By | April 10, 2010 79 Comments

Let’s do something about psychopaths like Rodney Alcala

Yesterday, I went to the studios of Inside Edition to be interviewed. People want to know what it feels like to have been photographed by a serial killer. How does it feel know that my life could have easily ended in June of 1979 along with the other victims? Inquiring minds also want to know how I feel about Rodney Alcala.

Do a search on “stuck by lightning twice” and you will discover that the odds of being struck by lightning once are 1/3000. The odds of being struck twice are 1/9,000,000. Since there are 300,000,000 people in America this unusual event has happened.

What does a person who was nearly struck by lightning once, and then actually struck 23 years later say about the near miss in the distant past?

An Ohio man Larry Reynolds, was actually struck by lightning twice and he says he feels “glad to be alive!” (How surprising is that?) I too feel glad to be alive. But also feel the need to say genug* and to try to get more justice for the real victims.

Justice for the victims means doing something to reduce the dangerousness of known violent psychopaths.

It is not enough to dispose of or imprison Alcala, we must change the system that enables psychopaths to strike over and over again.

At the time Alcala photographed me he had already been convicted of two violent crimes**. When he was 24, Alcala kidnapped, sexually assaulted and tried to kill an 8 year old girl, hitting her over the head with a pipe. He escaped and was a fugitive for two years before he was arrested in Concord, N.H., living under the assumed name of “John Berger.” He was arrested in August, 1971 after someone saw his picture on a wanted poster.

He also assaulted a 15 year old girl he lured in the guise of wanting to take her picture.

After these two incidents, Alcala killed at least 5.

There is no doubt in 2010 that Alcala is a psychopath. In the 1970s we didn’t have any reliable method for diagnosing psychopathy, but today we do. The PCL-R when administered by trained professionals can diagnose psychopathy with excellent reliability.

I therefore propose that all individuals convicted of violent or sexual assault be evaluated with the PCL-R and thoroughly assessed by trained professionals not hired by the prosecution or defense, prior to sentencing. The purpose of this assessment would be to inform the judge and jury of the presence of psychopathy and other risk factors that indicate the offender will do the same thing or worse again.

Juries and judges should be able to sentence an offender to life-time supervision. We need to train forensic professionals to do the job of monitoring these individuals and we need to watch psychopaths closely if they are released into society. We should stop simply turning convicted psychopaths over to their families who haven’t the slightest idea what to do with them (more on that next week).

I made the above recommendation to Paul Boyd of Inside Edition. He impressed me as a real reporter who was interested in the issues; someone who takes the ethical implications of his job seriously. I just hope his editors give him the freedom to tell this story.

Please everyone get beyond the silliness of “OMG what does it feel like to be struck by lightning twice?” and instead tackle the real question of what to do about sociopaths/psychopaths.

At the end of March, I spoke with a reporter from People Magazine for over an hour and am sorry that I failed to convince him to do a real story and exercise real journalism- or maybe the tabloid editors just wouldn’t publish the real story. However, if you want to see pictures, I am in this weeks’ issue “OMG”!

*a Yiddish word that means ENOUGH, pronounced ganoog

**for more see

Posted in: Laws and courts

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Dr Leedom

Your survival is a blessing, your mission clear as day, three points stand out for me:

all individuals convicted of violent or sexual assault be evaluated with the PCL-R

sentence an offender to life-time supervision

We should stop simply turning convicted psychopaths over to their families who haven’t the slightest idea what to do with them

Yes absolutely! genug is genug!

Ox Drover

Dear Liane,

Many of us here have complained how our friends or family don’t “get it” when we tell them about the dangerousness of the psychopaths we have or are dealing with. They just “don’t believe” anyone except the occasional Ted Bundy or other serial killer could be like that, and besides, THEY would never meet a real serial killer/psychopath. I think even reporters and editors of magazines, especially like “People,” are not really focused on the educational part of the reporting but more on the entertainment value of the reporting. I think they are like paper versions of the TV shows of “Dr. Phil,” if that makes any sense.

I do think that some version of “vetting” violent offenders is necessary as such a high percentage of violent crime is committed by psychopaths that it would lower the crime rate tremendously if they were incarcerated or supervised for life.

Thank you for doing your best to use your “15 minutes of fame” as a “teaching moment.” Sometimes those teaching moments come back to bear fruit somewhere down the line even if not immediately.

I think you were protected by the hand of God from that lightening strike with Alcala.

Ox Drover

Liane, to your knowledge has any other photo put up been recognized (admitted to?) by other women?


I saw your Inside Edition piece! DAMN….the media….
Let’s sensationalize it and NOT TEACH anything…..WHY couldn’t they have taken advantage of the fact YOU ARE A Victim AND A DR? YOU HAVE INFO TO SHARE….(related to this guy)…..will that show up in another piece AFTER the WOW of his sentence has subsided?
YOU looked great….BUT they did a terrible job of telling a story…INCOMPLETE at best…..

NOT one mention of your ‘postition’ and NOT one mention of a personality disorder……..

How about the NEWS shows? AM shows…..?? I’m sure your not done yet…….huh?

Keep talking girl……


Dr Leedom – you are right about people not knowing what they need to know and not doing their own research. These days they depend on the media, which is largely driven by corporate interests and not known for either indepth or impartial investigation on important subjects.

I think your blog idea for Youtube is a great one – as a professor you will be taken seriously as a reliable source for information.

