By BloggerT7165
I am a survivor. And I am thankful for that.
It’s not something I take for granted because I know there are many who do not survive the abuse that is inflicted by their loved ones, trusted spouses or friends or parents. This is a hurtful experience that literally kills people. And if the wound itself doesn’t kill, then the infection that follows from the collusion of friends, neighbors, confidants, professionals, and others will many times finish off the job.
Every abuse story is a tragic one, but the stories of those who successfully commit suicide are among the most heart-wrenching of all. Many abuse victims survive in body, but are lost in other ways. Lost to the pain. Lost to drugs or alcohol. Lost to self-destructive behaviors. Lost to depression. Lost to fear and isolation.
I am filled with gratitude. I came out on the other side of the pain, suffering and darkness, still alive and somewhat sane. Whatever pain I may have, I am grateful for the capacity to feel that pain and for the ability to speak of it. I pray that my voice may help others and may work for good.
I am thankful for the life I live. I am thankful for the goodness of the people who surround me. I am thankful there are caring people like those I have seen on LF. I am thankful to be able to agree or disagree, I am thankful for all the goodness I see in the world even when it seems so dark.
Than you Donna, Dr. Leedom, Dr Steve, Steve and everyone else on Love Fraud for caring.
There were so many red flags in my relationship with the psychopath, I thought I was in a parade!
I’m listening to my intuition. I also think that as a social worker, I’m more willing to expand boundaries to allow for the imperfect human condition. I was also raised to think about other people first!! I’ve learned that being self-caring is not arrogant but vital to my well-being.
I’m grateful to lovefraud.com, too! My relationship with a psychopath ended recently and has been devastating. This website has provided valuable information that is helping in my recovery!
Morgan,
My husband and I both are social workers and for some strange reason I thought with our training that he couldn’t possibly have done some of the things he has done to our family. I thought why would someone with a social work background and who has worked with kids abandon their family. Why would he stop seeing his child when he has counseled children dealing with the same issues. It is mind boggling sometimes. But sociopaths are in all professions.
I am sooooooo grateful that he left me because I did not have the courage to kick him out. He has now been having so many issues financially and emotionally and I no longer have to deal with it. I am now learning how to not ignore the red flags. There were red flags the first day we started dating but I ignored them.
When my relationship ended it was devastating as well but 1 1/2 years later I feel great. I recently passed the LCSW exam and I am just doing new things I never did when I was with my husband.
Dear Stargazer and LIG,
Please, Please, Please be careful about dating sites! It is very very true that they’re a hotbed of N’s/P’s/S’s looking for the vulnerable. After catching my X on one of the major sites while we were still together I began getting interested inquiries (I had to join the site to get the proof that he was actually on there). I was feeling low and thought “No harm in some casual dating” to boost my self-esteem.
I met several men for some casual dates. And one major S. He was so smooth, though, so good at the come-on. Even after all I’d learned about being conned I fell for it. We began dating exclusively. Then after several months the typical story. Cracks began to show in his mask. He became extremely verbally abusive and violent. I cut things off immediately. But not before I spent enormous time and effort nursing him through an “unexpected” surgery.
I later surmised that he’d been surfing the dating site looking for health care professionals. I’m an ICU nurse. He’d made frequent off-hand remarks about having met/dated doctors and nurses he’d met on the site. He knew he needed hernia surgery. He found me. Used me to take care of him since he had no family in the area. I took care of him and his son. I payed for his medications. He gradually got me to where I was taking care of everything for him “while he was incapacitated” with the promise of paying me back when he was back on his feet.
As soon as he healed be became a total jerk. The about-face was shocking. It quickly degenerated into him TEXTING me to tell me I was “Too fat and unnatractive” for him to date seriously. I’d never been told anything like that before. In fact, quite the opposite. It was true, though, that over the previous year I’d been ill and required surgery myself. During my healing I’d put on about 20 lbs. I was working hard to lose it and was really sensitive about it. He used that to hurt me deeply. Didn’t even have the guts to talk to me. TEXTED me. He wouldn’t answer his phone.
Turns out I was more vulnerable than I thought I was!
Dear Nic and Morgan,
It is interesting to me that people who are TRAINED and EDUCATED in psychology, psych medicine, and social work seem to be many times either the Ps or the victims.
It is odd that the Ps would go into social work and learn to “spout” the “party line” yet they have no concept of living it. Can’t relate but the learn to parrot “good advice” to others. Those of us (I am a retired REgistered Nurse Practitioner with some years experience in a mental health clinic and in inpatient psych hospitals) who you would THINK by virtue of our training would be immune from getting trapped by these people, we can SEE it in someone else’s relationships but NOT SEE IT in our own.
