A recent study analyzed data about 14,000 college students collected over 30 years. The shocking findings: today’s college students are 40 percent lower in empathy than students from 20 or 30 years ago.
Read Empathy: College students don’t have as much as they used to, on Newswise.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
My score was 97.1% also, but I am very passionate about this subject. I teach my own kids and my students as much as possible about having feelings for others. What makes you or anyone better than another human? The Bible is big on this topic as well when it says God is not a respector of persons. In fact Jesus saved his most pointed criticism to those who thought themselves to be “something” of themselves. Oxy I think your opinion of the 18 and done with kids might be American biased as it is typical for families in other countries to live with their parents, or other family members for much longer if they choose without any negative stigmas. Some countries do a better job of promoting family better although many of those are now being “Americanized”, so it probably follows that they are becoming less empathetic as well. Sad. In the Philippines younger children address older ones with a title of respect, and they are taught to respect their elders with a gesture of blessing upon greeting. I think this stuff could be taught. Hope it is not too late….
Ah, thank you guys for the support. I finally got through to them that yes, I have the right to rest and enjoy, but will always look out for their interests and will not leave them college – less. It’s refreshing in a way to know that they care so much about their education. But, of course, I should have done a better job in a “respect department.” (but, Oxy, I did read your post out loud to them and it did make them think)
I do feel guilty because I had put them through too much at a very young age. When these kids warned me about P I took his side and for that I will forever feel guilty. I chose to believe his lies. They say they forgave me, but I can see how now they doubt solidity and soundness of my decisions. Therapy was interesting – they pretended that they have no issues with the whole situation, did not want another stranger in their lives. Just wanted to move on…
Dear Teacher,
I still have a 30+ son living with me. He is NOT dependent on me though. My kids have worked AND contributed part of their income to the HOUSEHOLD since age 15. Housework is a family affair, and not a paid job.
Helping a kid is one thing, but letting the child DEMAND that you go without things (even a vacation) to give them a HIGH RIDE or a higher education ON DEMAND, nah, I’m not going there. I Have NO problem HELPING my offspring get an education or anything else, but them DEMANDING without any concern or respect for my own needs is another matter entirely.
One of my favorite parables of Jesus is his about the Publican and the pharisee standing in the Temple to pray and the Pharisee was thanking God that he wasn’t like that “sinner there” and was looking down on the publican and congratulating himself on what a GOOD MAN he was. I remember in a Bible study once many years before a very humble man who was our teacher said, “You know, Sometimes I have said to God, “thank you God that I am not conceited like that Pharisee!” LOL
I realized then that too many times I have slapped myself on my own back for being “better than that Pharisee” LOL
My “18 and done” was that that is all that we are OBLIGATED by law to do—so anything we do after that is out of LOVE not legal obligation. But, to me, if the “child” does not have respect for us and/or realize and acknowledge it is out of LOVE not obligation—then the problem is THEIR sense of ENTITLEMENT!
I do wish there was more “respect” shown, not only from younger to older, or from student to teacher, child to parent, but there are a lot of things that seem to have decayed in our culture in my life time. The times, they are a-changing!
But we can find examples in literature over 3,000 years old about how children no longer respect their parents, etc. (shrug shoulders here) so I guess it has always been a problem! LOL
Dear Getting it,
It is difficult to trust yourself again too after making poor decisions, I know I didn’t TRUST MYSELF to make good decisions. So I’m having to learn to trust ME too, so I do understand why your kids would have to learn to trust you again as well.
But the time comes when we ALL make some poor decisions. I do hope that your kids DO want a college education and to get on in life in a good way, but it takes work on their part as well as yours!
If you teach your kids to be independent and self-sustaining then you have been a good parent! And they will be good adults! We must learn to love and care for ourselves and provide our own happiness and esteem! God bless you and your kids!
98.6! Does that mean I have a target for S’s on my head? I really need to harden up I think. For gods sake I never thought that feeling bad for others etc etc was a set up for a miserable life.
Dear AussieLisa,
Yea, that’s pretty much a TARGET there on your forehead, but it is NOT a TATTOO, you can reframe it!
Get you some of the books recommended here on LF AND get you some reading on BOUNDARIES and learn about what YOU are responsible for doing for others. And believe me, except for very young children, it is NOT much.
Practice letting others DO for themselves. Pick up their own clothes off the floor if they flling them there. If you have been DOINGfor others for a long time, when you STOP they will howl and cry just like a liter of pups that mama is trying to wean, but there comes a time when everyone has to stop sucking off her teats and same-O with us. (((hugs((((
I remember reading not so long ago a article on Empathy & the Media. The article was about the over exposure of Media in our lives today causing the population to became more desensitized. From current affairs, news programs and TV shows, sitcoms and cartoons being very different from when we were kids. The leave it Beaver days are well and truly over. Most night of the week have murder type cop programs on and the kids show’s are basically brats disrespecting parents.
Bring back The Love Boat I say lol
I remember my daughter years ago when she was about 4 watching the news and a athelete won a big race and she turned to me and said ” mummy did she die” and I said “no what makes you say that” and she said because everyone on the news dies.
Even though born with Empathy, I believe it is still learnt. I have always made sure my children talk to people less fortunate themselves and always give to the needy, even thou after the spath we have not much ourselves. We also volonteer are time to a Animal Shelter and the children find it very rewarding! 🙂
But in a world full of violence that appears to be on the radio’s on TV daily it is no wonder the younger ones are not feeling the empathy. You kind of switch off when over exposed, the way I switched off for survival when I was with the spath!
75.5 I scored, so proud of myself lol I have come along way…. ooh i forgot to mention the video games as well!! so long pac man, the kiddies have no interest unless they can shoot it and it spurts out blood!
Dear Dani,
I totally agree with you 110%. The people who advertize do so because it influences people’s purchases, yet, those same people will tell you that VIOLENT and gorey video games and movies don’t ‘INFLUENCE” kid’s (and adults’) outlooks or attitudes. DUH!
Being around something does desensitize you against it, ask any med student what s/he felt the first time they watched someone cut into a human body, what do they feel now?
When I was a kid I had problems with the blood and smells at butchering times when the neighbors came together to kill hogs and process meat, plus, I had usually made a “pet” out of our family’s hog, so was all upset about that. Now, I have NO problem at butchering any more, can eat a sandwich, joke and laugh and do what has to be done, even though I raised that animal. Maybe even bottle fed it or took it to the fair.
I think that providing my own meat doesn’t make me insensitive to suffering of animals, though, because I DO care about a LIVE animal being scared or in pain.
But just as a soldier is desensitized to seeiiing battle gore, I think our children are desensitized in even a broader way and at an AGE where it is more difficult for them to not let that desensitization of violence be more generally applied.
Fraud at all levels forces us to teach less empathy, more mistrust and a desensitivity to the plight of humans and animals lest our young should themselves be victims, but the reality of the world we will be in because of it is a colder place than our generation knew.
We were taught to be helpful and giving because the world we grew up in thought that was a good value.
To what extent were women in our generation socially set up for exploitation? I might pose the question as to how many of us were merely in the right place at the righttime to be targeted by this 5% and what made us more vulnerable is history in childhood of abusive relationships.
We were desensitized to the abuse and in turn our children become desensitized to pain.
Somewhere in the crossection is what is true, but that is an average of personal experience, not an incident….