William Balfour, 31, of Chicago, was found guilty last week of murdering Darnell Donerson, Jason Hudson and Julian King. They were the mother, brother and nephew of singer and actress Jennifer Hudson.
In my opinion, this case was a tragedy, but a preventable tragedy. Julia Hudson, Jennifer’s older sister, brought Balfour into the family when she married him. If she hadn’t married this man, it obviously wouldn’t have happened.
Jennifer Hudson was the first witness in the murder trial. She testified that the entire family was against Julia’s relationship with Balfour. “None of us wanted her to marry him. We did not like how he treated her,” she stated in court.
Julia secretly married William Balfour anyway in December 2006.
Who is William Balfour?
William Balfour is one of those people who was dealt a bad hand in life, and made it worse.
It seems that his family history includes sociopathy. His father was convicted of murder and sentenced to 30 years. His maternal grandmother went to prison for manslaughter. His mother was physically abusive to Balfour and his older brother.
Balfour himself had an extensive juvenile record, ran away from shelters and relatives’ homes, dropped out of school in ninth grade and joined a gang. At age 17, he stole a car with the owner clinging to the hood and crashed it into a telephone pole. He was convicted of attempted murder.
Read Hudson murder suspect led grim life before slayings, on RedEyeChicago.com.
Hook up
When William Balfour got out of prison in 2006, he hooked up with Julia Hudson, whom he knew from elementary school.
I can imagine how that seduction went:
“Julia, baby, you are so fine ”¦ if I was with a woman like you, I could turn my life around ”¦ you know I never had a chance ”¦ my dad was locked up as long as I can remember ”¦ my mom used to beat me and my brother ”¦ she actually gave us up, said she didn’t want us around any more ”¦ mothers are supposed to love you, but my mother never showed me any love ”¦ you’re a woman who knows how to love, I can just tell ”¦ yeah, I used to be wild, but I did my time, and now I’m ready for a new life ”¦ with you at my side, I’ll be a new man ”¦ I know I can do it ”¦ c’mon, baby, I really want to make something of myself ”¦ but I can’t do it without you ”¦ you know I love you, and you love me ”¦ there’s no reason for us to wait ”¦ “
I’m sure Balfour laid it on thick. He probably anticipated that if he hooked up with Julia Hudson, he’d be on the gravy train, because Julia’s sister was an actress ”¦ a movie star ”¦ a celebrity ”¦ and rich.
When Julia Hudson no longer wanted Balfour around, my guess is that not only was he outraged to lose control of her, but he was also outraged to lose the gravy train.
Reasons
Yes, William Balfour never had a chance in life. I recognize that he came from the mean streets of Chicago, as did Julia Hudson. She could have felt sorry for him. But she didn’t have to marry him.
Many Lovefraud readers have accepted as romantic partners people with serious life issues—including arrests, convictions, addictions and other problems. Why did they do it? Here are some of the reasons I’ve heard:
- Everyone deserves a second chance.
- I felt sorry for him (her).
- I believed I could change him (her).
- I just knew there was a good person inside him (her).
- I believe in the power of love.
- I’m a Christian, and I believe people can repent.
- He (she) needed me.
- He (she) just needed unconditional love.
Disqualifications for marriage
The purpose of marriage is a life partnership, in which both spouses support each other. Marriage is not social work. Therefore, if you are searching for a spouse, I recommend eliminating anyone with the following characteristics or history:
- Conviction for murder or attempted murder
- History of domestic violence
- Conviction for fraud, theft or property crimes
- Drug dealing or manufacturing
- No apparent income or means of financial support
- Pathological lying
- Failure to support children
- Controlling behavior
- Outbursts of rage
- Suffered abuse as a child, combined with any of the above.
Do not delude yourself into thinking that your relationship will be different, your love is special, you can change the person. Yes, sometimes people can turn themselves around. But do you want to bet your life on this person, and the lives of your family and friends?
UPDATE:
Newlywed, still in wedding dress, found stabbed to death in tub, on ChicagoTribune.com.
Clair, thanks for the love – and, it’s back to you, too.
Ken was despairing and was begging for help without using the words, “I need some help, here!” Rather than hear his inventory as a plea for help, all of the women were swooning. It was the strangest behavior I’d ever witnessed at a meeting, and it had been escalating for a year or two – women gravitated to him because he was attractive, well-spoken, and was one of about four men who were involved in Alanon at that time. They flirted with him, and it was unseemly.
Once it was all said and done, there was a great gnashing of teeth and wailing over HOW Ken could have done that when he was so loved by his fellow members. I quietly said, “Didn’t any of you HEAR what he was saying, or were you too interested in flirting with him to notice?” Needless to say, whenever a new male appeared at subsequent meetings, everyone remained VERY low-key with the exception of a very few.
I chose my LF ID name because it’s my intention to speak truthfully after this most recent experience. Had I spoken truthfully during this second marriage, I might have ended it a WHOLE lot sooner, but I allowed my fears (inner child) to determine my courses of action and decisions.
Thanks, again……
G1S, Ken was in Alanon, and his sponsor was a female who obviously had “an agenda” with Ken, even though his wife was recovering in the room next door.
It’s a very, very difficult thing for people to leave their egos at the door, I think. I want, with desperation, to remain open to the truth, EVEN if it makes me uncomfortable or creates triggers for me. Like I said, I’m responsible for my own recovery whether it’s recovery from addiction to sweet potatoes or an addiction to a sociopath.
G1S, we seem to posting over one another! LMAO!!!
Indeed, these programs are Self-Help. And, even a layperson could have put the pieces together and seen that Ken was spiraling out of control. Instead of seeing the TRUTH about Ken’s situation, these gals chose to interpret it as something that fed their own egos. The former family member was one of them.
