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By | November 27, 2008 88 Comments

I am thankful

By BloggerT7165

I am a survivor. And I am thankful for that.

It’s not something I take for granted because I know there are many who do not survive the abuse that is inflicted by their loved ones, trusted spouses or friends or parents. This is a hurtful experience that literally kills people. And if the wound itself doesn’t kill, then the infection that follows from the collusion of friends, neighbors, confidants, professionals, and others will many times finish off the job.

Every abuse story is a tragic one, but the stories of those who successfully commit suicide are among the most heart-wrenching of all. Many abuse victims survive in body, but are lost in other ways. Lost to the pain. Lost to drugs or alcohol. Lost to self-destructive behaviors. Lost to depression. Lost to fear and isolation.

I am filled with gratitude. I came out on the other side of the pain, suffering and darkness, still alive and somewhat sane. Whatever pain I may have, I am grateful for the capacity to feel that pain and for the ability to speak of it. I pray that my voice may help others and may work for good.

I am thankful for the life I live. I am thankful for the goodness of the people who surround me. I am thankful there are caring people like those I have seen on LF. I am thankful to be able to agree or disagree, I am thankful for all the goodness I see in the world even when it seems so dark.

Than you Donna, Dr. Leedom, Dr Steve, Steve and everyone else on Love Fraud for caring.


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Indigoblue

TEARS!
I am thankfull that I cry! That I feel for others! I am thankfull that My life is not about the selfish want of most and the Greed that Grips our World! I am Thankfull that My God Has choosen me to bear witness to the TRUTH! To say it out right with little or no hesitation at times! I am thankfull I cause You to think to question, to ponder the sarcasim and Humer of that moment! I promise to always be this way!For I have nothing to loss except YOU!LOVE JJ!

Wini

Hey Indi: Good to see you blogging this a.m.

Yes, I for one, would rather be the way I am, then the way “they” are.

So sad, only thinking about yourself. So sad, thinking money and power are the only achievements you would care to strive for. So sad, that you would even want to strive for that (yuck). So sad, not to appreciate every person that came into your life over the years.

Yes, I too, am glad I am who I am (Popeye) LOL.

Peace.

Ox Drover

Thank you, Blogger, for this lovely article.

I too am thankful for the chaos and the pain because it made me do something to fix myself and stop trying to fix others. It made me learn to set boundaries.

I view this “experience,” as painful as it was, as a blessing from God to show me “the right way” to live closer to Him, myself and my fellow man.

LF has been a wonderful part of my healing, and the information and support I have received here from the “staff” and all of you has been a big part in helping me reach the stage of healing I am in now. Thank you all!!!

Letgoletgod

Ox-
You have written my mind! Second that!
I came on this site because I had no doubt that there would be an article about being Thankful.
And here it is. :O)
To the point. Thankfulness and gratitude is filling my heart today. I cried bittersweet tears today. Thankfully it ended being sweet :O)
I wrote a text message to all my friends throughtout the country saying I am thankful for having a friend like them in my life. I am more blessed than I give God credit. And, I spoke to my family, which I would be a lost soul without them right now.
In February my x-s said to me “you will be thankful (for him dumping me) someday.”
Wow, and he was so right!
Wow, am I thankful :O)
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope you all find comfort today in those you love and who love you, and take that with you and remember that tomorrow in your healing journey…

James

Really there is soooo much to be graceful and thankful for I myself don’t even know were to start!!! Strange BloggerT but this train of thought has been on my mind all day.. So thanks for taking the time and effort to write it.. Oh another thing tomorrow is my birthday so I am graceful for that as well!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NITE!

James

Stargazer

I am very grateful that when I accidentally set my hair on fire today, it didn’t burn down to the root, especially since I grabbed the nearest object to smother it–newspaper. I’m so very special.

Wini

How ironic StarG … for that very minute, while your hair was on fire … you were the NEWS.

I hope you are OK!

I burn my hair many times/year. My hair is long … and can and does get in the way …, yes, yes, yes … I do smoke cigarettes … and there are times, if I’m bending my head down to light a cigarette … poof … my hair catches fire.

Oh well.

Indigoblue

HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

You Are killing me! That has gota be A women thing! Setting you own Hair on fire! om! Us Men Don’t do that! we use what is in the new world called a Hair tie or the rubberband off the news paper will work to for the financialy strapped! :)~ LOVE JJ

Wini

Indi: That’s because you are a preppie personality … now if you were a laid back hippie type guy with long hair, smoking cigarettes, you too would burn your own hair.

Ha Ha!

Peace.

Wini

BloggerT7165: Yes, so true. It is that we are the survivors of this devastation that others, so sadly, never survived, whether in physical form or mental form … that we are given the chance by our creator, instinctively knowing if we humble ourselves, go quiet, be still .. we can then move through the pain and horror … together, as family, in unity of first hand experiences, sharing and caring for each other …so that we know we can live a better, healthier, happier, beautiful life … the way our Creator wants us to live and how he always wanted us all to live.

God made life simple because he loves us, people make life difficult because they no not what they do.

Peace to all my LF family.

