The word “gaslight,” when used as a verb, means “to manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity; to subtly drive someone crazy.” It’s a term that’s been used on this website to describe the psychological damage inflicted by a psychopath.
I was aware that the word, when used in this way, was a reference to the 1944 movie Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, Angela Lansbury and Joseph Cotton. But I had never seen the film. A few days ago, I watched Gaslight for the first time.
The story is set in Edwardian London, where an accomplished singer is mysteriously strangled in her home. The crime is discovered by the singer’s young niece, Paula Alquist (Ingrid Bergman). Paula is traumatized by the murder and leaves London to live in Italy.
Ten years later, Paula falls head-over-heels in love with a handsome and suave pianist, Gregory Anton (Charles Boyer), and they quickly marry. The couple returns to the London house, which Paula has inherited. Then Gregory begins a slow, calculated campaign to make Paula believe she is becoming forgetful, then hysterical, then insane.
Working on the mind
Several film reviews call the villain of the movie, Gregory Anton, a psychopath. Most movies that are supposedly about psychopaths do not, in fact, portray them accurately. Gaslight does a fairly good job.
Gregory maneuvers himself into Paula’s life and quickly sweeps her off her feet. (Does this sound familiar to anyone?) Gregory has an agenda, which is revealed later in the movie. He manipulates Paula into going along with his plans—starting with going back to the London house.
Gradually he starts working on Paula’s mind. He moves things and then asks Paula what she did with them. When Paula is understandably confused—after all, she didn’t do anything—he feigns concern, while making more and more items disappear.
Gregory shames Paula in front of their servants, and gradually convinces the servants that there is something wrong with their mistress. (Has anyone experienced that?) He lets it be known in society that Paula is not well, and then contrives to make Paula have a very public breakdown.
The psychopath shows flashes of rage, then quickly shifts to solicitous manipulation. He becomes more and more dominant—telling Paula what to do and where to sit—while his wife crumbles.
In my opinion, Gaslight provides a fairly good representation of the destructive relationship between a psychopathic predator and his victim. The only big thing that seems off is that Gregory, the villain, has a motivation for what he is doing. From what I’ve seen, many psychopaths destroy the people they supposedly love for no reason at all.
Understanding the dynamics
I was hoping that I’d be able to tell people to watch Gaslight and they’d understand what it’s like to be victimized by a psychopath. Although anyone who has experienced a psychopath will recognize the villain’s behaviors, I’m not sure the movie will help people who haven’t been there understand the dynamics. The film is just a bit too theatrical for the manipulation to be perceived as real.
I also watched American Psycho. In the beginning, the portrayal of the psychopathic character, Patrick Bateman, does seem to capture the grandiosity and cold heartlessness of a psychopath. But then the film turns into a bloody slasher movie, or maybe a horror fantasy—I couldn’t figure it out. In the end, it’s just another one of those movies that confuses people about psychopaths.
So we are left trying to explain to people how the psychopath manipulated us, how we could have fallen for it, why we didn’t see it. And the words just never seem to capture the experience.
Maryjane
Reading through this post.. what stands out to me is the one that wrote, ” I let him set himself up as the authority on everything in my life. That is key in my opinion… That is what I have done in many instances in my life.. then later to find that I was the one with the knowledge and common sense and know how.. and my turning over whatever in my life to anyone resulted in it not being good for me.. but benefited them or they benefited off my displeasure… this can happen in relationships and or business or just social interaction..
That giving your authority away … is key.. what do you do it..?
I have thought about this in my life … and it is because I ‘think’ at the time that this person knows more than I do.. or my confidence is lacking in something or I am not good enough.. when the truth is that I am what they want to be.. they want what I have, my confidence, my talent, my life style, my disapline, my honesty and integrity…
I read on another post where a woman gave half her business to a man who didn’t know how to run a business and he ran it into the ground and it now trying to take more from her..
What is that exactly?
Why are we giving to others with no return? Even while knowing in our heart, mind body and soul that this is not good for us, yet we do it anyway.. thinking that they know better, will take care of us, or something.. or for ‘love’…
Why we do this is the key to most everything on here…
if we stop doing this and stand up, pull away, put up boundaries… the user, the con, the predator is handicapped.. and we miss the experince of their harm…instead of having to dig out of the mess left….
so look into yourself.. what are you afraid of? Why do you ‘think’ that you need this person?
