Funny, don’t you think, how every now and again life seems to work in perfect synchronicity? For the past couple of weeks I’ve written about my experiences of thoughts creating reality — and I’ve loved reading all your follow-up comments, thank you. It seems this has been/remains a weighty subject for many of us here! I had been wondering how to continue the exploration — and as if by magic, the solution appeared all by itself. Here’s what happened”¦
Last Friday was probably the most important day in my son’s life so far. It was the day he was due to interview for a place at his chosen university in Bordeaux, about two hours drive from where we live. His meeting was booked for 8am, so in the end we had decided that the best and most relaxing option would be to drive down on Thursday evening, stay in a hotel, and get to the university bright and breezy the next morning. He also had a friend who was interviewing in the afternoon, so I agreed to take them both down together and stay in Bordeaux for the day until they’d both finished, then drive them back home. Good plan. Sensible option. Logical planning”¦. Right?
Well, yes, in theory”¦. In practice, though, as Forrest Gump said “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get”. And he’s right – because I sure wasn’t expecting what happened next! There we all were, driving happily along the motorway, chatting and singing along to the music, just a few kilometres out of Bordeaux, when all of a sudden the car lost power”¦. Completely. Pushing on the accelerator pedal, there was nothing happening — we just started going slower and slower, as cars whizzed past us, flashing and beeping because we were causing a blockage.
Breakdown
With hazard lights blinking, I managed to pull the car over to the side, and asked Dylan to call my local garage straight away and let them know what had happened. The garage is run by a lovely man who is extremely helpful — and who has had to arrange to pick me up once before when the same car refused to start. This time, though, we were miles away”¦ and I knew that nothing could be done until the next day.
“This is serious, but it’s ok” I said to my two passengers “We’ll stay calm and find a way through” Both of them nodded, totally unfazed by what was going on.
While Dylan was still on the phone, I restarted the car and it seemed to work again. Kicking back in to action, we pulled off the hard shoulder and back in to the stream of traffic. All seemed well, but then it happened again”¦. This time there were even more cars around us — but there was also a slip road coming up. I pulled over again and stopped the engine.
“Right, we’re heading for that turn-off” I said “Can you guys keep your eyes peeled and help guide me?” They nodded, and I prayed that I’d be able to start the car again. Yup”¦ thank goodness, she started straight away, and the three of us willed her to keep going.
We managed to pull off, and, as luck would have it, the road took us straight to a park and ride, where you can leave your car and take the tram in to town. I smiled to myself — and then laughed out loud as I noticed that the name of the road we were parked in was LaVergne”¦ my best friend’s new surname after she got married last month.
Nowhere To Stay
All seemed well, until we called the apartment to let them know we’d be late. It was just gone 8pm, but their reception had closed 5 minutes before we rang. I’d prepaid for the room, but with no way of contacting the owners we knew it made no sense to traipse over to an empty apartment, because we wouldn’t be able to get in. So now we were car-less and hotel-less in a town that none of us knew.
And this, I believe, is a perfect example to show that what we choose to think can make an experience better or worse. I’m not saying that positive thinking will change the situation — but I am saying whole-heartedly that choosing supportive thoughts can affect the way we respond. And, therefore, increase the likelihood of keeping our options open, staying focused and finding a helpful solution.
So, having locked up the car and arranged to meet the tow-truck the next morning, the three of us picked up our overnight bags and headed towards the tram station.
“Well, this isn’t what we planned is it eh?” I said to Dylan and his friend Claire, consciously keeping a smile on my face to reassure them.
“It’s ok, it’s an adventure!” piped up Claire, by this time echoing the words I’d used earlier on. The three of us got on to the tram and headed in to town to find a room for the night.
Now, the point here is this. Imagine how different the mood might have been had any of us decided to panic or become frightened? Instead, we stayed together, kept smiling, and just knew we’d find a solution.
Until we suddenly realised that Dylan had left his bag at the tram station. His bag contained his passport and all the papers he needed for his meeting — without these he would not be allowed to take part and would automatically forfeit his chance to interview. Adrenalin pumping, we all jumped off at the next stop. Taking Dylan’s other bag from him, Claire and I headed back towards the tram station while Dylan sprinted for all he was worth. We still managed to keep a cool head — despite what was going on around us. Not knowing whether or not the bag would still be there, Claire and I started exploring options around what we could do in the worst-case scenario.
Looking On The Bright Side
Luckily his bag was still there — and once again we started counting all the good things about what was happening. The fact that we’d managed to get off the motorway. That we knew a garage who could come and help. That we’d managed to park right near a tram station. That we’d found the bag. That, if push came to shove we could even sleep in the car”¦ we only focused on our ”˜luck’ in what was, quite frankly, a pretty grim situation.
The situation got worse, because every hotel we visited or called was fully booked. It was 11pm before we eventually found a place to stay — the room was costly, but it didn’t matter. At least we’d be able to rest and wash for the morning! None of us had eaten, so we headed straight out to find the only place that might possibly still be open — a MacDonald’s. Tired and hungry, we were delighted to find that the lights were still on — but as we got nearer, realised that they were just shutting up.
