the best approach for all intents an purposes, though you can never really win with a sociopath. I was, of course, accused of stalking him, of being “crazy” and he sat and lied under oath claiming he had never even seen my property. In the end, the arbitration board ruled that he would need to return the 5 items (out of 20) he admitted having and pay back the loans.

Yes, this was a victory on several levels. First, I did everything I could do to stand up for myself. I did them in a safe and legal manner. I maintained my integrity and was able to hold my head high.

That said, none of his lies were directly challenged and I did have to go through the bullying and abuse that came with filing the claim. It really is a matter of weighing out whether it’s worth it.

For me it had to be for two reasons. First two of the items he has/had in his possession were a pair of earrings I had made out of my Mother’s wedding band and two sets of antique dishes that she had left to me when she died. I knew I would never see them again, but I also knew that if I didn’t at least try to fight for them I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. The second reason is that this is the second time I’ve been left in debt and emotionally damaged by a sociopath and I needed to learn that I could stand up for myself.

So in the end I don’t regret the decision to fight for what is rightfully mine even though I didn’t get most of it back.

My ex stole a gold coin passed down in his family from eldest son to eldest son–from his own son! My ex was the second boy in his family. His older brother had no children, so he passed the coin–a prize from Notre Dame for a Great Great Grandfather who graduated Summa Cum Laude–to my older son. At the time my ex said–I thought jokingly!–that he should get it. Well, he stole it!

I am letting that go, though I did try to get it for my son. Of course Spath denies it. But–other than me–he was the only one who knew where it was!

Where I draw the line is when he becomes a risk for the community. I discovered he is a serial embezzler, so I did report him for that, despite some consequences to myself. I continue to put the word out. I feel by not exposing him, I am protecting him and allowing him to continue his predatory behavior.

I also draw the line at my children–I will do anything to prevent him having contact with them. He is also a porn addict–that’s a deal-breaker for me. I did not have children in order to expose them to such a soul-destroying industry. So I will fight to the death to keep him from them. If I had known who he was, of course he would not have been the father of my children. They are not going to pay for his evil, or my ignorance.

I do choose my fights carefully, and I will not emerge unscathed, but I will fight to the end for those things that are important to me.

I arger with you. I will also fight for the things that are important to me. Like alimony, this will affect the rest of my life. Also, I don’t want my son exposed to his porn addiction. To this day I cannot believe that he did not care about his 16/17 year old son discovering his nude picture exchange with the female deputy co worker. How could he do that to his only child? And today he cannot comprehend why his son refuses to talk to him. Doesn’t he know that a father is a role model, someone a child respects. How can my son ever respect his father who behaved so stupid, immature and irresponsible ? This is what my soon to be ex should ask himself every day when he claims he “misses and loves” his son more than anything in this world. Just another worthless statement coming out of his mouth.

The trail of destruction that these spaths do cause us is distressing and horrible. Every one of our stories is such a recounting of the most inane behavior that had we not seen it and so often have the blow by blow proof of it, that it seems  unbelievable!  
The asinine lifestyle choices that these goofs display are testimony to their convoluted thought processes. The one who targeted me is so full-on psychopathic that his charming act is seamless!  His self-aggrandizing plus pity play are so much a part of his persona that it’s hard to believe he’s the chameleon he is, who turns on a dime, and once he’s been exposed or confronted, flares up into the most unholy beast !!
The question of fight or flight is a worthy one, Donna!  As solid and practical thinkers, we measure our actions in this world and live according to principles that serve us in times where we must select the proper path in order to maintain our integrity and honor. 
Our gut reaction to the surprises of the social predator is so incredulous when we first discover them to be what they are that they have us totally off guard!  How quickly that changes while we become increasingly vigilant to observe the veneer of their bogus routines as the pretentious skin which covers their unchecked evil! 
I was so dumbfounded when I pulled back the phoniness and went behind the lies of the one who targeted me that I became insatiable in my quest to discover “what else?” until I finally had had enough!  I was disgusted!! Grossed out!  
One horrible thing after another!  I had been taking contemporaneous notes because like others who go through the ordeal of these kooks’ routines, I began to question my own sanity.   But finally all my questioning and confusion faded and the glaring truth was revealed as I compared my notes with the time and date stamped evidence of what he had really been doing behind my back!
What I discovered was such a collection of heinous behavior that he had been hiding and denying–glibly claiming his innocence the entire time!–so over the top in it’s craziness, and had been going on for days, weeks, months, years!! The more I found, the more there was to find!  It was like being a miner and hitting the mother lode, day after research-filled day! 
He had had the habit of “disappearing” for days on end, without contact or word about his whereabouts, which had concerned me at first. But after I got my true raw data breakthrough, I actually preferred that he stay away because my research got deeper and deeper into his secret life…and it was like a horror movie–times a hundred!!
Like looking at a horrible train wreck, I was viscerally ill and yet fascinated!  
I couldn’t put every strange occurrence to the data I found but after a few months of jaw-dropping discoveries, day after day, the picture became very clear that the person who presented to me was a complete sham. Like looking at a scary clown, I wanted to laugh…and run in the other direction as fast and far as I could!  
And like you all who’ve experienced these kooks first hand, he stole money and whatever he could from me, he physically attacked me and my son, he lied, cheated, and acted like a complete jerk and after exposing him, abused and discarded me like last weeks garbage. Thank goodness!  Good riddance to bad cretin!!
I tried to fight to get the money back that  I had loaned to him but it wasn’t too many thousands and after a point I thought it might be worth every penny just to make him go away. It didn’t. He kept attacking me. It cost me more money to get legal counsel to face him off in court, but also worth every penny as my attorney is a closet comedian who slam dunked him for the court record!  Thank you, to my attorney!
Wow!  Is it funny, sad, scary, horrible, disgusting, and fascinating in a morbid way?  Yes. It is. 
Fight or flight?  In my experience with this one who pegs 38 out of 38 on the PCL-R, (the “conditional release revocation” question, n/a), I, like you, have to do both!  Fight and Flee!  
Self protection is the operative concern here. Protecting ourselves and our children. 
God bless, everyone. We’ve made it through another beautiful year–kookfree!  Yay! 
For those still struggling the vagaries of these kooks,  take heart!  Get away and regain your ground. Life is good!  Be well!

