William Balfour, 31, of Chicago, was found guilty last week of murdering Darnell Donerson, Jason Hudson and Julian King. They were the mother, brother and nephew of singer and actress Jennifer Hudson.
In my opinion, this case was a tragedy, but a preventable tragedy. Julia Hudson, Jennifer’s older sister, brought Balfour into the family when she married him. If she hadn’t married this man, it obviously wouldn’t have happened.
Jennifer Hudson was the first witness in the murder trial. She testified that the entire family was against Julia’s relationship with Balfour. “None of us wanted her to marry him. We did not like how he treated her,” she stated in court.
Julia secretly married William Balfour anyway in December 2006.
Who is William Balfour?
William Balfour is one of those people who was dealt a bad hand in life, and made it worse.
It seems that his family history includes sociopathy. His father was convicted of murder and sentenced to 30 years. His maternal grandmother went to prison for manslaughter. His mother was physically abusive to Balfour and his older brother.
Balfour himself had an extensive juvenile record, ran away from shelters and relatives’ homes, dropped out of school in ninth grade and joined a gang. At age 17, he stole a car with the owner clinging to the hood and crashed it into a telephone pole. He was convicted of attempted murder.
Read Hudson murder suspect led grim life before slayings, on RedEyeChicago.com.
Hook up
When William Balfour got out of prison in 2006, he hooked up with Julia Hudson, whom he knew from elementary school.
I can imagine how that seduction went:
“Julia, baby, you are so fine ”¦ if I was with a woman like you, I could turn my life around ”¦ you know I never had a chance ”¦ my dad was locked up as long as I can remember ”¦ my mom used to beat me and my brother ”¦ she actually gave us up, said she didn’t want us around any more ”¦ mothers are supposed to love you, but my mother never showed me any love ”¦ you’re a woman who knows how to love, I can just tell ”¦ yeah, I used to be wild, but I did my time, and now I’m ready for a new life ”¦ with you at my side, I’ll be a new man ”¦ I know I can do it ”¦ c’mon, baby, I really want to make something of myself ”¦ but I can’t do it without you ”¦ you know I love you, and you love me ”¦ there’s no reason for us to wait ”¦ “
I’m sure Balfour laid it on thick. He probably anticipated that if he hooked up with Julia Hudson, he’d be on the gravy train, because Julia’s sister was an actress ”¦ a movie star ”¦ a celebrity ”¦ and rich.
When Julia Hudson no longer wanted Balfour around, my guess is that not only was he outraged to lose control of her, but he was also outraged to lose the gravy train.
Reasons
Yes, William Balfour never had a chance in life. I recognize that he came from the mean streets of Chicago, as did Julia Hudson. She could have felt sorry for him. But she didn’t have to marry him.
Many Lovefraud readers have accepted as romantic partners people with serious life issues—including arrests, convictions, addictions and other problems. Why did they do it? Here are some of the reasons I’ve heard:
- Everyone deserves a second chance.
- I felt sorry for him (her).
- I believed I could change him (her).
- I just knew there was a good person inside him (her).
- I believe in the power of love.
- I’m a Christian, and I believe people can repent.
- He (she) needed me.
- He (she) just needed unconditional love.
Disqualifications for marriage
The purpose of marriage is a life partnership, in which both spouses support each other. Marriage is not social work. Therefore, if you are searching for a spouse, I recommend eliminating anyone with the following characteristics or history:
- Conviction for murder or attempted murder
- History of domestic violence
- Conviction for fraud, theft or property crimes
- Drug dealing or manufacturing
- No apparent income or means of financial support
- Pathological lying
- Failure to support children
- Controlling behavior
- Outbursts of rage
- Suffered abuse as a child, combined with any of the above.
Do not delude yourself into thinking that your relationship will be different, your love is special, you can change the person. Yes, sometimes people can turn themselves around. But do you want to bet your life on this person, and the lives of your family and friends?
UPDATE:
Newlywed, still in wedding dress, found stabbed to death in tub, on ChicagoTribune.com.
Smart-yet-decieved, that’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it? For whatever reason, a greater majority of us believed that we could “fix” or “heal” whatever was broken with the spaths in our lives. No matter whom it was, we believed that fallacy because they either gave us that impression, or they straight-up told us that we had that ability.