I wondered if you had heard of CAPP? Comprehensive Assessment of Psychopathic Personality. Some interesting research is happening at Glasgow University – unfortunately the researchers acknowledge their model is only academic at the moment, but in the future they hope it will be used to assess ‘dangerousness’ in violent offenders.

Here is a link to the basic model – I like the way they have kept the language simple and considered more domains than other researchers :

I would be interested to see your thoughts and those of other LF authors about this model – whether you agree with it or not and what possible functions you see for it with regard to mandatory screening of violent and sexual offenders.


The media doesn’t get it, the courts don’t get it, our friends don’t get it….

Sociopaths are dangerous!

Rodney Alcala and many, many other sociopaths are processed through our legal system without identifying their disorder and then given the benefit of the doubt in the form of a light sentence and then sent back to society primed for recidivism.

And, why is the media so reluctant to call a spade a spade? It’s like having an 800-pound gorilla in the living room and no one acknolwedges he’s there. Hello???


Thank God you weren’t struck by lightning, Dr. Leedom. Thank God.

My feeling is that the media is about entertainment and sensationalism, period. Ratings, advertising revenue, and the whole shebang.

I have to say that a particular piece on Dateline ID (which I never watched and just happened to stumble upon) was covering the story of Barbara Bentley’s escape from her ex-husband. “Dancing with the Devil” is her publication, and it sparked fear and absolute horror for me – my eldest son was perpetrating the same crimes, just as her ex-husband was.

Try talking to any agency about physical evidence that will prove that a family member is forging military documents and using those documents to garner funding and resources, and see what happens! Even law enforcement agencies will refuse to pursue these spaths and hold them accountable for the millions that they extrude from The System. The emotional and physical damage isn’t even addressed – even the legal system revolves around money.

And, the larceny continues unabated. Sheeesh.


Oh, and by the way……I would like to ask what might be a couple of stupid questions:

Have there always been such a percentage of sociopaths, or is it a growing epidemic?

Has anyone experienced damage to their spiritual beliefs as a result of their encounters?

Ox Drover

Dear Buttons,

Actually, just a guess now, and my opinion I would think that the genetic material that is part of the psychopathic personality is spreading fairly rapidly…as, families are becoming smaller in the middle classes, but psychopaths are spreading their seed far and wide. Dr. Leedom I thinnk, but it was in an article here on LF said in England in “public housing” that 25 % of the babies are sired by psychopaths.

I know a young man who is psychopathic and he has 9 children by multiple women, and he is not yet 35, so he is more likely to produce more psychopathic offsrping that Joe Nice who with his wife will have 2.1 children with two loving parents.

My own P sperm donor produced 4 children, one of which is a psychopath after his own father, but the other three of us seem more normal, even though two of the other three were actually raised by the P, but my son is a P, so I know that my p-sperm donor produced 25% of his offspring as Ps, and of the 7 grandchildren at least one is a psychopath and In prison, the others are still much younger than my children and I have contact with them beyond knowing how many there are and approximate ages.

So I would think, based on the above that yes, the P percentage rate is probably rising slightly due to the lowering of the number of children of those “stable” families and the rise in teen pregnancies (though it has dropped from the ultimate high a decade ago) and in single-parent-teen situations. But, that’s just opinion which is like noses, each of us has one! Or two! LOL


I have looked at my husband’s side of the family, suspecting that my father-in-law (deceased) might have been a spath too. We have three children, two boys (13 years old and 9 years old) and a daughter (6 years old) – I am hoping and praying that my children do not inherit this disorder. I literally could not take it – it would be too heartbreaking. My question is, my husband’s side of the family has lots of family members (his four sisters, three brothers, and their children) and I can’t see that anyone elsed inherited this mental illness. Would it only go to my descendants or would all the future family members (who inherited their grandfather’s genes) be at risk? What rotten luck.


I feel like I have the worst luck in the world, having married a disordered person, literally struggling with the fact that I wasted so much time being married to him. We’re separated but I hurt so much. I keep trudging along, going to work, trying to be responsible, not enjoying life (even though I have three fantastic kids). It doesn’t help to think too much about my life – it hurts too much. All I can think is what rotten luck. I want to get better emotionally, but I have been slammed with so much. I come up for air and then I’m swallowed by despair. There’s always too much to think about, be concerned about. If I’d never met him or married him, I wouldn’t have the problems that I have. I am venting.


Bluejay, I don’t think that there is enough research evidence, either way. There are several books that are listed on the resources page, and one of them seems to be a good resource for parenting – I say, “seems” because I haven’t read it, personally. Arm yourself with knowledge, and you’ll have done the best you can do.


Bluejay – with regard to your most latter post, take a deep breath. Step back. Look at some of the other posts and realize that things could have been much, much worse. Many men and women don’t make it out, alive. Many children are literally sacrificial fodder for the spath. Playing the “What If?” game only feeds that pity monkey – the past cannot be altered, and it stinks, but there it is. You have today as a person who is going to survive and be alright. Despair is the type of collateral damage that fuels the spath, I think. If they have any idea that we’re miserable, they win, pure and simple. There are only 2 things in this lifetime that we “have” to do: pay taxes and pass from this mortal life. We do not “have” to choose misery, despair, loneliness, or victimization. We can choose to celebrate the mere fact that we got out with our lives.

