The American Psychiatric Association is in the process of updating its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the DSM-5. This is the “bible” used by psychiatrists and other mental health professionals to diagnosis psychiatric conditions, including antisocial personality disorder. Two members of the committee working on personality disorders have resigned, stating that the proposal displays a “stunning disregard for evidence.”
Dr. Liane Leedom and I had issues with how the first draft described antisocial personality disorder, which was why we conducted a Lovefraud survey back in 2010. Based on the survey results, we submitted Lovefraud’s  comment about sociopaths for the DSM-5. The description was since revised, but apparently there are professionals who are still dissatisfied.
If the professionals can’t agree, no wonder the rest of us are confused.
Two who resigend from DSM-5 explain why, on PyschologyToday.com.
lovinglem,
welcome. Sorry you needed to be here, but you will find it a very enlightening place to be.
That is how we all feel at first. The spaths INTENDED for us to feel that they had wasted our lives. 25 years down the drain. But it is up to you to find meaning in that time, so it does NOT become lost time.
Here on LF, you will learn all the things the spath intended to take from you. Time, your money, your life, your soul.
Since he got the money, don’t give him the other things. Keep reading and you will learn more about how to protect those things.
Yes, there has to be a pathology behind my truth telling (at least that’s the impression I’m given). You know, like an angry ex-wife thing. If I don’t want to appear to be just a nasty, vindictive (stereotypical) ex-wife, then I am left with — what role?
To play along? Well, I now believe that is collusion and I’m not going to do it.
Yet, I don’t want to make others uncomfortable by airing my dirty laundry. I was not brought up that way.
I hate the position this puts me in. To play along (yes, I read the book The Good Divorce and yep, that’s why I tried to do/live), but if I do that, you see, I’m LYING just as much as he. I can be as polite as you please, but it’s still LYING. (it is polite to lie, and rude to tell the truth?)
to tell the truth: then I risk offending others or turning them off and they don’t want to be around me anymore. Or they admonish me to stop (telling the truth!). To silence me.
Sigh.
Well, I read the Psychology Today article linked here, and man, this is so sick. Truly, all they needed to do was ask us. We are the ones who know the truth, better than anyone. They must not care to know, then. Or… they know, but they want to keep the truth hidden. ??
I’m glad to hear that two people had the guts to speak up and leave, rather than collude.
20 Years –
Nice one with the school. Woo hoo for you! You know, even though we read books and we’re here on LF talking about it every day, it’s still hard to believe when we’re looking at it face to face. There are many personality disorders, but none embody EVIL like the sociopath. It’s disorienting to somebody who is filled with God, and you are, whether you realize it or not. HUGS to you!
lovinglem,
I’m with Skylar on this one. It’s not 14 years down the drain.
I really believe that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
As a result of my five year spath experience (and he’s probably not gone, so, maybe 6, 7, 8 years?) I have learned so much about human nature, about literature, about my family of origin, about why I was an easy victim, about humanity, about my faith in God….I am a changed person, and I have found my faith, and I have found wisdom.
Just for the record, when I first read Donna’s piece about this being her spiritual journey, well, it didn’t resonate with me. I was raised catholic and didn’t go to church for decades. But this whole experience made me question if there is a God and help me find my own beliefs.
So please hang in there lovinglem, and make this an opportunity. If you can, get a therapist, and read everything on LF, read every book mentioned on this site you can possibly read (the library is awesome), and you will find your way.
You may find ways to leave breadcrumbs to others about the truth about your spath – his true colors. Most can not hide their tracks succesfully. Other women may come out of the woodwork, or, other people he has lied to, and cheated. The truth will likely come out.
Take care of yourself, and let him rot in his shit.
Hugs to you, lovinglem.
Athena
Thanks skylar and callmeathena:
I know I have to change my own perspective. Instead of 14 years lost, I need to think of all that was gained. I have 3 amazing kids. Wonderful friends. A steadfast faith in God that I never would have had if I had not endured all that I had endured. When I focus on those things, I do okay. And yes, I want very much to help other women who’ve suffered. That would give some value and some meaning to the pain and loss that I’ve suffered.