I got out of a relationship about a year ago.. as he tried to sweep me off my feet, my gut the whole time was telling me no.. no.. something is wrong.. so I watched.. pulled back.. protected myself and certianly gave him no access to my finances.. even as he commented.. if I had you account number and routing number I could just deposite money when you pay for something and I pay you back.. every bell in my body was clanging..
you see this guy was a fianance man, a former bank board member.. he knew how to work the system..
I even began getting freaked when I left him at my house alone.. that he might get a check or some financial info..
and if I felt that way.. I shouldn’t have had him in my life…
So, I got him out.. and I was hurt, I felt lied to betrayed, the dream he created was false… I wanted the happy ending.. but had I stayed with him, he would have sucked me dry and we were on a path to nowhere… I saw early on where we were heading so I block anything that could have him infiltrate me too much…
Years, ago, I married a man and I co-mingled money from a house I sold to buy one with him.. and even though we had a financial agreement, I got screwed.. I was awarded the house in the divorce but he left town without signing the papers that turned the house over to me.. so I was not able to sell it for years.. and I maintained this large house all on my own until finally I had an attorney get him to sign it over to me.. he was trying to sink me but he didn’t but he almost did..
I learned my lesson well.. Protect your finances.. they are separate from ‘love’.. …
So back to the deal.. the deal is why give anyone authority over your life?
Maryjane
You are the authority in your life and if you feel in your gut something is wrong then it is…..
It is about self-actualization.. people that ‘love’ you don’t take you down.. and why love someone that isn’t your equal in that you can create a sympatic partnership.. If you know that someone has a history of bad decisions, why would you think like some ‘miracle’ that they all of a sudden will change for you… ‘Love’.. that magic word of love.. I am seeing that this word can be the con of the universe…
Let me help you. I love you… blah blah and blah… Love takes time.. love is based on reality.. love is not some fast paced spin.. love is slow and enduring..
Rosa
If you don’t understand anything else about psychopaths, understand what gaslighting is and how it works.
Gaslighting is one of the psychopaths favorite tactics of abuse, as far as I am concerned.
I believe it is because gaslighting is SO SUBTLE, that you don’t even know it is happening.
I am getting the book “The Gaslight Effect” for myself as a Christmas present.
Maryjane
If you have healthy and strong self-confidence.. it makes it lots harder for someone to ‘gaslight’ you…
because you trust yourself not them…
I agree it can make you feel strange .. confused, but when you feel strange and confused know that something is wrong and trust yourself not them.. don’t get your authority over to anyone.
Spirit40
I am speechless… without words to write the humiliation alone this past year is unbelievable….. Alone I am stronger and more confident, I am much more than a shell of a person he is…I will make it through this and more! Last X mas eve sucked… this one…no matter how it is spent will be S/P/N free all that matters… Oh I got an 80 on my sociopath/anti social paper ! yippie… cross my fingers for the final grade…If I am the only one who knows the truth…willing to acknowlege and accept it.. I know in my heart who I am when I am not being manipulated by a user and someone who just takes from you until you have nothing else then onto the next….. YUK who wants to be around that nasty ness…
Spirit does the little freedom jig…jig… jig….. yippie !!!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
spirit,
thanks for this. 🙂
for all of it but especially for ‘knowing the truth.’ when so much is pushing against me, it is hard to hold on to that.
$*&#, I could have gone to a meeting this monring a 12 step – don’t like them, but it would have done me good to talk – i thought of it, and then it just left my head. it is so hard for me to stay on point.
the nasty landlord is in the building doing work. loud. i am very bullied by this guy. triggered.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
and corgrats on the paper mark! nice to know there was a small advantage for you in knowing about spath!
Ox Drover
Dear Spirit,
Congratulations on your paper. Did the person who read it have any “comments” on the subject matter? If so, I’d like to know what they were.
Yes any day is a GOOD DAY if it is P-FREE! (((hugs))))
Spirit40
If I can decipher his handwriting Oxy! I will, overall he said it was a good paper… as far as comments on the sociopaths…none but I will check again…hugs to you too!
Spirit40
Oxy….Only comments Interesting topic psychopathy has come into its own as a behavioral science…..