Indigoblue

Twisted Sister Jesus Freak! :)~

presseject

Staying focussed here too… being grateful beats feeling victimized. But it takes mental effort, it is too easy to go into the hurt feelings since these have been with me since childhood. I am grateful I survived all the episodes starting with the abusive father, several “EUP’s” (Emotionally Unavailable Partners, ie: sociopaths, narcissists, etc.).

It is overwhelming at times though since I never really had such a clear understanding of the pattern I have sustained throughout my adult years. I used to think it was just bad luck. But it really has to do with my thinking, my own dysfunction of bringing dysfunctional types into my life. But now I am aware and turning to a higher power to help me wade through the debris.

This site has helped me find a handrail to hold onto but I am the one that has to take one step at a time here. It is tough too now that I am without employment. Too much time on my hands to feel sorry for myself each day. But as soon as I turn to God and cry out for help, the feeling sorry can change very quickly…

As soon as I know I need to take steps in the direction HE wants me to go (I certainly don’t have every answer, I can’t do it alone either), as soon as I find all that I know I should be grateful for, the pain turns over and transforms past tears, fears and anger into something of light. Something actually lighter, something going towards the light, perhaps the light itself. This is evidence that I have a soul, a deeper consciousness.

I CHOOSE to face the light… to be a part of the light… something good and everlasting or else my other choice is to let myself become snuffed out by the darkness, the heavy burden that I have carried because I denied myself the choice to be free of this. I am grateful I have the choice.

PressEject

lostingrief

presseject: my history is very similar, starting with my s/p/n father and then my share of EUPs. i am also ‘facing the light’ as i wade through this, and trying to accept my responsibility in all of it.
i also was unemployed but i ended up going bankruptcy. then a year later, my ex-s/p/n trashed me unbelievably. there’s something to be said for having so little left to lose.
but, as you say, you can either rise again (feel like changing my last name to Phoenix!), or be ”snuffed out by the darkness.”
our choice is to now use all that we have learned, and never let it happen again. our choice is to know our goodness and light was a beacon for all of these demons, who are soulless and ‘light-less.’
but don’t you wish, as i do, that you had come to understand this truth years ago? soon that won’t matter either. there are so many who never come to embrace their truth, so i suppose this is one more thing for which we can be grateful.
towanda.

Ox Drover

Dear LIG,

QUOTE: “don’t you wish, as I do, that you had come to understand this truth years ago? soon that won’t matter either. There are so many who never come to embrace their truth…”

You are so right there. For a long time I really BOINKED myself with the “skillet” for not catching on and doing something years, decades, ago,, but I have come to realize that each of us will not embrace even the most “obvious” truth until we are ready.

“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

No one could have made us change our thinking until we got ready to do so. You are right, that some people live their whole entire lives in “the darkness.” They are afraid or unable to embrace a painful truth.

Even Jesus, when he was preparing the night before his crucifiction knew what was in store for him, and even He dreaded the painful truth that he knew was going to happen to him. As he prayed drops of sweat like drops of blood dripped off him.

I think that we somehow know the pain we will experience in our own emotional torture and we will do anything to keep from experiencing that torture until the nails are driven into our hearts deep enough that we can’t deny it any long, we know that if we don’t experience a separation from the people who are hurting us that we will have WORSE PAIN, and at that time, we are willing to endure the separation because to refuse would cause us pain that we could not endure.

Sometimes people must be “flat of their backs before they will look UP”–sometimes we (victims) must be at the end of our ropes before we can let go of the psychopaths and start swimming to safety through the waves of pain. We must be ready, in our own time. NO one can push us to be ready, we have to get there on our own, and THEN and only then, can we start to heal, to escape the emotional clutches of our “idols.”

I’ve always identified with the Phoenix, from the time I first read the story, maybe when I was 8 or 9 in a “weekly reader” book of the month. It is to this day, one of my favorite stories, and I intend to rise from the ashes of my own life and to fly P-free the rest of my life.

lostingrief

ox:
in past relationships, i always got to what i call the top of the hill, and once pushed over, i never looked back. that is how all of my previous relationships ended. it takes a lot for me to get there, but once i do, i’m done.
of course, it’s scary as hell to go over the edge into that great, dark abyss, and i resist it like the plague. i knew it was coming and i let it go on for months, hoping against hope that it wasn’t really happening. hoping against hope that i wasn’t going to have to ”start over” again … alone. i had already been through so much the past few years: death of a best friend, loss of a job, loss of every penny i’d ever saved, bankruptcy, death of my dad, new career, and then loss of my lover in the worst possible way. whew.
but i am grateful the stress didn’t kill me. i’m still here. and hopefully — along with all of my friends here at LF — will be, in the not-too-distant-future, whole again.
towanda!

sstiles54

I would also like to express my thanks for this blog. I haven’t been able to write the last few days, & was feeling myself moving towards my abyss, so this made me feel better. For me, the holiday season is always the worst. I used to enjoy them, but not so much, anymore. I know I am really glad I found this site. Just being able to write about all the crap the s. did makes the load a little easier to bear. Thanks to all of you for being there, & listening. That means ALOT!

