William Balfour, 31, of Chicago, was found guilty last week of murdering Darnell Donerson, Jason Hudson and Julian King. They were the mother, brother and nephew of singer and actress Jennifer Hudson.
In my opinion, this case was a tragedy, but a preventable tragedy. Julia Hudson, Jennifer’s older sister, brought Balfour into the family when she married him. If she hadn’t married this man, it obviously wouldn’t have happened.
Jennifer Hudson was the first witness in the murder trial. She testified that the entire family was against Julia’s relationship with Balfour. “None of us wanted her to marry him. We did not like how he treated her,” she stated in court.
Julia secretly married William Balfour anyway in December 2006.
Who is William Balfour?
William Balfour is one of those people who was dealt a bad hand in life, and made it worse.
It seems that his family history includes sociopathy. His father was convicted of murder and sentenced to 30 years. His maternal grandmother went to prison for manslaughter. His mother was physically abusive to Balfour and his older brother.
Balfour himself had an extensive juvenile record, ran away from shelters and relatives’ homes, dropped out of school in ninth grade and joined a gang. At age 17, he stole a car with the owner clinging to the hood and crashed it into a telephone pole. He was convicted of attempted murder.
Read Hudson murder suspect led grim life before slayings, on RedEyeChicago.com.
Hook up
When William Balfour got out of prison in 2006, he hooked up with Julia Hudson, whom he knew from elementary school.
I can imagine how that seduction went:
“Julia, baby, you are so fine ”¦ if I was with a woman like you, I could turn my life around ”¦ you know I never had a chance ”¦ my dad was locked up as long as I can remember ”¦ my mom used to beat me and my brother ”¦ she actually gave us up, said she didn’t want us around any more ”¦ mothers are supposed to love you, but my mother never showed me any love ”¦ you’re a woman who knows how to love, I can just tell ”¦ yeah, I used to be wild, but I did my time, and now I’m ready for a new life ”¦ with you at my side, I’ll be a new man ”¦ I know I can do it ”¦ c’mon, baby, I really want to make something of myself ”¦ but I can’t do it without you ”¦ you know I love you, and you love me ”¦ there’s no reason for us to wait ”¦ “
I’m sure Balfour laid it on thick. He probably anticipated that if he hooked up with Julia Hudson, he’d be on the gravy train, because Julia’s sister was an actress ”¦ a movie star ”¦ a celebrity ”¦ and rich.
When Julia Hudson no longer wanted Balfour around, my guess is that not only was he outraged to lose control of her, but he was also outraged to lose the gravy train.
Reasons
Yes, William Balfour never had a chance in life. I recognize that he came from the mean streets of Chicago, as did Julia Hudson. She could have felt sorry for him. But she didn’t have to marry him.
Many Lovefraud readers have accepted as romantic partners people with serious life issues—including arrests, convictions, addictions and other problems. Why did they do it? Here are some of the reasons I’ve heard:
- Everyone deserves a second chance.
- I felt sorry for him (her).
- I believed I could change him (her).
- I just knew there was a good person inside him (her).
- I believe in the power of love.
- I’m a Christian, and I believe people can repent.
- He (she) needed me.
- He (she) just needed unconditional love.
Disqualifications for marriage
The purpose of marriage is a life partnership, in which both spouses support each other. Marriage is not social work. Therefore, if you are searching for a spouse, I recommend eliminating anyone with the following characteristics or history:
- Conviction for murder or attempted murder
- History of domestic violence
- Conviction for fraud, theft or property crimes
- Drug dealing or manufacturing
- No apparent income or means of financial support
- Pathological lying
- Failure to support children
- Controlling behavior
- Outbursts of rage
- Suffered abuse as a child, combined with any of the above.
Do not delude yourself into thinking that your relationship will be different, your love is special, you can change the person. Yes, sometimes people can turn themselves around. But do you want to bet your life on this person, and the lives of your family and friends?
UPDATE:
Newlywed, still in wedding dress, found stabbed to death in tub, on ChicagoTribune.com.
Your right Clair. It was something I had to do for myself. It felt selfish at the time. I remember telling her mother. That I was done…That was hard too.
But I know in my heart it is what I had to do. Doing the right thing for ourselves isn’t always easy is it?
Witty,
I am in agreement with you entirely.