Thank you hinahina for this valuable statement. I also questioned my own sanity through out the years until I discovered lie after lie, cheating, betrayal and so on. All the while he told me it was my imagination, I was mentally insane and needed to go on medication. I am grateful for my physician who told me that I do not need any medications. He knew how evil this husband of mine really was. Like you I am grateful for my attorney who is not afraid to represent me even though my husband is deputy. I put all my hope and trust in this attorney and I feel really good about retaining him. I know I will be ok. My husband can live in his world of porn, sex and lies. I guess that is all his money can buy him now. He sure cannot get his family back. A family that was always there for him for over 20 years, throughout military deployments and hardships. Yes, did I feel like being disposed of like garbage? Absolutely, but at the end it was what saved my life.

Flight. Depending upon the length and investment depth of the relationship, cutting all ties to an exposed sociopath is not always possible so I’m grateful that such an exit presented itself. When her carefully constructed, lovebomb-glued web of lies began to melt against the mounting truth of Captain Obvious behavior changes and what I now know is the typical steep decline in intimacy ”“ weeks of distance replacing what had started out as barely days in between – I ran. On the horrible final night when the actual evidence of her cheating surfaced, I ran. Besides sharing the details here to help others validate their experiences (thanks Donna in re: my comment on the 10/12 “My involvement with a female sociopath” post) and not sink into the deep waters of discard, I’ve not looked back. Zero contact, one day at a time.

The burning embarrassment of having introduced my family and friends to someone who turned out to be a lovefraud actually became a saving grace, as those same people acted as ‘first responders’ at my side – – they poured their true love out as I writhed from the silent treatment discard delivered just after we had all spent several days together at a special event. They affirmed this truth: “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8). That kind of love is foreign to a sociopath.

Emotion, experiences, presence and time – – all invested in and wasted upon a ghost that masqueraded as a beautiful well-adjusted woman – – all erased by her pre-meditated behavior pattern to which I was blind and inexperienced. Yes, I’d very much like a full refund for all of my wasted re$ources. But, knowing that’s impossible: I constructed closure with a high road goodbye message that she did not deserve, tossed every / any physical thing tied to her and then began rebooting and upgrading myself. I even re-possessed favorite places I shared with her by returning to them solo or with family and friends, overwriting false memories with true ones. Out of the discard, I gained an education in lovefraud, a stronger faith and deeper true love connections to and with family and friends.

“And now I know that it’s time for letting go, we can’t hide what we both know, the hurt grows every time I think it’s over
It’s time to realize that we’re both just living lies, and way down deep inside something’s telling me it’s time for letting go, let it go
I keep telling myself over and over, let it go
But my love’s still strong!”

That last lyric from a long-beloved Jude Cole song is the best truth extracted from this bump in the road: my capacity to love is undaunted if not intensified ”“ like that VROOOOM revved up feeling after beating an illness! ”“ and waits patiently to be shared with someone who also understands love is a verb. As Quinn eloquently wrote in the 10/23 “Recovery From a Sociopath” post above, “If I were to never to love or trust anyone again because of my experience with a sociopath, that would be my most regrettable choice.” And worse yet, the sociopaths would win. To that I’m sure we all say in unison no way – we must make sure that true love wins.

PS – While the valuable resources here (9/26 “Was I Ever Loved,” 9/16 “Trust After The Sociopath” and especially 9/2 “Sociopaths and Love” posts) and at datingasociopath.com (5/23 “Why the breakup with the sociopath can be psychologically damaging” post) help to unpack this chapter and aid my moving forward under better guard, I wonder: since M.S. (my spath) often referenced her failed marriage to a narcissist – the ultimate mirror, perhaps she developed her own mirroring behavior to win some twisted form of love from him, yet remains stuck in that mode of mirroring to gain some kind of revenge on her ex through mistreating other men? That’s a wild problem, one that now belongs to her next target ”“ good luck with that, sir.

