Editor’s note: Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader.
I went on a date last night with a man I met on MillionaireMatch.com.
Looked great on paper. His photograph was so-so and I didn’t expect much.
We met at a restaurant and when he walked in I thought to myself, “Oh that’s not him; he’s too good looking.” Well it turned out to be him. We introduced, started talking and he teased me, and asked if I was buying dinner. That was my first red flag. Why would a proclaimed millionaire ask me to pay? I thought perhaps he was screening out gold diggers. We never left the bar nor had dinner, although he paid for an appetizer and drink.
He talked about his life including his sexual conquests with twin 24-year-old girls and he’s 45 like me. Why on earth would a normal, emotionally mature man talk about his three-way sex life with girls half his age on a first date? What did he think? I would be impressed with his virility? Red flag number 2.
Despite this, I see he has fallen in love with me and is ready to monogram the china. He talks about how I need to move closer, and what a good time we’re going to have. He tells me about how he is remodeling his house, and talks about the high-dollar materials, marble flooring, etc., that are going into the house.
He’s annoyingly hands-on and acts as if we are a item and tells me he feels as if he’s known me forever and how beautiful I am and how we’re perfect for each other, blah, blah, blah. Then he starts the manipulative web-spinning procedure and says things to me to create self-doubt in myself and make me feel as if I couldn’t possibly function without him. He told me I was compulsive but he would help me with my problems. Compulsive is the last damn thing I am. Now I’m starting to get creeped out.
He invites himself to my house Saturday night to sit in my hot tub. Red flag number 3. I said, “I want to see your house and all the new construction.” He says maybe the third date. I’m thinking, “What are you hiding?”
I look at my watch and say I must go home. We leave the restaurant. My car is parked out front because there was plenty of parking in the parking lot. In fact, my car was the only car in the parking lot and I asked him where his car was. He said he had it valeted and it was in the parking garage 2 blocks away. There was no valet at that restaurant. Red flag number 4. He must be driving a real piece of crap and if I were to see it, I would doubt the millionaire story.
This morning he calls me and leaves a message about how I missed spooning with him in the bed. My blood is now curdling.
I text him and said I was going to do a full search on him; it’s just something I do since I have been conned out of a lot of money by other men. I just want to protect myself from being hurt again. You understand.
He texted back and said we’re done talking.
Busted!!!! Any caring emotionally healthy man would have nothing to hide and be impressed with my desire to protect myself.
Now I get it, Donna”¦ Now I know the reason. Now I know what to look for, what to hear, and when to run.
That is such an AWESOME story!
Girl you did right!
Hold on a second! Talk about missing the obvious.
Let me get this straight. You went looking for a man on a website which supplies millionaires???? You were not content with a nice decent ordinary guy? Had to be Mr Rich and Hot to cater to your ego obsessed expectations and astounding materialistic requirements…
Yet at the same time too your obvious gold digging has put in in contact with sociopaths?
Sociopaths who have more or less the same agenda as yourself.
Amazing! Personally the more I read this site I see that there is a symbiotic relationship between sociopaths and willing victims who go out of their way to look for them.
Interesting.
CellStemCell, well noted.
Some people just don’t do irony. Personally I think the two of them are perfect for each other.
The more I read this I think this is a case of a female and male sociopath going “bump” in the night:
Her comment:
“My blood is now curdling. ”
from another lovefraud article:
However the sociopath, in his abject narcissism, will experience limits to, constraints on, the gratification he is pursuing as threats! He will feel outraged, if not enraged, at circumstances that interfere with his pursuit of intensely coveted gratifications.
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2010/06/24/murderous-partners/
Lovefraud is a fantastic resource. But putting up emails like this one does the website a great disservice. I would seriously consider some strict editorial guidelines before assuming that every woman who comes on her with a sob story is worthy of praise and adulation.
I would also get rid of the Christian preaching as well. Religious views on this site by some of the bible wavers damages the credibility of Lovefraud.
FrankLee:
When you ‘pop’ in to LF…..you always seem to be laying bait……..
HOW can we help YOU?
FrankLee reminds me of my ex spath… I’d write long missives about my thoughts and feelings, and he would find one *tiny* phrase to respond to and somehow use it to dismiss entirely everything I had to say and make me the villain. Healthy people just don’t do that. They don’t need to.
I’ll step in a little here. In the world I come from, we don’t always get to hear opinions that are politically correct within the community where we live, but that doesn’t always mean they are bad opinions.
Whether we agree with Franklee’s political opinions or not because they are not popular, there is a basis for discussion.
Any community needs to have the openess to be self evaluating. And as a public forum, LF does too.
I think the point is well taken to pose the question: Is everyone who has a story to tell to be believed at face value?
That is one of the lessons here.
And a case of dating on the internet might be looked at with scrutiny. How would we know?
The learned position here is internet dating is a hunting ground for both sexes of the disordered. So, these cases could very well be more about who was hunting for what than the experience of discerning what the hunter actually came across.
The question is who is credible? And it is a real question.