It never fails to amaze me how many medical and mental health professionals are on this site as VICTIMS of HORRIBLE TRAUMAS FROM PSYCHOPATHS.
I am so glad that you are both free of these men even though there is still the trauma (in one degree or another) to work through. I never even DREAMED, much less imagined, that I ever COULD “divorce” my P-son and my toxicl enabling mother. Getting to that point that I could go No CONTACT with them was so difficult. Ikept trying to “fix” the situation. I could counsel clients and patients, prescribe medication for them, and help them but I couldn’t help myself….I wouldn’t take my own advice. Talk about a hypocrit! When I finally did take my own advice, it was so painful, and I beat myself up for not doing it decades before I finally did.
Now, I am working on FIXING ME, taking care of me—MY FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT PRIORITY. Learning to set reasonable boundaries and enforce them, even if it means losing that “relationship.”
It is not my job on earth to fix everyone else, and not my job to make everyone else happy at my own expense.
The above sentence is what I found it hardest to realize and to PRACTICE. Accepting that was difficult, but I am getting there and already experiencing a loss of “weight”—the HEAVY WEIGHT OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE. It is off my back, and I can now stand upright again.
It is a WHOLE NEW VIEW OF THE WORLD WHEN YOU GET THAT WEIGHT OFF AND CAN AGAIN STAND UPRIGHT LIKE A HUMAN BEING, NOT CRAWL ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES UNDER THE TERRIBLE WEIGHT OF OPPRESSION.
My world is again a joyful one, a peaceful one, and I a surrounded by people who love me. WOW! Heaven on earth! JOY!!!!
Is it just me, or is everyone not stepping back to see another solution to the car industry going under. Why aren’t government officials having these CEOs switch to resolving the commuter issue by focusing on building MASS transportation with these car manufacturers instead of them focusing on how to keep their gas guzzlers in operation. We should already have had mass transportation from coast to coast by now. What’s the problem here? Then give those in the sun valley a helping hand with mass producing what they already have been working on alternative solar and other fuel consumption vehicles.
You commute from city/town to city/town via mass transportation trains… drop off location has commuter mini gas efficient buses to take workers into the inner cities … dropping them off in central locations within walking distance to their jobs?
Did anyone see the SLUG commuting on TV the other night? That’s a good alternative to car pooling.
Piece of cake, piece of pie.
Life has a very odd way of knocking you down and making you thankful you can get back up. Again. This year I have found that I am thankful for being so blessed in the amount of love I have in my life. Thankful that God chose to bless me with the family I have. Truly thankful for finally being able to see the truth in one I have loved so very much in my life. Learning to move on and not ask the why’s and what kind of person does that has been a wonderful feeling. I’m thankful I was lucky enough to find all of you and given the chance to learn and grow in ways that before seemed impossible. Sending many happy thoughts and blessings to all of you!!
~Shattered
Dear OxDRover–
I am thankful to have just read your past about mental health workers. I am one– was one– and he conned his therapist– so the therapist kept saying he was not an N, a P or an S– cuz it did not show up on his DSM. Instead the doc kept telling me that my anxiety was from my past- being adopted– all my original wounds.
It was all BS. This S was good. My intuition was right and I did not need to go to school for that– oh I’m so mad at myself for going back.
Dear Meg,
Yep, they can fool anyone. No one is immune. But we can “VACCINATE” ourselves and LISTEN TO OUR GUTS. We have turned off listening to our “instincts” that warn us when predators are in the area. We no longer have to fear lions and tigers, but our own species–but we can usually pick up a “feeling” of something isn’t right. We need to LISTEN.
I no longer “brush off” my feelings and instincts and try to push them down with “logic” and make them shut up. I listen to them, and am watchful and cautious.
ATTN: OxD and others!
Breaking news! I just got a call from the army base where my ex S lives. They are still conducting and investigation and they will be coming up to interview me on Monday. I suppose they will also be interviewing my 3 other friends who sent in a sworn statement. It ain’t over till it’s over, folks. I’m a little nervous about this. I know it will be painful to dredge it up again. But I plan to just tell the simple truth, as will my friends. His goose will definitely be cooked. Either way, he’s won. The army is dragging their feet so long that he’s gotten a free ride for at least a year and maybe longer.
Dear Star,
YOU ARE SO WRONG! HE HAS N*O*T WON! So he got a “free ride” for a while, but he may end up in the stockade or Levenworth (spelling?) for a stretch! So don’t despair just yet! Obviously they are taking this all seriously, so they wouldn’t be going to do that if he wasn’t in some DEEP DOO.
TOWANDA!!!!!!