Sometimes evil sociopaths will tell us exactly who they are. Unfortunately, many of us refuse to believe them.
I’ve heard this many times from Lovefraud readers. Their romantic partner said things like:
“I’m really not a very nice person.”
“You should get away from me. I’ll ruin your life.”
“I’m a sociopath.”
But instead of running for the hills, the people who heard these statements stayed in the relationships. Needless to say, they turned out badly.
Why do we do it? Why, when someone comes out and tells us that they will hurt us — at least emotionally, if not worse — why do we ignore the warning and stay? I can think of several reasons:
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We do not know that sociopaths exist
Approximately 12% of the population are sociopaths, meaning they could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders. That means about 30 million adults in the United States, and 243 million around the world, are disordered. But no one tells us about them. No one teaches us the warning signs. So we are frighteningly clueless about the human predators who live all around us.
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We believe everyone has good inside
Our society doesn’t warn us about sociopaths, but we are bombarded with cultural messages like, “everyone has good inside,” “we’re all created equal,” and “we’re all God’s children.” We take these messages to heart, and therefore believe that we all want to do the right thing and treat others with love and respect. Yes, this is true of most people, but not of the sociopaths.
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We believe love can heal the pain
We’re aware of our own emotional wounds and baggage; we’re looking for love to help heal them. We therefore assume the same is true for our partner — he or she has a wounded child inside that just needs to be loved and comforted. Especially when we hear horror stories about our partner’s vicious, crazy exes, we believe that our love is different, and we are able to reach this person when everyone else has failed. Unfortunately this effort is doomed to fail, because sociopaths cannot love, and they cannot receive love.
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We are already addicted to the relationship
Relationships with sociopaths are highly addictive, and the addiction can happen very quickly. We may already be feeling psychologically bonded. We’ve experienced intimacy — emotionally, physically or sexually — and this sent oxytocin coursing through our bodies, making us feel calm, trusting and content. We’ve also felt the rush of dopamine. The last thing we want to do is crush the buzz of our exciting romance.
Learn more: Sociopathic seduction — how you got hooked and why you stayed
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We believe the statement is an anomaly
Yes, evil sociopaths may reveal their true natures, but they don’t usually do it right away. We’ve already experienced the love bombing, the flattery, the sex, the promises for the future, so the admission of a dark side may seem totally contradictory to the person we think we know. Therefore, we assume our partner is depressed, anxious or having a bad day — not revealing the truth.
Take note of the warning
If your partner — or anyone for that matter — ever admits to being a sociopath, narcissist or psychopath, pay attention. If someone says they’re not nice, or describes engaging in deceptive, manipulative or exploitative behavior, do not dismiss the warning and assume that they will never be that way with you.
Even if you don’t want to believe the statement, at least take it seriously. It may be the best warning you’ll ever get that you are involved with an evil sociopath.
Protect, Feed and Share Your Light
Well, I really don’t know what to say about this article. Life would be so simple and easy if the person would actually tell you “I am a sociopath” or “I will hurt you” in such a direct way.
He told me days before meeting in person: “you could be a sociopath trying to kill me while I peacefully sleep dreaming of something innocent”.
He also told me: “I really don’t want to hurt you or cause distress, both physically or in other ways”. Please. this is important to me. Why am I scaring you? I could not stand the idea of hurting you physically when we had sex, and it is the same mentally.” “It is not nice to be mistrusted”.
He said: “remember when we first talked about honesty? This is very important to me but it also means I want your trust unless I did something to lose your trust”.
Well, he was the one telling ME I could be a sociopath and he was telling me he didn’t want to hurt me. Honesty was important to him, he said and he wanted my trust.
How do you take note of all this when you have only talked to the person for a few days/weeks?
Yes, the only thing that he was direct about was when he said that he could keep me in a basement and give me food and drink. And I didn’t pay attention to this thinking that he wanted to take care of me. He was still in the love bombing stage. But the other things he told me were not direct and simple as explained in this article. If they told you “I am a sociopath” in your face they wouldn’t stand a chance of being with you.
Yes, sometimes they actually say the words, “I am a sociopath” or “I am not good for you.” It doesn’t happen all the time, but it does happen. So the point of the article is, if you do actually hear those words, take them seriously.
Yes, but it is more important to be able to see the signs when what they tell you is not so obvious and clear. So I think it would be important to discuss all the scenarios.
In fact, there is a very good article that states the below:
Taken from: https://www.psychopathfree.com/articles/understanding-how-sociopaths-think-why-it-is-good-to-ask-why.278/
If they told you who they really are then it is the easiest way.
Sociopaths provide “tells” about who they really are
Sociopathic tells are yet another manipulation tactic sociopaths use to exploit others. They specialize in playing mind games with others, and tells are an effective way in which to confuse their targets. It is only after the abuse that survivors begin to see the truth behind these tells.
They come in three forms: projections on to others, truthful remarks, and statements that are the exact opposite of the truth.
Projection
When sociopaths project, they are giving their targets camouflaged clues. They talk about how other people cheat or lie or hurt others, as if they abhor such behavior, when in fact they are describing themselves. And during the devalue phase of their “relationships,” they often project this negativity on to their targets, in an effort to make their victims doubt themselves. It also has the effect of making targets feel as if they are going crazy.
The Truth
Sociopaths tell their targets exactly who they are, but they do it in such a way that it is impossible for victims to understand the consequences of the horrible statements. Targets might hear comments like, “You shouldn’t be with me” or “I’ve never had a good relationship” or “I wanted to hurt someone.” Sociopaths turn these declarations into pity plays and feel secretly justified in exploiting victims when they do not realize the statements are real.
The Opposite of the Truth
Sociopaths convince their targets that they will never lie or cheat and that they love them so much. They also promise that they will never do anything to hurt their victims. They regularly mislead targets by making claims that are precisely the opposite of the truth.
Based on personal experience, my guess is that the really sadistic, devious, high-functioning spaths don’t come out and announce who/what they are as that takes away the “game” they live to play on the unsuspecting. On several occasions In the beginning of my relationship with my ex-spath, he mentioned how ‘Six Degrees of Separation” with Will Smith was his favorite movie of all time and we needed to watch it together. Needless to say, we never did that and I didn’t discover what that movie was all about until after I escaped from him….
You’re probably right.