William Balfour, 31, of Chicago, was found guilty last week of murdering Darnell Donerson, Jason Hudson and Julian King. They were the mother, brother and nephew of singer and actress Jennifer Hudson.
In my opinion, this case was a tragedy, but a preventable tragedy. Julia Hudson, Jennifer’s older sister, brought Balfour into the family when she married him. If she hadn’t married this man, it obviously wouldn’t have happened.
Jennifer Hudson was the first witness in the murder trial. She testified that the entire family was against Julia’s relationship with Balfour. “None of us wanted her to marry him. We did not like how he treated her,” she stated in court.
Julia secretly married William Balfour anyway in December 2006.
Who is William Balfour?
William Balfour is one of those people who was dealt a bad hand in life, and made it worse.
It seems that his family history includes sociopathy. His father was convicted of murder and sentenced to 30 years. His maternal grandmother went to prison for manslaughter. His mother was physically abusive to Balfour and his older brother.
Balfour himself had an extensive juvenile record, ran away from shelters and relatives’ homes, dropped out of school in ninth grade and joined a gang. At age 17, he stole a car with the owner clinging to the hood and crashed it into a telephone pole. He was convicted of attempted murder.
Read Hudson murder suspect led grim life before slayings, on RedEyeChicago.com.
Hook up
When William Balfour got out of prison in 2006, he hooked up with Julia Hudson, whom he knew from elementary school.
I can imagine how that seduction went:
“Julia, baby, you are so fine ”¦ if I was with a woman like you, I could turn my life around ”¦ you know I never had a chance ”¦ my dad was locked up as long as I can remember ”¦ my mom used to beat me and my brother ”¦ she actually gave us up, said she didn’t want us around any more ”¦ mothers are supposed to love you, but my mother never showed me any love ”¦ you’re a woman who knows how to love, I can just tell ”¦ yeah, I used to be wild, but I did my time, and now I’m ready for a new life ”¦ with you at my side, I’ll be a new man ”¦ I know I can do it ”¦ c’mon, baby, I really want to make something of myself ”¦ but I can’t do it without you ”¦ you know I love you, and you love me ”¦ there’s no reason for us to wait ”¦ “
I’m sure Balfour laid it on thick. He probably anticipated that if he hooked up with Julia Hudson, he’d be on the gravy train, because Julia’s sister was an actress ”¦ a movie star ”¦ a celebrity ”¦ and rich.
When Julia Hudson no longer wanted Balfour around, my guess is that not only was he outraged to lose control of her, but he was also outraged to lose the gravy train.
Reasons
Yes, William Balfour never had a chance in life. I recognize that he came from the mean streets of Chicago, as did Julia Hudson. She could have felt sorry for him. But she didn’t have to marry him.
Many Lovefraud readers have accepted as romantic partners people with serious life issues—including arrests, convictions, addictions and other problems. Why did they do it? Here are some of the reasons I’ve heard:
- Everyone deserves a second chance.
- I felt sorry for him (her).
- I believed I could change him (her).
- I just knew there was a good person inside him (her).
- I believe in the power of love.
- I’m a Christian, and I believe people can repent.
- He (she) needed me.
- He (she) just needed unconditional love.
Disqualifications for marriage
The purpose of marriage is a life partnership, in which both spouses support each other. Marriage is not social work. Therefore, if you are searching for a spouse, I recommend eliminating anyone with the following characteristics or history:
- Conviction for murder or attempted murder
- History of domestic violence
- Conviction for fraud, theft or property crimes
- Drug dealing or manufacturing
- No apparent income or means of financial support
- Pathological lying
- Failure to support children
- Controlling behavior
- Outbursts of rage
- Suffered abuse as a child, combined with any of the above.
Do not delude yourself into thinking that your relationship will be different, your love is special, you can change the person. Yes, sometimes people can turn themselves around. But do you want to bet your life on this person, and the lives of your family and friends?
UPDATE:
Newlywed, still in wedding dress, found stabbed to death in tub, on ChicagoTribune.com.
Oxy,
that is a very common thing for an addict to want to replace one addiction for another.
This is not working a program or being “sober” by the way.
Many addicts will try and convince themselves that because they are giving up their “drug of choice” they can’t possibly becaome addicted to _____. (the replacement drug, behavior what have you)
When of course just the opposite is true.
What you experienced at the NA meeting is “stinkin thinkin” at its finest. LOL…
But truth is that is the disease “talking” to the addict.
Witsend,
One of the addictions you speak of would be an addiction to meetings. I mentioned in another thread that gentleman/former friend of mine that popped SOMA like jellybeans. Well, he used to be an AA guru. He had 24 years of sobriety in AA. This is why one cannot set any sort of timeline. If a person wants to write off anyone who has had an addiction as a marriage partner, to each his own.