I just found out that he’s dating already. (We’ve been divorced only a month). I feel so scared for that poor unsuspecting soul. Please God, don’t let him destroy another life. Is there a safe way of letting her know? I doubt it.
Dear Lovinglem,
Welcome to Love Fraud and to learning that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND YOU ARE NOT CRAZY….and you will heal. He may be a psychologist but you can read and learn and find out just what kind of scum bag he is and how to combat him.
You are STRONGER than you know and there is a wealth of information and support here. This is the BEST site on the net for the caring and support from great people here.
We are a saddened group right now because one of our bloggers just lost her baby boy, Cappachhino queen’s son was lost on an unsupervised court ordered visit to her X. Plus two other members have been diagnosed with cancer, but we ARE here for them and we are here for YOU so chime in anywhere any time. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, SO GET YOUR POWER BACK! (((hugs))) and God bless.
ps. yes they will hide behind God, and all manner of other “good” things and good works but when the mask slips and you see Lucifer back behind that mask and know it is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, you get as far away as fast as possible and NO contact except what is ordered by the court. All communication via attorneys or e mail. (BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY)
Don’t listen to any “I love you’s” or anything else ONLY SPEAK ABOUT BUSINESS. Don’t let him push your emotional buttons.
God bless.
Thank you so much Ox Drover.
I am so, so sorry about cappachhino queen’s son. I’ve read some of her posts regarding court ordered visitation and that lousy social worker. I’m just sick to my stomach to hear that she lost her son. How is she doing? How did you all find out about it? I’m sorry also about the ladies who’ve been diagnosed with cancer. It’s just so unfair, but we do live in a world which is injust and corrupt. I pray for all three members in this terrible time.
Yes, you’re right about the “mask.” I wish I would have trusted my gut. I saw that mask slip a bit two weeks before the wedding but I rationalized it away because nothing in life had prepared me for what a sociopath is or would do to get what he wanted.
Thanks to all of you who have welcomed me so warmly. I really needed that.
DEar Lovinglem,
NONE of us listened to our guts, I think that 99.9% of the people here (I just made that statistic up) would say we had a “gut feeling” but we ignored it. I know I had 100s of gut feelings in my relationships with people high in P traits, or full fledged Ps…I had a gut feeling but didn’t act on it.
Don’t beat yourself up over that. The masks are good, and we don’t expect what’s behind it.
AThena, your WTF moment made me think of mine, I CAUGHT a “friend’ STEALING FROM ME–IN THE VERY ACT OF STEALING, and I CRIED for 3 that is THREE days because I was afaid I had EMBARRASSED HER BY CATCHING HER STEALING. LOL ROTFLMAO now at myself. What the Fark was I thinking?
Well, what she stole from me was not worth much, but what she TAUGHT ME IS PRICELESS….I learned from her to SET BOUNDARIES and to start to enforce them. You know that is truly something priceless. She is out of my life now, and without me to mooch off of and others to mooch off of she is leading a very pitiful life. Funny thing is that she had choices, she had beauty, intelligence, talent and a lot of other things that people wish they had and she blew it all way….but her father was a P, no doubt about that, and her son (only child) is a bi-polar psychopath as well…so there’s a lot of genetic stuff going on there, but even with the genetics, just like my son, she HAD CHOICES…she chose bad ones.
Does it surprise anyone that there is “controversey” within the psychiatric community about psychopathy?
As far as I am concerned this group of professionals perpetuate the growing numbers of this pathology in our culture.
We are indeed asking the fox to guard the hen house.
hope52,
It makes me wonder what those 2 men that walked away would diagnose the other members of the committee with……..
It also has me wondering if they all wondered that while sitting there with a bunch of head docs…lol
Thanks again Ox Drover. It is comforting to hear someone say in essence that I’m not an idiot to have been taken in by him. I guess you’re right, we all ignored that “gut feeling.” I wonder why we do that. I don’t think we are taught in our society to trust our guts, are we? I know I am going to teach my children to trust their guts. Speaking of which, my eldest dd has a visceral fear of her father. I think she sees right through him, and her gut tells her to fear him. But what can I do? I am required to bring them for visits with him per court order. There’s no way around that. He asserts that *I* am making her be afraid of him. BS. Her own gut is telling her to fear him.
Is it okay to ask off topic questions on this site?