Indigoblue

It’s a Job ! And We are Glad your here just sorry your a member! LOVE JJ

Stargazer

I now have my eyes open with men after my experience with the P. But I find that I am very guarded and suspicious. Whenever a guy is flattering me, especially if he is younger, my shields go up. I hope I can come to a place of balance with this. I know guys often don’t know how to get a woman’s attention and sometimes a compliment or two is all they have. It should be a warm and fuzzy thing, not something to send me into paranoia.

Oxy, you must have a lot of dings and dents in your skillet. I think we should pitch in and buy you a new one. 🙂

lostingrief

star:

lol. buying ox a new skillet! there’s a dent or two on there from most of our heads!

i know what you mean about being guarded. i can’t even fathom the idea of trusting another guy not to decimate my heart.

was it you who had a date this week? someone was talking about that a few days ago.

Stargazer

Wasn’t me. I’m getting a lot of interesting guys on the dating site showing interest. Some of them I would have been very interested in before the P. I just can’t even go there with them right now.

lostingrief

star:
gee, i hate to sound paranoid, but be careful about dating sites.
seems as though that might be a hotbed for s/p’s looking for lonely, loving women.

Stargazer

LIG: 6 months ago I would have said you were projecting unnecessary fear. Nowadays I tell my friends the same thing. I have a friend who just met a guy on my dating site. I have already instructed her to google his name and check out his story before ever getting in a car with him and going on a date.

Ox Drover

Dear guys,

Thank you all, but not to worry about my dented skillet, I only cook in cast iron, and I have a great supply of it from my living history group cook outs too. Dutch oven lids are great, nice and heavy and BIG, but I really like the skillets best because they ahve such a nice handle. BOINK!!!! LOL

I think really, though, that the worst damage I have done to the skillet is Henry’s head! LOL Either his hard head, or my OWN HARD HEAD! LOL

Winter is setting in here now, though, and even with cast iron in cold weather you can break it if you hit something too hard with it when it is cold. I broke the lid to my big dutch oven a while back when I dropped it in cold weather. It didn’t ruin it,k but did break part of the lip off the top that holds the coals on when you are baking in it.

Holidays are difficult guys, and have been for me for many years. But this year I had the Thanksgiving holiday at home and it was wonderful. Just a relaxed day with my two wonderful sons, and three friends who came over to join us.

I’ve had so many horrible memories of holidays and mom’s caterwalling over me “ruining” her holiday cause I ddin’t want to share it with Uncle Monster, so I solved that by going on a camp out with my living history group instead of having it at home or with my mom and Uncle Monster.

Ditto Christmas, every year it was a caterwalling, scretching crying fight about how mean I was being to HER because I was ruining her Christmas cause I wouldn’t break bread with Uncle Monster….no concern about MY CHRISTMAS BEING RUINED. LOL

I haven’t enjoyed the holiday for years because of that. Haven’t decorated for the holidays or enjoyed it at all, but THIS YEAR I am going to celebrate and ENJOY the holidays. I won’t allow “them” to ruin my life, my celebrations and my JOY. I’ve got a ton of Christmas decorations and starting Monday I am going to string lights everywhere from the gate at the road, all the way down the 700 ft. driveway and all over the house. Deck the Halls! I’m going to hang enough lights on the Buffalo head in the living room that he will look like a “French Tart”

Son C still doesn’t feel really in the Christmas spirit due to the past years, but even if he doesn’t enjoy it, I am going to enjoy it! I’m going to cook and cook and bake and bake, and by January first we should look like “corn fed hogs” and I don’t care!

It doesn’t matter one whit to me who does NOT love me, I am going to celebrate the ONES WHO DO LOVE [email protected]!!!

Even if it was no one but me and the 18 pound mobile black and white foot warmer here to celebrate, we are going to eat ourselves sick and sing and dance and make merry! Kill the fatted calf!

James

“star:
gee, i hate to sound paranoid, but be careful about dating sites.
seems as though that might be a hotbed for s/p’s looking for lonely, loving women.”

lostingrief,

And you would be right so please everyone be careful on dating sites. Really for me it isn’t worth the time and effort on most of these sites and some with forums tell me volumes about some of it’s members that scares me to death. I understand how easy it is for S or P to hide in these type of sites to unbeknownst members who don’t know what a S or P is. Some can be so brazened it is downright silly and sad. And then you wonder how they don’t see them for what they are and the problems they can cause. It’s almost like one needs to be cut first before they can feel the pain.

Indigoblue

STAR
I got this Great new Dating site for yas!:)~

It’s Called meet an Inmate! Hahahahaha Sounds Good uh?:)~ LOVE JJ

Ox Drover

Dear Indi,

You know what, that may be a joke to you about the “Inmate dating site” but there are actually such things where you can see a photo of the inmate and a “profile” and you can write to them, or even go visit them. How stupid is THAT?

YOU TOO CAN GET YOUR VERY OWN PSYCHOPATHIC CONVICT! SIGN UP NOW!

Yet, every well known serial killer has their group of “groupies” that write them and fall in love with them. Ted Bundy, Charlie Manson, and Jeffrey Dahmer had 14 of them, all in love with him. The letters were found in his cell after his death. Ted Bundy’s and he even managed to perform a “legal marriage” in a Florida court room. (Florida has some strange marriage laws compared to the rest of the country) so there are plenty of people out there who are so vulnerable and so needy that they latch on to these serial killers for romance.