I saw a post of facebook that said something about conflict not being worth the loss of peace.I’ve got to agree.I don’t look down on anyone who makes the choice to fight in court.It’s just that I’ve lost enough,and as many of you can attest,the losses only seem to pile up as the drama goes on.My health and sanity are my top considerations.Life goes on.

So true, Blossom. So much time and energy is wasted by these sociopaths and psychopaths. They take such a huge toll on resources. They rob so many people of their time, money, sense of self, safety, community integrity and basically, every level that is measurable in economic terms.

As a naturally curious person who is uncomfortable wallowing in misery, I thought it would be an interesting exercise to calculate the dollar amount that is evaporated by these social predators. It’s really far more than the actual dollars they stole from you and me. It is also court costs, the costs of fixing our cars that they’ve sabotaged, the cost of our and our children’s climb out of the horrible pit of destruction that the predators foist upon us, and so many other incidental costs of their insidious perversions often without our even really getting a grip on the actual losses we could add up over the course of a year.

Based on my own losses plus those that the one who targeted me also created for others, that I estimate at no less than 5 other people besides myself per year and multiplied by the estimated head count of the socially predatory types across the United States, and taking into account the averaging of some being far more insidious and costly than others, I calculated a $7 Trillion loss per year in the USA.

This number represents half of the GDP of the USA per year. I surmise from this estimated number that the advancement of mankind due to innovation, conservation of resources, applied technologies and labor saving devices, is negated in a very, very significant way. It is due to the predatory aspects of these social toilets that worthy resources are flushed away in huge amounts, where if the social predation were attenuated, the largesse would effect a huge boon to the economic advancement of mankind.

In other words, without these social predators masquerading as normal and disallowing them free rein to hurt and destroy, we would see many, many more millionaires and people living less stressed and more bountiful and happy lives.

Sociopaths, psychopaths and malignant narcissists destroy real resources. They impoverish innocent people. They hurt people over the course of lifetimes and this is why humanity is not advancing as quickly as one might expect: i.e., the natural result of the general trending of better and better resource allocation.

It’s true that every fight we give them is like their life blood. They see any interaction, no matter how hurtful to themselves or others, as a win for them. But it’s not a win at all, as we know. People get hurt. People cry and lose their life savings, if not their lives, too. Real people lose real assets. The social predators make people lose resources. That’s why I call them “losers”, because that’s all they know: losing. To them, losing is winning!

If that’s not the epitome of dysfunctional, what is?

For me, I had to stand up and fight against the loser-kook because he was breaking into my house, threatening my life and my son’s life, stealing my property and saying stupid but true things like, “I’d marry you for your money…(and then I’d kill you and make it look like an accident and claim everything that’s yours as mine…)”.

Shocking. Horrible. Disturbing? Yes. Every day.

I stood up to him and got a TRO which he violated several times and is now fighting, claiming “not guilty”. But with so much evidence that is irrefutable, he just looks like a fool. But whatever.

I got a quick lesson in phony baloneys. So did my son. Now, I can help my new boyfriend understand that some predatory types are working him over in underhanded ways. Not blatantly illegal but manipulative and insidious…and really, theft and fraud. And conspiracy. Horrible people. And they move through the community thinking there’s nothing wrong with them. If I say something, they think I’m the bad guy…wow… Deja vu all over again!!

But, no. I’m not the bad guy. I’m just the person who reveals them for what they truly are, which is socially pathological. I recognize them early, call them out on their lies and then make moves to get away before they inflict more damage.

Then, because I tend to be a “fixer”, I explain my actions to others, explain my extensive research and my management of these types to those I care about and try to live the best I can: with integrity and honor and uprightness…and, with every fiber of my being, honestly and above reproach.

I got involved with a kook. I endangered my son. Now, I must make amends to my son so that he can live well and with integrity. This is why I fight…and also why I get the hell outta Dodge!

Nice to hear your Ride-O’-Horrors has ended.
Feet and Hands are now Free to move about the Earth at normal speed 🙂

I found this note to myself in a journal I had kept for two of the three years I was with “It”, during one of many break-ups. (Is that too mean to call him ‘It’?)

03/11/12 1:03AM:
Self, Please REALIZE!:

“Being with HIM was like getting on the Roller Coaster time and again, each time willingly, WITHOUT the safety harness to hold YOU inside the car”

Hey self! read the above. Do you see the capitals?
Will you please finally get a CLUE about what he probably is!

Three days ago was the day I decided to stop the ride I was on with Spath for the last time. I had broken up with/got back together with/broken up with about half a dozen or more times out of pure frustration and/or heartache since the fourth month of being with him.

I’ve suspected that he might be sociopathic after finding LoveFraud one and half years into the relationship, but not being a professional behavioral healthcare specialist, I knew that I would have to basically ‘watch and decide’ for myself if he was a disordered human even though it felt as though all the descriptions of what a Spath really is all about, and the true stories of victims, had somehow been written by professionals who followed him and me around taking copious notes and ultimately gathering enough ‘evidence’? to write a Medical Doctrine on. At first I was in some kind of denial though as if it couldn’t be true that he was really that Empty and Manipulating as those people are described to be. I spent a year and a half hoping to prove the medical world wrong. He couldn’t be one of those.