Of late, its been a question I’ve been asking about posts here for reasons which have been in plain sight to all of us.
I think we have to be very careful about what is accepted as credible and recognize that the popular point of very isn’t often one reached by the most discerning opinions. And that there is a very open door on the public forum.
Whenever you start something like this and it strays from its original intention or purpose, there is a risk of going so far afield that the purpose or value is lost.
The core focus of LF is to provide a forum for discussion around the articles which give information about the experience of being in relationship, extricating from relationship and recovering from a relationship with a disordered person.
And for so many, including myself, the community has provided an invaluable connection during some difficult times. And I see that over and over again.
But it isn’t a bad thing to provoke the question of editorial review and content management in light of what happens and who comes here and why.
Erin, that is bait, but from a perspective, it IS a provocative topic.
Maybe not one I am going to tackle, but one that I will hold up as a legitimate question however the LF community wants to handle it.
How many times have people in the last few months and before stepped away, been triggered or otherwise not been able to take advantage of the support because of the free for all format?
On the other hand, how many interactions not related to a topic been so connecting and so healing for many members?
Its not my question to answer. It is a provocative question and one that Franklee is not alone in asking.
I don’t know any answer nor do I pose one as to how LF should be governed, But I hear the question and I think it is one that is ok to ask. In fact, we all should ask that kind of question as we review the articles and posts, shouldn’t we?
Tough questions are tough questions, but it doesn’t mean they are bad. They are tough and sometimes, need to be asked- whatever the answer is.
Thanks Silvermoon an eloquent comment.
The fact is the woman in the article comes across as someone who hasn’t learned anything from this site at all. She comes across as shallow and materialistic and fairly obnoxious IMHO. I am amazed it was posted as a case study!
As for the Christian stuff. Well these people can take their evangelical agenda to a place were it is welcomed. Personally I find this bible waving offensive, rude and damages the image blog. The last thing a person needs following a sociopathic encounter is to be judged with biblical passages and quotes. What about someone who is of a moslem, hindu or other non-christian or just wants a secular input? Is their victimhood not valid.
As for my own story. Well here is a thing. It is NONE of anyones business but my own. I was put through the wringer by a female sociopath and that’s all I am saying.
I have found lovefraud to be fantastic. But please, some of you implying I am sociopath because I do not worship either your Christ, or stating my opinions as adult. Gimmie and break and grow up.
The woman in this article is a sad, immature and materialistic gold digger. She is everything this site should not be and is not for the most part. The people on this thread saying things like “you go girl” really are pretty sad and immature themselves.
There I said it. Deal with it.
I’m still trying to deal with your comment: “Anyone who is dumb enough to join the miltary of their own free will and gets killed or injured that’s their own fault and I have very little sympathy for them.” You come across (in your own words) as very shallow, fairly obnoxious and as someone who hasn’t learned anything from this site at all.
I wonder how many people on this blog have lost a loved one in a war or have a son or daughter who is currently serving our country in the military. I find comments like this (in your own words) offensive, rude and they damage the image of the blog.
I don’t think you are a sociopath, I just think you should keep these opinions to yourself, as you feel Christian’s should keep their opinions to themselves. It’s sad and immature (as you said).
You wrote it, you must have expected some comments to follow, you can dish it out, but you can’t take it. Gimmie a break and grow up.
There, I said it. Deal with it.
Silver:
It wasn’t the ‘bulk’ comment about the above article I had issue with, it was how his comments are usually bulked in with attacks of other posters and condensending remarks to the community as a whole.
He is very opinionated about others opinions…..and it is stated in a way that we must buy into HIS views…..or we need to get a life.
He states also….there I said it….deal with it….
Huh? WHy would a person write this if he was only stating his opinions without lighting a fire….is this ‘take a deep breath and spew’…..whew…..effect?
Fine, have an opinion….but the nastyness leave behind…..it creates doubt in any opinion.
Although it’s hard to tell now…..since there has been deletion of some of this wording…..telling another poster to ‘get a life’.
Statements such as “assuming that every woman who comes on her with a sob story is worthy of praise and adulation.”
is condensending and in no way not a dig to ALL women with a ‘story’.
The above statement is very clear to me that Mr. Lee is not one to be supportive of anyone’s SOB STORY….or journey, or abuse or whatever…..we all have SOB STORIES!
I see Mr. Lee sprinkinling his ‘valid’ opinion with digs to the community. THIS is the part I don’t appreciate.
“Gimmie a break and grow up”? What….someone doesn’t validate you so they need to ‘grow up’…..A bit of projection?
Stating differences in opinion are healthy…..laying bait in the form of digs to others here is NOT!
I am also suspect of someone spending time on LF who isn’t interested in the ‘process’…..
Does Frank need support? Does frank need to validate himself through the weakness of others?
I’m also suspect of this same continueum of negativity….and i’m sure this will spark the ‘team’ to show up and continue this…..
Wait and see……and decide for yourself…..who’s here for the information and healing and support…..and who is here for the easy attack they don’t get to do in their real life.