There is one female black inmate in Arkansas that got on the news a while back. She weighed in excess of 300 ponds, and was my age (60s) and was getting $50K + per year from her “boyfrineds” and she was sending them photos of starletts cut out of magazines telling them that was HER photo. She wasn’t the only one either doing this scam.

As P T BArnham said “There’s a sucker born every minute” and no matter how low you go, there is someone anxious to be your victim. When you think about it, we can “laugh” at these poor victims who RUN to volunteer for victimhood, but I’m not laughing too loud, I VOLUNTEERED FOR YEARS for my own private convict—my son! What makes me any smarter than these people? Because I knew this man? Because I gave birth to him? I was just as fooled and just as stupid. So I am not a whit, NOT ONE WHIT smarter than these people who do go to “date an inmate” sites. The 300 pound black female inmate who sent the cheese cake pictures cut out of magazines of young white women was just as “real” as my son is/was–NOT AT ALL!

I used to look down on women who went back and went back to men who beat them. I felt SUPERIOR to them. “I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!” Oh, yes, I was like the Pharisee praying in the Temple, looking down on the poor publican who was on his face before God saying “Have mercy on me a sinner” while the Pharisee looked down in scorn and said “Thank you God that I am not a sinner like that publican.” Sheesh!

I was one HYPOCRITICAL SANCTAMONIOUS WITCH. I was not only NOT BETTER THAN these women, I was worse, because I thought I was so “holy” and so much better, so much smarter. Their husbands might be beating the crap out of them, but my SON was beating the crap out of me. What was the difference? I kept going back, just like they did.

So you know, I don’t really LAUGH any more about the people who are so needy that they get involved with inmates. I pity them, the condition that makes them feel needy enough to dive to the bottom of the cess pool to pull out someone like Ted Bundy or Charlie Manson. Those creeps (the Ps) feed on this need with these poor women (or men) like vampires just for fun.

When my son had the smuggled cell phone in prison he used to sign up on dating sites on the internet. The women didn’t even know he was in prison.

Indigoblue

TalK about a captive audence! I joke to make fun and also realize the Humugus need of acceptence and Words of love so many need to have to feel good about themselves!

Happyness is not in someone It is in your self it is your Choice! A thing! an Amount of money, a place , that perfect person !

WILL NOT MAKE ANYONE HAPPY ! PERIOD!

WE ARE constantly bombarded by BULL SHIT advertizing that says if we smell , Look , dress , drive , Eat , or look like A Trillion Bucks We will be Happy ! WRONG NOPE

It does not work that way and it NEVER will!

You are Happy If You Love Who You are! and the People you choose to be associated with ! In other words you are what you eat!

If you want to attract a mate You have to feel like you are attractive either or both mentally or/and Physicaly!

If you love yourself I GARONTEE You are attractive wether you know it or not! The way you carry yourself the way you Talk the way you walk your selfcovidonce! Makes you stand out! I see it and feel it every day ! LOVE JJ

Ox Drover

DEar Indi,

Sometimes “jokes” are not appropriate in some instances. Especially ones that call names and sound condescending. Many of us joke on here but I think we need to make sure that our jokes are benign ones. You are right we all need acceptance and words of love, especially when we are hurting and in pain.

I don’t know if you remember the story about the little dog, lying on the road in great pain, and when the loving owner reaches down to scoop him up to take him to the vet to have his broken leg set, the little dog reaches up and bites the hand that offered help because of his tremendous pain. So sometimes it is wise to be very aware of how we are perceived. I’m just as guilty of this as anyone here on this blog, so I am not “throwing stones” at you by any means. Peace.

Wini

My Dad was right … there is nothing written in stone floating around the universe that says you need to hold a grudge, be miserable about something you perceived or actually was a wrong perpetrated against you. So what! … In the overall scheme of life … we can only do what we can possibly do (EVERYONE has their cross to bear) and then live our lives again, how we want to live our lives … no matter who wants to throw us off track (our path) for a while … he said our life is our life … it’s the only one we get (this is not dress rehearsal, this is the real deal). We can walk around miserable over the offenses (real or imagined) or we can walk around happy. It’s our choice…. it always was and always will be our choice.

For me … I’d rather be happy, at peace with serenity in my heart and soul …as I live my life. I’d rather see the glass as half full … even if some scientist mentality proves there isn’t an ounce of anything in that glass (smile). I know many people I’ve met went out of their way to make me as miserable as them, for whatever reason, I really don’t care. I do know that I was born happy and I think that is how God wants me to live my life … no matter who is miserable and wants to push me off that happy cushion, I’m just going to crawl right back up on top of it and stay there. That is my lot in life … and the way I see it, that’s not a bad attainment to strive for.

Peace … and smile, it is contagious.

BloggerT7165

Wini I know I try to keep in mind a few things that I have picked up over the years. One is that we are human and that means we will all experience pain/hurts in our lives. Nothing we can do about that. How much we suffer though is a different thing all together. If anger, bitterness, or pain take over and become the focus of our lives then that is what our lives become.