There is no other logical conclusion I can come to. I have to save myself. He can not help what he is and neither can I.

My mind is spinning right now, but I am going to be okay.
Take care,
Jenni Marie

Yes,they’re like a nightmare that you wish you could just wipe away and say “Be gone!” and they would obey!But that would be too good to be true…right now anyway!

Truly I can understand why you and many others go to court and fight the predators–often dealing with predators within the justice system.

I’m just fortunate enough not to have any children living at home.I live in a secured apt building,with enforced security rules.I never go anywhere alone.I do have support.

With No Contact,life has been peaceful for a year.One of my daughters is 6 monthes pregnant and out of respect for her condition and for the fragility of the other two,I’ve decided to just let things go for now.But I know that doesn’t mean that problems won’t present themselves later.

Hoping that things work out for you and your son!

A truly troubling part of parenting with a psychopath is that you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

Victims with children often believe that eradicating the offender from their life or the lives of their children will make the problem go away. Unfortunately, it could undermine the emotional maturity of the child.

Psychopaths often treat one child especially well and turn another into a “scapegoat.” The one they hold close is their “golden child.” Roles can change as children mature and catch on to the manipulation that is occurring. Children who reside with a victimized parent can be treated badly and even abandoned by the perpetrator. But abandonment can cause “longing” and make the child cleave to the parent in a way that exposure would have resolved. A child who is ostracized may become the “golden child” as an adult because they don’t have experience with the machinations of the parent’s disturbance, and are easily manipulated.

Whatever you decide about how you deal with the intricacy of the relationship, it’s important to remember that abandonment will teach your child how to abandon.

The message is that no matter what you decide, the outcome could be quite different from what you intended. And when it is, you can only comfort yourself with your knowledge that you did the very best you knew how to do at the time.


Thankfully, in my case, the disordered person has no familial relationship with us. He is entirely a bogus presentation that targeted me for “destruction” in his words.

My son was a most innocent bystander who was caught in the crossfire and tried to defend his mom from attack, which brought the attentions of the psychopath toward him.

In speaking with my son just last night about our experience as we continue to process it, we discussed how we’ve managed to make the most positive outcomes out of very tragic occurrences in our lives.

I’m very thankful that my son has stuck by me in our rough moments. We lost his dad to a fatal accident some years ago and have worked very diligently to maintain the most normal lives we could…then, the psychopath targeted us because he acts as a parasitical scourge on the community and has done for the better part of his life.

We can now use the experience as a case study in the most obvious of dysfunctional behaviors. Our family has gone through huge tragedy and risen above it. This latest episode is like another chapter in the list of “what went wrong” and how we turned it around from being the worst thing that could have happened to us into the best thing that could have happened to us!

Hard to believe? Yes. Not for the faint of heart.

Is the fear of the unknown the best response to the unknown? From what we’ve seen and after having faced the unknown and just kept going, looking always toward the positive outcomes that we want, we have struggled through our fears and come out on the other side as far better human beings!

Did we enjoy the experience? No. It was indeed horrible! It was a life and death struggle most assuredly, but as testimony to our most basic survival and thriving energies, we never gave up!

As I like to tell my atheistic friend who now is coming to the realization of a conspiracy of kooks in his life, I prayed to whatever God had the time to listen to my pleas for help. And help did come via the ether…no other way to describe it. The very air vibrated with the answers I needed to make my horrible discoveries and shut down the juggernaut of kooks that had ganged up to crush us.

My son and I learned so much about ourselves during the crisis. We learned about how to face off against injustice and hurtful people. We kept our center of gravity low, our integrity high and we never gave up.

My son is a good guy. He is now able to recognize dysfunctional behavior and stand up to it without confusing dramatic displays to distract him from his sense of what is right.

He knows that loving energy is good and hateful energy is not good. Pretty simple. Keeping it simple makes the process much less stressful. We discourage stress in our home. We’ve lived in an ashram/holy place for most of our lives and that’s the way we like it. If evil energy tries to invade our space, it’s very obvious and it can’t stay. We enjoy a peaceful home!

My most recent sociopath incident was at the workplace. I knew within a few weeks that I was in trouble, but I stayed because I needed to work. It was 3 years of pure hell. My union was more than useless – they appeared to work more for the employer than the employee. Besides the union, I filed a Human Rights complaint. The employer whitewashed an internal (yes, internal – we know how that works) investigation. However, I was able to get some recourse through the Human Rights Tribunal. However, it meant me leaving the job. That has been a blessing. And the concerns I had filed with the union? More than a dozen complaints from other employees since then…but I’m so out of there…and the employer shot themselves in the foot by whitewashing my original complaint. My co-workers were dismayed by the internal investigation because they did support me – but the results were ‘unsubstantiated’. So they still have to work there, but I don’t. This one person has destroyed the morale and wellness of the workplace. My fight took too much out of me (at the time), but I’m much better and happier out of there. The end result was that he was not hired as supervisor, which was his goal as he gutted us. Because I worked for government, the complaints were far reaching. For that, it was worth it..and for knowing that I stood up and tried to change things. But to do it again? No. With hindsight – and should I be in a similar situation in the future – I’d leave.

