Emotional abuse in a marriage is a covert form of domestic violence. But by the time you identify the true problem, you may already feel like you are crazy. You doubt yourself and your own sense of reality, because emotional abuse is meant to cause you to question your every thought and behavior.
An article on About.com does an excellent job of explaining emotional abuse. It covers:
- Warning signs of emotional abuse
- How the victim feels
- Biderman’s chart of coercion
- When you should seek help
Are You a Victim of Emotional Abuse? from divorcesupport.about.com.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader
My Bill Cosby experience: Did I dodge a bullet?
Im going to say there is no “help” to get. You need to get out. The person that would do this is not sick; they can not be fixed.
We wont get out when we should but we should RUN when we figure out the coercion and abuse. Shame stops alot of us who are normal. It’s too bad. But its shameful to stay when we rly dont have to either.
And we NEVER *have to* allow abuse.
My dad used to say, the thing only you HAVE TO do is breathe. The rest is up to you. He would be yelling at the lazy, narcissistic child he had created (my brother) who wouldn’t go to school or do his homework (altho he barely needed to try, he’s brilliant).
There’s alot of truth in that. Shame stops alot of us and stockholm syndrome does the rest but if we can see all this abuse, we rly need to leave.
We never should try to fix it or them or change US. WHEN to get help is never the question. How To Get Out is the only variable.
Emotional abuse. It all starts with that. Even if it is so subtle. He tells you not to worry your pretty head about the finances. Or tells you HE is the business minded one. My ex-husband used to say how cute I looked while I sat down to pay the bills. Then he would get up in my face, cause he didn’t want me paying the bills, cause this was his control issue. So this is now financial abuse, which started with the emotional abuse of him telling you, that you don’t have a brain in your head.
My ex-husband cause emotional abuse/financial abuse by controlling my grocery shopping, and any spending. I never knew where the money was going, while I had to account for any dime I spent.
Then he started pushing and shoving me around. Pinching me leaving big bruises. Poking me in the eye. where it hurt to open or shut my eye. He was raping me in bed at night. I would wake up to find this man forcing himself on me.
I finally divorced him. He abused me throughout the divorce. No one listened to me. My attorneys (I went through three attorneys) told me I am so stuck on myself, and attorneys told me to get over myself, cause I told my attorney my estranged husband is walking in my house to molest me. I think my attorneys did not believe me because I was very plain looking. Who would want to rape this plain looking women.
It all started with the emotional abuse.
Jeannie812,
Thanks for sharing you story. I had a lot of people not believe me when I reported the abuse to the church members regarding my ex husband which is a minister. They claimed I was making it all up! He also started with emotional abuse and to me it was fine because it was my husband the minister and I had to deal with it, when it became more than I could bare I reported him to the elders and filed divorce. He of course, called me a liar. He would say I was not as good as the other ladies in the church. He started with a lot of emotional abuse like lies, subtle put downs, rejection, cheating and coning me out of most of my money. He still preached and travels and has a new flock of followers people who seem willing to put up with the emotional abuse until they too will be devastated and have to seek refuge. It is so horrible. I now teach my daughter and son the truth and hopefully they will never be fooled or even accept emotional abuse from anyone.
Jenna23,
I know ,it is unbelievable what a sociopath narc is willing to do without remorse.