A recent study analyzed data about 14,000 college students collected over 30 years. The shocking findings: today’s college students are 40 percent lower in empathy than students from 20 or 30 years ago.
Read Empathy: College students don’t have as much as they used to, on Newswise.com.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
Buttons
One_step {{{{gentle hugs}}}} You’re feeling the triggers and cycling through them, I think. It’s okay to feel the anger and hatred! Just remember to focus that energy on something “positive.” Write. Draw. Clean. Move your body as much as you can. Do something that will be a benefit to YOU, in the long run.After a while, what feels like uncontrollable rage will abate to some degree – little-by-little, the rage won’t be so all-consuming. And, I agree – medications wasn’t the answer for me, either.
I experienced that rage too many times in the past couple of years, and there came a point where I was so consumed by the rage and absence of closure that I fell into a deep, ugly depression. I was prepared to walk off into the forest in the dead of winter and succumb to Nature in whatever manner it took me.
What I had to do was focus on something “positive.” I hated it. I wanted so very much to give in and give up. I honestly believed that it was a challenge that I wasn’t up to taking on. So, I typed out my last wishes and my Will. And, looked around to see if there was anything that I really cared about, and there sitting in a row, were my cats. They knew that something wasn’t right with me, and they sat there and just waited for whatever was going to happen.
Well, I couldn’t very well go off and leave my cats to starve. And, what my partner (who was out of town) was going to have to deal with when he got back just didn’t seem fair after all of his support and encouragement. I realized that I was being very selfish about my misery – I had gotten to the point where I cloaked myself in that misery just like it was a comfortable blanket. Wrapped in my personal misery and despair, I didn’t have to “do anything” except suck it up and wallow in it. It was familiar to me, at that point. The despair presented no risks and no challenges, and certainly, no compulsion for my personal growth or healing. It just WAS, and I was being consumed by it.
I tore up my last wishes and Will, and sat down with a pencil and paper – no computer, but something visceral and tangible. I wrote in one column what I had to be grateful for. In the other, I wrote down what I believed to be reason enough for me to give up and call it quits on Life.
The gratitude list was much longer than the quitting list. I finally realized that I had a choice to give the dead, ex spath (and, all of the others) the power to cause me to walk out on Life, OR I could choose the best revenge possible and that was to live a happy, productive life, even if it was a challenge to get there.
My positive and healing energies are with you, One_step, and I honestly believe that your recent physical reactions are directly related to your personal emotional experiences. At least, it has always been that way for me. When I’m in my deepest emotional torment, I fall into illness, plain and simple.
If you want to burn something, DO IT! If you want to punch a pillow into shreds, DO IT! If you need to primal scream, DO IT! But, do SOMEthing to release some of that angst. Even if it is physically painful, stomp around and shout out whatever curses and accusations to the spath that are truthful. Take steps to purge your SOUL of the continued control of the spath! If we remain in misery, we are still living in their domain. Releasing that emotional pressure can only be beneficial to you. And, the next time you wake up, tell yourself that it’s going to be a GREAT day! You didn’t wake up to find your name in the obituaries. You didn’t wake up in the ongoing spath hell. Every day is one more opportunity for us to learn, teach, heal, and realize our potential.
Brightest healing blessings, One_step.
silvermoon
One Step-
http://books.google.com/books?id=w6TgZiiklV4C&dq=healing+fibro+myalgia&source=gbs_navlinks_s
Hopeforjoy
Dear Onestepper,
I’m so sorry that you feel crappy. Wish there was a magic pill to make you feel better.
You’re advice has been so catharic for me, I want you to know that when I get one of your posts written to me I really listen. You, EB, Oxy, Buttons, Psyche, etc. have helped me so much on my journey.
My point is, you are much needed. I eat up those posts like my life depends on it. Especially when my anxiety is at an all time high. My life breath.
Just know that, even though your poor hands hurt, they are healing hands. They type healing words.
It may help to get the anger out in productive ways, then let it go. You are better then the spath, she didn’t make you and she can’t break you. You have an amazing spirit, which she will never know about, because she is unable to experience anything real. She is a mirage, don’t even look for her. Let her evaporate and be gone.
Your words have healed, have supported, unconditionally. Sucks that your body is pulling you down. I can’t imagine how debilitating it is, how it interferes with living a good life. Just know that you make a difference.
Hope4joy
CAmom
Dear One,
You are much valued. Hope4joy, Buttons, Silver–we all care about you, and they express it so well. Wishing you improved health and continued strength. You are one of the strongest, bravest people I’ve ever known.
I have fibro too, and cfs, so know how debilitating it is. Every day is a struggle to do the most ordinary things–those things we used to be able to take for granted. Now (for example) just carrying a full teakettle to the stove can be very painful, can last for days.
Sending many healing thoughts and wishes to you…
xoxoxo
Buttons
See, One_step? In spite of every irritation, every roadblock, and every pothole, YOUR healing path is valuable to everyone here. Take that, and run with it, dear heart.
ErinBrock
ONE:
GIRL……Hens bottled me up some fresh EB MOJO….i’m sending it your way!!!
Your going in circles….and you must step out….just one step away from everything/anything……and STOP.
Sometimes we must renegotiate our directions. Your HEALTH must be #1.
Take steps 2 onward only when it’s time.
I think your right about wanting to light the match….because that is something you CAN do right now…..but once everything is burned down…..THEN there is clean up…..and you don’t need clean up!
Put the matches away…..and keep taking deep breaths…..tomorrow is a fresh day.
Go sit in that garden of yours……but first….here…. let me put a dab of EB Mojo on your wrists and neck………and keep that bottle with you close.
XXOO
EB
creampuff
Dear One Step….my heart goes out to you…..I know several people that suffer with fibro and it’s like they cannot make people understand how awful it is…like they are standing in a crowded room screaming and no one will hear them…..we hear you…..and we all send a group hug….I don’t know if you are a Christian, but I always find the 91st Psalm to comfort me and give me something to hold onto. We have to hold each other up here….and it’s true they are vapors..I know my biggest goal is to reach indifference to my S-paths. I have no idea if that will ever happen. I’m in my mid 50’s and I am not there yet. I think we all can relate to the anger and rage…Soft hugs to you ……
hens
A BIG BEAR HUG TO MY FRIEND ONESTEPPERS
erin1972
I scored 80% on the quiz but I know that pre-relationship with with the ex, it would have been much higher-maybe >95%. I have really hardened significantly after this experience. I think that it might be normal though, for where I am in all of this. I haven’t figured out how to strike a balance between empathy and rock-hard protecting myself. I have always spent way too much time looking out for others and not taking good enough care of myself. Right now it’s all about me-not letting anyone walk on me or try and control me. I am healing from being a people-pleaser. I don’t know if that level of empathy that I had before will ever come back.
Ox Drover
Dear Onestep,
Hey, Kiddo, I know personally and professionally what stress can do to people, been there done that and DUN IT AGIN! Now you STOP it right now before I have to get the SKILLET OUT and hit HENRY with it, and then you will feel guilty and bad that I beat him up! LOL ROTFLMAO that’s from an old joke about the spoiled kid, his mother took him to school and told the teacher, “If johnny is bad, you swat the kid next to him and he’ll straighten right up!” LOL
Seriously kiddo, when it gets so bad that you are crashing physically, you have got to focus on YOU and not on THEM. GIVE the power back to yourself! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!! (((hugs)))) and my prayers