I also look at the whole “forgive” thing somewhat differently than some do. I don’t forgive. If a bee stings me I dont forgive it, it is what it is. While they may have wronged me I am not going to wrong myself by suffering. I see the wisdom of engaging life with love, compassion, empathy, and justice toward all beings regardless. That does not mean I allow them to avoid the consequences of their actions though.

hens

Dear love fraud friends – and you too Oxy – I am thankful every day for the love I have in my life. Two wonderful careing son’s that love me unconditionally and never leave here with out giving me a hug. Two daughter -in-laws that I would not trade for anything in the world. Three grandchildren that are happy well adjusted and loved by so many. My oldest grandson is in second grade and reading at fith grade level and is in gifted classes – I am sure he will be a scientist when he grows up but right now his goal is to be a spy. I have wonderful friends and employers that would be here in a heart beat if I called them. I am thankfulthat I have a home and a warm bed too share with my three weeny dog’s Harley – Crickit and Posey. I have food in the fridge and a little bit of money – and I do mean a little bit. I am thankful for every sunset and sunrise. I am thankful that this experience with my X asshole has forced me too look deep into my self and ask the things I should of asked myself years ago. holidays are ruff for so many of us but I am always invited somewhere and and never left alone. I am thankful the for the friendship I have with my x wife – she is the woman of my life. I am thankful that the man she married has been a wonderful stepfather to my son’s and adores my grandchildren and they call him grandpa and me peepaw. I whine alot on this blogg about the pain and devastation of my toxic relationship with the low life scum bag that almost destroyed me and is continuing to do his best to continue with that. But I am a survivor – I have too many people counting on me to be ok – for them – i am thankful for my new dishwasher – I have never owned one in my 54 years. I thank God and the universe every morning and ask that I be the best I can be every day. I am thankful and I am very blessed. Harley is telling me it is way past my bed time so I better get to bed as he will not go with out me. I am a good person just like all of you here at lovefraud….

Wini

BloggerT7165: I never said they shouldn’t be accountable for their actions. My EX along with my bosses and their cronies all belong in prison for what they did to me. Period. What they did to me, they could and will do to others. Period.

My forgiveness towards them is for me to heal. When I heal … I can forgive those that wronged me. Forgive them, for they know not what they do … in the Biblical sense … Of course I realize they know what they do on the human level. I still wake up some nights (which is better than what I used to be like … I used to wake up every night for about 6 years in cold sweats, shuddering over what they did to me … gasping for air, holding on to myself or my EX at the time for safety purposes, and I had to know they enjoyed every minute of tormenting me). I think I blogged that a retired personnel officer came out of retirement purposely to get back in the game of destroying a person’s career. This time, it was mine. I remember the look on his smug face, talking down to me every chance he got. He looked just like a human weasle. Medium tall, slight build. I would imagine what he looked like as a kid … and just knew he was a jerk back then too. One of those kids that bulled others or backed bigger bullies when bullying. Then to know this man was close to 70 and came back in to the game of terrorism. Because they are terrorist. Each and every one of the people we blog about. Hey, we don’t have to look for terrorist in some foreign land … just open your eyes in corporate America … look at some of your politicians, look at your neighbors and the person in the super market that’s making a nuisance in the check out line.

I woke up a couple of hours ago … I’ve been feeling good for several months now … and whammo … I turn the TV on and there is some impostor pretending she was a survivor of 9/11. Well, that story just put me back several years. Then all the commercials came on about ID theft during this impostor show … and this commercial was new … with a new twist … not only do they steal your money, but there is more they steal than meets the eye. What we all know … what they did to us. Shaking our faith, shaking our trust, shaking our thoughts about our fellow man, making us question ourselves, shaking us to our very core. Not trusting for a long, long, long time. Do we ever trust again like we did before this happened to us? I don’t know that answer. Then I have to remember all the people before us that these same horrific situations happened in their lives and they didn’t have the luxury of this blog to pour their hearts out … to have others reach out and say they know, tell them that they care, tell them that we are not alone.

Again, yes, I believe they should pay for the criminal terrorist activity they do to people.

I’m a little choked up right now … do you mind if I get back to you at a later date?

Peace.

BloggerT7165

Sorry Wini I did not mean for it to come across as implying anything other than just some of my own thoughts and not that you implied anything. Sorry that it came across that way, it was not my intent for it to do so.

Wini

BloggerT7165: You didn’t do anything … it was that impostor about being a survivor of 9/11 that spun me. Wanting attention over a horrific tragedy that so many people are still getting through the shock of what happened to them and their loved ones.

I had to speak with many families of 9/11. Those families who families members lived in my state and worked in NYC. I was the first contact person they dealt with and then I forwarded them on to the final contact people. Before I could transfer them, they would pour out their stories to me. It broke my heart … even though I was in constant shock over my terrorist situation, I was working with others that were affected by terrorists. It’s strange that it was me that got the first phone calls … but I knew what I needed to say to them to help them at the beginning of this shock. Just to let them know they weren’t alone, that we all felt the same horror and shock as they did.

I remember at that time, no matter where you drove in our state … there were firemen and police officers, EMTs, other so many other professionals whose careers help others … walking up and down the streets with their boots in their hands accepting donations for the survivors. I remember always just reaching into my pocketbook and grabbing bills … what ever denominations … I don’t even know what they were, I didn’t care … I just gave fist full of bills and gave and gave.

