Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates

Funny, don’t you think, how every now and again life seems to work in perfect synchronicity? For the past couple of weeks I’ve written about my experiences of thoughts creating reality — and I’ve loved reading all your follow-up comments, thank you. It seems this has been/remains a weighty subject for many of us here! I had been wondering how to continue the exploration — and as if by magic, the solution appeared all by itself. Here’s what happened”¦

Last Friday was probably the most important day in my son’s life so far. It was the day he was due to interview for a place at his chosen university in Bordeaux, about two hours drive from where we live. His meeting was booked for 8am, so in the end we had decided that the best and most relaxing option would be to drive down on Thursday evening, stay in a hotel, and get to the university bright and breezy the next morning. He also had a friend who was interviewing in the afternoon, so I agreed to take them both down together and stay in Bordeaux for the day until they’d both finished, then drive them back home. Good plan. Sensible option. Logical planning”¦. Right?

Well, yes, in theory”¦. In practice, though, as Forrest Gump said “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get”. And he’s right – because I sure wasn’t expecting what happened next! There we all were, driving happily along the motorway, chatting and singing along to the music, just a few kilometres out of Bordeaux, when all of a sudden the car lost power”¦. Completely. Pushing on the accelerator pedal, there was nothing happening — we just started going slower and slower, as cars whizzed past us, flashing and beeping because we were causing a blockage.


With hazard lights blinking, I managed to pull the car over to the side, and asked Dylan to call my local garage straight away and let them know what had happened. The garage is run by a lovely man who is extremely helpful — and who has had to arrange to pick me up once before when the same car refused to start. This time, though, we were miles away”¦ and I knew that nothing could be done until the next day.

“This is serious, but it’s ok” I said to my two passengers “We’ll stay calm and find a way through” Both of them nodded, totally unfazed by what was going on.

While Dylan was still on the phone, I restarted the car and it seemed to work again. Kicking back in to action, we pulled off the hard shoulder and back in to the stream of traffic. All seemed well, but then it happened again”¦. This time there were even more cars around us — but there was also a slip road coming up. I pulled over again and stopped the engine.

“Right, we’re heading for that turn-off” I said “Can you guys keep your eyes peeled and help guide me?” They nodded, and I prayed that I’d be able to start the car again. Yup”¦ thank goodness, she started straight away, and the three of us willed her to keep going.

We managed to pull off, and, as luck would have it, the road took us straight to a park and ride, where you can leave your car and take the tram in to town. I smiled to myself — and then laughed out loud as I noticed that the name of the road we were parked in was LaVergne”¦ my best friend’s new surname after she got married last month.

Nowhere To Stay

All seemed well, until we called the apartment to let them know we’d be late. It was just gone 8pm, but their reception had closed 5 minutes before we rang. I’d prepaid for the room, but with no way of contacting the owners we knew it made no sense to traipse over to an empty apartment, because we wouldn’t be able to get in. So now we were car-less and hotel-less in a town that none of us knew.

And this, I believe, is a perfect example to show that what we choose to think can make an experience better or worse. I’m not saying that positive thinking will change the situation — but I am saying whole-heartedly that choosing supportive thoughts can affect the way we respond. And, therefore, increase the likelihood of keeping our options open, staying focused and finding a helpful solution.

So, having locked up the car and arranged to meet the tow-truck the next morning, the three of us picked up our overnight bags and headed towards the tram station.

“Well, this isn’t what we planned is it eh?” I said to Dylan and his friend Claire, consciously keeping a smile on my face to reassure them.

“It’s ok, it’s an adventure!” piped up Claire, by this time echoing the words I’d used earlier on. The three of us got on to the tram and headed in to town to find a room for the night.

Now, the point here is this. Imagine how different the mood might have been had any of us decided to panic or become frightened? Instead, we stayed together, kept smiling, and just knew we’d find a solution.

Until we suddenly realised that Dylan had left his bag at the tram station. His bag contained his passport and all the papers he needed for his meeting — without these he would not be allowed to take part and would automatically forfeit his chance to interview. Adrenalin pumping, we all jumped off at the next stop. Taking Dylan’s other bag from him, Claire and I headed back towards the tram station while Dylan sprinted for all he was worth. We still managed to keep a cool head — despite what was going on around us. Not knowing whether or not the bag would still be there, Claire and I started exploring options around what we could do in the worst-case scenario.

