Lovefraud recently received e-mail from a woman whose new husband was previously married to a sociopath, with whom he had two children. Two weeks before his divorce was final, the sociopath charmed him into sex and got pregnant again. Here’s what is going on now:
She uses the kids as pawns. She molested her son, he told his therapist (at 4 years old). Drew pictures of her vagina, doesn’t like hair in his mouth, wet the bed, the whole nine yards. She got out of it. We’ve been in custody hearings for a year and a half. The judge feels SORRY FOR HER!!!
My husband is a good man. She is Satan in human form. She’s a constant thorn in my side. My husband is good at dealing with her now. He knows how to work things to where she doesn’t get information.
She’s been married twice since the divorce, both marriages lasting no more than 7 weeks. We even had psychological evaluations done, which was 34 pages of “she has Borderline Personality Disorder, and she shouldn’t be alone with the kids.” The judge hasn’t seen this info yet. She keeps weaseling out of trial. She bleeds us dry in hearings that go nowhere. She signs agreements, doesn’t honor them and we go to contempt hearings where she’s reprimanded, that’s all.
She “gave” us the kids when she “attempted” suicide in July (when husband #3 left). She just did that to keep her parents happy, since she needs them to pay her bills. I’ve been caring for all three kids, on top of my three (one being 2 months old) this whole time, and she wants child support!!!
Then she demands the kids–you know, her possessions. So we go back to court for emergency custody. She whines to the judge about not having a lawyer (her parents finally stopped paying her bills), and it gets set for two weeks later. On, and on, and on. There’s so much more to the story, I can’t even explain it all. Not to mention what she’s doing to her kids emotionally. They hate me every time they come back to us. Low on sleep, whiny, etc.
I just don’t know what to do. How to deal with her. Help, please!
Document everything
As this reader has learned, sociopaths are proficient at manipulating the legal system. My basic advice is to keep careful records of everything that happens. Write the details of every incident in a calendar or diary kept just for that purpose. Document everything. Save all voice mails and e-mails. This reader may even want to videotape the child exchanges. The idea is to build a case against the woman, to eventually get her out of your lives.
But how does this family cope with the sociopath now, while she still has access to the kids?
What’s your advice?
Stories like these—and I’ve heard lots of them—tear my heart out. One of my future goals for Lovefraud is to offer educational seminars to family court judges and others involved in these cases so that they learn to recognize the games sociopathic parents play, and how damaging these predators are to children. Unfortunately, we’re not there yet.
Right now, the only resources we have to offer are the experiences of other Lovefraud readers who are, or have been, coping with similar situations. So what advice do you have? How do you deal with the sociopathic ex?
Please post your suggestions.
Keep the faith, Kerisee, I know you have faith and your Husband has faith in God and God’s justice. When my P-son came up for parole (and was pretending that he was so sorry for his crimes etc) and I didn’t know but wanted to believe he was sincere, the way I prayed was not “Dear God let my son come homeon parole” but I prayed “God, I don’t know what is the best outcome in this situation, but I know YOU do. I know you know all men’s hearts and what is best for us all in thelong run, so I pray that you let whatever is best happen and I will accept the outcome as your will and for all our best interest.”
Sometimes we think we know what is “best” and it turns out that later we see that what we thought was a good thing, wasn’t such a good thing (like the parable I wrote about the old farmer) so we have to TRUST that God knows things we don’t know and keep our faith strong.
All throughout the whole horrible experience I went through last year, God was protecting me, leading me by the hand through “the valley of the shadow of death” and he did bring me HOME TO GREEN PASTURES. But if I had “won” the battle that I lost in court (which I tried to win against the Ps who were attacking me and my mother) I would have only gotten rid of one of the Ps, and the other one would still bemarried tomy son. By me “losing” that battle, GOD WON THE WAR. I couldn’t see that at the time, I couldn’t see that in the future they would “self destruct” and go to jail/prison and my son would be rid of his P-wife as well as our family rid of the Trojan Horse psychopath my son had sent to kill me (and probably other family members).
I am not a “patient” person and I needed to learn to trust and be patient with “God’s time” and I am working really hard on doing that. Hold on tight to your TRUST in your faith. I will keep you in my prayers and pray for your peace and the outcome is in God’s hands. ((((hugs))))
I have learned that I am not alone that I was not the only one taken in by a sociopath.
