By BloggerT7165
I am a survivor. And I am thankful for that.
It’s not something I take for granted because I know there are many who do not survive the abuse that is inflicted by their loved ones, trusted spouses or friends or parents. This is a hurtful experience that literally kills people. And if the wound itself doesn’t kill, then the infection that follows from the collusion of friends, neighbors, confidants, professionals, and others will many times finish off the job.
Every abuse story is a tragic one, but the stories of those who successfully commit suicide are among the most heart-wrenching of all. Many abuse victims survive in body, but are lost in other ways. Lost to the pain. Lost to drugs or alcohol. Lost to self-destructive behaviors. Lost to depression. Lost to fear and isolation.
I am filled with gratitude. I came out on the other side of the pain, suffering and darkness, still alive and somewhat sane. Whatever pain I may have, I am grateful for the capacity to feel that pain and for the ability to speak of it. I pray that my voice may help others and may work for good.
I am thankful for the life I live. I am thankful for the goodness of the people who surround me. I am thankful there are caring people like those I have seen on LF. I am thankful to be able to agree or disagree, I am thankful for all the goodness I see in the world even when it seems so dark.
Than you Donna, Dr. Leedom, Dr Steve, Steve and everyone else on Love Fraud for caring.
QUOTE: “why would he think that would impress my daughter at the first meeting?”
ANSWER: because he was trolling for his next victim, and wanted to see how she would react.
Well,
He certainly has her wound up in “his web”, now. The weird thing is, I would have never thought that was possible. She was a very strong woman with very strong convictions.
Thanks OxD for all your experiences. I live in another state as my daughter and sil. As soon as they married, they quickly moved to another state and people are just now finding out she doesn’t live here anymore (5 months later)and asking about my daughter and what happened?!?
It is just hard trying to explain it. Our friends know we were a very close family and find it hard to believe our daughter would not write or call or give us any contact information. It is just so strange and confusing.
onajourney: Distancing the partner from loved ones and friends is the first sign of a controlling personality. I would hire a professional investigator to conduct surveillance where they are living and have a report via phone call and in writing. Find out if the investigator will contact the local police department where your daughter lives. Most investigators are retired police officers and they are well aware of what police can or cannot do as far as rights are concerned. Having the local police department where your daughter lives notified of your concerns couldn’t hurt.
Peace.
There were so many things he did that didn’t make sense to me. At the time I didn’t know about s/p/n. The only way I found out was going to a counselor and she told me to google “sociopath” and everything fit together like a puzzle.
I was not being “smoozed” any more, though, so I was “out of the web”.
Onajourney:
I stayed with my ex who was abusive and controlling for 2 years. During that time, he cut me off from friends and family. I felt isolated.
Perhaps this is what is going on with your daughter. She will be back…but only when things get so unbearable she wants out.
What worries me is that you do not have her address or anyway to contact her. I agree with Wini that you should hire an investigator to locate her. I would then just send her a note letting her know you love her, you miss her and she is in your prayers and if she needs anything to let you know.
Then just step back and wait. She will be back.
onajourney: Baloney with the note that you love her and miss her … I’d lie through my teeth and tell her someone in the family is dying and to get her butt home … pronto.
Fight fire with fire.
You know … reading what everyone is writing to onajourney and her situation … sounds very much like trying to get family members away from living in a toxic cult. Same scenario except there aren’t multiple people in the scenario … it’s just the one partner.
OMG – LB moment!
Wini, you know I love you dear, but there ain’t no freaking way that would work–people who are in denial aren’t going to listen to the truth! Been there and DONE that. Besides, when you lie, it always back fires in your face.
Even people who have been taken in by cults and they forcefully take them out (which by the way is illegal and kidnapping) doesn’t always work even with trained professional deprogramers.
Sorry dear, but I got to go against your advice on this one. (((Wini))))
Onajourney, I know it is embarassing, ditto with me, when we moved back to our home community people wanted to know why my P-son never came home. Mom would always just say “he couldn’t get away from hs job” (which was true, he had a job in PRISON) LOL
Now, I tell people who ask about him, not many do. When they ask how mom is I no longer say “Fine the last time I saw her” (indicating that I was seeing her) Now I just say, “We don’t have any contact.”
I’m tired of lying and avoiding questions, and if I want to answer and I think it is proper to give the person that much detail I do, but I no longer lie about it. Mom has smeared me all over the community and her hired caregiver has run off at the mouth like a auctioneer telling everyone she can get to stand still long enough that I am out to get my mom’s money. Of course she gets the gossip drama out of it and that makes her feel “in the know” and “important” to have such juicy gossip to tell. Well, I am not going to lie any more to cover up, but I am also not going to go out and look for people to “set straight” either. I’m not going to sink to that level.
People who know me know I have never taken money from my mother, and people who don’t know me can think what they want. Mom or her maid can say what they want to who ever they want. It isn’t going to ruin my life worrying about what “the neighbors think”—that’s my mom’s most important worry, it is no longer mine.
As far as what you want to tell them Onajourney, say whatever is comfortable for YOU. If just finding some “neutral” comment of “She was ok the last time I talked to her, she and John are living out of state.” Then change the subect. Or you can be up front and say, “The man she married does not like for her to have contact with us and we have no idea where she is living, she and he left the state 5 months ago and we haven’t heard from her since.” Most important is for YOU TO FEEL COMFORTABLE with what you say in response to this.
Whatever it is, it is nothing that YOU did. This is not about YOU, but about HIM. Keep praying for her and keep her in your heart! ((((hugs)))))
It’s almost time for OPRAH … for those on EST … those on PST or C or M … you got over an hour to wait. But, tune in … they are talking about our EXs or other con scenarios.
This is great!