Funny, don’t you think, how every now and again life seems to work in perfect synchronicity? For the past couple of weeks I’ve written about my experiences of thoughts creating reality — and I’ve loved reading all your follow-up comments, thank you. It seems this has been/remains a weighty subject for many of us here! I had been wondering how to continue the exploration — and as if by magic, the solution appeared all by itself. Here’s what happened”¦
Last Friday was probably the most important day in my son’s life so far. It was the day he was due to interview for a place at his chosen university in Bordeaux, about two hours drive from where we live. His meeting was booked for 8am, so in the end we had decided that the best and most relaxing option would be to drive down on Thursday evening, stay in a hotel, and get to the university bright and breezy the next morning. He also had a friend who was interviewing in the afternoon, so I agreed to take them both down together and stay in Bordeaux for the day until they’d both finished, then drive them back home. Good plan. Sensible option. Logical planning”¦. Right?
Well, yes, in theory”¦. In practice, though, as Forrest Gump said “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get”. And he’s right – because I sure wasn’t expecting what happened next! There we all were, driving happily along the motorway, chatting and singing along to the music, just a few kilometres out of Bordeaux, when all of a sudden the car lost power”¦. Completely. Pushing on the accelerator pedal, there was nothing happening — we just started going slower and slower, as cars whizzed past us, flashing and beeping because we were causing a blockage.
Breakdown
With hazard lights blinking, I managed to pull the car over to the side, and asked Dylan to call my local garage straight away and let them know what had happened. The garage is run by a lovely man who is extremely helpful — and who has had to arrange to pick me up once before when the same car refused to start. This time, though, we were miles away”¦ and I knew that nothing could be done until the next day.
“This is serious, but it’s ok” I said to my two passengers “We’ll stay calm and find a way through” Both of them nodded, totally unfazed by what was going on.
While Dylan was still on the phone, I restarted the car and it seemed to work again. Kicking back in to action, we pulled off the hard shoulder and back in to the stream of traffic. All seemed well, but then it happened again”¦. This time there were even more cars around us — but there was also a slip road coming up. I pulled over again and stopped the engine.
“Right, we’re heading for that turn-off” I said “Can you guys keep your eyes peeled and help guide me?” They nodded, and I prayed that I’d be able to start the car again. Yup”¦ thank goodness, she started straight away, and the three of us willed her to keep going.
We managed to pull off, and, as luck would have it, the road took us straight to a park and ride, where you can leave your car and take the tram in to town. I smiled to myself — and then laughed out loud as I noticed that the name of the road we were parked in was LaVergne”¦ my best friend’s new surname after she got married last month.
Nowhere To Stay
All seemed well, until we called the apartment to let them know we’d be late. It was just gone 8pm, but their reception had closed 5 minutes before we rang. I’d prepaid for the room, but with no way of contacting the owners we knew it made no sense to traipse over to an empty apartment, because we wouldn’t be able to get in. So now we were car-less and hotel-less in a town that none of us knew.
And this, I believe, is a perfect example to show that what we choose to think can make an experience better or worse. I’m not saying that positive thinking will change the situation — but I am saying whole-heartedly that choosing supportive thoughts can affect the way we respond. And, therefore, increase the likelihood of keeping our options open, staying focused and finding a helpful solution.
So, having locked up the car and arranged to meet the tow-truck the next morning, the three of us picked up our overnight bags and headed towards the tram station.
“Well, this isn’t what we planned is it eh?” I said to Dylan and his friend Claire, consciously keeping a smile on my face to reassure them.
“It’s ok, it’s an adventure!” piped up Claire, by this time echoing the words I’d used earlier on. The three of us got on to the tram and headed in to town to find a room for the night.
Now, the point here is this. Imagine how different the mood might have been had any of us decided to panic or become frightened? Instead, we stayed together, kept smiling, and just knew we’d find a solution.
Until we suddenly realised that Dylan had left his bag at the tram station. His bag contained his passport and all the papers he needed for his meeting — without these he would not be allowed to take part and would automatically forfeit his chance to interview. Adrenalin pumping, we all jumped off at the next stop. Taking Dylan’s other bag from him, Claire and I headed back towards the tram station while Dylan sprinted for all he was worth. We still managed to keep a cool head — despite what was going on around us. Not knowing whether or not the bag would still be there, Claire and I started exploring options around what we could do in the worst-case scenario.