You made it out, and the lessons that you’ve learned (and, are continuing to learn) will serve to make you stronger, wiser, and intuitive. It may take some time, but you are going to be fine – just fine.

Ox Drover

Button, I agree with your advice to BllueJay,

I DID lose a child (now a man) to psychopathy and yep, it hurts! But you know, I eventually overcame it and have a life of my own now. I used to think if someone kidnapped my child and I didn’t know what happened to the child I COULD NOT stand it. Like Elizabeth Smarts’ mother, or the hundreds of others who have had kids kidnapped and not found. WHAT A HORRIBLE THING but they are making it, and I could too if I had to. In a way, I DO feel like my 11 or 12 year old kid that was wonderful was “kidnapped” by the psychopath who holds his body and mind hostage to EVIL…but It hurt, and I am dealing with it. We deal with what we have to deal with when the TIME COMES, and worrying about WHAT IF is an exercise in FUTILITY 99% of what we worry about never comes to pass any way.

BUCK up BlueJay, and take it ONE problem, ONE DAY at a time. It is like if I told you you had to eat an ENTIRE COW you couldn’t see how it could be possible, but you have probably eaten more than one in your life time, ONE BITE AT A TIME.

Breathe, chew, swallow.! (((Hugs)))))


Dear Buttons and Oxdrover,

My husband is a “low-level criminal”, having gotten this label from one of the articles that I read on this website. It rang a bell in my head. The man is a financial nitwit – he scares me. I’ve told him that if he ever ends up in jail and/or prison, I won’t bring the kids to visit him. I feel badly that my children have had the trauma of a mother who has been ready for an emotional collapse and a father who goes on his merry way acting stupidly at times, not having the energy to go on sometimes, but walking ahead nevertheless. I literally feel like I do mental gymnastics, changing my frame-of-mind almost daily, trying to get to a level, balanced way of thinking, but it’s hard. Anyway, I have my moments (too many of them) where I am down, embarrassed by my life situation.


Bluejay, one of the job descriptions of the spath is to keep source targets off balance. That’s why we always feel as if we’re crazy.

Your life situation is nothing to be embarassed about. You are a human being and allowed 100% to make mistakes! We’ve all made mistakes, and it’s OKAY……it’s okay, I swear. Mistakes are the only way that we learn.

You’re feeling the way a normal person feels, bluejay. And, it is, indeed, hard. But, you are going to be fine – you will.



I feel like I “buck up” every day. I can only imagine what you and others experienced with children who were born with this disorder. Having read many of your posts, I marvel at how you got through some of your life experiences, giving me hope that I will make it through some how, some way. All of the writers to this website are treasures, “getting it.” Take care.


Buttons –

I hope, I hope that I will be fine. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel on some days. Because I can’t depend on my husband, I have to work overtime to make ends meet. He blew through a ton of money (I’m finally admitting to some of his crap) that I had received as a gift, having a joint bank account at the time (now I have a single bank account, my own). I had to admit this fact to myself last summer and fall, realizing that he lied to me about taking money and investing it, not having occurred, period. Realizing that he is who he is was heartbreaking, searing. The emotional pain will probably stay with me. I would not want to reconcile with him because of all the betrayals, total lack of remorse. Sick. People like him make others wobbly. The man jeopardizes everything.

Ox Drover

Dear Bluejay,

They push (or try to) the shame, embarassment and guilt of their crimes on to us. It is called the FOG–Fear, Obligation and GUILT, get out of the FOG and you will see clearly.

When you find your self afraid ask yourself (really, out loud) “Why are you afraid, Bluejay?” or if you feel obligated to help someone or do something you don’t want to do, ask yourself (again, out loud) “BlueJay, why do you feel obligated to do X?” If the answer is not “because I must take care of mjy kids or myself” then you are NOT oibligated to do it.

If you feel guilty again ask yourself “Blue Jay, what am I feeling guilty about? is it something I should feel guilty about?” If the anser is that it is not something YOU did wrong then you are not obligated to be guilty about it. SO take control of your FOG and BANISH IT! You can do it!!!!!! I know you can! I know you can. I know you can! Just like the little engine that could!!!!! ((((hugs)))))

ps. my situation is NO worse or NO more painful than anyone else’s here BTW–every one of us here has TOTAL PAIN that fills our being! My prayers for you!



It’s hard to help others with their problems because all I do is try and sort through my own, not seemingly doing a great job of it either.

Ox Drover

Dear BlueJay,

Right now YOU are the one who most deserves your compassion and love and help, it is a time to take care of yourself FIRST! Then you SMALL kids and everyone else comes after that….WAY after! (((hugs))))



You can’t get ahead financially because of all the stuff they pull. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would end up the way I have. Day-to-day existence is the way for me now. Conversations with them go round-and-round, like a merry-go-round, rarely reaching a destination. They don’t give you the answers you deserve, making everything harder than it has to be. Gotta do P.I. work over-and-over again. Ridiculous! I’ve got to go prepare dinner. Take care. Appreciate your comments.


Oxdrover –

Thanks. I am crying right now. Have to stop it or it will get out of hand. I probably am overtired, having worked a double shift yesterday. That’s why I am more emotional than usual.

Ox Drover

Dear Bluejay,

Are you a nurse? Funny thing there are so many people here who are medical personnel, nurses, doctors, therapists, or others in the helping professions.