And, NO……going to meetings MUST be a personal decision and choice and NOT a mandate from a therapist or Judge.
“I quietly said, “Didn’t any of you HEAR what he was saying, or were you too interested in flirting with him to notice?” ”
There ya go again, speakin’ the truth!
Your story reminds me of what I posted above about groups. This group was not good for Ken; he didn’t feel safe/didn’t know how to ask for what he needed. Maybe he didn’t know what he needed. Sounds like too much ego in the group: The ladies’ egos & perhaps Ken’s ego, everyone with their own agenda & own mask, except you and perhaps you felt out voted or over whelmed by the group’s dynamic? Maybe Ken also felt over whelmed by the group’s dynamic?
RIP, Ken.
Truthspeak,
My husband who attended AA and was sober about 2 1/2 years as I mentioned above went into a dry drunk for about maybe 2 months before he went back out. During his dry drunk period naturally one of the things he cut back on was meetings….He talked to his AA buddies and his sponser on the phone and also went to an occasional meeting so as not to raise any red flags, saying he was busy at work. (his job didn’t have overtime) But never reached out. If anything he was very good at letting everyone think he was fine…Just “busy” with work.
However I immediately saw tons of red flags….I spoke of this often at my AlAnon meetings…Fearing it was a matter of time before he drank again. I reached out often and was given much support….
I also approached my husband and shared my concerns. He told me to work my own program and stay out of his. NOT his normal “sober” response…..Another red flag…We often talked program at home and his new found complacency was my biggest fear.
Anyways….Long story short. During this time one of the young men that we knew well from the program tragically died.
My husband who was a a good articulate speaker was asked to speak at his service. He spoke, and although I didn’t attend the service because I didn’t have a babysitter…
I can’t tell you how many people from the program told me later that what he said at this young mans funeral was the most moving, intense speech that had ever heard. Many were brought to tears…He spoke of the program and talked the talk, how blessed he was to be sober today….blah blah blah…
That same day my husband came home after the funeral and left me and the kids addmiting that he wanted to drink. He said he was going to go stay at his parents for a couple of days (they were out of town) He said he needed to go because he needed time to work it out. BOTH of us knew the reason he was going to his parents, was to drink and didn’t want to do it in front of the kids. He did drink that day as I spoke to him later that evening on the phone and could tell by his voice.
ONE WEEK to the day later he commited suicide. Never saw THOSE red FLAGS.
So I saw the red flags….that he was going to drink again. But was absolutely clueless even in hindsite to any red flags of suicidal thoughts….
As much as my husband had a huge suport group ALL around him, his family, his AA people….He never reached out.
That same young mans family that he spoke at his funeral attended my husbands funeral. They couldn’t say enough about the words my husband spoke a week earlier.
Wow, I leave the board for a few hours and look what happens, a ga-zillion posts. G1S and Witty, thanks for the explanation for Dry drunk…I was using it more for a person who pretends to be working the program, but in fact they are a FAKE AA member, they may not be drinking, but they are still abusive to others, i.e. high in P traits sober or drunk.
Okay, that addressed I will go back and read the rest of the posts.
OMG (((witsend))). I am so sorry to hear this. I think we can never truly know what’s in a person’s heart or mind. No man is an island, yet we are each our own little islands.
“As much as my husband had a huge suport group ALL around him, his family, his AA people”.He never reached out. ”
It sounds like your husband felt as if he was voiceless. Despite all the support and what he said, he was not able to ask for help. So sad.
Witsend, you must have incredible strength.
(((witsend)))
Psychopaths can ALSO have other problems, including alcohol or drug addiction, bi-polar, ADHD. All three of these things are VERY COMMON in psychopaths and if you treat the other problems or addictions they are still left mean as a snake.
Which came first? the chicken or the egg? the addiction or the psychopathy? They are BOTH “brain abnormalities”
You CAN get someone who is addicted to a substance (whatever that substance is) to quit it. I quit nicotine. I’m a nicotine addict, maybe it is genetic predisposition, or maybe it is being exposed to it. I’m not “cured” I still want it from time to time, but I have CONTROLLED it. One day at a time.
Years ago I went to a NA meeting and I was a bit put off because they were talking about when they wanted a cigarette they would TAKE A XANAX–trading a nicotine addiction for a drug addiction didn’t seem too helpful to me. The people didn’t seem to think I was working with them by saying that wasn’t a healthy way to quit smoking. I always was a “kill joy” just ask my kids. Don’t drink or do drugs. don’t drive without a license. Don’t steal. Don’t kill. I never let them have any fun! LOL
Clair,
I think that this is one of the things that is so difficult about suicide. When you really KNOW someone well….Suicide can take even that away from you….
I am ok…This was 15 years ago. My kids were young so I needed to be emotionally available to them so I sought out help in ALL forms. Therapy, suicide survivor support groups, read about every book printed on suicide at the time….
A couple years after, I even spoke at local schools for awhile when in my own quest for information I was dismayed to find how many young people commit suicide every year.
To this day though when I learn that someone has lost a loved one by suicide I feel for them profoundly….Even if I don’t know them.
It’s a hard row to hoe….And many people don’t go go out and seek help. I don’t know how they do it?
Wow Truthspeak,
What can I say? I am sorry your husband ended his life that way and for any suffering you’ve gone through as a result.
I don’t want to offend anyone here, as I have the impression that most are in favor or 12 step programs. Hey, if they work for you that is great. I just know that for many they don’t.
I hope someday we arrive at a place where there are enough resources out there for every flavor of addiction, mental illness, etc.
At least we’ve advanced in many ways and I think of depression when I say this. They used to do the blood-letting thing a few hundred years ago and now we actually have drugs that can help.