By September 22, 2008 84 Comments Read More →

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How can we deal with the sociopathic ex-wife?

Lovefraud recently received e-mail from a woman whose new husband was previously married to a sociopath, with whom he had two children. Two weeks before his divorce was final, the sociopath charmed him into sex and got pregnant again. Here’s what is going on now:

She uses the kids as pawns. She molested her son, he told his therapist (at 4 years old). Drew pictures of her vagina, doesn’t like hair in his mouth, wet the bed, the whole nine yards. She got out of it. We’ve been in custody hearings for a year and a half. The judge feels SORRY FOR HER!!!

My husband is a good man. She is Satan in human form. She’s a constant thorn in my side. My husband is good at dealing with her now. He knows how to work things to where she doesn’t get information.

She’s been married twice since the divorce, both marriages lasting no more than 7 weeks. We even had psychological evaluations done, which was 34 pages of “she has Borderline Personality Disorder, and she shouldn’t be alone with the kids.” The judge hasn’t seen this info yet. She keeps weaseling out of trial. She bleeds us dry in hearings that go nowhere. She signs agreements, doesn’t honor them and we go to contempt hearings where she’s reprimanded, that’s all.

She “gave” us the kids when she “attempted” suicide in July (when husband #3 left). She just did that to keep her parents happy, since she needs them to pay her bills. I’ve been caring for all three kids, on top of my three (one being 2 months old) this whole time, and she wants child support!!!

Then she demands the kids–you know, her possessions. So we go back to court for emergency custody. She whines to the judge about not having a lawyer (her parents finally stopped paying her bills), and it gets set for two weeks later. On, and on, and on. There’s so much more to the story, I can’t even explain it all. Not to mention what she’s doing to her kids emotionally. They hate me every time they come back to us. Low on sleep, whiny, etc.

I just don’t know what to do. How to deal with her. Help, please!

Document everything

As this reader has learned, sociopaths are proficient at manipulating the legal system. My basic advice is to keep careful records of everything that happens. Write the details of every incident in a calendar or diary kept just for that purpose. Document everything. Save all voice mails and e-mails. This reader may even want to videotape the child exchanges. The idea is to build a case against the woman, to eventually get her out of your lives.

But how does this family cope with the sociopath now, while she still has access to the kids?

What’s your advice?

Stories like these—and I’ve heard lots of them—tear my heart out. One of my future goals for Lovefraud is to offer educational seminars to family court judges and others involved in these cases so that they learn to recognize the games sociopathic parents play, and how damaging these predators are to children. Unfortunately, we’re not there yet.

Right now, the only resources we have to offer are the experiences of other Lovefraud readers who are, or have been, coping with similar situations. So what advice do you have? How do you deal with the sociopathic ex?

Please post your suggestions.

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84 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How can we deal with the sociopathic ex-wife?"

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Holy smokes Oxy – violence from the kid never even crossed my mind!

R & I have always thought that the kid’s biggest problem was fear of his egg-donor. Even she has only been violent once. She threw a pyrex bowl hard enough to break it on R’s arm, which then required stitches.

Mind-f*ck is definitely in her game. And I wouldn’t be surprised if she attempted to get CPS involved. Her problem there would be that he has only pulled crap while in HER care.

He doesn’t have access to anything electronic while he is with us. And because we live out in the country, his friends are not close by. Nor is anyone else for that matter. Nearest neighbor is about 1/2 mile away. We generally keep busy working on projects. This old farm-house has MANY. The kid actually loves to help us & especially when he can work with his dad.

Thanks so much for the eye-opener though. We will be extra vigilant. (((hugs)))

Not trying to make you paranoid, HOpe2, but just to make you aware of what can happen (rarely but it does happen) so be careful! (((hugs))))

Point taken. Thanks so much. Better safe, than sorry!!!

big ((((HUGGSSS))) back atcha!!!!

Dear Oxy ~ We’re taking things one day at a time here. We did have a very nice visit with stepson on Saturday. It was pretty obvious that X had been filling his head with chit about me for the whole week prior as he was quite timid in talking to me. That is, until he realized that I was not going to play her game. I think that he is beginning to know what a psycho-biatch she is, without our saying a word. (From my lips to God’s ear, PLEASE!)

R & I had agreed that we would not talk about X at all while in stepson’s company. It was a very peaceful and fun visit.

I am continuing to research… read, read, read. I found an article regarding a book called, Venus: The Dark Side

Here’s the link:

Have you, or anyone else here read this book? If so, any thoughts? Is it worth it?

Money is VERY tight… hate to waste money buying a book that is not worth it.

Thanks for any input. (((hugs)))

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