Ironically, I entered this workplace a year after my final contact with my s/path ex. So perhaps at least I was more in tune with the red flags (although not savvy enough to get out fast).

I’ve learned that in relationships and in work – find people that you share values with and who don’t throw up a graveyard of red flags.

I also have to fight. My battle is just now beginning with divorce proceedings moving forward. My attorney says that he will be a very ugly divorce. Already my soon to be ex husband has changed all bank accounts, left his family with no money, had me “baker acted ” and filed an injunction. All based on crazy lies he made up in his head. He will use anything and everything against me in court. This is why the no contact is so important. There is nothing he can twist and mold to his advantage. I have no other choice but to to fight because divorcing a narcissist is like going to war without any weapons. I used to have fear about this divorce but fear is never good. I am confident the judge sees him got who he really is. His lying, cheating and deceiving will come out in court and I am ready for it .

Thank you Donna for your article. It reinforces for me that our actions against those that we were involved with are worthwhile!
The eyes of the law may not always be open,however,exposing the SPs allows others to see them for what they are; liars, manipulators and people that others should stay away from in the future!

Agreed, Roger. It is why I am ordering the court transcripts from when my ex had his child support reduced because I turned him in for embezzlement. His lawyer ADMITTED to it in court. So now I can expose him, with proof! Not too smart on his part. But, as we know, they have to “win”–even if they act against their own best interests!

Hi Donna,
You have been an inspiration for many! I decided to fight,not flight. The ex spath set me up in the courts as being insane, gaslighted me, and used my daughter to manipulate me. During the
past 6 years, I have found accounts he held in his name, copied everything I could get my hands on. I was going no where in the courts, except waisting my monies, while the attorneys were getting paid off by him and his family. I had no other choice, I placed a call to the IRS Criminal Investigations and turned everything over to them. The IRS are my attorneys now. The scams
the monies, and the investment accounts are now in the government hands. The spath new I
was getting closer and closer to what happened, and he turned it on me in the courts, while he portrayed the victim. Once you tell the truth, the truth does not deviate. The beginning of the end
is almost here. I will continue to fight! The one good thing, I can certainly testify against him in court, and I will. The spath is truly a sick, depraved evil soul, that is a parasite to anyone that will
put up with it, until something else comes along. There is no changing these soulless people, except make sure you know the red flags, and run as far as you can. I can’t emphasis it enough,
NO CONTACT! You keep that door open a crack, they will sliver in, and start all over again. If anyone has anything about their exspath that concerns fraud, do not hesitate to go to the right people, and turn them in.


Good for you! I have done exactly the same–though spath doesn’t know about the IRS yet. There will be repercussions to me (loss of his maintenance income) but it was the right thing to do. Morally, legally and to make sure he is exposed for what he is!

Best of luck you you!

Good for you!!! Imagine your ex spath being questioned and investigated by the government. He is going to have to come up with some good answers. You are the innocent spouse, and you did the right thing. If you had put up with the crap, and torture just for the monies, that day would have come when you would have been audited, and then your troubles would have begun. He
does not have to know about the IRS and you. It is all confidential, or anonymous. He won’t know what hit him. Keep on going, and do not stop. He will disappear, most likely in federal prison. It will take time, my investigation has taken 3 yrs., but the end is almost near. Waiting to exhale!

I escaped from my ex by running away to my parents house where they moved to 85 miles away. But somehow he got their phone number and before I knew it he was talking me into coming to see him. The way he would do it is he would tell me he had something he knew I needed. And stupid me, would fall for it everytime. The last time he conned me into coming to see him he told me he had tires for my car he wanted to give me. He knew I needed tires. So, I fell for it again. There were no tires. It ended up being 2 days of total hell. He mentally abused me so much my mind shut down and I couldn’t even think a straight thought. He kept me hostage wouldn’t let me leave for those 2 days. I didn’t have a cell phone. He beat me, pulled my hair out, waved a 357. pistol in my face and talked about shooting me. I truly did believe I was going to die. He ended up trying to kill me by cracking my head open with a board. I needed to go to the hospital but of course he wouldn’t let me because he would go to jail. It got to where I finally could think of nothing to do but cowar in a corner as far as I could make myself fit. Then I heard him talking on his phone and he said my son’s name. So I started screaming to my son that I was there and he wouldn’t let me go. So when my son heard me he had no choice but to let me go. I went to a girlfriends house and called the police. It was a female cop who came and she wasn’t nice to me a bit. She was pissed at me because she was telling me that I would be back with him in a couple of days. She wasn’t believing what I was telling her and that I was never going back. I told her about this website, Lovefraud and the support group here. Then her attitude suddenly changed and she rolled her eyes and said well you didn’t say he was a psychopath, and said good you are trying to find help then. So after talking to her i went to forensics at the police station and they put a warrant out for his arrest. They finally caught up to him and arrested him and put a 38,000 dollar bail on him. Someone put up the bail and got him out. But then he jumped the bail and was arrested again. I found out that he spent nearly a year in jail for the charges I reported him for and it is 2 years this month since I saw him last. I’m so proud of myself for getting him out of my life.

marcyll, I’m glad you are proud of yourself because you should be! I want to comment on you saying you were stupid for falling for the lies he told in order to get you to see him – you weren’t stupid at all, you were normal! That is the power of the cognitive dissonance that they use to manipulate us and why going absolutely no contact is so important.