DEar TErrie,
There is a lot of comfort in knowing that we are not the only ones in the world with this pain and confusion. I’m not sure why humans are that way, but it is why “support groups” do work, and why we all “need support” from those that we love and trust. WE want them to understand our pain, to care.
Some kinds of pain are best understood by those that have previously had the same kinds of pain, that’s why AA works, and why if you’ve never given birth, you can’t truly understand the labor pains, but you get two recent mothers together and they can defiinitely RELATE to it. LOL
Terrie, I’m glad you’re here but sorry you need to be, if that makes any sense. (hugs)
Dear OxDrover,
Thank you for the Welcome, and I do need to be here. If I
can help anyone else I am here to do that.
My relationship with a sociopath lasted for almost 10 years.
Thanks again,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Trial was yesterday. The judge was completely snowed by her. He said he knew my husband thought of her as a good mother and woman. He said the children were flourishing. He was proud of their communication. He ordered joint custody stay intact. It was laughable because my husband has done nothing but try to explain why he thought she didn’t need the kids! She’s been in contempt so many times, and gets out of it by acting like she’s getting help. I’m sorry. I can’t talk about this right now. I’m too upset.
GOOD MORNIN
Keri
Come sit next to me , I have a short story to tell you!
LOVE jere
*sigh*
Mmkay. I’ve had a day to relax. These hearings are completely exhausting. The whole thing just makes me remember that the justice system is not just.
I’m trying to look at the bright side. Many people suffer bad childhoods and still turn out ok, right?
Thanks for your support through this, everybody. Thanks for your encouraging words, Oxy.
Dear Kerisee,
If it is any comfort, a dear friend of mine has a mother that makes your husband’s X-wife look like the TOOTHFAIRY. When I was around that woman she made my skin crawl. She would actually sell her beautiful, but very mentally retarded, daughter to old men for sex. She also had her dancing topless at a bar and took the money.
The woman also had 4 other children besides the retarded girl. Two of them are as fine as human beings can get. Two are just like their mother.
I believe strongly in the hereditary tendencies of psychopathic behaviors and mind sets. I do think that environment makes some difference, but at the same time, we do what we can do, and we just have to leave the rest to God. It is quite possible that without the “fight” in court, that she will LOSE INTEREST IN THE CHILDREN if they don’t give her “supply” of “drama.” She may find that they “dampen” her ability to get other men and “foist them off” on your husband. I hope and pray that is what will happen.
When i got less than a sterling result in court with trying to get the Trojan HOrse Psychopath out of my mothers’ home as her “live in caregiver” (mother agreed to not let him back, but she was lying) and I “gave up” then in very short order they got tired of waiting around to get some money and have some FUN, and BINGO, they were in jail. (The TH-P and my DIL with whom he was having an affair) with me in the picture and the suit I filed and so on it just made them fight harder against me, when I “gave up” and left them to their own devices, without me as the ENEMY, they lost interest in me.
Maybe some way your husband can “let her think she won” and he is “giving up” cause he “knows he can’t beat her” (which may be the truth) and she will LOSE INTEREST if she can’t keep a FIGHT GOING (i.e. drama) give it some thought. and GOD BLESS YOU ALL! Love Oxy
Okay, so a general update to prove sociopaths just don’t quit.
We have had my husband’s son FULL temporary custody for a year and a half. We had him in Pre-K school last year, and this year enrolled him in Kindergarten, got him on the bus every morning, and made sure somebody was there every afternoon when he got off the bus. If nobody could be there, I’d call the school and pick him up, right?
Since the judges STUPID decision last week to give joint custody of all kids back to the S-mom and my husband, this is her first full week with him. He’s been in school two full days so far, and BOTH days he ended up on the bus to my house! Because she couldn’t tell the school that she was going to pick him up! Because she had better things to do and wanted to pick him up when it’s convenient for her!
Don’t get me wrong. We fought hard for those kids, and I really REALLY miss having my step-son around all the time. He is not the inconvenience for us. The inconvenience is having a woman decide she wants the kids and then not being RESPONSIBLE enough to care for them!