William Balfour, 31, of Chicago, was found guilty last week of murdering Darnell Donerson, Jason Hudson and Julian King. They were the mother, brother and nephew of singer and actress Jennifer Hudson.
In my opinion, this case was a tragedy, but a preventable tragedy. Julia Hudson, Jennifer’s older sister, brought Balfour into the family when she married him. If she hadn’t married this man, it obviously wouldn’t have happened.
Jennifer Hudson was the first witness in the murder trial. She testified that the entire family was against Julia’s relationship with Balfour. “None of us wanted her to marry him. We did not like how he treated her,” she stated in court.
Julia secretly married William Balfour anyway in December 2006.
Who is William Balfour?
William Balfour is one of those people who was dealt a bad hand in life, and made it worse.
It seems that his family history includes sociopathy. His father was convicted of murder and sentenced to 30 years. His maternal grandmother went to prison for manslaughter. His mother was physically abusive to Balfour and his older brother.
Balfour himself had an extensive juvenile record, ran away from shelters and relatives’ homes, dropped out of school in ninth grade and joined a gang. At age 17, he stole a car with the owner clinging to the hood and crashed it into a telephone pole. He was convicted of attempted murder.
Read Hudson murder suspect led grim life before slayings, on RedEyeChicago.com.
Hook up
When William Balfour got out of prison in 2006, he hooked up with Julia Hudson, whom he knew from elementary school.
I can imagine how that seduction went:
“Julia, baby, you are so fine ”¦ if I was with a woman like you, I could turn my life around ”¦ you know I never had a chance ”¦ my dad was locked up as long as I can remember ”¦ my mom used to beat me and my brother ”¦ she actually gave us up, said she didn’t want us around any more ”¦ mothers are supposed to love you, but my mother never showed me any love ”¦ you’re a woman who knows how to love, I can just tell ”¦ yeah, I used to be wild, but I did my time, and now I’m ready for a new life ”¦ with you at my side, I’ll be a new man ”¦ I know I can do it ”¦ c’mon, baby, I really want to make something of myself ”¦ but I can’t do it without you ”¦ you know I love you, and you love me ”¦ there’s no reason for us to wait ”¦ “
I’m sure Balfour laid it on thick. He probably anticipated that if he hooked up with Julia Hudson, he’d be on the gravy train, because Julia’s sister was an actress ”¦ a movie star ”¦ a celebrity ”¦ and rich.
When Julia Hudson no longer wanted Balfour around, my guess is that not only was he outraged to lose control of her, but he was also outraged to lose the gravy train.
Reasons
Yes, William Balfour never had a chance in life. I recognize that he came from the mean streets of Chicago, as did Julia Hudson. She could have felt sorry for him. But she didn’t have to marry him.
Many Lovefraud readers have accepted as romantic partners people with serious life issues—including arrests, convictions, addictions and other problems. Why did they do it? Here are some of the reasons I’ve heard:
- Everyone deserves a second chance.
- I felt sorry for him (her).
- I believed I could change him (her).
- I just knew there was a good person inside him (her).
- I believe in the power of love.
- I’m a Christian, and I believe people can repent.
- He (she) needed me.
- He (she) just needed unconditional love.
Disqualifications for marriage
The purpose of marriage is a life partnership, in which both spouses support each other. Marriage is not social work. Therefore, if you are searching for a spouse, I recommend eliminating anyone with the following characteristics or history:
- Conviction for murder or attempted murder
- History of domestic violence
- Conviction for fraud, theft or property crimes
- Drug dealing or manufacturing
- No apparent income or means of financial support
- Pathological lying
- Failure to support children
- Controlling behavior
- Outbursts of rage
- Suffered abuse as a child, combined with any of the above.
Do not delude yourself into thinking that your relationship will be different, your love is special, you can change the person. Yes, sometimes people can turn themselves around. But do you want to bet your life on this person, and the lives of your family and friends?
UPDATE:
Newlywed, still in wedding dress, found stabbed to death in tub, on ChicagoTribune.com.
This discussion made me think of something else: I’m very wary of groups. As Truthspeak mentioned the morning meetings, evening meetings, home meetings: We join these groups to help ourselves, but we may find out that the leaders and members of these groups are in fact toxic themselves. An extreme example would be a cult. So, again, always listening to my gut and if a group’s tone doesn’t feel ‘right’ to me, I’m gone.
Clair,
I think your post was excellent.
Spath behavior is very much like addiction behavior. The lies, the controlling, the need for supply…
And of course, the enablers. us.