There are sites on the Net sponsored by the firefighters, their families, other survivors and families of 9/11 … if anyone wants to just drop a note thanking them for their courage.

Peace.

Indigoblue

OxD
I found that site Meet an Inmate on MSN It was ranked one of the Ten Worst so I was not Joking except to Star telling us about her dating sites. I have seen it before and they will say anything to con anyone to feel sorry for them and weezel into your life and home !

Water! Is the same way! THERE ARE NO REGULATIONS ON BOTTLED WATER! They can pour it fro m the hose bib and bottle it in pretty bottles and call it pretty words and niev people buy it like it is going out of stile! Pepsi sells more bottled water than Pepsi ! WHY?

Water services; They will come show you you are drinking mud and they did this for me the bottom line was $6500 .00 which quickly went to $3500.00 they Have no Concience!

You can buy what they sell for $1000.00 or less have it instaled and you save how much???? There is NO TRUTH IN ADVERTIZING!

I asked my father? Dad it must be a different experience buying a $100,000.00 Mercedes? Yeah He said You Feel like a Bigger FOOL! LOVE JJ

Ox Drover

Yes, Indi, it is terrible what these people do, and the dating sites on the internet are rife with these Ps looking for prey. My son C met his P (I used to call her the Cyber-bride) on the internet. At the time he met her he was very depressed, and feeling down over a failed long-term relationship with a “user” herself, so he was absolutely ripe to be a victim. She played the pity ploy, as many of the inmates do to attract enablers.

Of course, I had also been an enabler to one extent or another though at times I tried without much success to get out of that rut, but had trained some of that into my son C and when the woman used the pity ploy, he fell for it and to “save her” and her wheel chair ridden son.

The first thing she did when he moved her to our community even before he married her was to “triangulate” him from our family (I was the bad guy tryiing to keep him from marrying her and to break them up) My BAD ACTION was to counsel them to WAIT for 6 months before they married for both their sakes. He had only spent 6 months writing to her, visited her for 2 days once and then moved her to Arkansas from NY, so they had actually spent almost NO time together to get to really know each other. The honeymoon lasted according to my son for almost exactly 6 months before she started to emotionally, financially, and physically abuse him. The next 7 years were hell on earth for him. I knew something was going on, and that he was depressed and unhappy, but that was all I knew, as the family seldom saw him or her except for holiday meals which were VERY STRAINED.

I realize that the inmates attract VERY NEEDY people which they victimize, some of the other internet scams also do the same thing, and they “catch” victims that most of us would think were pretty level headed, rational people, but they are obviously more vulnerable than we know or they wouldn’t fall for such “obvious” frauds.

But the thing is, there is a “fraud” out there that will suck us in as well, maybe not one that “obvious” but there is a P out there with a fraud we will swallow hook, line and sinker! So none of us are immune. I have swallowed a BUNCH of hooks that most people wouldn’t have, so I don’t “look down” on these poor souls except with pity and a knowledge of how much they end up hurt in the end—when you live in a glass house you can’t afford to throw stones! LOL

Tood

Hello all,

I am thankful that tomorrow I will be returning to a fulfilling job that I am fairly good at. I am thankful that I now know the truth about my ex, and thankful that I am no longer susceptible to his lies. I am thankful that my youngest child was saved from him, and thankful that some of my older children will testify against him. I am thankful that I escaped with my life. And I am thankful for this site and all who post here.

Even when there is still so much pain and anguish in my family, I am thankful that my children have survived.

inthebreach57

OxDrover&Everyone,
Just got home from Missouri and had a great visit with part of my family. Wish all my siblings could have been there! Seeing my mom, brother and sister was wonderful and we had such fun. My sister, brother inlaw and I were talking about all the people who were being pulled over and ticketed during the holiday travels as they too drove from Illinois to Missouri. My brother (twisted but so funny), remarked about how many he wondered were a bit lit and getting DUI,s. Of course there is nothing funny about people who get in a car drunk and go out and kill themselves and others, but my brother does a good impression of someone drunk trying to talk an officer out of a ticket, “Occifer I only had tee martunis and I swear to drunk I’m not God!” “I was tilly rired and on my way wome fron hirk!” Anyway, he has many of these sayings and he kept us laughing!

OxDrover, your holiday was a prayer answered. My son and I have been praying that you would have a beautiful Thanksgiving with your sons…and Bonus! We had a great holiday too! We went out to the ranch and spent one day with my brother and sister inlaw. My son wanted to bring one of the horses (Jet) home with him. Wow! That sure would get the neighbors attention in suburbia to put a horse in your backyard! No, we must save the love of horses for our visits down south. I am happy for you that your baby boys were home with you. God is good.

I agree with you that there is a change in how we view others when we have been on the receiving end of evil, pain and suffering. There is a compassion that builds for others that enables us to look beyond the surface of what some might callously call “a willing victim”. There are so many emotions involved in relationships, those expectations and hopes you write of are all in place and people end up in a kind of emotional bondage. So many times it is written in the experiences people have had in their posts of how difficult it was to pull away from those they loved and cared for in the face of the worst possible situations. Even when we are pulling away it is hard (at least it was for me) to accept and believe the severity and seriousness of the situation and the toll it has already taken on our personal, internal lives. I also used to think men and women who stayed in or kept going back to overtly abusive relationships were being dumb. Now, I understand they just want the love and change they were promised. My heart aches for them too.