GET SOME REST and that’s an order!!!!! Take care of you!!! It is really really important, more important than money when you get run down because you will get sick if you don’t take care of yourself. I know, I made myself totally sick by not taking care of myself! Now don’t make me get my skillet out and chase you down to make you get some rest! Way too muich effort! Just go do it! ((((Hugs))))) and my prayers!


OxDrover –

When I started college (1983), I studied nursing, but had panic attacks (probably because of upbringing, also separating from my twin sister for the first time), so got out of it. I work for a CSB, being employed in a group home setting, working with intellectually challenged (MR) adults, liking the people (clients) that I work with. It’s not a dream job, but it helps to go to work, getting away from my problems.


OxDrover –

When I was in college, I started having panic attacks, not having experienced them before. I didn’t go for counseling, thinking that I could handle it on my own. I switched majors from nursing to education. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would have liked to have been a secretary or a librarian. That’s the past. I enjoyed college, taking different courses, learning about different subjects, just not all the homework that came with the classes. I am beat right now, so I will take your advice and relax, taking it easy. You do the same.


I have spent all this evening thinking about how in God’s name we can create a system through which we can teach recognition of, and ‘binding’ of, these individuals who do so much harm.
I have spoken several times now with the most recent casualty of my ex husband/sociopath. She contacted me out of the blue to ask if I could just tell her the truth; what exactly is she dealing with because he’d recently become violent with her and why do I have a permanent restraining order against this person. I was careful not to say too much under the circumstances, but I had to tell her the truth too. How can you not warn another human being that they are in very grave danger?!
I stuck to the facts, I told her the truth and I told her I could not interfere or give her advice. I told her to keep her guard up and to be careful and ask for help from her friends and family. She said they had cut her off BECAUSE of him. She said she had no where to turn. I sent her here to this site.

I thought the conversation that day would be the end of it, I’d heard in her voice she wasn’t ready to give up and walk out, she was still hooked, though scared out of her mind.

But she called me again today and she was sobbing. He’d cleaned out the bank accounts, packed up his things and walked out that morning leaving her with 23 dollars…and nothing else. He took everything. She didn’t tell me how much but I’ve peiced together it was more than 50,000 over the months they were together.

I let her scream and sob and say how much she hated him. She talked about the unearthly coldness, and the rage she’d felt go right through her, his monstrously debasing emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, and the terror she had felt every minute for so long….and I felt helpless and guilty and responsible. I knew, better than anyone, what this monster was capable of but I could do nothing to stop him from victimizing yet another woman.

My heart breaks for her….and I hate him all over again for what he’s done to her and for what the system allows him to continue doing. Why can’t these monsters be stopped? She said he left with that same smug sneer on his face that he always wore when he knew he’d gotten what he wanted and gotten away with it. She won’t call the police and I suspect its because she feels ashamed that she willingly turned over control of her life little by little to this monster. But she did it because he insisted, as they all do, with charm or with pity stories, or bullying and emotional blackmail and they back you into a corner and giving up the money seems like the only thing you CAN do.

There have been more and more cases of the courts going after bullies, most of them classroom and schoolyard bullies right now true, but it is leading in the right direction to state that bullying behaviors, particularly those resulting in long term harm to the victim, are not going to be tolerated. Classifying a sociopath as mere bully seems REALLY out of line but, maybe its the thin edge of the wedge.

I don’t know what or how, but this has to stop. The families are not equipped to deal with them, my own ex’s family enables him more often than not by believing his horrific lies and ploys for sympathy and then by harboring him and giving him money. What they do amounts to aiding and abetting a criminal, even though the money they give him is often just to get rid of him. They helped him do what he just did to this poor girl.

I feel horrible about this, and so far from my own pain about it for the first time….now that I’ve seen him victimize another I almost feel more rage toward him, and I know there has to be some kind of socio cultural forward movement to bring this kind of behavior out into the light so that it can be stopped.


I was just writing tonight about how the system that will let the man who used to sleep here out to prey on others –

One day some other father’s daughter is going to waltz in love
with him and we know what is true and in fact fear what could happen.

the only way it seems to me is education. there just isn’t enough. just isn’t enough.


I’m with you, Silvermoon. I’m also on board with reasonable ideas to not only get the word out, but to lobby (or, whatever) for legal and civil changes in the law specifically to deal with spathic impact.

I’ve often read of “impact statements” being made at sentencing by survivors and/or victims of violent crimes. I don’t think that these statements have any “impact” on anything, least of all the spath. Alcala wouldn’t flinch unless he were forced to strip from the waist up and endure 15 lashes with a cat-o-nine for each of his victims and another 10 for each POSSIBLE victim.

I think the reason that spathy is so under the radar is that we are talking about emotions – the law has no emotion. There’s The Law, and then there’s what’s Right and Just, and never the twain shall meet. Perhaps, if we (and, others) were able to somehow address this frigging epidemic with bare facts, statistics, and the financial/legal impacts, more might be done. All I can say for myself is that we’ve got too many of them and their ranks are growing at an exponential rate.


In fact, I just had a brain bubble. Ms Donna, you have built an incredible site, here, with literally hundreds of contributors, their stories, their expertise, and all of the rest. Do you think that appearing on a program like Oprah or Dr. Phil (I really don’t care for his programming, but it is what it is) with your panel of experts and a physical stack of the individual stories and posts might bring legal attention to this issue? I believe that the authors of the recommended readings would be willing to stand in unison in such an effort, as well. I know I would – I’d speak to the media if I thought it would make a difference.