Looking On The Bright Side

Luckily his bag was still there — and once again we started counting all the good things about what was happening. The fact that we’d managed to get off the motorway. That we knew a garage who could come and help. That we’d managed to park right near a tram station. That we’d found the bag. That, if push came to shove we could even sleep in the car”¦ we only focused on our ”˜luck’ in what was, quite frankly, a pretty grim situation.

The situation got worse, because every hotel we visited or called was fully booked. It was 11pm before we eventually found a place to stay — the room was costly, but it didn’t matter. At least we’d be able to rest and wash for the morning! None of us had eaten, so we headed straight out to find the only place that might possibly still be open — a MacDonald’s.  Tired and hungry, we were delighted to find that the lights were still on — but as we got nearer, realised that they were just shutting up.

Still we didn’t give up. We noticed that this particular restaurant also had a drive in — and realised that it was still open! We didn’t have a car, of course, but decided that was no problem. We’d ask them at the counter, and if that didn’t work then we’d ask one of the driving customers to place an order for us. It worked. They agreed to serve us, and we sat outside greedily devouring our burgers — I usually don’t go anywhere near fast food like that, but let me tell you, right then it tasted like manna from heaven!

Looking at the two young people who were sitting with me, I felt exceptionally proud to be with them both. Despite the difficult situation, and the possible threat to their big day tomorrow, they’d both kept calm, focused and light-hearted throughout the ordeal. We were all tired, but we all still had smiles on our faces and continued to joke about the evening’s shenanigans.

“We’re really lucky you know, mum” said Dylan, stuffing the last few chips into his mouth “things could have been a lot worse if you think about it. Thank goodness we decided to come down today — we’d never have made it if we’d gone with our original plan to leave early tomorrow morning!”

That, for me, sums it all up. It doesn’t matter what happens to us — there will always be things that are out of our control, some good and some bad”¦. Some very bad in actual fact. But no matter what happens, we always, always have a choice about the way we choose to think about it and the way in which we respond. So in that way, we are always free. Forever.

By the way, both of them had brilliant interviews and caught the train back together, while I got home in the tow-truck. All’s well that ends well, eh? And, in my experience, it always does end well in some way, shape or form.

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68 Comments on "Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates"

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Well, I am superproud I paid that part off. Now I can tackle the credit reserve that is maxed out at 5000 €. I requested an appointment with my bank to dicuss the best way to resolve that, so I can get the reserve back to the minimum. It’s probably better to transfer those 5000 reserve to a new personal loan with the bank, paying it off with a fixed amount over a stipulated time, followed up with a request to lower the reserve to 1250 €. Meanwhile I’ve now made a monthly order to put away 100 € a month to my savings account. And yes, it does feel incredibly good to know I can finally set aside some money for myself and start building my own proper reserve for the rainy days, rather than loaning a reserve from credit companies.

Clair and Truth,
thank you for the blessings. Yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of the day I ran for my life.

It’s had its ups and downs but at least I know the reason. Before that I just couldn’t understand what was wrong with my life.

Still learning. Progress is slow.


you said you miss the “intimacy we had” DUH?????? You may have THOUGHT you had intimacy, but they are INCAPABLE of being truly intimate. they can have sex, but it is impossible for them to “make love.”

You miss the FANTASY of having an intimate relationship, a loving relationship. The fantasy it would improve.

Accepting that nothing about her except the abuse was “real” is difficult, but it will help you heal. Keep on reading those articles and educating yourself. Knowledge is power.

The hardest thing to accept is the idea that while I was lying there blissfully attuned to my “partner” They were accessing online dating sites, taking calls from other “prospects” and plotting how to leave with everything I had and without me.

The memories we thought to have shared don’t exist. And in a POOF vanish when the truth is revealed.

The level of disappointment is gutting.

In the sudden realization of how we are betrayed our inner selves are reduced from being vibrant and verdant to desert and desolate.

It is a moment of being alone that is life changing.

But as so many famous people have said one way or another, it doesn’t matter how many times you fall, it matters how many times you get up.

This time, it may take a while to get fully vertical. Its the experience we’ve all had. And the fortune of it all is that most of us and in time all of us here, will be free of these disordered and able to move on.

The part of it when we feel so alone and disconnected by the stun of discovery is the hardest. We want to recover that feeling of being connected and the last time we knew it or thought we did was with the very individual who betrayed us.

What an inner conflict!

Don’t long for what was. Set your sights and plans ahead.

That last one is going to hell and if you had the chance, you’d need the clarity to kick her over the edge into the pit. Not the fantasy which reels you back over and over again.

It is that which you must fight the hardest and which is the hardest to overcome.