Looking On The Bright Side
Luckily his bag was still there — and once again we started counting all the good things about what was happening. The fact that we’d managed to get off the motorway. That we knew a garage who could come and help. That we’d managed to park right near a tram station. That we’d found the bag. That, if push came to shove we could even sleep in the car”¦ we only focused on our ”˜luck’ in what was, quite frankly, a pretty grim situation.
The situation got worse, because every hotel we visited or called was fully booked. It was 11pm before we eventually found a place to stay — the room was costly, but it didn’t matter. At least we’d be able to rest and wash for the morning! None of us had eaten, so we headed straight out to find the only place that might possibly still be open — a MacDonald’s. Tired and hungry, we were delighted to find that the lights were still on — but as we got nearer, realised that they were just shutting up.
Still we didn’t give up. We noticed that this particular restaurant also had a drive in — and realised that it was still open! We didn’t have a car, of course, but decided that was no problem. We’d ask them at the counter, and if that didn’t work then we’d ask one of the driving customers to place an order for us. It worked. They agreed to serve us, and we sat outside greedily devouring our burgers — I usually don’t go anywhere near fast food like that, but let me tell you, right then it tasted like manna from heaven!
Looking at the two young people who were sitting with me, I felt exceptionally proud to be with them both. Despite the difficult situation, and the possible threat to their big day tomorrow, they’d both kept calm, focused and light-hearted throughout the ordeal. We were all tired, but we all still had smiles on our faces and continued to joke about the evening’s shenanigans.
“We’re really lucky you know, mum” said Dylan, stuffing the last few chips into his mouth “things could have been a lot worse if you think about it. Thank goodness we decided to come down today — we’d never have made it if we’d gone with our original plan to leave early tomorrow morning!”
That, for me, sums it all up. It doesn’t matter what happens to us — there will always be things that are out of our control, some good and some bad”¦. Some very bad in actual fact. But no matter what happens, we always, always have a choice about the way we choose to think about it and the way in which we respond. So in that way, we are always free. Forever.
By the way, both of them had brilliant interviews and caught the train back together, while I got home in the tow-truck. All’s well that ends well, eh? And, in my experience, it always does end well in some way, shape or form.
Skylar, what a life you must have had. The stuff of nightmares.
My reaction to your poisoning, when I first read about it, was, “Gee, I believe her, and thank goodness this is an extremely rare thing — I mean, people don’t just go around poisoning each other!”
But now, hearing about other people’s poisonings and reading that story Kim linked to… I’m astonished at my own reluctance to believe the lengths to which these sociopaths will go.
For awhile, I’ve said to myself, “my spath ex-husband is more narcissistic than sadistic — but his spathwife is the one who scares me. She is the type who would break into my house to steal my can opener, just to drive me crazy! Or let the air out of my tires…”
Honestly… my mind never went to the thought that, “she might poison me or my children!” but — you know — I think she could/would. Not to be paranoid or anything. I just mean that I really have been pretty naive, wanting to believe the world is a safe place.
When your doctors would rather prescribe you anti-depressants than to do a toxicology screening… yep, you are right; the psychic probably would have nailed it.
I guess I’m having a paranoid day…
Skylar,
I once knew someone like what you describe in your last paragraph. He had an offer from a guy (an offer of a loan) to buy a car for himself. He said to me “What fun is that when you have to pay it back?” So when he was in the hospital sick, some woman I didn’t even know (who was given my phone number by someone who would not even speak to me) called me and asked me for $1000 (not a loan) to buy this guy a car. Well, I remembered he’d had the offer of the loan so I detached at that point.
Of course, guy in question had a prison history of 16 years on and off, with the worst offense being taking a person and holding her hostage. Was he an SPath? Probably. Funny thing is I met him in a 12 step program. So maybe Ox was right in a way (at least to the extent that your chances are higher of meeting an SPath when one has been an addict). But I digress and do not want to get into a discussion of that. It just reaffirms what I already know.