Thank you so much for your confidence. Once my book comes out this summer, we will embark on a media campaign. A book, of course, gives us a “hook” to get on shows like these. At that time, I will certainly ask for the support and assistance of Lovefraud readers.


Congratulations on your publication, Donna – my GOD it’s just incredible to know just how many human beings have been harmed by these Things.

So, I did this, just now – I sent an email to Oprah even before I saw your response, and this is how it went:

“To whom it may concern,

I am a Survivor of several encounters with individuals who were either diagnosed as “Cluster B” personalities, or who perfectly fit the profile. In layman’s terms, “Cluster B” refers to sociopathic/psychopathic individuals who demonstrate a complete absence of conscience, empathy, or remorse. Typically, the general population associates sociopathic/psychopathic individuals with violent criminal behavior – Alcala, Gacey, Bundy, and other “serial” killers, and generally male. The fact is that a parent, sibling, offspring, supervisor, or physician also has the potential to be sociopathic and inflict untold damage on their “source targets (ST).” A ST is anyone that feeds the needs of the sociopath, willingly, or not. Victimization ranges from domestic violence, to theft, to larceny, to murder, and everything in between, especially the abuse of the Legal System, such as it is.

We read about these people’s actions in the news, every day. Mothers who murder or neglect their children, spouses who murder their partners for money (or, sex), and the list is endless. What we do not hear about, nor are we educated about, are the millions walking undetected in society who use and abuse ST’s to result in emotional, financial, spiritual, sexual, and physical devastation. The legal system refuses to address sociopathy as criminal unless violent crimes are a direct result. Divorce and custody battles are often based upon a sociopath’s need to exert control and pain, and Family Courts in every jurisdiction in the Nation are blind to the collateral damage. ST’s aren’t limited to the ignorant, undereducated, or oblivious. Most adult ST’s are well educated professionals who are targeted because of their finances, their appeal, and/or their ability to trust. The offspring of socipaths are likely to either develop into socipaths or future victims, by default.

There are literally hundreds of websites and publications that were built and written to specifically address identifying, healing from, and avoiding socipaths. The argument is often made that there were plenty of “red flags,” so why didn’t the intended victim just run? If it were that simple, then we wouldn’t have Susan Smith pushing her vehicle into a lake with her two sons strapped in their car seats to please a lover and seek attention. Maddoff would never have been able to commit his crimes if there were more validity paid to his disorder. Literally, tens of hundreds of individuals wouldn’t be draining personal, local, and Federal resources as imposters. The Cluster B Personality takes by whatever means available or necessary to facilitate their needs, wants, or desires.

I have had sociopathic exposure to an ex-husband, intimate “friends,” former business associates, and my own son who is currently perpetrating “Stolen Valor.” My son entered the US Army in 2003, graduated from Boot Camp, and went directly to Walter Reed Army Medical Center after threatening to commit suicide, which I had no knowledge of, due to HIPPA. He spent the rest of his enlistment at WRAMC and was diagnosed as “Cluster B Traits” personality after he attempted to strangle his then-pregnant former wife of 3 months. While he was at WRAMC, my son fabricated and forged military documents and Military Service Awards to portray himself as a wounded, decorated Iraqi-War Veteran. I have the physical evidence of his forgeries in my possession and have alerted a number of agencies with regard to his activities, with no results or even mild interest. The details of my son’s history and subsequent actions are far too involved to include in an email, and I would be willing to answer any and all specific questions with regard to my experiences with him, as well as the others. My son is very violent, is armed with handguns and assault rifles, is unstable, and there is nothing that I can do to help him, and nothing to stop him from committing murder or mayhem. Thanks to HIPPA, my son is able to maintain his facade, drain resources meant for actual veterans, and perpetrate his crimes without detection or exposure.

I am only one of tens of thousands who have had exposure to sociopathy, and allowing 1/2 hour or hour-long segment to Cluster B Traits isn’t enough to educate the general population or to facilitate an understanding in the professional communties and legal system to address this epidemic of tragedy.

Please, see the website and read about some of the average, everyday individuals and professionals who have been nearly (and, actually) ruined by these people who move so freely within society. Please, as a Survivor, I ask that this topic be taken to the level of education and prevention by your programming director. Socipathy can never be cured or prevented, but it can be recognized, acknowledge, and addressed by the legal system with a better understanding of just how many people are affected, every day, by the actions and choices of these individuals. I would suggest that your program consider a week-long series on identifying, healing from, and avoiding Cluster B Personalities, as well as their drain upon society and their flawless ability to abuse our Legal System.

Most sincerely,”

The email address, for anyone else who might be interested, is: [email protected]

I was moved by The Spirit, and took action. I don’t know how much good it will do, but I had to Do Something, I guess.

Ms Donna, if there is anything further that I can do, I’m in. I’m done, and I’m frigging IN. Brightest blessings


Wow Buttons,
What a powerful letter! I think it might be a great idea, for as many of us as are willing, to write similar letters, referencing your letter and your idea, in support of Oprah taking this to the public and shining her particular light on it.
If the subject could be approached in the right way, presented in the right way on her show, without sensationalism or focusing on serial killers, or focusing on only the notorious sociopaths who actually do end up in the news.
I support your effort Buttons and I will write to her also.


