The American Psychiatric Association is in the process of updating its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the DSM-5. This is the “bible” used by psychiatrists and other mental health professionals to diagnosis psychiatric conditions, including antisocial personality disorder. Two members of the committee working on personality disorders have resigned, stating that the proposal displays a “stunning disregard for evidence.”
Dr. Liane Leedom and I had issues with how the first draft described antisocial personality disorder, which was why we conducted a Lovefraud survey back in 2010. Based on the survey results, we submitted Lovefraud’s  comment about sociopaths for the DSM-5. The description was since revised, but apparently there are professionals who are still dissatisfied.
If the professionals can’t agree, no wonder the rest of us are confused.
Two who resigend from DSM-5 explain why, on PyschologyToday.com.
20years,
How long after your court case or during did you start this? I think Lovinglem in fresh out of the courts as am I. My marathon of abuse which was non-stop court dates and court ordered counseling slowed down almost a year ago.
We started with good reunification therapist one year ago this month. Although I didn’t KNOW it until about February of this year. Judge put the breaks on 8/21/12 is when I found out. So I am just hearing music again and catching myself laughing. (sometimes I will seek out comedy to get that back in my recipe of recovery)
Has anyone heard that song “Waiting for my real to begin”? I cried and sang that song repeatedly during this and made others listen to it as I cried. lol. They probably thought it was pathetic. Lucky them.
I do think our hair turning gray is stress induced.
Too much adrenalin. From spaths.
20years: I am so proud of you for taking such good
care of yourself! It took me a while to catch on that
I had to take care of myself.
After my heart attack, I had nobody to cook for me
or take care of me but myself. I made it an everyday
schedule to get up out of that bed and cook three meals
a day for myself. The only way to HEAL is to feed yourself
and your body the necessary nutrients it requires to help
us through this battle.
Oh yes, I am always happy that people can’t relate to
this ugly story of mine with ppath. Heavens, yes.
As I was flitting from counselor to counselor, trying
to find one that would understand, I used to tell them
that before I fired them: “I am really truly happy that
you cannot relate to me. Seriously and truly. But, you
are fired.” lol
Yah, I always believed in that streak of goodness in
everyone but I have a hard time believing it anymore.
That ‘streak of goodness’ has turned into a
streak of ‘opportunity’ for most, it seems, these days.
I am never impressed by users, liars, cheaters and
manipulators. Never have been and never will be.
But I suppose my philosophies are a dying breed.
Someday they will be extinct like me.
Take good care of yourself 20years.
Nice to see you. I wish for you peace and smiles
and all the joy your heart can hold.
Dupey
FACT or FICTION?
Stress causes gray hair….
Scientific American, May 8, 2009:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=fact-or-fiction-stress-causes-gray-hair
If stress kill’s I should of been dead 40 year’s ago.
I have white hair, snow white..started turning gray in my early 20’s..at least I have hair…
Yes stress has ruled most of my life but I am still kickin..
And get this..my x is back with the guy he left for me.. There were 2 or 3 after me before he went back but still he is back with who he told me was only a roomate but turned out to be a pissed off lover. oh my..Yes they are but 4 miles down the road. I cross paths with my X like ships in the nite, he doesnt even acknowledge I ever existed, nor I him…And what is so wonderful? I dont even wonder if they are in love because I know they are just living in the same cage….
LOL Hens,
so true.
about the cage.
From my favorite band, Rush. The lyrics to “The anarchist”
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rush/theanarchist.html
The whole album, Clockwork Angels, is about a young man’s encounter with spaths and how he deals with it.
This band is amazing. The guys are 60 years old and still rocking as hard as they did in their youth. Even better IMHO because they’ve added wisdom to their talent.
Good on those two for having the courage and integrity to speak up and not only quit, but to go to the extraordinary lengths to say something publicly.
I attended some seminars at a conference on sex offender treatment which was attended by researchers and treatment providers. It was eye-opening to see many of the presenters’ personalities at work, and astounding to watch the interplay between them. Nothing could ever cure me of looking up to the psychology/psychiatric/social work professions more than watching these ‘professionals’ psychologically duke it out with one another, in full public display. I watched two of the bigger names in the field compete with one another over their respective research in a spectacular display of psychological warfare, all the while pretending to be supportive of and interested in each other’s studies – which, btw, thoroughly contradicted one another. It was all ego, no logic. They were dirty and brutal, but with smiles on their face. Quite something to see, which I won’t easily forget. It was extraordinary to watch how quickly and how viscerally many of them attacked one another if anyone dared to question their positions.