I am going to “preach” to you now, though. I can’t remember what thread it was on but you were talking about how your son’s “missing in actions” was worrying you and your intuition was kicking in and you were worrying.
The bible tells us that nothing we do in the way of worrying can add an inch to our height (paraphrased) and that there is enough trouble in today that we don’t need to borrow trouble (worry) from tomorrow.
There is NOTHING YOU CAN DO about how your son behaves any more than there is anything I can do about Patrick. I spent 20 years worrying about Patrick getting beaten up, killed, raped, etc. in prison which is a violent unsafe environment.
Your son has mental health issues with the bi-polar and he refuses to treat them…nothing you can do. Not your choice. So go to an al anon meeting or whatever you have to do to quit focusing on something over which you have NO CONTROL, WITTY. It only eats you alive and doesn’t help the kid. (((hugs))) sermon done.
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Oxy,
I think this time I need the skillet (a boinking) instead of the sermon.
I know intellectually not to worry about something that I have no control over….Been to enough AlAnon meetings, got that part. Was there that day! Maybe even got the t shirt..Lol.
But you know that gnawing feeling in your gut…That persistent
thing that is kind of relentless? I just can’t shake it this time.
I give an Amen to that sermon.
I think a big piece to healing is consciously acknowledging to ourselves that we have no control over certain things, like decisions our mentally ill loved ones make. It hurts like hell and it’s so hard to do. But, I think what is very healing (as well as very heart breaking) to do when faced with this is to see ourselves as separate human beings from our loved ones: We are not them and they are not us. They make choices in their life and we cannot chose for them and vice verse. Perhaps the best we can do is pray for them and ask their Guardian Angels to protect them and to help them make the right choice. Maybe this is loving detachment where we love them, pray for them, but make sure they don’t take us down with them if they make the wrong decision.
Witty, I am so sorry about the suicide – what a horrible event.
Ken wasn’t my husband, but he was a good friend.
I’m not for or against ANYthing that helps a human being recover from whatever demons crawl on their backs. Like I said……sweet ‘taters.
Clair, one of the most difficult thing for me to ever accept is my powerlessness – my personal limits. I can help myself, oh you bet I can. But, I do not have the power to help someone else.
I think about my mom’s decline into dementia. I was completely powerless and helpless to stop the progression. Nothing I could do was going to stop that train wreck from happening. No bargaining, no medicines, nothing was going to stop it.
I had to accept my limits and just “be there” with her and tell her that I loved her, unconditionally, to the end.
There is NO SHAME in being powerless. It’s just an affirmation of our humanity.
“I had to accept my limits and just “be there” with her and tell her that I loved her, unconditionally, to the end.”
Truthspeak, this is beautiful. I learned the same after my mother died. Wish I had known this when she was dying. Sometimes all we can do is to just “be there”. I learned this lesson because my need, my desire, to control caused me great pain. Sometimes, there is so much freedom and peace in just letting go and accepting.
I love this too:
“There is NO SHAME in being powerless. It’s just an affirmation of our humanity.” Yes: there is no shame if we have no power, no control.
Both thoughts are very deep and they really touch me. Thank you, Truthspeak.
Nobody in AA should be telling another person what to do about meds. They are not qualified medical professionals.
What should be done is the addict/alcoholic needs to be honest with his or her MD/prescribing person-assuming the addict/alcoholic wants recovery. They don’t all want it deep down inside. They’re will to do some things, but give up drugs? That’s asking quite a lot for some of them.
Don’t forget that there are plenty of them who will come up with excuses to get meds. They trade one drug for another. They’re dishonest and are not working their programs. They’re scamming people.
The issues with an addict/alcoholic telling a MD about an addicition are there are some MDs/prescribing people couldn’t care less, don’t understand the recovery process and aren’t interested in bothering to learn, or are egomaniacs who will have it their way and you adapt to them regardless.
So, when you have AAs who have had some very bad expereinces because of what they have personally encountered and seen, they will step forward and try to warn somebod, jst like none of us here are qualified psychopathy experts, we certainly know a lot of what works and what doesn’t.
Truthspeak – and my limits are that i cannot even be with my mom as she lives with my n bastard father. i become horrid when i even think about interacting with him. i love her much, but i love me more….now. It’s a hard, but necessary trade.