Sent to the same address:
To Whom it may concern:

The subject of sociopaths and their effect on our lives, families, communities and nation is one that deserves real attention. The most dangerous ones may in fact be the one next door.

Far too little information about these types of individuals and the destructive character of being in relationships with them is provided to adults of any age and as a result, young adults often get caught up with them and IF they get free, are likely to fall victim over and over.

I’m the wife of a bigamist. The Federal Marshals aren’t sure they know who he is and he certainly left a lot of his story untold to me. I’m struggling with the loss of what I thought was an ideal mate and the costs of untangling with him.I’d like to see him get jail time for this because he is an active participant in dating web sites often communicating with as many as 25-30 women at a time.

Unfortunately, the unsophisticated popular notion is that a man with more than one wife is punished enough and the burden of pursuing a bigamy charge in entirely mine. So, somebody else’s daughter is going to waltz home one day with the light of love in her eyes and a psychopath who has neither concience nor remorse on her arm and there is nothing I can do about it.

He has threatened to kill other wives and family, set houses on fire and served time for manslaughter and fraud.

I want to get a message out to our society that just because I was fooled doesn’t mean I am a fool, but it does mean he is a liar of proportions that are out of most people’s league and that he lied with intent to steal love, shelter, money and more over time because these people target their victims and have no second thoughts about taking what they want and can get before moving on to another victim.

Sometimes the victims live, sometimes, they don’t and the cases aren’t always sensational.The nicest people you know are targets for sociopaths and psychopaths.

Please contact Donna Anderson, Steve Becker and Dr Lianne Leedom at www. before it happens to someone you love. There are 5 million of these monsters in the US alone!

Thank you,


BRAVO, SILVERMOON!!!!!!!! Do it, Jennifer1011! EVERYONE get on this wagon……just do it. Don’t be afraid to speak the Truth!

Silvermoon, you are a brave, courageous, and strong woman, and it took a whole lot of guts to write that. Bless you, and everyone else who’s wading through the SocioCesspool.

Ox Drover

Dear Buttons and Silvermoon,

The letters you wrote were ABSOLUTELY wonderful.

The thing I first noticed when I first came to LF was that the level of “smarts” on this site by the posters (not just the authors) is remarkably high. Which, believe it or not, made me feel somewhat better to know that all these “smart” folks were fooled just like me! Maybe I wasn’t so “dumb” to be fooled after all!

Glad you two folks are there. BTW buttons, there is a group I’ve heard about (not sure which one) which does PROSECUTE “stolen valor,” so maybe you can get some help that way if you can find it, I’m sorry I don’t recall the link. CRS! (can’t remember stuff)


Thanks so much for your encouragement, OxD – that’s one of the things that I learned about domestic violence/abuse – it’s not “stereotypical” at all. Brilliant men and women are abused and the patterns and dynamics are so frigging insidious…….

I did get in touch with an organization that is the same one that I think you’re talking about. She asked that I send copies of the documentation (keep the original physical evidence) and that they would speak to their liason to see what can be put into motion.

I think that the law enforcement agencies feel that people that make reports like mine are, somehow, trying to “get even” for something, and not following through because of that. With all of the false reports that people make, I do understand it, but I don’t have to LIKE it.


OxD, someone posted (gosh, I can’t keep up with these boards!) about your ability to put your experiences and wisdom into such eloquent and encouraging posts. I agree. You have a font of wisdom and it’s very helpful to see your courage – for me, I”m trying to get to that space and this type of support is priceless. We’re all going to Get There.


To Whom It May Concern,

Do you know what a personality disorder is? Do you know what someone who has a personality disorder looks like? Acts like? If you think you know…think again. Because the answers are chilling… and they are answers the nation needs to be made aware of.

More important, do you know what the red flags are when meeting someone who could be potentially toxic and ultimately dangerous in your life? How to avoid one? The tools to deal with one?

Also, are you or a family member or a friend involved with someone right now who has a personality disorder ? Chances are the answer will be an overwhelming yes (even from Oprah and/or her staff members), because they exist all around us.

The most severe and emotionally dangerous that are co-habitating amongst us are Sociopaths. Not all of them resort to murder. Many of them just set out to steal someones spirit and soul by severe emotional abuse , deceit, manipulation and control.

Instead of constantly doing stories on the victims, the survivors, and focusing on the final tragic moments of their lives or events that led up to it… I implore you to take a risk and do multiple segments on personality disorders/and everyday type Sociopaths. Their traits, their existence, their reason for being in life and who their prey are (everyday good people with an abundance of empathy along with some people with low self-esteem and possibly dysfunctional childhoods) and what Sociopaths/personality disordered people do to them AND how someone can protect oneself from them.

Sociopathy/personality disorders can be found in mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, lovers, friends, children, and all professions to name just a few. The nation would benefit from being made aware of THE TRUTH that has yet to be told on the level your broadcast is capable of bringing awareness, attention and education. Not to mention possibly saving many lives.

Feel free to begin your research on this subject at As well as refer to the many books suggested on Lovefrauds website. Your life wont be the same after researching this subject – but it just may be changed in way that you werent aware you needed to be educated and informed in order to protect yourself.

Let the world know the truth about Sociopaths/personality disorders.

Without question, you will be saving lives and educating new generations to come.