The thing is, as someone with a background in data and governance, what was jaw-droppingly obvious to me was how dirty their data was, and therefore how irrelevant their conclusions were. What I witnessed was a group of people, most of whom were extremely skilled at setting up parameters of their research not with the goal of bettering their field or helping humanity, but for the express purpose of eliciting maximum funding from some group or another. It was obvious which researchers were new in the field and were honestly trying to do something positive. And how strongly their results were contradicted/opposed by those who obviously used dirty data to produce results to support their foregone conclusions.
So what this article has described re: the DSM-V groups matches very well with what I witnessed at that conference. All spin and ego, but very little credible science.
Thought I would post this article, for anyone interested in just how prevalent this is in psychology research: http://www.nature.com/news/the-data-detective-1.10937
Eralyn,
It has been a very long, up and down journey for me. I am by nature a laid-back person. I became stressed when my marriage started falling apart (on our wedding night!) and it was a series of ups and downs after that. I say this because it is very significant. I was nearly 30 when I met and married my spath husband. So I had spent the first 30 years of my life being very easy going and capable of managing all kinds of stress, including college, career, boyfriends, financial stuff, etc.
But the spath was so profoundly cruel to me that this normally calm, laid back, easygoing woman was shaken to the core.
Just the fact that I was thrown so off balance SCARED ME. Because I knew I wasn’t “myself” and I didn’t know how to get myself back. BUT having had 30 years of myself, I knew who I was (thought I did forget temporarily for about 7 years while I was married to him!). I also knew enough about health (it had always been a strong interest of mine) that I knew I had to make taking care of myself (alongside taking care of my 3 preschoolers) a priority.
So, married for 7 years. The divorce took nearly 2 years (he dragged it out and this was the legal court nightmare battle). Then, unfortunately, I moved across the country to the DC area and 9-11 happened, followed by the anthrax, followed by the sniper attacks. It was one thing on top of another, and I came very close to having a breakdown.
I attempted antidepressants at this point but soon realized they were a mistake for ME. So I stopped and decided to deal with it on my own, with a daily beer. (this was temporary and I was angry for myself being in this situation…. um, so I’m not advising people to drink, but just saying that’s what I did to help cope, and I was able to taper it off once I passed the crisis. Now I rarely have any alcohol). i have never smoked or taken other drugs.
Just trying to say that there were a few years with one crisis on top of another, and I am pretty sure that if I hadn’t already been traumatized by the divorce and legal battle (and dealing with abusive lawyers, etc.) then I would probably have been less traumatized and less likely to overreact to things such as 9-11, anthrax and the snipers. (not that other, regular, non-PTSD people weren’t affected by those things!)
I wish I could say at this point that I was able to relax (about 3 years post divorce) but no. My oldest child (8 years old) grabbed a kitchen knife and threatened to kill himself (this was at his dad’s house) and he showed signs of being very disturbed. This was sudden, and it was so upsetting. I didn’t know what the precipitating problem was. He started acting out at my house, too. It was very tense. He was a very angry boy, and previously had been calm, sweet, normal. Spath was not able to work with me to help figure this out. I wanted to take our son to a “good” psychologist. Spath, though wealthy, refused to pay and insisted on a psychologist ‘in his plan” (I understand that — but she was horrible. And I knew someone very, very good). She diagnosed our son “depressed” and wanted us to evaluate him for meds. I didn’t think this was the answer. Well, I’ll cut this story short. I paid myself to take him to the good person for a second opinion and the answer was surprising and our son got what he needed (not drugs!) and he recovered quickly, once he got a proper diagnosis. His spath dad fought me all the way.
We have had up and down battles regarding the legal custody (we share joint decision making in education, medical care and religion). DON’T EVER KNOWINGLY AGREE TO JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY WITH A SPATH!!! (I didn’t know about spaths when I agreed to this, and also I was beaten down by the divorce process finally at the end….)
So the stress kept coming, but I had some peaceful moments along with it all.
Then my second marriage fell apart. My kids were 12 and 10 at this point. That was traumatic. When my daughter was 13, she cut herself and a year and a half later, CPS became involved in our family. That ended one year ago.