I hope evryone here had a great Thanksgiving and thank you to all the people who have made this a safe haven to bear those raw emotions and help in the healing process. God Bless, Breach

Wini

Yeah inthebreach57: I don’t know why they just don’t make and sell a tape of driving and swerving all over the roads for the holidays. Give it the drunks … to stay home, put the tape in their VCRs and sit and watch the tapes while they drink their drink … so they can still get the stupid thrill of pretending they know to operate a motor vehicle while drunk out of their gourds … then the tape can show the car slamming into solid big trees, going over cliffs into ravens, smashing into guardrails … have a make shift EMTs coming to the scene of the crash … then the final shot is of the funerals scenes of not only theirs, but the innocents they killed …

I think these tapes would be a big seller … everyone would buy their friends and relatives one or all seasons of these tapes for the holidays. They can do a different variety for each holiday … showing the holiday dinners for each season … holiday music playing in the background … then the car stereo blasting .. and how they slobber all over themselves trying to change the channel … can show them trying to put the keys in the ignition … do the tapes up right … show the drunks just how out of control they really are.

Hey, you never know … maybe families would play these tapes while their guests are over … and then a light bulb would go off in the host and hostess heads NOT to allow their guest that drank to go home … it would be sleep overs for all … all through the house.

Peace … just a thought.

Ox Drover

Dear Breach,

It makes me smile and feel warm all over to have you post such a good and happy post. The days we feel like this somehow make enduring the other days worthwhile, and thank goodness for us at least, the good days now out number the bad 100 to 1, and even then, the bad days aren’t so bad, and they don’t last for months either, but only a matter of hours.

Last year this time I was getting ready to move my RV back to the farm from the lake, and someone had murdered my gentle great white Pyrenees dog on Thanksgiving day and I was crying my eyes out, sad, hurt and ready to kill the person with my bare hands if I could have gotten them around his neck for doing such a horrible thing. It was the last of sooooo many losses that year, three of them animals that were long time family pets and favorites. This year has been complete happiness and peace.

Morgan

There were so many red flags in my relationship with the psychopath, I thought I was in a parade!

I’m listening to my intuition. I also think that as a social worker, I’m more willing to expand boundaries to allow for the imperfect human condition. I was also raised to think about other people first!! I’ve learned that being self-caring is not arrogant but vital to my well-being.

I’m grateful to lovefraud.com, too! My relationship with a psychopath ended recently and has been devastating. This website has provided valuable information that is helping in my recovery!

nic

Morgan,

My husband and I both are social workers and for some strange reason I thought with our training that he couldn’t possibly have done some of the things he has done to our family. I thought why would someone with a social work background and who has worked with kids abandon their family. Why would he stop seeing his child when he has counseled children dealing with the same issues. It is mind boggling sometimes. But sociopaths are in all professions.

I am sooooooo grateful that he left me because I did not have the courage to kick him out. He has now been having so many issues financially and emotionally and I no longer have to deal with it. I am now learning how to not ignore the red flags. There were red flags the first day we started dating but I ignored them.

When my relationship ended it was devastating as well but 1 1/2 years later I feel great. I recently passed the LCSW exam and I am just doing new things I never did when I was with my husband.

stillsortingitout

Dear Stargazer and LIG,

Please, Please, Please be careful about dating sites! It is very very true that they’re a hotbed of N’s/P’s/S’s looking for the vulnerable. After catching my X on one of the major sites while we were still together I began getting interested inquiries (I had to join the site to get the proof that he was actually on there). I was feeling low and thought “No harm in some casual dating” to boost my self-esteem.

I met several men for some casual dates. And one major S. He was so smooth, though, so good at the come-on. Even after all I’d learned about being conned I fell for it. We began dating exclusively. Then after several months the typical story. Cracks began to show in his mask. He became extremely verbally abusive and violent. I cut things off immediately. But not before I spent enormous time and effort nursing him through an “unexpected” surgery.

I later surmised that he’d been surfing the dating site looking for health care professionals. I’m an ICU nurse. He’d made frequent off-hand remarks about having met/dated doctors and nurses he’d met on the site. He knew he needed hernia surgery. He found me. Used me to take care of him since he had no family in the area. I took care of him and his son. I payed for his medications. He gradually got me to where I was taking care of everything for him “while he was incapacitated” with the promise of paying me back when he was back on his feet.

As soon as he healed be became a total jerk. The about-face was shocking. It quickly degenerated into him TEXTING me to tell me I was “Too fat and unnatractive” for him to date seriously. I’d never been told anything like that before. In fact, quite the opposite. It was true, though, that over the previous year I’d been ill and required surgery myself. During my healing I’d put on about 20 lbs. I was working hard to lose it and was really sensitive about it. He used that to hurt me deeply. Didn’t even have the guts to talk to me. TEXTED me. He wouldn’t answer his phone.

Turns out I was more vulnerable than I thought I was!