Thank you.


Way to go LEARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wahoo!



Inspired by you, Buttons, everyone at LF and my children….xoxo

No more waiting on the world to change. Lets create the change we wish to make!!!



Learning, EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Each one of us is saying the same things in such different and indidual wasy! WOW, how powerful is that????


….that would be, “individual”…….

I agree with you, Learning – waiting won’t get the word out. Hoping that someone else will do it won’t get the word out. And, wishes that someone will take the initiative won’t get the word out.

About wishes:
If wishes were fishes, then world hunger wouldn’t be an issue. I can’t remember who said that, but it’s golden.


No mas.
No mas.

Andele Chica!

Ox Drover

Dear Buttons,

Thank you for that compliment. I don’t take compliments well, LOL hold over from my egg donor’s expectations that I be perfect. LOL

The support I got from Donna, the authors here, and the other bloggers when I came to LF over two years ago (can’t remember just when) kept me from going off the deep end. I had been on another site, owned by “Dr.” Sam Vaknin who is a self proclaimed Narcissist, but in actuallity has learned how to make a living pretending to be caring Narcissist. (He is not) but on one of his sites, I was “persecuted” by the “moderators” for talking about any spiritual belief, and personally I think that even people who don’t believe in any higher power have a “spiritual belief”—and I also think that a spiritual component is NECESSARY to our healing. I don’t think it has to be MY spiritual belief for YOU, and whatever your belief is I salute and honor it as your belief. When I came here I realized that Donna Honors a spiritual belief, rather than persecutes one, and that was why I first came here, but the wonderfull and caring support, the lack of flaming by other posters (Donna will NOT tolerate it) etc. kept me here.

Every day I learn more here, or get a new insight, and like peeling the onion, get to a little deeper place, a little better place. Some days I go backwards, but for the most part, I amm headed in the right direction toward HEALING. But it is a JOURNEY not a destination. When I was traumatized by a P in the past, I thought healing was a destination, and it is only NOW that I recognize it is the JOURNEY and I must never again get off and stay off that HEALING PATH. There is always going to be more to learn. And, there will always be Ps out there that may try to tempt me to follow them into the darkness, but I must continue daily to keep and make myh own PEACE, MY OWN HAPPINESS.

I can encourage you, and you can encourage me, but I can’t do it for you, and you can’t do it for me. It’s like being born or dying, we have to do it for ourselves. I hope my words do encourage others, but I also need the words of the bloggers here to encourage me, and the articles with new points of view, new information to learn with which to continue my journey. ((((hugs))))) and my prayers for everyone here.

Ox Drover

I posted about my reaction last night to the 48 hours Mystery about the Rodney Acala and somehow “lost” the thread so this is about him. I’d like the opinon of others who might have watched that show.

That man is soooo EVIL and the announcer said that 4 more girls’ deaths had been linked to him in NY state during the time he was on the run after he mutilated and hurt that 8 year old in LA that the cops caught him IN THE ACT—but he ran out the back door while they came in the front and rather than chance him, they took care of the girl who probably had only seconds to live without immediate aid. Thank God she survived!

She was at the sentencing hearing for Alcala and testified, she is a VICTOR not a victim!

Acala, who has presumably brutally murdered 10+ young women, but 5 for sure, is EVIL, is the worst of the EVIL ones….could have been stopped if the law had been enforced as it should/could have been and ALL those murdered girls could have been saved. A*L*L those girls.

If it is any consolation, he will at least die on death row in prison. He may not live long enough to be executed, but he will die there on death row.

When he played the lyrics of Arlo Gutherie’s songs and said to the jury that they would “participate in the killing of another human” if they gave him the death penalty..,..trying to PROJECT AND GASLIGHT the jury and make them feel guilty for putting a piece of garbage like him to death! Didn’t take them long either to decide to DO IT EITHER….I don’t think after what they knew about what he did that any of them had any trouble sleeping either.

I am usually not for the death penalty (and for sure not the way it is delayed and delayed like it is in the US) because there are times when it is given when there is no REAL EVIDENCE that the person is truly guilty—in Acala’s case, there is a great deal of DNA evidence in addition to eye witness identification (Eye witness is often WRONG, about 60% of the time in fact) but DNA off the “trophies” of his victims that he kept and off their clothing and bodies—multiple girls, multiple samples, to say nothing of the photographs of the girls who are missing that were found in his locker. Just TOO much evidence in FIVE murder cases to leave ANY doubt, much less a reasonable one.

Alaca is one of the rare exceptions to my objections to the death penalty as administered here in the US.


Watched the 48 hours show last night.
That song was just over the top!
I really admire the mother (blonde with short hair)….and here tenacity through her pain. She wishes for him to be dead at least one day prior to her….so she can be happy.
She brought a gun to court one day……and was gonna shoot him ‘right between the eyes’. She said her daughter held her wrist. (the D whom Alcala Killed).

It also gave me chills, as I grew up in this area and knew the scenery.

I always find it interesting when facing big charges, the accused represents themselves. WHAT AN IDIOT!
They have no way of knowing the ‘ins and outs’ of the law……it’s learn as you go……and by the time he learns it…’s too late!
Taking the stand! What a gift to the prosecution!!!!
They just can’t balance their ego’s……and they think they’ve done no wrong. And talk talk talk talk. It’s the perpetual con.

Hang the mofo!!!


