Lovefraud recently received e-mail from a woman whose new husband was previously married to a sociopath, with whom he had two children. Two weeks before his divorce was final, the sociopath charmed him into sex and got pregnant again. Here’s what is going on now:
She uses the kids as pawns. She molested her son, he told his therapist (at 4 years old). Drew pictures of her vagina, doesn’t like hair in his mouth, wet the bed, the whole nine yards. She got out of it. We’ve been in custody hearings for a year and a half. The judge feels SORRY FOR HER!!!
My husband is a good man. She is Satan in human form. She’s a constant thorn in my side. My husband is good at dealing with her now. He knows how to work things to where she doesn’t get information.
She’s been married twice since the divorce, both marriages lasting no more than 7 weeks. We even had psychological evaluations done, which was 34 pages of “she has Borderline Personality Disorder, and she shouldn’t be alone with the kids.” The judge hasn’t seen this info yet. She keeps weaseling out of trial. She bleeds us dry in hearings that go nowhere. She signs agreements, doesn’t honor them and we go to contempt hearings where she’s reprimanded, that’s all.
She “gave” us the kids when she “attempted” suicide in July (when husband #3 left). She just did that to keep her parents happy, since she needs them to pay her bills. I’ve been caring for all three kids, on top of my three (one being 2 months old) this whole time, and she wants child support!!!
Then she demands the kids–you know, her possessions. So we go back to court for emergency custody. She whines to the judge about not having a lawyer (her parents finally stopped paying her bills), and it gets set for two weeks later. On, and on, and on. There’s so much more to the story, I can’t even explain it all. Not to mention what she’s doing to her kids emotionally. They hate me every time they come back to us. Low on sleep, whiny, etc.
I just don’t know what to do. How to deal with her. Help, please!
Document everything
As this reader has learned, sociopaths are proficient at manipulating the legal system. My basic advice is to keep careful records of everything that happens. Write the details of every incident in a calendar or diary kept just for that purpose. Document everything. Save all voice mails and e-mails. This reader may even want to videotape the child exchanges. The idea is to build a case against the woman, to eventually get her out of your lives.
But how does this family cope with the sociopath now, while she still has access to the kids?
What’s your advice?
Stories like these—and I’ve heard lots of them—tear my heart out. One of my future goals for Lovefraud is to offer educational seminars to family court judges and others involved in these cases so that they learn to recognize the games sociopathic parents play, and how damaging these predators are to children. Unfortunately, we’re not there yet.
Right now, the only resources we have to offer are the experiences of other Lovefraud readers who are, or have been, coping with similar situations. So what advice do you have? How do you deal with the sociopathic ex?
Please post your suggestions.
Jen2008: We are well aware that anti-socials come in both sexes, any race, any age, all religion affiliations, nationalities … etc.
Bottom line, the person left holding the bag of crapola they left in their wake, picking up the pieces of the damage done upon them due to the antics of the other, is the victim of the deeds.
Comes to mind … the meaning of the age old raping and pillaging to name a few … mean anything?
Peace.
Yes, Wini, I know everyone on the board is aware that sociopaths come in both sexes. My point is the husband is a VICTIM of a sociopath, just like us, and I disagree with the blaming him mentality of some of the posts and find it counter productive to her finding solutions to the problem. I am also not too sure that if this woman who wrote the post was saying HER ex-husband is the sociopath who is causing problems, that she would be told HER HUSBAND should question whether SHE is a person deserving etc. and whether HER HUSBAND should consider whether it is worth staying with HER. Think about it. Thus my gender biased comment.
I don’t think it is productive to plant suggestions in this woman’s mind to have her question her marriage that she is obviously happy with, thus adding marital problems to the situation.
However, it is not my intention to cause discord on the board, so sorry if my take on it offends.
Jen2008: She’s not the only one that peeps in on this blogg to get new ideas how to nail others? There are many anti-socials blogging along with the rest of us.
Just my gutt feeling taking over … that old burning churning in my stomach.
Amen Wini, sad but true.
Taken for a ride: Yeah, cowards peeping in to learn more info on how to use and abuse. I wonder if they are getting miffed to know we didn’t lay down and crawl into a hole over the likes of them?
LOL.
I always think they just peek in and shake their heads, like people looking at sideshow freaks through the glass.. these people are just TOOOO emotional..
