Most cheaters are amateurs; sociopaths are professionals

Lovefraud recently received a very nice e-mail from the editor of HowToDoThings.com, complimenting the information provided by Lovefraud. She suggested that an article from her website might be of interest to Lovefraud readers. It is called How To Recognize the Signs of Cheating Men.

I checked out the article. Now, I mean absolutely no disrespect to HowToDoThings.com, but the article describes cheating by mere amateurs, not sociopaths.

Signs of a cheating man

According to the article, all of the following should raise a woman’s suspicions that her guy might be cheating:

1. He improves his personal appearance.
2. He finds fault with you.
3. Your sex life changes.
4. He uses a new phone or other new technologies.
5. Your intuition tells you something is wrong.
6. His routine changes, or he has new interests.
7. His work or financial habits change.
8. You find evidence of another woman.

The key here is that something about the guy’s behavior is different. I’m sure this is the case if a guy who is reasonably normal, albeit bored or unhappy, strays. But it’s not the case with sociopaths.

For sociopaths, cheating is a way of life, so there is no change to notice.

Cheating by professionals

Sociopaths—both men and women—are professional cheaters, liars and manipulators. So let’s take a look at the list in the context of a sociopath.

1. There probably won’t be a change in personal appearance. Either they’re always obsessive about how they look, or they rely on their skills of seduction.

2. After initial flattery to get you hooked, a sociopath will start finding fault with you. In time, the sociopath blames you for being the source of all problems.

3. Sociopaths always have plenty of sexual tricks and incredible stamina, so they’ll continue to get sex from you, even if they’re getting it from someone else.

4. A new phone is simply another new toy, and sociopaths love toys. In fact, they’ll get you to buy the toys.

5. Your intuition has probably always been telling you something is wrong. But sociopaths have so many glib explanations that you no longer trust your own perceptions.

6. Sociopaths are always coming and going, and they’re always starting something new. After awhile, you accept this as normal.

7. A sociopath is always irresponsible. Jobs and money just disappear. This, too, becomes normal.

8. When you find direct evidence of cheating, the sociopath either explains it away, or accuses you of being paranoid.

The problem about being involved with a sociopath is that he or she is always erratic, and you are always off balance. So it’s difficult to see the signs of cheating, especially as the sociopath continues to profess his or her love and concern for you.

In fact, you may never find out the extent of the cheating until the sociopath discards you. Only then, when the sociopath no longer bothers to spin a web of deceit, might you find out what was really going on.

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49 Comments on "Most cheaters are amateurs; sociopaths are professionals"

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Read here.
Then Decide.

I agree, the reversal of your position is stunning.

After 12 years with a man, it has suddenly dawned on me that he is a sociopath. We have had domestic violence issues and separated, but would reconcile after many promises were made, etc. It would always go downhill fast, but I stayed because I really loved him and I labored under the illusion that it would “work out”. It didn’t.

But there were other things. Some I didn’t know about until recently, like the hook up sites he was on and the daughter of his best friend, a dominatrix. He would tell me she was like a “niece” and he would drive 4 hrs away to visit her. I discovered that he was giving her tons of $$, and that they were role playing. He would actually come home with his wrists and ankles bleeding from being bound, and marks on his back from being whipped. He would say he bumped himself, etc. This is a 67 yr old man who takes medication to thin his blood. He bruises easily and he would have finger print marks on his upper arms. God only knows what they were doing, but he is hooked on it big time. He won’t talk to me about it, soo I don’t know the whole truth. I do believe they have included other women, and possibly men, in their “get togethers”. They have taken this to a whole other level, and she actually blogs about it. I would say she is a sociopath too. I think he has become a sex addict. I can’t help him. I am appalled at all of it and cannot understand how I got sucked into this.

Then there is the blaming me for everything, and turning me into almost a servant. I always knew something was off kilter, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. After reconciling, he will begin to get real cold and he has an legion of friends that he talks to about me and uses against me. He has them all convinced that I am some psycho bitch he has to deal with when it’s really him. He lets bills go like the mortgage and won’t pay utilities. I lost my job so he was paying everything and I assumed he was doing it. But then late notices from the gas company appear on the front door, etc. He is so irresponsible. He’s giving this dominatrix money carte blanche but not paying for the basic necessities.

He goes to church every Sunday, and they think he’s a great guy. He has everyone fooled. He is Jekyll and Hyde. I read that sociopath’s sometimes take on the personality of the person they get involved with sexually, and he has certainly done that with this woman. She is 43 yrs old and a phone sex operator. She does the whole femdom thing on the side. He told me she was a waitress, but I discovered the truth when he invited me to visit her with him. I was mortified and didn’t want him to go back, but that didn’t happen. While there, she had the gall to tell me that I had “deserved and asked for” an injury I received during an altercation with my ex. I was livid, and let’s just say the visit did not go well.

I ended up having to leave my home again because he wouldn’t. He always has to win. Always.

There’s so much more. I think it would take a book to write it all. Thank God for sites like this so I can know I’m not crazy (which he tries to make me think). God bless.

Hello and welcome! So glad you found this sight!It has been so educational and supportive to all of us!

So sorry to hear your story.Sociopaths may differ in some respects,but as you’ll see by reading the many posts here,they’re more similar than different.

I’ve never told my story all at once;often it is too much to handle emotionally.

Reading these stories reminds me again how selfish and sick these men are. The blaming others, crazy making and lies remind me all so well of my husband. It has been 6 months since he left and discarded me but I still sometimes blame myself. I am definetely improving. Please make sure that you will never except any blame at all. I am slowly healing from this abuse after 20 years of it. Once you are not in that situation anymore and broke of all of contact with him you will realize that actually he is absolutely nothing. Everything that comes out of their mouth is worthless. Good luck to you.

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