Keep up the good work!!

Marcy, yes, they *ALWAYS* try to bait you with the old “I have a gift for you” or “I have your money” or something along those lines. It happened to me, again and again!

Everytime it happened, it was a trick to get me alone so he could abuse me! And everytime, I was abused! And of course, with his psychopathic nature, he would abuse, then I would squirm and react and he would laugh, thinking it was the funniest thing that he had trapped me yet again!

He had a “Christmas gift” for me last year. He started to harass me to open my door so he could give me his “gift”. I called the police, but they did not arrive in time to see him trying to climb my locked gate, and when my son came out to chase him away, the abuser tried to hit my son with his car at top speed! My son dived into the bushes and behind a big tree as the kook rode up onto the sidewalk and grass aiming to hit my son.

In court, we faced off and the incident was recounted for the judge. We stated how he tried to hit my son with his car and how my son dived into the bushes.

The kook said my son tried to jump on his car!

Providing further accounts of why we needed a restraining order, I recounted how the kook tried to strangle me with both hands after I confronted him about his bogus lameness (lying, cheating, stealing–over $6000 from me–and basically being a complete ass all over town–calling me names and trying to get everyone he knew to gang up on me and say I was a bad person…all after he had been abusing me all along!).

The judge asked if I called the police at the time. I said no, that I was completely shaken up and just tried to get away from him and never see him again. The judge asked me why I didn’t call the police. I again said I was just shaken up and vowed to never go back to the kook.

The judge then asked the kook about the incident…”Did you try to strangle her with both hands?”

Kook: “No, I only used one hand. And, yah, why didn’t you call the police?” (he had control of my head and he was trying to make me look like an idiot in court)

But!! He used *one hand*??? Who uses one hand to strangle someone? And isn’t it normally worse, and even more violent than using two? And, *he admitted to trying to strangle me!!* –in court…under oath…which means nothing to him, he has no compunction against lying under oath. He lives like he’s in a damn movie and nothing is real.

I asked him once how and why he’s like he is… He told me, “I’m already DEAD.”

Yipes! *Already DEAD!!??!!* Who says that kind of stuff?!? Yes, it was one of his lucid and truthful moments! Argh!!

And people wonder why I don’t think Halloween parties are all the rage… Uh, yah…because…I’ve lived the horror and it isn’t fun or funny. Nothing is fun or funny about dead people. It’s simply horrible…that’s all.

Just remember folks, everything they say to get you back is a ruse… It’s to fool you into thinking they’ve “changed”.


They think there’s nothing wrong with them and that we are all idiots for them to abuse any way they see fit. The only thing to do is have them removed from the larger community of normal human beings and keep them out of our hearts and minds and pocketbooks.

Once the larger group of psychopaths has been removed from our lives, then we can get back to dealing with the bullies and psychological and emotional manipulators. They’re very dysfunctional also.

I have severe trust issues now. Severe! As has been noted by the experts, I obsess about these things now! (As do you all, I know!) I chase down all the information I can about how these snakes work and I put every person in my life onto the litmus test for their position on the scale of psychopathy!!

I even chased down the after effects of the stress from dealing with these kook-oids… It’s called Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome. Google it. And do your personal work to de-stress from the events and the individuals who surreptitiously try to hurt you and your loved ones.

And…Note to Self: If he says he “wants to destroy” me, then, that’s a RED FLAG!! Mind the red flags!

And, Oh, my God…Live in Peace–not in pieces!! –whenever possible!!

Oh yes, he would sit there and laugh at me too. it was an evil laugh. i was his entertainment, his fun to be mean and cruel to. Funny you mention about him saying he wants to destroy me. the words my ex used that he would say to me were i’m going to destroy you. He also did the badmouthing about me to all the people who he knew, would tell them i was doing all the things to him that he really was doing to me. most of these people i never met and didn’t want to because i figured they hated me already even though they didn’t know me. he had me convinced of that. I’ve never heard of Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome. i will check it out. i do have issues to this day because of him, still have nightmares, and a really bad startle issues. i jump out of my skin just if my phone rings, or the slam of a door, so much so that people see me jump but they laugh and think it’s the normal kind of startle. i don’t laugh back.

You are the bravest person! You could have been left for dead. Keep safe, and your son. Keep fighting, and you will win. Your ex spath will vanish, and take on another. Karma is nasty, and will catch up with him, but not with you or your family. Be safe, and be astute
to your surroundings.

Thank you edge of sanity. I don’t think of myself as being any kind of brave though.

Marcy, you are SO brave. You are surviving this! Those of us who battle sociopaths know what it takes. We all may handle it differently, but at the core we have all summoned up incredible strength to protect ourselves, and those we love, from these soulless and dangerous monsters.