Still we didn’t give up. We noticed that this particular restaurant also had a drive in — and realised that it was still open! We didn’t have a car, of course, but decided that was no problem. We’d ask them at the counter, and if that didn’t work then we’d ask one of the driving customers to place an order for us. It worked. They agreed to serve us, and we sat outside greedily devouring our burgers — I usually don’t go anywhere near fast food like that, but let me tell you, right then it tasted like manna from heaven!
Looking at the two young people who were sitting with me, I felt exceptionally proud to be with them both. Despite the difficult situation, and the possible threat to their big day tomorrow, they’d both kept calm, focused and light-hearted throughout the ordeal. We were all tired, but we all still had smiles on our faces and continued to joke about the evening’s shenanigans.
“We’re really lucky you know, mum” said Dylan, stuffing the last few chips into his mouth “things could have been a lot worse if you think about it. Thank goodness we decided to come down today — we’d never have made it if we’d gone with our original plan to leave early tomorrow morning!”
That, for me, sums it all up. It doesn’t matter what happens to us — there will always be things that are out of our control, some good and some bad”¦. Some very bad in actual fact. But no matter what happens, we always, always have a choice about the way we choose to think about it and the way in which we respond. So in that way, we are always free. Forever.
By the way, both of them had brilliant interviews and caught the train back together, while I got home in the tow-truck. All’s well that ends well, eh? And, in my experience, it always does end well in some way, shape or form.
Libelle,
thanks for looking up those poisons.
I just don’t have the heart to fight him. I never did. That’s not how you win with a spath because they love the fight and we don’t. It drains us and revitalizes them.
I’d much rather do it the way Donna is doing it: raise awareness and raise an army of grassroots support.
Lots of people suffer much worse at the hands of these evil beings. I consider myself lucky to be alive.
The reason he emails me around this time of year is because he EXPECTS me to try to sabotage his annual job where he works without a pilots license. That’s why I don’t do it. I will never do anything he expects me to do.
Truthspeak,
Yes, I would have believed my father, just like I believed him 25 years later. There is no reason not to. My parents are assholes, but I’d never known them to make up stories. I was 18 and thought the world of my parents at that time. They didn’t say anything because, unbeknownst to me, they envied me for always coming up smelling roses, no matter how much shit I walked into. When they thought I’d met an abusive man, they were happy that I finally got my just desserts for all the times I rebelled against their control, when I was 15 years old.
(((skylar))),
Hope it’s OK that I may have triggered that revelation.
I completely relate to this:
“There had been clues all along, but I just couldn’t believe them because I couldn’t believe one crucial thing: He didn’t love me because he’s a spath.”
and
“My rose colored glasses came off and the puzzle pieces fell into place. I had been storing those pieces in a WTF? bucket for 25 years.”
Maybe this is a root cause of why we find ourselves on LF: We had clues, but we just couldn’t believe them, couldn’t accept the truth, because it was too painful.
Sounds like you simultaneously realized that X-BF was poisoning you & that your parents betrayed you. Jeez, sky, that’s soooooooooo much to endure & overcome. Power, strength & blessings to you, (((sky))).
The aircraft door story & Oxy’s investigation leaves me speechless.
It’s stuff like this that makes me believe that there will be justice in the next life, if not in this life.
Darwinsmom: Congrats!!
My sociopathic girlfriend would always taunt me.
She would often give me emotional abuse on a daily level, targetted mainly at my finances.
she compared ex partners earnings to mine, the better
cars they drove and the more savings they had.
I felt worthless, ridiculed and exposed.
But I never once said a bad word in return and this seemed to make her feel more frustrated.
She often said that I had “misrepresented myself” and made me out to be what she infact was – a narcisstic sociopath.
I had my character questioned by her many times.
I got on very well with her family and she was always trying to find faults in my character to discredit me in front of others.
Now that she is gone, I feel a sense of relief but the haunting memories remain.
I know that she’s using her sexual promiscuity on another man and probably expecting him to provide his finances for her, as I did.
Now 1 year later I am broke.
I have hardly any money in my bank account and I’m struggling just to pay bills.
All because of her flamboyant lifestyle which severely tore my finanaces apart.
And as with most sociopaths she would threaten to LEAVE ME, and that was her punishment if I did not meet her expectations.
One interesting thing is that she never liked arguing.
She would throw an abusive comment in the air but did not want a retaliation. I often told her “if you get personal, I’ll get personal” and she took offence to that.
She just loved playing with my mind.
As I said, I’m glad that its over but at the same time I cant help missing her for the intimacy we sometimes had. The excitement as well will probably never be matched by another woman but at the end of the day it probably came back to lust, not love. And if I really wanted this experience again I may have to regard my ex sociopath girlfriend as a girlfriend who did not truly love me – as it was a illusion from the start – maybe she was an escort in disguise.