Al-Anon uses “Adult Children” as opposed to ACOA or “Adult Children of Alcoholics” because Al-Anon takes the focus off the alcoholics and puts it on us.
Adult Children in Al-Anon all came from alcoholic homes.
Al-Anon strongly supports Adult Children and has developed literature (pamplets, books, and 20 questions) specifically for them.
A huge handicap that Adult Children have is that many have no point of reference to “restore them to sanity.” Many of them have never known sanity.
G1S,
Raising my hand here….Being an aduld child of…
Completely OFF topic, here, but this is a true story about one of the meetings that I attended:
Alanon man was revered for his “wisdom and insight” during meetings. He had a very tumultuous relationship with his AA wife, and he had a number of issues with regard to the aftermath of when she began to seek sobriety.
During one meeting, this man stood up and spoke about his inner pain. He was talking about what he was feeling for having abused his wife when she was drinking. All of the women in the meeting were “in awe” of Ken’s frankness and his personal accountability. They were SMITTEN by him and HAD been for years. Ken broke down in tears….the women were moved to tears with him. “Isn’t that so honest?” they went back and forth.
We all met after the meeting at a local place to drink copious amounts of coffee, snack on some cheap food, and talk about our personal progress. The subject of Ken’s open inventory came up, and everyone was so enthralled.
Less than a week later, Ken had committed suicide. Rather than “HEAR” what he was saying, everyone just ignored his cries for help.
So, the point of this whole sad story is that there are countless ways and means to seek recovery. But, what it all boils down to is that each individual is responsible for their own recovery, and that includes those of us who’re trying to pull ourselves out of the cesspool of sociopathy. The “whats,” “why’s,” and “wherefor’s” don’t matter any more than a fart in a windstorm. What matters is that we survive, recover, and emerge.
And, I’m fighting tooth and frigging nail for that.
I love you guys…… 🙂
Thanks, Skylar.
This is exactly my point:
“Spath behavior is very much like addiction behavior. The lies, the controlling, the need for supply”
And of course, the enablers. us. ”
And, I add “Co-Dependence” (ie: enabling), which really helped me see the truth.
“A huge handicap that Adult Children have is that many have no point of reference to “restore them to sanity.” Many of them have never known sanity. ”
Oh yeah!! Reminds of the book entitled “An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ‘Normal'” by John C. Friel Ph.D. and Linda D. Friel.
That’s a mind trip in and of itself: realizing that, perhaps, I was never exposed to “What’s Normal”; the thought of which had put me into an intense anxiety attack. But, I suppose many of us here also experienced the same.
I have that book-
“An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ’Normal’” by John C. Friel Ph.D. and Linda D. Friel.
Right back at you, Witty!
Truth, did he share that at an AA or Al-Anon meeting?
Where was his sponsor?
I know. You said that we are all responsible. Not sure I would have heard a cry for help in what you shared with us just now.
Adult child of an alcoholic, right here…..and, there really is no frame of reference with regard to “normal.”
ACOA = healing or recognizing the damaged “inner child.”
Like I said, I don’t care if it’s sweet potatoes! Whatever leads us to our own healing paths without harming ourselves and/or others is fine by me! 😀
“But, what it all boils down to is that each individual is responsible for their own recovery, and that includes those of us who’re trying to pull ourselves out of the cesspool of sociopathy. The “whats,” “why’s,” and “wherefor’s” don’t matter any more than a fart in a windstorm. What matters is that we survive, recover, and emerge.
And, I’m fighting tooth and frigging nail for that.”
Incredible story, Truthspeak & now I see how very appropriate you’re name is: Truthspeak
So, Ken was crying out, trying to be heard, but all seemed deaf? Very sad. We never know what truly lies deep, deep in someone’s heart.
Sending love to you, Truthspeak.
It’s important to remember that Al-Anon and AA are SELF HELP organizations.
They are not therapy. They are not led by mental health professionals.
They have their limits.
They cannot identify or deal with a potential suicide. The best that they can do is tell the person to get professional help or call 911 if it is a real emergency, just like any other regular person off the street.
I’ve witnessed people coming into the rooms who were very disturbed, sent there by their therapists because, from the way they explained it, their therapists thought they’d get better help there.
If a professional trained therapist cannot handle a client, don’t push that person off to a group even less capable of offering any help. That triggers some people and scares away some people who could be legitimately helped.
AA and Al-Anon are not dumping grounds for frustrated or angry therapists.
That is totally inappropriate.
Judges have no business sending people there either.