Take care!

Hi, LL Mequon:

Your qualifying these social predators as “soulless, dangerous monsters”, is so helpful as a tool for understanding just exactly what motivates them into action.

I’ve been reading up about anger and aggression on the website, psychologicalselfhelp.com which is in book format. Chapter 7 discusses the mental constructs that work together to create the sense of anger and hate.

However, one of the main drawbacks in the discussion is that the writer assumes that all people who appear human are alike in that they have the capacity for empathy.

Social predators lack the capacity to have empathy, as observed in the MRI scans of the frontal lobe that show no response when the visual trigger comes up that normally shows a sense of reactive empathy in humans that have empathetic responses.

The writer of the piece assumes homogeny in the human group, whereas this is a proven fallacy: social predators are not like those who have empathy. It is this inability to have empathy that distinguishes them from others.

Interestingly, however, if the social predator is exposed to “therapy”, they learn that in order to better fool their unwitting subjects (who, in their minds, are all stupid and ready to be taken advantage of), that they can feign empathy and use the act to hook their unsuspecting target even better!

I think this aspect of their predatory nature puts them squarely in the “soulless and dangerous monster” camp! And fully disqualifies them from participating normally in the larger, more gentle, benign and empathetic class of evolved human being.

The chapter also discusses the percentage population that is the target of hate and abuse, and it is far, far more than the paltry number of supposed socio and psychopathic predatory types.

This data suggests that these predatory types are either represented in the population in far greater numbers than the supposed 4%, &/or that the targets of these predatory types are far greater than a one-on-one abuse routine.

To be fair, I suspect it is a good deal of both factors which shows up in a greater proportion of victims in relationship to the head count of the social predators.

The social predator who targeted me had five other people who he was clearly “trying to destroy”, and those are the contemporaneous ones that I knew about. I know he was baiting others as new victims, while he was working me over. I know that he had devalued and discarded many more over the course of years. I don’t know the actual number of people he had hurt, but I would say that if he knew them or could know them, that they would be in his crosshairs to fool, abuse, rob and rape, etc.

He spent the better part of his waking hours making other people’s lives a living hell. he really never accomplished anything because he was so busy trying to fool and hurt people. He never had a quiet moment of reflection about his behavior. He was “always on” his game of deception.

I must agree with your description that these are “dangerous and soulless monsters”!!

They do not have the same motivations, values systems or inner composure of humans who strive for goodness and the betterment of mankind. They masquerade as humans, but they are most assuredly not. The rules do not apply to them and they think that’s ok!

They foment anger and hate and dysfunctional behavior and the crazy making that makes the normal human question why the “gaslight fixtures are high, then low, then high…”, as in the movie, “Gaslight”!!

Their greatest fear is to be exposed! Their greatest entertainment is to hurt others and act like they had nothing to do with it! I suspect their tendency toward risk-taking behavior (adrenaline addiction) has a great deal to do with the unholy joy they get from hurting others!

EeeeeWWwwwww!! Real life horror stories!!

Protect yourselves! Identify these types ASAP, contain their influence on you and try to make it as negligible as possible, and Get Away!!

Did you ever see the movie, “Wrong Turn”? If no, then watch it! If you’ve seen it, you know how these mutant freaks of nature damage and destroy!! Yikes!!

Be well, everyone! You’re getting better with each step away from the real life horrorshow that the predators are pulling!!

Hi Hina!

Yes, I’ve read a lot of the books and studies. And you are so right that they will use the information to feign empathy. My ex still tries to play that one occasionally. But, believe me, he has less and less of a chance to do so. I expose him every chance I get–and he is livid. It is the one thing that can cause these predators–if not pain–at least discomfort. And I will admit that I get a certain amount of satisfaction from that.

Best of luck to you–and to all who have had the misfortune of a close encounter with evil.

Wow this is horrible what they are capable of. I truly think that I would have ended up dead or committed to a mental institution had I not put an end to it. This crazy making experience is a thought than I can never forget . Someone that pretended to “love” me for 20 years tried to make me think that I am insane. My therapist assured me that it was all done on purpose. He needed someone to blame in front of his family, neighbors, bosses, friends, co workers and even his mistress. Unfortunately for him this did not work out as planned. Besides the mistress, everyone sees him for who he really is. An evil monster. I am thankful I got out of this mess. With this divorce I will lose about everything I worked for but all the material things cannot replace my sanity, peace and freedom. All the money he has now cannot give him the love of his only child. Like I said he can buy him prostitutes and sex. It is a sad fact that people like him even exist on this earth. They sure don’t deserve the air they breathe. Thanks for all your great support. Passing 5 months now no contact. What an accomplishment. 🙂

Kaya. No contact is indeed so liberating! It is like freedom from oppression!

Oppressive control freaks are so bound in their little worlds and caged in their little minds that they think that thumping someone who is just a little happier, just a little nicer, just a little anything better than them is to really be a “winner”!

What trite little manufactured crises they create!