In response to Jen – Sometimes P marry other P’s. The info on the husband was sparse, and he did have unprotected sex with the ex. Soooooo..there would be a big red flag, if we weren’t distracted by the P ex wife NO? I am not saying her husband is a P, but I would hate to see this woman blinded by loyalty to the man and ending up shouldering most of the mess in the situation with the ex.
Also, the P’s abused kids, while innocent victims, could end up acting out to her children. She has a really unfortunate situation on her hands and needs to be SURE that her husband is not part of the problem.
Why should the husband get a free pass? Conned into cheating? Deserves watching closely at the least.
I am not gender biased, I am cheating biased.
Actually, I stand corrected. The post on the womans situation does not say that he had sex with the ex while they were together. Perhaps I made a wrong assumption. My bad.
I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE.
THE NEW WIFE NEEDS TO HAVE HER HEAD ABOUT HER AND NOT GET SUCKED INTO THE MAYHEM. IT IS NOT UP TO THE HER TO FIX THE PROBLEMS. ANOTHER RED FLAG! IF SHE IS SURE ABOUT HER HUSBAND THEN THEY NEED TO WORK TOGETHER.
IF HER HUSBAND AND SHE ARE TRULY COMMITTED TO THE MARRIAGE THEN THEY NEED TO GET HELP FROM PROFESSIONALS TOGETHER. I JUST HOPE SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS GETTING INTO AND THAT YOU CAN NEVER REALLY WIN AGAINST THESE PEOPLE. MY HUSBAND AND I FOUGHT FOR FIVE LONG YEARS. FINALLY GOT ALL THE KIDS LIVING WITH US AND HAPPY. MY HUSBAND HAD AN STROKE AND DIED AND THE CHILDREN HAD TO GO BACK TO THEIR MOTHER. IT ABSOLUTLY BROKE MY HEART. THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO. IT’S TAKEN ME YEARS TO GET OVER THAT. I WOULDN’T WISH THAT ON MY WORST ENEMY.
Hello everyone, I have been one of those peeping toms, looking for some help and reassurance in dealing with a sociopatic ex-wife, not unlike the original poster. My husband, who I have been with now for 13 years, married for 11, has a sociopathic ex. I can’t even begin to tell you what she has put me through personally, my husband, our children and especially the children that they had together. She has done nothing but make herself look like the victim, and put blame on EVERYONE around her including her children. I , Unfortunately did not have the FANTASTIC advice of inthebreach57, and eyeswideshut (although I think I read the post differently and don’t think that the man cheated on her and may not have even been with her when he went back to his wife for the night) as I think those words are the words to live by in this type of situation. It’s all you can do to keep you sanity as you start to wonder what you are doing that is causing all of this maddness in your life. How can I change this situation and how did I wind up in this, were two of my most frequent questions to myself. The fact is, you cannot control someone elses’ behaviour, and for me it is all I can do to keep this woman from completely destroying everything I hold dear. She left, she accused, she used the system over and over again, and she used her children to get what she wanted , not caring who or how she would impact everyone else’s lives. It’s a game to her, and she certainly doesn’t care who she hurts in the process.
I didn’t sign up for the sociopath side of this, I knew there would be problems as there are in any blended family, but adding a sociopath in the mix certainly livens things up. Not for the better. But for me to walk away from my husband because he was blindsided by his first wife? Not in this lifetime. He was the victim here, not her. He has the right to get on with his life, and I have the privledge to be standing by him through it all. We have been through thick and thin together because of this woman for this long, and she has no intention of letting up any time soon. We are at the point of waiting for the children to all hit the ripe old age of 19, so we can officially say that he does not ever need to deal with her again. Sad. It should never have to be this way. yes, there will be Graduations from university, and marriages, that we will have to be in the same room with her, but that is as far as it will have to go.
To the original poster, please, do all that you can to get that woman away from those children. If she is sexually abusive, call the police. That has to be dealt with immediately. I have no idea where everyone is from and what the laws are in your area, but that is a drop dead dealbreaker. End it now. But please remember, don’t lose who you are to this situation or this woman. It will ruin you. ((huge hugs for caring so much))
Ps, I didn’t read anywhere in the original post that the poster was with this man when he went back to his wife for the night 2 weeks before the papers were signed..sounds like he was just sucked in to the drama hoping he could change things.. I may be wrong..