20 years, I think most Drs would not even THINK for one minute that someone was actually being poisoned (after all, that is a pretty sick and out of the ordinary thing to do to put it mildly).
20years and Kathy,
exactly. Most drs. never entertain such a thing. why would they? But now, I see things very differently.
My BF and I have a term, we use to describe someone who dies of natural causes which results in a fortutitous convenience for someone else: Natural Causesed.
Or if it’s an accident, we say: accidenteded.
Then there’s : suicideded.
Nobody except my BF (who knew spath) and Oxy, who investigated the one crash online, believes the truth. Why would they? Of course I haven’t tried very hard, once the FBI told me I sounded crazy, I gave up. I DO sound crazy.
Today I have something to celebrate!!!! I just paid the last needed payment today of the personal loan the spath cost me. 7500 Euros all paid off!
Still have to pay off the credit… but if you reckon that I had a built up debt because of him of 12000 € by December 2010 (less than 1.5 year ago) I am VERY proud of myself.
But this one calls for champagne!
Yay! ((darwinsmom)), celebrate with darwin. Tuna fish and cocktails!
Darwinsmom, what a good feeling that must be!!! 🙂
Skylar,
I am sick to read what happened to you…I am amazed at your strength then and now…
After reading your post, it made me remember how the “P” would frequently state that my husband is probably trying to poison me as he is the one that does all the cooking and food preparation… I couldnt believe he even suggested that..he said it a lot. He also would never eat any of the food that I would bring him as he said it may have been poisoned. I thought who thinks like that? So after reading the comments, I now believe that he is very capable of poisoning his now wife..he controls every breath she takes..she has to ask what and if she can eat….
I feel like I am living in another world…..I have to know this is what they can resort to and will resort to, to maintain control..
Skylar, It is hard to find the right words to express my sorrow for what you endured. Thank you for your post, it just opened my eyes wider.
Alive,
I wasn’t strong. I was in denial. I should’ve known, instead, I buried my head in the sand. He dropped clues, there were tells.
Several of his friends died in aircraft accidents. After one of them, he said, “people are starting to notice that when someone pisses me off, they end up dead – by some coincidence.”
WTF? who says that?
I just laughed and said, “well good, spath, maybe people will be nicer to you!” I never imagined that it was no coincidence.
Dear Skylar, your condition would have most probably have been detected by a longer hospitalisation. But initially doctors watch out for “horses”, not “zebras” (“if some animal with hoofs passes by under your window, it is most likely a horse and not a zebra”) Zebra means rare diagnosis, horse means a common diagnosis. It is an old saying to teach young doctors to look out for the frequent illness first and not for the “interesting” i.e. rare (as the rare are better memorized while studying medicine). It is common sense to look for and treat for common conditions. But without any improvement, one should have had hospitalized you, and THEN your condition would have improved, and that should have led people to think harder and get the right conclusion (unfortunately not every hospital has a Dr House, a despicable man but with a sharp brain). But as a former boss of me always said: the retrospectoscope is always right!
As deliberate poisoning is mostly done by women, maybe even the “Zebra” would have been under the radar. There is a condition called Münchhausen by proxy, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnchausen_syndrome_by_proxy
But again, there are mainly women who do things like that and they “care” superbly for the sick. And your psycho would not be the Superpartner watching over you in the hospital, right? (the trick is that the carer who does make the patient (mostly child or elderly person) sick craves attention from the staff)
Did you get tests for these poisons after he told you?
I am so glad you escaped! And hopefully this guy is not working with commercial airplanes, it would enhance my flight fear even more! 🙁 . Can’t you just inform anonymously the supervising flight state agency? In my country there are strict rules and regulations on these sensible aereas.
When I was in the 3 months of ER-shift during my residency I had called 3 times the legal inspector for “death without clear evidence of natural cause”, a man who dropped dead in front of a restaurant and two others I do not remember. The legal inspector was very happy with me, but my superior had a close talk with me that I should “see the things a bit more relaxed”.
Sky,
That was a super idea!!! Darwin just can’t stop licking his beard right now!!!! And he has so far only licked the juice of the tuna can!!!