I have a gf who’s daughter was ‘befreinded’ by a con couple when she was in High School.
She babysat for them in their big fancy house….

Soon, once the D was hooked they couldn’t afford to pay her….lost their house and moved to another house. (nice one).
The couple bragged about their homes…..and all the toys and boats/cars etc…..
The story of the con continued to ‘today’…….6 years later.

My gf and her husband decided they needed to ‘get involved’ with this couple as their only child was so consumed by them…..and they could feel them losing their D.
So they did.
The con couple continued having babies….and pushed my gf, to be ivolved with the children. godparents to kids. (MY gf is catholic and takes this roll VERY seriously).
When I found out my gf was ‘friends’ with this couple……I couldn’t contain myself.
I went into do you realize their cons……talk.
She defended them…..all people make mistakes and we are concerned for the chilren 4 kids under 6 years old now.

Well…..the couple were arrested…..he was convicted of 86 counts of wire fraud, money laundering and another charge.
She is charged with 37 similar counts.

He’s been in jail for 2 years…..she’s out on bail…….conning everyone around her!
Her case has been delayed and delayed……and last month, she motioned the court to defend HERSELF and her husband.

Okay…..she’s a smart woman, who’s been doing her research……BUT…..the ccharges are very serious……
she’s trying to prove the govmt lied, fraud…….
She’s playing the victim…….and it ain’t gonna fly.

The judge made it clear when he granted her and okay…..that there will be NO MORE DELAYS in this case.
He also made it clear she will lose some of her appeal rights if she self represents.
Like….you can’t charge your attorney with ineffective representation…….

My gf has finally woken up……I was very concerned, as gf was giving con couple money and they’ve already been taken BIG once and lost their retirement.
Gf’s pulled away, stopped giving money and has learned about socipaths……she’s come so far.
NOW…..she calls me with stories of the womans cons……
Cons to the church, wellfare, he daughter, another dupe she’s recently pulled in, her inlaws, the kids school…..
She see’s it! Clearly.
She say’s…….when this woman calls her with her sob stories…….she hears my voice saying……..SHE”S A CON!

I told her dont be shocked if she and hubby and D get subpeonas…….guess what came this weeek!

The daughter is still conned…..but at least my gf has woken up and seen the light blinding her!
I am so proud of her……
I keep her aprised of the case via pacer……and she’s shocked at how much we can find out on our own……and it just so happens to be contradictory to when the con tells her.

I told her she can’t save her daughter, but when she pulls away and goes NC……her d will soon see the light too……

Ox Drover

Dear Erin,

It is like those folks who were conned by the Rebel mormon prophet and the Tony Alamo bunch, and the Jonestown group and every other con in the world. David Korish (or how ever it is spelled) people get their mind made up and NO ONE CAN CONVINCE THEM DIFFERENT.

My little old neighbor I found out from his DTR that he has been conned for YEARS by a Nigerian type scam and every dollar he can lay hands on he wires to this guy–she and her brother took him to the Law to prove to him it is a SCAM and he is convinced that EVERYONE IS CONSPIRING TO KEEP HIM FROM GETTING WEALTHY! While He was standing on my porch there was a cell phone call from this scammer.

Funny thing is back a year or two before my husband died, he put together a computer out of spare parts we had and internet hook up for the couple because they couldn’t afford a more expensive computer and she wanted to get on the computer–and my guess is that is how the scammer got hold of my friend. His DTR said it was before his wife’s death, so I guess that was it. DAMN!!!!!

Son D got home and I’m going to send him down to check on neighbor today when he goes out to get a sunday paper!

This scammer thing is like an addictiion, there is NO withdrawl because to withdraw would be to admit to yourself that YOU HAVE BEEN A FOOL! Does that “resonate” with anyone! LIKE ME!!! YEP, I’VE BEEN A COMPLETE FOOL, SCAMMED BY SOMEONE AS OBVIOUS AS THE NIGERIAN CREEP!

I am no better and no smarter than my little old neighbor! The ONLY difference is that I FINALLY got wise! I finally admitted to myself that I had been played by those I loved—-and I forgave myself for loving them when it was as obvious as a pile of cat crap in the living room floor that they did NOT love me.

My “greed” is similar to the greed my neighbor feels for the money the Nigerian is telling him he will get if he just keeps on feeding money into the rat hole. Only my GREED was for the love I was being offered as I poured money and love into the RAT HOLE my cons were telling would produce an ABUNDANCE of LOVE!

While at least I didn’t wait until I was too senile to even grasp the concept, I finally escaped. I am not sure my little old neighbor will ever escape or heal if he does escape financially or physically.

He is in the last year(s) of his life, and his thinking is no longer straight, and he is lonely and desperate (His daughter says he hasn’t been right since his open heart surgery—and some mental deterioration is not uncommon after open heart surgery) He is driving away what the family support he does have.

Unfortunately, my neighbor’s story is nothing UNIQUE, and it doesn’t only happen to the elderly, senile or demented. It happens to smart, educated, bright, good people with all their stuff intact.

I know I can’t “save” him, but at the same time I’ll do what I can for him, not expecting a lot, but I do realize he is not much more responsible for where he is than a child would be and I can’t stand by and not try to protect a child or someone like my neighbor if I can do it. It just isn’t me to abandon the helpless, but I do realize sometimes no matter what you do, it ain’t gonna work.

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