Ox Drover

Dear Nic and Morgan,

It is interesting to me that people who are TRAINED and EDUCATED in psychology, psych medicine, and social work seem to be many times either the Ps or the victims.

It is odd that the Ps would go into social work and learn to “spout” the “party line” yet they have no concept of living it. Can’t relate but the learn to parrot “good advice” to others. Those of us (I am a retired REgistered Nurse Practitioner with some years experience in a mental health clinic and in inpatient psych hospitals) who you would THINK by virtue of our training would be immune from getting trapped by these people, we can SEE it in someone else’s relationships but NOT SEE IT in our own.

It never fails to amaze me how many medical and mental health professionals are on this site as VICTIMS of HORRIBLE TRAUMAS FROM PSYCHOPATHS.

I am so glad that you are both free of these men even though there is still the trauma (in one degree or another) to work through. I never even DREAMED, much less imagined, that I ever COULD “divorce” my P-son and my toxicl enabling mother. Getting to that point that I could go No CONTACT with them was so difficult. Ikept trying to “fix” the situation. I could counsel clients and patients, prescribe medication for them, and help them but I couldn’t help myself….I wouldn’t take my own advice. Talk about a hypocrit! When I finally did take my own advice, it was so painful, and I beat myself up for not doing it decades before I finally did.

Now, I am working on FIXING ME, taking care of me—MY FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT PRIORITY. Learning to set reasonable boundaries and enforce them, even if it means losing that “relationship.”

It is not my job on earth to fix everyone else, and not my job to make everyone else happy at my own expense.

The above sentence is what I found it hardest to realize and to PRACTICE. Accepting that was difficult, but I am getting there and already experiencing a loss of “weight”—the HEAVY WEIGHT OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE. It is off my back, and I can now stand upright again.

It is a WHOLE NEW VIEW OF THE WORLD WHEN YOU GET THAT WEIGHT OFF AND CAN AGAIN STAND UPRIGHT LIKE A HUMAN BEING, NOT CRAWL ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES UNDER THE TERRIBLE WEIGHT OF OPPRESSION.

My world is again a joyful one, a peaceful one, and I a surrounded by people who love me. WOW! Heaven on earth! JOY!!!!

Wini

Is it just me, or is everyone not stepping back to see another solution to the car industry going under. Why aren’t government officials having these CEOs switch to resolving the commuter issue by focusing on building MASS transportation with these car manufacturers instead of them focusing on how to keep their gas guzzlers in operation. We should already have had mass transportation from coast to coast by now. What’s the problem here? Then give those in the sun valley a helping hand with mass producing what they already have been working on alternative solar and other fuel consumption vehicles.

You commute from city/town to city/town via mass transportation trains… drop off location has commuter mini gas efficient buses to take workers into the inner cities … dropping them off in central locations within walking distance to their jobs?

Did anyone see the SLUG commuting on TV the other night? That’s a good alternative to car pooling.

Piece of cake, piece of pie.

shattered_sapphire

Life has a very odd way of knocking you down and making you thankful you can get back up. Again. This year I have found that I am thankful for being so blessed in the amount of love I have in my life. Thankful that God chose to bless me with the family I have. Truly thankful for finally being able to see the truth in one I have loved so very much in my life. Learning to move on and not ask the why’s and what kind of person does that has been a wonderful feeling. I’m thankful I was lucky enough to find all of you and given the chance to learn and grow in ways that before seemed impossible. Sending many happy thoughts and blessings to all of you!!
~Shattered

akitameg

Dear OxDRover–
I am thankful to have just read your past about mental health workers. I am one– was one– and he conned his therapist– so the therapist kept saying he was not an N, a P or an S– cuz it did not show up on his DSM. Instead the doc kept telling me that my anxiety was from my past- being adopted– all my original wounds.
It was all BS. This S was good. My intuition was right and I did not need to go to school for that– oh I’m so mad at myself for going back.

Ox Drover

Dear Meg,

Yep, they can fool anyone. No one is immune. But we can “VACCINATE” ourselves and LISTEN TO OUR GUTS. We have turned off listening to our “instincts” that warn us when predators are in the area. We no longer have to fear lions and tigers, but our own species–but we can usually pick up a “feeling” of something isn’t right. We need to LISTEN.

I no longer “brush off” my feelings and instincts and try to push them down with “logic” and make them shut up. I listen to them, and am watchful and cautious.

Stargazer

ATTN: OxD and others!
Breaking news! I just got a call from the army base where my ex S lives. They are still conducting and investigation and they will be coming up to interview me on Monday. I suppose they will also be interviewing my 3 other friends who sent in a sworn statement. It ain’t over till it’s over, folks. I’m a little nervous about this. I know it will be painful to dredge it up again. But I plan to just tell the simple truth, as will my friends. His goose will definitely be cooked. Either way, he’s won. The army is dragging their feet so long that he’s gotten a free ride for at least a year and maybe longer.

Ox Drover

Dear Star,

YOU ARE SO WRONG! HE HAS N*O*T WON! So he got a “free ride” for a while, but he may end up in the stockade or Levenworth (spelling?) for a stretch! So don’t despair just yet! Obviously they are taking this all seriously, so they wouldn’t be going to do that if he wasn’t in some DEEP DOO.

TOWANDA!!!!!!

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