I’ve finally “gotten it” that I’m only responsible for myself, alone. I can only control myself, alone. I have power over only myself, alone. At first, it was terrifying to me that I wasn’t able to lean on someone else. Now, even though it’s a challenge, it’s actually exciting to me.
Nope….don’t need another someone to take care of me. And, can I just say how I admire men and women who have made their own way in this lifetime? Time for me to make MY own way and it’s sure to be an adventure.
Dear Truthspeak
Your words have touched my heart.
I feel like crying – thats how much they have affected me.
I tell you what – this “organism” that I’ve been dealing
with has RUINED me. RUINED my confidence. SHATTERED
my sense of “self worth”.
But your words are a blessing.
I will take your advice and RUN LIKE HELL after the threat
I have received.
HOW DARE she threaten me with a restraining order when I merely wanted some closure?
HOW DARE she rob me of $20,000 dollars in finance to support her lavish vacations and high class dining.
HOW DARE she flirt with other men in front of my face.
HOW DARE she pressure me into marriage after week 3
HOW DARE she organize the wedding behind my back
HOW DARE she accuse me of “playing” with her family
HOW DARE she take me on a cruise to pressure marriage
HOW DARE she use sex as a emotional weapon.
HOW DARE she criticize my impotence and threaten adultery
HOW DARE she form liasons with my close friends behind my back
HOW DARE she wrongly accuse me of emotional blackmail
HOW DARE she call me “fools gold” after my financial loss
HOW DARE she attempt to establish a joint bank account
HOW DARE she leave me in silence with no options
And finally …. HOW DARE she threaten me with legal action as a result of her not getting her sociopathic expectations met.
I rest my case.
Hugs
Sebbo
Sebbo, right now you FEEL as if your life has been “ruined” and “shattered.” But, feelings are not facts. The illusion that she developed has been ruined and your feelings and emotions have definitely been fractured – but, you aren’t shattered. If you have the sense to be on this site at this time when you need support and encouragement, then you are NOT lost, ruined, shattered, destroyed, or anything else that the spath would delight in hearing.
How dare she? Because, she can….. They only “get away with it” as long as we remain in turmoil. Once we take those tiny, wobbly steps towards healing, their power and control over us vanishes like a puff of smoke in a hurricane. They LOSE and we WIN.
Yep, it’s going to take some time, but you’re going to be okay. Brightest healing blessings to you, Sebbo.
Thanks Truthspeak
I’ll take it one day at a time.
I will get flashbacks and if I do I’ll come back
to this site as its the only place on the net that
I feel comfortable sharing my woes with others.
This blog is the best thing that has happened to me
Donna Andersen should be congratulated on making
the BEST SITE EVER on the net.
A quote I found that I think we should all paste on our bathroom mirrors to remember daily!
“Never let your past experiences harm your future, The past cannot be altered, and your future does not deserve the punishment”
~Love and Light~
Donna,
The best line ever…. “Marriage is not social work.”
I would like to expand that to “love is not social work” or “dating is not social work.”
Once upon a time, I “wanted to help” and thought “unconditional love” was needed.
Well, since I am here, we all know how that turned out.
Aloha :O)
Aloha, hello sweetie! Are you graduated yet? I would love to be there to see you march across the stage and get your diploma! You have worked so hard, fought so hard and done so well! TOWANDA to you my dear, you are a great example for us all!
You helped me so much 5 years ago when I came to LF and you were there for me! thank you so much! Much love and always my prayers!
I really prefer the word “survivor” to victim. I’m sick to death of being a victim and kinda holds me to that position.
Just my thoughts. xxoo
Speaking_Up: I agree with you. I am only a victim until I realize I am being made a victim and then I stop being the victim.
I agree with you, completely.
Dupey
YOU ARE ONLY A VICTIM IF YOU ARE 6 FEET UNDER.. ONE WHO IS ABLE TO GET AWAY AND STAY AWAY AND GO ON AND LIVE A PRODUCTIVE LIFE IS A “SURVIVOR” NEVER FORGET THAT… YOU ARE THE LUCKY ONE, YOU GOT OUT FROM THEIR SPELL!!!! YAHOO SURVIVOR!!!