Wow. Reading back over that, sure looks dramatic to me.
Anyhow, I wanted to answer your question. I really started dedicating myself to healing my immune system and learning everything I can, about a year and a half ago. This was prompted by my sudden hair loss. That was a wakeup call to me. I am still learning, but I feel so much better now.
And as for what I would say to someone who is in the middle of a crisis or legal battle, or just emerging from one: you are still in a state of PTSD shock, so cut yourself a break about that. You are going through something that would stress the strongest of people. So many people in the world would minimize what you are going through as “not such a big deal” but I think it is an incredibly big deal. It’s just invisible, since you are not on a battlefield getting shot at with visible wounds. These are real wounds to you.
I would also say, know that only YOU can take care of yourself the best, so find a way that works for you, even if you are only doing a few little things to start out with. It is a gradual process, to heal. I think I will be healing from this for the rest of my life. Anyway, you have to want to heal.
I think for me the goal is eventually to transcend anger, but for now I need to feel that emotion whenever it arises, even though it does suppress my immune system… I try to feel it and then learn from it and release it. Gradually, this is getting better. I try to balance the angry feelings with finding joy in *something* even if it is appreciating the beauty of the clouds or trees. (they never hurt me)
For a long time after CPS, it hurt to see mothers out with their little kids, laughing. I would get so angry and think: “YOU have NO IDEA. How dare you laugh and enjoy!!!! THIS has been STOLEN FROM ME!!!!” There were reminders everywhere. That what I had once happily taken for granted could be taken away so easily. Not just taken away, but the person doing the taking laughed and sneered and told me I was scum. (I don’t mean my kids were taken away; I mean my innocent enjoyment of my kids in my life, and my identity as a “good mother” were taken away).
So you are going to have all sorts of feelings, and no one is going to understand, except someone who has gone through this or something similar.
I have a small confession: I experienced some vindication (don’t know what else to call it) during the sniper attacks at watching all of the normal, never-before-traumatized people being SCARED.
Because I already knew that feeling, it was so familiar to me, and no one understood me for so long…. and here, finally, people were feeling this fear, and I had this feeling come to me: “see? now you get it!!!!”
It was not a nice feeling and I’m not proud of it — it is the feeling that came to me. I didn’t want other people to be traumatized or killed or hurt — but I hadn’t realized how lonely I had felt, how isolated, that no one could even begin to understand me, and I had been living in this horror, this fake world where everyone was just going about their business (so it appeared to me), their regular, normal lives, while I was a “walking dead” and every time I would see a regular person doing something normal that I had used to take for granted, I felt a little stabbing wound, just re-opening my wound that wouldn’t heal.
Oblivious people. I would be ANGRY at the normal, happy, oblivious people: how DARE they walk around so normal???
So during sniper, anthrax, 9-11, along with my appropriate horror and sadness at what happened and was happening, I also felt this very strange, “inappropriate” vindicated type of feeling.
Those feelings are finally starting to lessen; yes, also the ones about observing the happy mothers and their children, oblivious to the tyranny of CPS. I am not quite there yet, but these residual feelings are gradually getting processed and are fading.
20 years – hurray for freedom!
Eralyn,
Also, it took me SEVERAL years before I could stand to listen to music again and sing. I used to sing all the time. Spath didn’t like hearing me sing. I tried singing in the church choir while married, but he would neglect the children while I was at practice (he left them in their cribs in the house while he want for long runs, and he left the babies in the bath while he would go vacuum the bedroom…. and who knows what else). So I had to stop, and I associated singing with some very bad feelings and also the strong unspoken message that I was “not allowed to” sing.
It has taken YEARS to recover. The humor and laughing also took awhile. For a long time, I preferred those independent movies that are just kind of surreal, like Brazil. Not laugh out loud funny, but kafka-esque, absurd funny. Then after awhile I could watch Monty Python again…. but the mainstream American comedies I have not been able to watch so much; they are too much a reminder of the things I lost, including my dreams of a normal life, a normal marriage with NORMAL ups and downs — not the awful, traumatic perversion of a marriage I had with spath.
Now I have several friends celebrating their 25 year anniversaries and I know I will never do that. It is like giving up a dream of being a ballerina, I guess. I’ll never be a ballerina. I’ll never celebrate 25 years of marriage.