Why a cretinous ghoul needs to target nice people is a mysterious thing. Why do they bother? Maybe they need a new hobby!

The kook-en-heimer who tried to defraud and whatever-else me at one point told me he saw me as his “enemy”! So why did he want to spend so much time with me? Yes, because he’s trying to defraud me, we know that now.

But really…”enemy”? Isn’t that a bit extreme?

Did he really want to do battle…have a war…sustain damage? Or just terrorize and enslave me? Wow…what a powerful guy…NOT!!

Someone who’s known him since grade school told me today that the kook is stupid. I disagreed, and said he is actually very smart, just completely psychopathic!

And, because the kook initially posed as a friend and asked me to help him when no one else would (pity play! *barf*), and I did because I’m too softhearted and kind (not anymore! Now I’m mean to sociopaths and psychopaths…and malignant narcissists!), I learned my lesson about the wolf in sheep’s clothing. And, I have the lingering PTSD from being in the psyop war zone of the full-blown kook-meister to prove it!

But, I’m fine and loving the No Contact!

I often wondered what happened to his former girlfriends, which seemed many, and why they had fully cut contact with him. I figured there was something wrong to begin with! It was these little clues that gave me the early warning not to get too deeply involved with him…well, that and his fiancée–who he’s dubbed “short round”, and former would-be wife who he calls a “bitch from hell”…hmmm, wonder why….NOT!!

Oh, he spoke badly of the ex’s! That’s a red flag!

And he kept going back around to see them…just to abuse them!

Another red flag is he doesn’t like to be alone!

I’m guessing he can’t stand his own company!

Not so strangely enough, no one else can stand his company either! Oh, except for the schmoozing and superficial charm which he heaps onto the noobs…and the ones he gets narcissistic supply from on a regular basis….the toadys.

Where are they now? Mostly eating humble pie!

And this Thanksgiving, I’ll be eating whatever I do…but without the horrible indigestion of a chaotic kook trying to defraud me of finances and a peaceful home.

I do believe he’s slated for a Thanksgiving dinner in the State prison… At least he’ll have lots of company!

Tragic things are good material for dark humor! At long last!

Stay positive, all! Things get better, life is good!

Thanks hinahina. This thanksgiving I will not sit in any closet crying, him standing over me and yelling at me . My son and I will have a wonderful dinner and be thankful for him leaving us. I don’t care if he has dinner with his coworker/mistress. For all I care he can take her on cruises and fancy restaurants. All this will not replace a family full of love and caring. She can have him. Before long she will be sitting in a closet crying and shaking hearing his drill sergeant voice.

Kaya and All:

Being Thankful for Peace of Mind is such a simple and yet, profound sensation!

Social predators are unable to be thankful for such freedom. In fact, they are unable to be thankful for all the material items they lust after, after destroying good people in the process!

People who are responsible and have integrity are characterized by their industriousness, caring for others, planning and saving up for the future–rather than sponging off of their targets!–and building their resources up over time, while being mindful not to hurt or take advantage of unethical means to personal gain.

Then, these steady-minded creators of wealth, make timely assessments of their progress and measure their wealth not only in monetary terms, but also in good will and loving, wholesome relationships with others. Evolved humans give thanks for their blessings in every fashion.

Predatory types seem to be unable to be thankful. They can “win the world, but lose their soul”, and well, I guess it’s “instant karma” that finally gets them, as they create negative and thankless, angry energy fields around them by their dysfunctional choices.

Back to the original discussion of “fight or flight”, may I include in the paradigm the concept that’s been added as a de-stressor to the triggers that elicit the limbic system response of “fight/flight”: This concept is dubbed the “Relaxation Response”, or RR.

This RR is learnable and recommended for times when our organism is stimulated but the desired response is to give another avenue for the sensation of dissonance: we learn to actively relax when triggered with shock and surprise.

This RR is less stressful for our organisms in the long run as it interferes with the adrenaline release into our bloodstream. Though this hormone infusion into our tissues made it easier to deal with life in the uncertain jungle, over time and with constant triggers, we suffer from the stress which results in Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome.

And, the result of that is that the immune system has been repressed and the body starts to kind of shut down.

With ongoing PTSD, it’s important to incorporate new knowledge and coping strategies in order to counteract the damage we’ve suffered. This learnable response reduces the stress on the system and allows us to be more keen on solutions to the issues/people that trigger our fight/flight response.

You see, you can use this to defuse the “problems” that others create in your life and calmly allow your mind to take you to a place where peaceful balance is found…the land of solutions…and from there you can step back and create a more positive world to live in.

It takes effort to get there, as we’ve all discovered.

Try the Relaxation Response as an alternative to the panic merchant’s ploys to control your limbic system!

Ahh, and be so thankful for everything you’ve got…rather than upset about anything you feel you’ve lost…

That’s my key to happiness!

Hinahina. Your closing statement is so true. This will be my new motto. Thank you so much. I know there is hope and soon I will be free of him for ever. There is one good thing that came out of this terrible mess and that is my beautiful, smart and loving son. He is nothing like his father. Take care everyone. I know life will be better for all of us. How can it be any worse? I already went through hell.

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