I personally long for the day when better treatment methods or more resources are available. That goes for an addict, an SPath, whatever.
Regarding my addictions, when I feel that I want something I know I shouldn’t have, I ask myself “What is this wanting? What is the emptiness I’m trying to fill?” and then I sit with that for a while. I’m not always able to answer, but it helps me to stay conscious of what I’m doing and feeling.
Witty,
A problem I had with SOME AA groups though was I had a patient who was depressed and I think his alcoholic behavior was an attempt at self medication for depression but I sent him to AA and he agreed to go willingly…I also put him on an antidepressant for the depression which I think was life long, and when he gets to AA they tell him that if he takes the MEDICATION I PRESCRIBED he is not “working the program” but substituting one drug for another. This group was so ANTI MEDICATION for mental health issues that I think if he had had pneumonia they would have wanted him to quit his antibiotic.
He stopped the AA took the medication for the depression and with talk and support from me, he quit the drinking as he got the depression under control. the last I knew of him he was doing okay.
I have attended in-house AA meetings at the inpatient psych units where I worked and of course they do NOT have that opinion about psych medications, so this may vary from place to place and who is running the show.
I see why AA works and I also see why for some folks they don’t agree with the way it works, or with the “higher power” and spiritual aspect of it.
I do believe that humans have a spiritual aspect just as we have a physical and an emotional aspect. I do think that as long as our intellectual aspect is intact we have control over our behavior and that includes our addictions, but we must EXERCISE that control.
My oldest son is severely ADHD but I never let him use that as an EXCUSE for why he did this or that, or for any bad behavior.
I had an ADHD patient who threw a chair at his teacher. His mother called and she said “Well what can you expect? He’s ADHD” I said calmly “I expect him to NOT throw chairs at teachers just because he is pissed.” Addictions or other conditions are not excuses unless you are totally OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY.
Kathy,
Yep that is true. The AA meeting addict….
We had many “long suffering” wives that would come through the Al Anon doors crying that their husbands went from being out every night drinking to gone every night at meetings….
90 meetings in 90 days is suggested for newbies.
So for most the 7 days a week meeting doesn’t last for 24 years as with the AA guru…
However an hour a day meeting is better than out drinking all night. Especially if the person is really working at getting sober.
Kind of like someone who is Dx with cancer or any other illness and has to undergo treatment that has all kinds of bad side effects. You got to weigh the good and the bad, yes?
Nothings perfect.
Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. It never goes away no matter how many meeting you attend. It IS a disease.
Thank you Oxy for helping that person. It is true (although not as much these days) that people were (or are) talked out of taking psychotropics meds by their AA sponsors or others in the program, only to commit suicide in some cases.
I came across this link I’ll share. As early as 1964 a Dr. was saying that AA was hampering the medical community’s ability to address this problem. In fact, he even said it’s “retarded scientific research.”
http://ww1.prweb.com/prfiles/2004/05/30/130243/Arthur_Cain_article.doc
Witsend,
We’ll have to agree to disagree. I could point you to links that would tell you it’s NOT a disease, but I won’t.
The 90 meetings in 90 days is a product of the AA machine over time. Nowhere was that written in the BB. I have nothing against the “core program” as it was intended to be. It’s the machine that has come after I take issue with.
I am adamantly AGAINST 12 step programs, as I believe they only serve to hinder a natural evolution towards real progress helping those with addictions recover.
Oxy,
An addict should try to stay away from narcotic drugs if at all possible because naturally they are very addicting. At BEST they should inform their doctors that they are a recovering addict.
However I have known some recovering addicts who have have taken anti-d medication for a period of time and not thrown out of the AA halls….
On the other hand I have also known many who abuse xanax and many others…..Given for anxiety. Or pain meds. I had a friend (I met through the program) who actually kicked her crack habit but was so addicted to her pain meds that she just didn’t get it….If I took half of the pain meds that she did in one day I would be dead. Her tolerance level was unbelievable. When she became suicidal and made several attempts (this is AFTER my husband recently suicided) I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to let her go. I couldn’t just keeep going to her house never knowing if she would be dead or alive. This was a VERY difficult thing for me to do. I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I think AA is like any other program. It isn’t perfect. The people who go there aren’t perfect.
The tools that AA offers can work for some and not for others. One of the AA sayings is “take what you LIKE and leave the rest.”
Above ALL an addict has to really WANT it! (sobriety) It ain’t easy.
We live in an imperfect world for sure. sigh….
Kathy,
Yep we can do that agree to disagree. Not a debate I want to take on. LOL
“I had to let her go. I couldn’t just keeep going to her house never knowing if she would be dead or alive. This was a VERY difficult thing for me to do. I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
I hear you. Yes, very difficult to do, but soooo healthy for you.