((((((Emotionally torn)))))
Tony
If life is a box of chocolates, on this occasion it sounds as if Mel ended up with the Spring Surprise.
That’s still better than the Crunchy Frog or the Cockroach Cluster.
Tony
You words describe exactly how I feel.
I just feel such a horrible pain in my heart.
When will I ever get over this?????
This is just terrible.
Clair,
on the contrary. Thank you for helping me see things better.
I don’t know why such an obvious thing slipped by me.
It’s strange that the more I figure things out, the more I see that this man never moved his lips without lying. Never. How can anyone live that way? It seems impossible. He’s like a cartoon super-villan: The Incredible Lying Man! He can lie like a rug –even about nothing.
Dear Sky, I was thinking about you last night, and you are perfectly right. Your attitude towards him is perfect, given the fact that he murders as effortlessly as I do brush my teeth after a meal. And now I am sure he told you the things about FUTURE murders to SEAL your mouth (when I read it it reminded me of the mafia with its omertà ; BE NICE TO ME i.e. DO NOT DISTURB MY CYRCLES!!!). Gives me the chills. Maybe you write a report about it all that is stored at an attorney’s office and that is handed over to the FBI in case of your unexspected death? Just in case of. But again he is so clever to make look everything “natural”, so he must have a brillant brain to think of such twists, and it sounds SOO outrageous. Maybe it is not a good idea, as it puts you in the situation of sounding crazy..
(Joke!!): why not give him a creative writing course voucher so he can sublime his huge criminal energy and become a gifted novelist for crime stories? (Joke finished!!)
(extra pun: “gift” in German means “poison” in English.)
You mentioned your poisoning and the fact about your parents noticing his crookyness earlier, I remember it, but it was in a matter of factly way. It is peculiar we need time to let such things settle in our souls for quite a time to “digest” them.
You can be very proud of yourself, you came a LONG way ! 🙂 ((((Hugs))))
Oxy: the newspapers are full of articles on snakes in suits, specially now with the financial crisis. I also looked up “sociopath” in my psychiatry textbook. All the symptoms and signs were described correctly, even Hare was mentioned, and I had highlighted the correct terms ;-), but if you have not FELT it it is of absolutely no use. I do not want to spend another nickel on this idiot savant. He was so self-righteous and arrogant.
Libelle,
he didn’t tell me about the murders, except in a “tell”.
Like when he said that people who aren’t nice to him die, it was supposed to be a joke.
He also told me once, “I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt the kitties, sometimes.”
WTF? He LOVES cats, why would he say that?
I said, “oh spath, you would never hurt them. People sometimes get strange thoughts about horrible things that could happen. They’re just anxieties.”
Then later he said, “I’m so worried about our kitties, being hurt. I would pray to God to protect them, but God doesn’t answer my prayers. You will have to pray for both of us.”
I promised to pray for the cats.
Within a week, my favorite cat had been “hit by a car”, his head was crushed. Now I know that he did it – probably with a rock. He figured he’d get a double whammy, my beloved cat was dead and God had not answered my prayer, so I would lose faith.
Spath didn’t understand that human beings don’t lose faith in God that easily. Only spaths do.
Anyway, spath still maintains that he is not a spath. He doesn’t admit to any murders. Even when he admitted to the poisoning, he said it sarcastically, so that I wouldn’t actually accept the answer. But I did.
Seriously, you are right about his “staged productions” he would make a great murder mystery writer, (if he could spell).
On that note, perhaps I’ll just take his imagination and use it to my benefit by writing all about it, myself?
Honestly, I can’t take credit for anything. It all seemed like God’s hand every step of the way. I was blind for as long as God wanted me to be and then my eyes were cleared at the moment God decided.
We’ve all be there, subject to that “amazing grace”, you and I and everyone here, has felt.
Sometimes I think that your comment “…but if you have not FELT it it is of absolutely no use.” sums up the entire reason why we experienced it. Psychopathy cannot be studied. It can only be experienced.
Skylar, it’s been just one punch in the gut after another for you. I’m so glad that you took your life back and are recovering. Just incredible.
I believe that putting your experiences with the exspath on paper would be an absolute bestseller, Skylar. The fact that it’s based upon Truth is all the more compelling. I always thought that Patricia Cornwell wrote some incredible nail-biting tales, but Truth is Stranger than Fiction, and in your case, the facts of your situation are mind-blowing. Simply mind-blowing.
Your last remark: “Psychopathy cannot be studied. It can only be experienced” sums it up. Unless someone has walked in your shoes, experienced the sort of fears and anxiety that you must have felt, and everything that came along afterwards, they simply will never “get it.”
Thanks, Skylar. And, brightest blessings
“Anyway, spath still maintains that he is not a spath.”
Of course not. Who, me?
“He doesn’t admit to any murders. Even when he admitted to the poisoning, he said it sarcastically, so that I wouldn’t actually accept the answer. But I did.”
Oh, (((Skylar))). Sending you blessings. You are now free.