Today Lovefraud introduces a new feature: Lovefraud Lessons, a series of videos to teach you how to recognize and recover from sociopaths.
Lessons #1, #2 and #3 are up now, and new videos will be posted every week. The primary venue, of course, is YouTube, on the Lovefraud Lessons channel. My goal is to reach as many people as possible, around the world, and teach them about sociopaths.
If you know someone who should watch the videos, forward a link!
The sociopathic betrayal as an incident in your life
Speaking_Up
Donna; Loved seeing a face behind the blogs! I saw all three of your videos and am looking forward to seeing all of them. Your doing a great thing with your education for others to beware of the sociopath.
I agree that not all charming and charismatic people are sociopaths, but it sure is a red flag for me. If it seems too good to be true, it is. That is my new mantra. I’m really not sure if I’ll ever truly trust again. We’ll see.
After the publication of my book, Evil Eyes, A Daughter’s Memoir, I have had hundreds of letters from my website telling me how they relate to their PARENTS as being sociopathic. I have decided to go back into the helping field and become a clinical hypnotherapist and focus on people with past or present abuse issues. Like you, I want to now focus my attention by beginning a new career in helping others who are going through or living through the aftermath of being associated with sociopaths. And who better to be in these professions than people who have been through it.
I find too many people who have never experienced a sociopath unable or unwilling to see what I see in a personality disordered person and I am afraid for them.
On a happier note I am so excited by my new career choice that helps people in distress; but also helps me focus on positive remedies.
I’m so thrilled with your blog, book, videos and all you are contributing to this subject and hope I can follow your lead in helping others avoid, or move past their experiences.
God bless you and anyone who has suffered at the hands of a sociopath – or sociopaths.
skylar
http://collegebasketballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/07/12/where-is-the-200000-hawaii-paid-for-a-stevie-wonder-concert/related/
LOL! See? they ARE everywhere and we aren’t the dumbest people to fall for their scams. It can happen to anyone… even a college basketball team.
G1S
Donna, in one of your videos, you mentioned something about 12% of the population being Ps. Am I quoting your correctly? Where did that number come from?
I certainly can believe 12% as opposed to 1-4% of the population. I think that number is a gross underestimation.
I was just wondering where that number came from and if there is research that came to that conclusion.
Thanks!
Victorian12
Hello everybody,
I’d like to ask your advice. I’m thinking of writing a book about my relationship with a spth, however I’m having qualms because I can’t use the word spth without running the risk of being sued for difamation. But then, how can you ever spread the word so that people are in the know and my experience can help others avoid these human predators or find relief in reading other people’s stories for comfort and learning? What do you suggest?
Thank you and chins up
Truthspeak
Victorian12, if the subject of defining the exspaths comes up, I use the term, “Fits the profile of….” That’s not an assessment or definition, just an observation.
If you don’t have access to legal advice with regard to your work-in-progress, an agent, or some sort of representation, I would suggest that you consider that, first, before embarking on this project.
Brightest blessings and best wishes on your endeavor!
Skysong
Thank you Donna first of all for this site as it has helped to understand exactly what I was dealing with. I met this man on a Christian dating site, he appeared to know how to say all the right things to convince me he was real. Piror to beginning my relathioship with him I told him I did not believe in sex before marriage for me – he agreed and said he felt the same and was pursuing a marital relationship with me. Well several months later no ring, and endless times of trying to seduce me which I almost gave in – he started showing his lack of interest that he just didn’t care. Then he found out I owned my house and the salary I made and when I would try to break up with him he would cry and say everything possible to get me back which stupidly I would take him back. I finally had it and was going to break up for good and he proposed and stupidly I accepted. That is when major trouble started as he blantly humilated and mistreated me as he pursued other women right in front of me! He thought he had me – In addition, it turned out he spent countless hours sometimes losing track of days doing pornagraphy and hook ups. At the same time I was finding this out he also had a 24K debt owed to the IRS and to the State which his father finally told me about because he didn’t want me getting married without knowing the truth. I live in a community property law state which would have made me responsible for his debt. When I confronted him about these things he pulled a gun on me. I was terrified as he worked at a Gun club and was an expert shooter and knife thrower – I knew my life was in danger. I finally understand even though I would not give him the sex he wanted he had moved on, but he had an agenda to keept me around so he marry me, get my money, and then do away with me. I was devasted as he in this whole process kept telling me he loved me but mistreated me so terribly. Finally I broke up with him. He finally left me alone. But how stupid I feel that in spite all of this I am still hurting after 6 weeks. I still find it quite shocking that he did not feel anything for me. It was all a game. He continues to go on Christian dating sites I guess he thinks that is easy prey. How do I recover from this pain?
Donna Andersen
Skysong – what a terrible story. I’m so sorry for your experience, but glad that you escaped him.
Recovery is possible, but it takes time. The reason is because of the bonding that takes place in these relationships. Sociopaths hijack the normal human bonding process, first by creating intense pleasure in their targets, then by creating anxiety. This leads to psychological, chemical and structural changes in the brain, and that’s why it feels so difficult.
I explain it all in Red Flags of Love Fraud – the book will probably help you.
Skysong
Thank you so much Donna for taking the time to read my comment and to respond. I will check out the book. Thank you so much.
Victorian12
Truthspeak, many thanks for your advice. I believe that sticking to facts without naming/labeling the evil doer should be the answer. I appreciate your suggestion very much.
One thing that’s been running though my head as of late is whether our brain gets back to normal in the long run after undergoing this abrupt chemical and structural changes that come with being in a psychopathic bond. In my case, I notice I have changed in many respects, my brain feels kind of numb, I wouldn’t say emotionless but kind of emotionally numb. Sometimes I act as if I’m in a trance or something and utter speech randomly, or feel emotions to the extreme
How can these toxic people be so harmful, I wonder, I mean most of the harm they do to us is at the emotional/psychological level and it is to such a high level, and since it’s not visible, it’s hard to understand it unless you do your homework and delve into the characteristics of sociopaths and their way of relating to their victims and the adverse effects of the toxic bond that they create.
Thank you for your help. Blessings and best wishes.
darwinsmom
G1S,
Though Donna must answer your question herself, I interpreted it as a sum of the statistics with regards the sum of several destructive personal disorders. In her Lovefraud book she suggests the use of the name ‘sociopath’ as an umbrella term for malignant narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, etc… Oxy usually uses the umbrella term ‘toxic’.
The 1-4% estimation of psychopath’s is based on statistical figures with regards to people having a minium of 30 score on Hare’s test. With 1% being the most conservative statistics and the 4% allowing for less conservative statistics. 1-4% is actually a very high prevalence already, because it means between 1 in 100 people and 1 in 25 people. Combined with the fact thaat spaths make more than one victim, have family, partners, lovers, children 1 out of those 25 can easily con and parasite on the other 24 simultaneously.