Editor’s note: Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader.
I went on a date last night with a man I met on MillionaireMatch.com.
Looked great on paper. His photograph was so-so and I didn’t expect much.
We met at a restaurant and when he walked in I thought to myself, “Oh that’s not him; he’s too good looking.” Well it turned out to be him. We introduced, started talking and he teased me, and asked if I was buying dinner. That was my first red flag. Why would a proclaimed millionaire ask me to pay? I thought perhaps he was screening out gold diggers. We never left the bar nor had dinner, although he paid for an appetizer and drink.
He talked about his life including his sexual conquests with twin 24-year-old girls and he’s 45 like me. Why on earth would a normal, emotionally mature man talk about his three-way sex life with girls half his age on a first date? What did he think? I would be impressed with his virility? Red flag number 2.
Despite this, I see he has fallen in love with me and is ready to monogram the china. He talks about how I need to move closer, and what a good time we’re going to have. He tells me about how he is remodeling his house, and talks about the high-dollar materials, marble flooring, etc., that are going into the house.
He’s annoyingly hands-on and acts as if we are a item and tells me he feels as if he’s known me forever and how beautiful I am and how we’re perfect for each other, blah, blah, blah. Then he starts the manipulative web-spinning procedure and says things to me to create self-doubt in myself and make me feel as if I couldn’t possibly function without him. He told me I was compulsive but he would help me with my problems. Compulsive is the last damn thing I am. Now I’m starting to get creeped out.
He invites himself to my house Saturday night to sit in my hot tub. Red flag number 3. I said, “I want to see your house and all the new construction.” He says maybe the third date. I’m thinking, “What are you hiding?”
I look at my watch and say I must go home. We leave the restaurant. My car is parked out front because there was plenty of parking in the parking lot. In fact, my car was the only car in the parking lot and I asked him where his car was. He said he had it valeted and it was in the parking garage 2 blocks away. There was no valet at that restaurant. Red flag number 4. He must be driving a real piece of crap and if I were to see it, I would doubt the millionaire story.
This morning he calls me and leaves a message about how I missed spooning with him in the bed. My blood is now curdling.
I text him and said I was going to do a full search on him; it’s just something I do since I have been conned out of a lot of money by other men. I just want to protect myself from being hurt again. You understand.
He texted back and said we’re done talking.
Busted!!!! Any caring emotionally healthy man would have nothing to hide and be impressed with my desire to protect myself.
Now I get it, Donna”¦ Now I know the reason. Now I know what to look for, what to hear, and when to run.
Rosa
Even if there is some validity and truth in someone’s opinion, when it is stated with an underlying contempt for anyone who may disagree with his opinion, then the entire point should be disregarded.
Sometimes we need to pay attention to what is IMPLIED, not necessarily what is said.
When someone states an opinion, and then IMPLIES that anyone who disagrees with the opinion is “childlike”, “low-minded”, or “negative”, then this is not someone who wishes to be constructive to the forum.
This is someone who needs to be right….100% of the time!!!
It’s GASLIGHTING!!!
We have disagreements on LF all the time, without things getting “ugly”.
I believe the reason discussions become heated on this site sometimes is because certain bloggers’ opinions are laced with malicious implications and underlying contempt for anyone who dissents from their views.
It’s very insidious, and not everyone can see it.
But, I see it…..and I choose to avoid those bloggers…..because it’s GASLIGHTING.
blueskies
Projection all over the shop! Back to business people!x ( I trust you’d say the same to me if I engaged, as I have, in this BS?) xxx
ErinBrock
Rosa,
You are so direct, to the point….how come I take twice as long, and can’t say it near as well……
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_Rut4qm33g
ErinBrock
Blue:
this ones for you babe!
🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8-kqovVjss
Rosa
Erin Brock:
I just took what you said, and ran with it some more… 🙂 .
I do believe that’s why certain posts by certain bloggers get interpreted so differently sometimes, sparking the heated discussions.
I think some of us are able to see the insidious innuendos, and others can not.
Thank you for the Boyzone video!!
That brightened my day for sure!! 🙂
freemama
Awesome, Rosa! I have learned that healthy people don’t need to condescend to or degrade others to state their opinion. And they don’t need to be right all of the time!
shana31
I guess some will go for the total content and feel of a story, and others are like a search engine scanning for keywords. I guess if the author of the story had met her S on poormansmatch.com or ihavenomoneyonlymyundyingloveforyou.com, there would have been a whole different discussion.
hens
iaintyoursugardaddy.com
silvermoon
Erin, ‘I see your point in a way I didn’t before. Thanks for your reply.
That is a contribution to the process.
Hens.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All,
The story is that internet dating is very dangerous. I think it is good that the writer recognizes that she found another one.
I think its bad to make heroines out of women who go back and do it again after they know better because it just increases the chance of this story being told. And the point that needs to be re enforced is that if you go to those sites, they will be waiting for you.
I vote we publish some success stories about gals who survived, moved on and found new lives in a better place. I;d like to see 100 Donna;s stories to give me inspiration than 100 sad stories like this.
Because the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect each time, a different result………..
super chic
shana & hens, what a SCREAM! hahaahhaaha,
you’ve given me so much to think about!!! 🙂