Very well said, silvermoon. Absolutely.
The amount of betrayal is overwhelming and stuns us into a sort of shock that is difficult to recover from. It takes persistence and a solid will. It takes drying your tears and sewing your heart back together, stomping your foot and saying: “No! I am not living like this. Your behavior is unacceptable.” We have to listen to our heads as much as we do our hearts in order to break free from the constant ‘lure’.

We have to know who we are to stand so strong for that which we know is right. We have to set those boundaries. People make their own karma whatever it turns out to be in this life. While we may have been the ‘injured’ ones, we are not the losers. THEY ARE. Remember that. They don’t have the capacities we have: compassion, concern, responsibility, etc., they don’t know what those things are. They see them in other people and so desire those character traits but they don’t know how to get them or how to break out of the torment they, themselves, have built around themselves. It’s always someone elses fault they are in the binds they get themselves into and we are suppose to be their ‘savior’. Right? Then when they are finished with us THAT TIME, they move on to greener pastures and if you make a stink about it, they threaten to murder you. It is THAT KIND of dysfunction I personally can live without.

By continuing to have any contact with them, it is only re-validating their poor behavior. By continuing to reminisce about them is a slow torture of the very first cliff we were pushed off of and I absolutely refuse to allow my violent ex psychopath to take any more thought and time from me that is not dedicated to me, personally and to those things that are good for me. I know we all come here and we talk and try to figure it all out. There is no figuring out the impossible to figure out. That’s the whole thing of the matter. We have to reinvent and reacquaint ourselves with OURSELVES and then we’ll make it over that first, rough hurdle…remembering who we are and who we always have been.

Nothing or nobody can take that away from us. We know who we are. We now know who THEY are. It’s sad that friendships go by way of hell, this way, but it is a part of life; isn’t it? We heal and lick our wounds and come back stronger than we were before. More wise, more appreciative and more aware.

I wish you all healing.


Silvermoon, spot-on. What we believed to have existed was 100% unadulterated, dyed-in-the-wool, undeniable, indisputable ILLUSION. IT WAS NOT REAL – not at any time or under any circumstance.

What we “were” is not what we” will be,” again, after our extraction from the spath entanglement. We just won’t be the same. But, this change doesn’t have to be for the “bad.” What we experienced was definitely “bad,” awful, horrible, terrifying, bewildering, and mind-bending, certainly it was! Certainly, it was all of these things. But, we’re made of “star stuff,” as Carl Sagan would say. We’re part of this huge Universe, and as part of something so vast that we cannot wrap our heads around it, we have much more important things to do than to allow our experiences to determine who we “should” be. I have to find a positive “meaning” for my experiences or I’ll go stark, raving mad. And, even though a course of Thorazine might appear appealing from time to time, I vote for survival rather than drooling.

Brightest blessings…..and, hugs to everyone!

Dupey, I am re-reading your post, above. I want to tell you what a true inspiration you are to me. Weeks ago, you were approaching a personal breakthrough and it was painful for me to read your inner turmoil. Looking back on those posts and seeing the one above gives me so much honest hope and belief that I’ll find my way down my healing path, too.

Thank you so very much for everything that you are…..

Truthspeak: I am so happy you were able to touch that spot of hope by something I have said. That ‘hope’ is there and it’s alive and well, Dear. I had a double whammy: psychopath along with a massive heart attack to recover from, all at the same time. It was really, really, really tough. But, the best thing I have ever done for myself was to GET OFF THAT CYCLE of ABUSE and that’s all it was: ABUSE.

A person who has come through the experience we have, MUST cling to the person they are, and grow and flourish that person in order to find the door “OUT”. You have to stay focused on yourself.

WE ALL WILL FIND OUR WAY DOWN THAT HEALING PATH if we allow ourselves to find it. I am finding that path, more and more all the time and the best thing I could have done for myself was to completely cut “IT” out of my life, once and for all. Period. No excuses, no back dooring, no hanging on…just letting go. That is all there is that will truly make the uglies go away.

Thanks, Truthspeak, for relating to me and for your kind words.
You are an inspiration to me as well. We have come along ways together but HOPE as well as KARMA is so alive and well and flourishing…BELIEVE IT: it’s true.

I have come a long ways on this journey and I don’t think it’s all the way over yet because my STALKER won’t leave it alone…it has only been REALLY QUIET the past few days, although I implemented NC for the sixth time, a month ago today, in fact. This roadshow has been going on ten years now. I am just finished with it so “IT” needs to snuggle into another life with another victim and leave me alone now. Enough is enough.

Aw, thanks (((Truthspeak))) xxoo

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